Back of the Turtle 4

"So why do we only wear spandex bicycle shorts?" Raven asked, as the three watched the sun set.

"They washed up on the beach and are both comfortable and stylish," Xander replied, accepting a refill of his Slurpee from Hippolyta.

"So, we're all topless just because no shirts have washed up on the beach?" Raven asked.

"You still have your cloak" Xander said.

"I can wear it?" Raven asked hopefully.

"You have perfectly nice breasts," Hippolyta said, "You should display them proudly."

"I did pick up sunscreen," Xander offered.

"The sunscreen isn't the problem, I'm simply used to my cloak. I suppose it's a bit of a security blanket," she admitted.

"It's probably better for you to not wear it then," Xander suggested.

"Are you sure you're not saying that just so you can enjoy looking at my breasts?" she asked, used to dealing with Beast Boy.

"A foot of lead can't stop me from seeing your breasts, I just feel it's unfair that I get to enjoy the sight of them but Hippolyta doesn't," Xander teased.

"That's so very thoughtful of you," Hippolyta told Xander with a regal smile.

Raven blushed bright red.

"You look like you're burned after all," Hippolyta said before turning to Xander. "Where is that sunscreen?"

"I'm going to get my cloak," Raven said quietly, flying off.

"Was it something I said?" the two chorused before laughing.

"I don't believe I was ever that young," Hippolyta said.

"I was that young last week," Xander told her.

"What happened?" the amazon queen asked curiously.

"Janus turned me into my Halloween costume, which was a combination of a Bizzaro version of Superboy and Lobo the last Czarnian. Now the first thing you need to know is that Czarnians have a healing ability that is insane. They can regenerate their entire body from a single drop of blood. So that healing ability met the dimensionally fractured physiology of a human-kryptonian hybrid and tried to heal it," Xander explained.

"That explains quite a bit," Hippolyta said thoughtfully.

"The spell ended, but I was no longer a person wearing a costume at that point and fortunately I was mentally stronger than Bizzaro and Lobo, which isn't that impressive since I know all their weaknesses anyway."

"And that's why your anger, which was enough to commit genocide, cooled so quickly," Hippolyta finished.

"Conner and the Lobo calmed me down," Xander agreed.

Raven returned with her cloak, but wasn't wraping it around herself so her chest was still plainly visible. "Who is Conner?"

Xander passed the much more relaxed and serene half-demoness a slushie. "Conner doesn't exist in your world, but in other worlds he's a Teen Titan, Robin's best friend in fact. He's a hybrid clone of Superman and Lex Luthor."

"Whoa!" Raven said in shock, some of her serenity leaving her. "And Lobo calming you down?" she asked.

"He likes a good brawl and is a remorseless killer, but he's against killing women with great racks," Xander explained bluntly.

"That surprises me a lot less than it should," Raven deadpanned.

"So my people were saved by having great breasts?" Hippolyta asked.

"Conner, even Bizzaro Conner, is against killing," Xander explained. "That slowed me down long enough for Athena and Aphrodite to calm me down."

"Not Artemis?" Hippolyta asked.

"I don't like people who base value on what a person has between their legs," Xander replied.

"You would war with the gods themselves," Hippolyta said in shock, having heard him say it before, but not having believed it until now.

"You have to stand up for what you believe in, and I've fought the gods, which is why I'm here now," Xander said as the last rays of the sun faded away and the stars in the sky blurred for a moment before becoming clear once more.

"I can't feel my father!" Raven exclaimed.

"We're beyond his jurisdiction at the moment," Xander said.

"But there isn't anywhere on earth or even any dimension I could reach that was beyond him!"

"I told you before, the island moves." Xander said, happy that he'd guessed right about Raven's connection to Trigon not stretching beyond their reality.

"You warred with the gods and lost," Hippolyta said, "And they imprisoned you here?"

"Lost?" Xander laughed like it was the funniest thing he ever heard. "Who said I lost?"

The two women stared at him, clearly having a hard time believing what he was saying and wondering if he was mad.

"The Powers threw everything they could at me and I beat them all. I won all I wanted and more. In the end they bribed me to go away, offering me something I couldn't say no to," Xander said.

"What?" Raven asked, entranced.

"Buffy is a champion of good, called when she was just fourteen. Willow's been my best friend since we were children. Instead of dying in a never-ending battle against demons I was promised that they'd live long full lives and so would their children, and their children's children, and so on for centuries. And to sweeten the deal I was given my own island that would take me to places I only dreamed of reaching." Xander refilled his cup. "Since I couldn't rely on the gods to stop me, I had to reign myself in. That's why I do my best to stop and listen to people and why I try to be as fair as possible."

"Then why did you refer to yourself as the island's first prisoner?" the amazon queen asked.

"Since it moves around each night, there is no guarantee that I can find it again, and not only does it take me to places I always wanted to visit, but in five hundred years it will take me home to the moment I left. The Powers from my own universe are betting that in the five hundred years I'm gone I will find someplace else to settle or gain enough wisdom to come around to their point of view," Xander explained.

"So do you think they were right in their actions and you are just too young to understand?" Raven asked.

"No, but they think that, so they'll assume that with age and maturity I'll agree with them," Xander replied. "Everyone thinks they are right, even demons."

"Even you," Hippolyta pointed out.

"Especially me," Xander agreed readily. "It's a lot easier to believe you're right when you are."

"I feel the strange urge to fall on my face." Raven muttered.

"Must mean an anime universe," Xander replied.

Typed by: Moderation