Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby

Chapter Hundred and Fifteen: Unsightly Cliffs

"Hm... I could've sworn I was going in the right direction, really..."

"You've got us lost! Jinxed! Will I ever see my mother again?" Midori sobbed as he tearfully dabbed at his eye with an imaginary cloth.

"Oh, don't be silly. You don't visit your family." Kirby thoughtfully cradled his supposed chin in his stub as he walked on. "Well, I don't recognise this area, if it's anything..."

"Great. The new, assigned king is a complete loser at his sense of direction. Whatever shall I do? I'll never get to tell Bandana Dee I deliberately shoved him in between his wall and his bed once!"

"That would be quite the problem."

"Yes, it would! I need to go back and tell him, now! Lead the way on back, Your Majesty!"

"Well, okay. I think it was this way... Wait, no. I don't remember that tree... it can't be that way. Maybe it was over there? No, I don't remember a clearing anywhere..."

Dark clouds had gathered and Kirby had landed, just in case they would be electrocuted and their bodies would never be found because they would be eaten by vultures who hungered for fried food. Specifically, Fried Kirby and Fried Midori. With mayonnaise, maybe. Kirby had somehow managed to land in a forest of dead pine trees, and he proceeded to walk around for a while. There was no storm, but he thought it would be best to wait the weather out.

Of course, it hadn't been happening. They had been trapped in the dead forest for an infinity. (Or so Midori thought. At least. It was valid!) And Kirby hadn't brought along any food, of course, being very well-planned, and he was about to starve and die and curl into a foetal position. Well, however well a ball could curl up, at the very least...

"Well, I think it's up ahead. There's a path over here, and there's a fork up ahead, see?"

Midori looked up from the ground. There was a fork, and they both seemed to be leading into just a bigger mass of dead pine trees. "Well, yes, there is a fork. Glorious. Whatever shall we do? Left? Right?"

"You could work in a theatre, Midori."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Kirby didn't answer Midori's question; instead, he simply walked straight along, ignoring both forks, and into the clump of dead trees.

Midori feared the decision of making Kirby king may have been wrong.

They walked on for a bit, and then the number of dead pine trees started to decrease, notably. Or perhaps it was all just an illusion from the beginning and the magic was getting weaker and hence the decrease in number—nah. Midori was sure Kirby didn't have every single screw tight up in his head, but he wasn't stupid enough to go around walking lost in a flatland.

"Here." Kirby ducked under a branch—a branch that Midori bashed his eyeball into and he proceeded to wail for the next two minutes—and then hurried up on ahead. Midori stumbled on a bit—and noted that the bare, dried ground began to be dotted with hints of green—and joined Kirby on the grassy cliff.

"...It's, uh, a cliff," Midori remarked incredibly.

Kirby nodded sagely.

"Is it significant to you?"

"What? ...Somewhat."

"Oh, so you were born here, or something? Or received your godly powers here. Or your life was changed here. Were you a secret murderer in your past, then?"

"No, I wasn't a secret murderer. I never was. I don't remember having killed anything before. And, no, I wasn't born here. And... what are these godly powers you're talking about?"

"Absolutely nothing. I'm not being suspicious at all. Are you a vegetarian, or something?"

"...Where I can help it. Why?"

"Absolutely nothing." Midori peered over the cliff and expected to see some beauty scenery or some typical image—he didn't. The valley was deep, and stretched out far, too. It was barren—no live plants, just more dead trees, which Midori was pretty sick of—and there were hints of what may have been a river. A river that had completely dried up, probably. It wasn't pretty at all. "So. What's with this spot? Are you attracted to ugly things, or something?"

"No, I don't think so. But this place is quite significant to—"

The scoroo whirled around with an air of pride. "Aha! I knew it. You were born here."

Kirby tilted his head. "Well... no, not quite. I guess. Not really. I was born elsewhere, but I crash-landed here."

"Oh. Whoops. On this cliff?"

"No, in the valley."

"Oh. How was it?"

"I bled for three days and nearly died."

Midori suddenly felt like he had hit the Taboo Topic. "Must've been hard to survive, probably. So! Why did you even decide to become the hero of Dream Land? Or Pop Star? Or—the universe? I don't know which one, actually. I never really invested any time into your tales."

"Oh, that's fine. I didn't actually want to be a hero when I arrived here, actually. I was hoping for a more ordinary life." Kirby shrugged as if he was just announcing that it was raining, or something trivial. "But since no one else stepped up, I had to."


"Well, if you want to call it that."

"How are we going to get back, by the way?"

"Sit and wait for some holy light to pick us up, I guess."

"I like that idea!"

6 December 2015

Pretty obviously, I've lost interest in writing the story. And to make a wild and baseless guess so are a lot of others readers. Except readers read instead of write because they're readers and they don't write this fanfiction. y'know

Still, I wasn't going to end it with this chapter because that would be too abrupt, and abrupt things are horrible things. Although with my interest and slack-y-ness it's definitely not going on for any longer. I'd end it within the next two chapters but then it would be 117 chapters. How can anyone have 117 chapters? It must always be a multiple of five. Preferably ten.

So, 120? 120 is not a nice number. 150 is. But by the time chapter 150 rolls around, it'll be 2020. Nope. Nonononope. 120 it is