Rivetra

Levi "Rivaille"

- 2nd Year High School

- OOC (a little)

Petra Ral

- 2nd Year High School

- OOC


"No matter how you think about yourself, you will be beautiful to me."

Did he mean that? Was it a joke?

Maybe it was.

That was said to a girl named Petra by her friend, Levi.

But that was a long time ago.

He said that back when they were still in Grade 6, and now they were in 2nd Year High School.


It really has been quite a while since they've talked. It occurred to her that Levi doesn't want to talk to her because she was annoying, well, that was her guess. Maybe he was getting tired of her. Negative thoughts have been gradually slipping into her mind. Has she been hanging around people who were negative too much? Or is it really just her?

"Of course it's my fault. It's my fault I'm being like this," Petra would tell herself. "People say that you shouldn't hang around people who are negative because they will only influence you to be negative just like them, but I found out that that statement was wrong. I will only be negative if I let myself be. It will all depend on me. It's not going to be other people's fault. It's going to be mine. This is why…I have self-control."

Although, sometimes, she really can't help it. How many years has she been pretending that she was okay and everything was fine? How many nights has she been crying herself to sleep because of such thoughts? A part of her knew that she had to tell someone soon otherwise she would have to get a knife. Another part of her says she can't let herself get too close to anyone because she will only be left alone and forgotten again.

She had a group of friends. However she took note of the word had. She felt too out of place and secretly left the group, knowing no one would even notice she left. Besides, they wouldn't invite her back anyway.

As expected, no one invited her back. They didn't even ask how she was. She guessed they stopped caring. If she had any friends, it would be music. It was the only thing that understood her completely.

It was always her who started conversations with others. She was the one who had always tried to be with others. She tried, tried, and tried even if she knew that she wouldn't succeed until she had finally stopped trying. She still didn't regret doing all of that, she did her part. If other people, even her so-called "friends" didn't want to be with her, so be it. No one can blame her for trying. She tried her best, but it's just so happen that no one let her be with them again.

The last time she felt truly comfortable with Levi was a year ago. They had suddenly stopped talking. She didn't know why at first, but she soon realized that it was probably all her fault. She is a very sweet girl, maybe too sweet that Levi started to ignore her. She felt their friendship being torn apart slowly, day by day. For her, losing a friendship just because two people stopped talking to each other was the worst. Soon, Levi harshly told her to stay away from him. Then, she felt worthless.

Even though she had been ignored for many, many times, it still hurt almost as much as the first time she'd been ignored. The first cut will always be the deepest. But she's used to it, being left alone, but she was never able to suppress the feeling of such pain. She couldn't even lessen it, not even a bit. Especially because she knew she was madly in love with him. The only thing that kept her from telling anyone about her situation is that she knew no one would understand. How could she expect someone to understand her if they weren't in her shoes?

One night, she wrote in her small notebook: I…I know that in the end, no one will be there for me but myself. Anyone would just leave me sooner or later and won't notice I'm gone or missing. I will never be that friend that could make someone else cry because I left. So cutting off all bonds would be easier...did I ever even start a friendship with a single person? And of course, the only person who has the capability of comforting me is…myself…because I know I can't count on anyone to wipe the tears off my face. I don't have anyone to accompany me to pick up my heart's broken pieces. It was always just me, picking them up by my own even when I'm crying.

She had actually forgotten she had written that, and she already tried to move on and accept that not everyone will be loyal to her. She started thinking realistically ever since she was small. The reason behind that was because her parents separated. She told a few people about it, but some of them had left her. She couldn't even feel that her best friend, Lisette, cared about her. She knew at the back of her head that she needed to be strong for herself again, so she did.

"It's going to be alright." Petra would say to herself, just so that she'd calm down. She took deep breaths to regain her tranquillity. She was like this every single day. Days after, a miracle happened.


She went online in Facebook, and found that she had a message. She opened her inbox to check who it was from.

Levi.

At first, she couldn't properly read who it was from, then it hit her like a brick. Levi finally, and actually started a conversation with her. She couldn't believe it but there was no time to waste. She needed to read that message. It said: Hi, how are you? We haven't been talking lately. I'm sincerely sorry about that. I'll make it up to you, okay? The reason why I haven't talked to you was because rumours have been spreading around about me. I didn't want you to get involved. I'm sorry I told you off like it was nothing last year. I didn't consider your feelings. I know I should have told you why you should stop talking to me but, I needed you to learn to dislike me so that you'd have a very slight chance of getting in trouble because of me. I don't expect a second chance but the only thing I ask of you is forgiveness. I'll be waiting for your reply…This is late but, I love you.

She blinked once, twice. She thought it was a dream so she pinched herself. Nothing happened. It was too good to be true. Then again, she already pinched herself and her vision didn't change so she had to believe this was all real.

She learned that she just needed to have a little faith. Encourage herself even if she thought that people had stopped caring about her. She just needed self-control. She just needed to be positive enough to keep herself going.

A particular saying unexpectedly went into her head:

"No matter how you think about yourself, you will be beautiful to me."