"That is one big turtle," Xander said as they came within sight of the Village Hidden in the Mists where a massive battle was taking place on the edge of the village, two large groups of similarly dressed people throwing elemental attacks and edged weapons at one another while a giant turtle sprayed water from its mouth that cut through anything it hit.
"The rebels are trying to take back the village from the monster who has taken over," Zabuza explained. "If you can take out the demon turtle we can win this!"
Xander grinned. "Not a problem."
Zabuza found himself standing on top of a building overlooking the battle site before he could blink as Xander impacted the Sanbi feet first, driving the enormous turtle into the ground and shaking the village.
Xander leapt off the stunned demon and grabbed the edge of its shell. Lifting it as if it was a feather, he spun in place until he was naught but a blur before flinging it into the sky.
The two sides pulled back nervously, shocked at the display of strength.
Zabuza quickly leapt down and sped to Xander's side, his grin hidden under the bandages covering his mouth.
"How long do you think it'll take for him to fly back here?" Xander asked, the Lobo in him eager for a brawl.
"He can't fly," Zabuza said.
"What kind of giant turtle can't fly?" Xander asked in disbelief, feeling gypped out of his first kaiju battle.
"Turtles aren't known for their aerodynamic qualities," Zabuza offered.
"Tell that to eagles," Xander said with a sigh. "So, we done here?"
"Let me check," Zabuza said. He turned to the loyalist forces. "Any of you want to challenge me for the right to be Kage?"
After a few seconds of quiet, Zabuza nodded. "Ok, then I declare the rebellion over and all sins forgiven. Now clean this mess up!"
Both groups of nin quickly leapt into action, taking away wounded and dousing fires, neither willing to face the white skinned monster that had just chucked the former Kage out of sight.
"He's really not coming back?" Xander asked with a pout.
"He'll reform in a century or two on the spot he died," Zabuza said, "which is probably somewhere over another continent considering how far you launched him.
Xander looked at the sky and squinted.
"On another planet then, because I launched him off this one. He's just passed the moon."
Zabuza's jaw dropped beneath his bandages. "That's… not something we've ever dealt with before. Oh well. Good riddance."
A tall extremely busty red headed woman approached. "So, we've won?" she asked Zabuza.
"Finally," Zabuza said. "Xander, Mei. Mei, Xander."
"That's your introduction?" she asked with a frown.
"Oh yeah," Zabuza said, "we owe him a breakfast for four to go."
Mei just stared in disbelief.
Xander laughed. "Double orders of everything and we should probably hurry. Hippolyta is no doubt hungry after slaughtering Gato."
"And scaring off his mercenary army," Zabuza said. "She's an impressive woman."
"Her father's the God of War," Xander replied, "I'd be surprised if she wasn't." He smiled. "She's turned out to be surprisingly good company."
Mei signaled one of her men and he vanished in a swirl of leaves.
"Xander showed up just in time to save us from the Kyuubi jinchuriki and Copycat Kakashi. He offered to free our village in exchange for breakfast," Zabuza told her.
"You freed our village for a meal?" Mei asked.
"Zabuza said a monster had taken over and was killing all your bloodlines," Xander replied, "that makes it easy to see who was the good guys. Besides, it only took an hour or so, adding in travel time."
"Still, we are grateful," Mei said. "You've saved a lot of lives today."
An older nin wearing an eye patch appeared in a swirl of leaves carrying a black lacquered box inlaid with ivory.
Xander scanned the box and saw it was filled with trays filled with food. "Anything else you need before I go?" he asked.
"Nah, we got it covered," Zabuza said. "The rest is mainly going to consist of smacking stupid people around and rebuilding."
"In that case," he said, taking the box, "see you around." Xander flew straight up and vanished.
"What is he?" Mei asked.
"Some god or other," Zabuza replied. "As I said, he and his handmaidens showed up just in time to save us from the Kyuubi Jinchuriki and Copycat Kakashi. I'll tell you about it over breakfast."
"When you said you were going to earn enough money to raise an army, I thought it would take a lot longer than a couple of months," Mei said, "and cost more than a meal."
"So did I," Zabuza agreed. "We got lucky on running into him and even luckier that he didn't stick around to rule us. Gods are known for that kind of thing."
"The Sanbi is really gone?" she asked, still trying to wrap her mind around it.
"And not coming back," Zabuza agreed.
"I wanna be Kage," she told him.
Zabuza just stared at her. "We've just had one civil war and now you wanna start another?"
Mei smirked. "Unless you want to convince me?"
"Battle, boardroom, or bedroom? I'm not good at subtlety," he admitted.
"We'll talk about it over breakfast," Mei said, grabbing his arm.
'Probably the bedroom,' he decided as she lead him off. "You'd do better against me in the boardroom," he pointed out as she lead him away, "I suck at politics."
"And I've had my fill of fighting," she replied. "Besides, it's about time we both settled down."
"Fine you get to handle the politics of the job, and I'll bust heads," Zabuza said.
"Good, we need to show a united front," she agreed.
"I don't want anyone watching us have sex," he complained.
Mei sighed. "Not what I meant. You're lucky you're handsome."
Xander overshot and had to back track, but quickly found the village. Everyone had gathered in the village square and was trying to organize a feast, something that was difficult as they had little food.
Hippolyta was notified of Xander's approach by the children shouting and pointing at the sky. She looked up and saw him slowly floating down carrying a box. "That was quick."
Xander handed her the box full of food. "I chucked a giant turtle into deep space. Took me all of three seconds."
"You defeated the Sanbi!" someone gasped out.
"The three tailed demon turtle!" another exclaimed.
"Where's Raven?" Xander asked, ignoring the gossiping in the crowd.
"Healing," Hippolyta replied. "She's a big hit with the villagers."
Xander nodded. "She's a hero, it's what they do."
"And yourself?" the Queen of the Amazons asked with a smile as she opened the box and examined the food.
Xander shrugged. "I help out when I can."
Kakashi spoke up, "Did you really defeat the three tailed turtle?"
"Didn't count how many tails he had, but I doubt they had more than one giant turtle," Xander replied. "I threw him into deep space, though he'll probably hit Jupiter, it tends to sweep up loose objects."
An older villager stepped forward. "Hello, I'm Tazuna, the super bridge builder," he said proudly. "We're organizing a feast. If you need anything let me know."
Xander looked over at the half completed bridge, a massive structure made even more impressive by the medieval tech level he saw around them. "That is going to be a super bridge when you're finished," he agreed, making the old man swell with pride. "If I collect some animals, can you guys butcher them?"
"We've got butchers on hand," Tazuna assured him with a smile.
"Be right back," Xander said before vanishing into the sky.
"Man, wish I could fly," Naruto said wistfully.
"There are a few high level jutsu that can accomplish it," Kakashi told him as he scanned the sky over the village, "but they take quite a bit of control, which is one area you're lacking in."
Naruto groaned. "More tree climbing," he said with a sigh. "Hey Haku, want to train with me?"
Haku smiled. "I'd like that."
"May I ask where you're from?" Kakashi asked as Hippolyta unpacked the box full of food, using one of the tables the locals had set up.
"Another Earth," she replied, "and don't worry, we will be leaving tonight."
"Why would I worry?" Kakashi asked, pulling out his little orange book and pretending to read.
"Because beings of power tend to upset the local political scene bringing chaos and war," she replied as she tried some fish and rice. "This is quite good.
"That is one possibility," Kakashi admitted.
Xander appeared over the village and dropped a couple of large stags before flying off again. A couple of eager villagers quickly took charge of the bodies and started butchering them.
"Where are you heading?" he asked.
"Another world," she replied as she ate. "I doubt we'll return here, but it's possible we may stop by sometime in the next century."
Kakashi nodded, hiding his relief.
Raven floated over to the table, not having any shoes on and not wanting to hurt her feet. "The people are healthy once more, if undernourished," she said as Hippolyta made her a plate of food.
Xander flew down and dropped off a pair of enormous oxen.
"I believe Xander is working on that," the Queen of the Amazons said.
"I need a crate of some kind," Xander told Tazuna, "I'm going to collect some vegetables."
"Where's it all coming from?" Tazuna asked, gesturing for one of the men to fetch a crate.
"You'd be amazed at what grows wild," Xander replied.
"Ox generally don't grow wild," Kakashi pointed out in a respectful tone.
"Of course they do," Xander replied, "it's where they come from until someone ropes and brands them. These two came from a small herd on a mountain side, dozens of miles away from any trace of people."
"We're a long ways away from the mountains," Kakashi said.
Xander's form blurred and there was a gust of wind. He held up a snowball. "Not for me."
Kakashi caught the snowball when Xander tossed it to him and examined it, verifying it was indeed a snowball and thinking about how far away the nearest mountain was.
"Thanks," Xander said, accepting the empty crate one of the villagers handed him and vanishing into the sky.
"Does he even know what the local vegetables look like?" Raven asked as she ate, knowing that different countries preferred different vegetables.
"I'm sure he'll figure it out," Hippolyta replied.
Raven considered that. "Scan the farms and pick similar things growing wild?" she guessed.
"No doubt," Hippolyta agreed.
Xander appeared above the village and floated down, setting the crate now overflowing with vegetables on the ground. "And the food problem is solved."
"These are super," Tazuna said, pulling an enormous beet out of the crate.
"There were lots to choose from," Xander replied as he sat down with Raven and Hippolyta, the latter passing him a plate.
Xander awkwardly handled the chopsticks at first, but quickly got the hang of them. "This isn't bad, but next time I think I'm just going to find a cow," he decided.
"A diet of nothing but meat is bad for you," Raven pointed out.
"No, it's bad for you," Xander said. "Probably, I'm not sure of your physiology. Mine however, can subsist on water and sunlight, possibly rocks as well. Heh, I'm a plant!"
Hippolyta laughed and Raven found herself smiling.
"So, what are our plans for the day?" Raven asked.
"Well…" Xander considered it, "I'm going to see about buying some sort of blender or at least something that crushes ice, along with some fruit. I'll probably grab a couple of fruit trees and replant them, now that I think about it. A little mining for gold and gems also isn't a bad idea, it'll make it easier to buy things when we run across a more modern world."
"Not just planning to lay on a rock for the next five hundred years?" Hippolyta asked with a smile.
"Nah," Xander said, "I mean it's a comfy rock, you've shared it with me, but at some point I'll probably build a castle."
"Why a castle?" Raven asked.
"I've always wanted a castle," Xander replied. "It's easy enough to build one, just like playing with Legos."
"Would a library be included?" Raven asked hopefully. "And possibly some beds?"
Xander winced. "Sorry about that, I forgot you're more… mortal than we are."
Raven looked surprised for a moment and then amused.
"I'll build a wizard's tower for you and hopefully tomorrow we'll be close to a civilization advanced enough to have the furniture we like."
"Thank you, I appreciate it," Raven said.
"Are you planning on getting a dragon?" Hippolyta asked.
"A dragon?" Xander replied.
"To guard the gold and jewels," she said. "It's traditional."
"I figured I'd just pile them in the back of a cave," Xander said with a shrug. "I'm not expecting any visitors and it's not like it's hard for me to get more if someone steals them."
"True, material wealth means little to you," Raven noted.
"I was always a people before things kinda guy," Xander agreed. "Though some material wealth will make it easier for us and I suppose it's about time to see to some creature comforts for you two."
"I'm not overly fond of creature comforts, though they are nice," Hippolyta said. "I should also look around and find out how the outside world has changed in the last two thousand years firsthand, even if these aren't exactly the same."
"I like your world and the gods do want to tempt me to leave my island, so I'm sure we'll end up there fairly often," Xander assured her.
"Our world isn't so primitive that we don't have furniture," Kakashi said, looking up from the book he was pretending to read. "Why, we've even mastered indoor plumbing," he added dryly.
"Yes, but the tech tree you've developed is different than our own, so half the things you use wouldn't be things we are knowledgeable about or comfortable with," Raven offered apologetically.
Kakashi considered that. "I can see your point," he agreed, "however I'm sure a lot of simpler things should be identical. You don't need seals to make a coffee table after all."
"That is a very good point," Raven said thoughtfully. "What can you tell me of… seals?" She leaned forward, eager to learn something new.
"I guess I better get started on that castle," Xander decided, getting up. "I'll collect a bunch of treasure for a horde while I'm at it."
"People might object to you collecting all their wealth," Kakashi pointed out as he pulled some basic tags and sealing scrolls out of his pouch.
"I'm not planning on mugging anyone," Xander said as he floated off the ground. "I'm planning on looting shipwrecks and lost temples. If it's been abandoned for a century or more, I will cite the legal precedent of Finder's VS Keepers. See you in a couple of hours."
Xander shot up into the sky and vanished.
"A couple of hours?" Kakashi asked in disbelief.
"He's a god in all but name," Hippolyta reminded him.
"Well… at least he's not a thief," Kakashi said before turning to Raven. "Let's start with flash tags…"
Xander floated over the sea, scanning the bottom for sunken ships and then narrowing it down to ones that still contained treasure as the wrecks only a mile or less underwater had somehow already been picked clean, an impressive feat for a culture that didn't have diving gear. Spotting what appeared to have been a rich vessel beset by pirates, from the numerous skeletons and the fact that at least one ship had rammed another, several miles underwater, he took a deep breath before slicing into the water like a torpedo.
Sea life fled as he approached the sunken ships. Scanning them with his x-ray vision he found a plethora of gold, jewels, and weapons that had somehow avoided any trace of rust.
"Score!" he cheered underwater and ended up inhaling a lung full of water. He froze for a second before cautiously exhaling and finding he could breathe water as if it was air or at least as if it was a gas. He wasn't sure if he was actually getting any oxygen out of it. Shrugging it off as unimportant he tried to decide what to take, as it would take at least a dozen trips just to collect all the chests.
After a few seconds of thought he decided it'd be easier just to take the ship itself. Moving slowly through the water so he didn't cause a whirlpool, he removed all the skeletons, dropping them on the pirate's ship and made a collection of all the weapons that showed no sign of rust, placing them in the captain's cabin. He moved the broken masts and tangled riggings off the deck before sealing the hole in the side with ice using his cryo vision.
Xander sighed and smacked himself in the head before quickly sealing the entire ship in ice so it wouldn't break apart. The buoyancy of the ice pulled the ship loose from the seabed and he quickly swam around it adding additional layers of ice so it wouldn't break apart. He gave one final glance around and finding nothing of interest he shot towards the surface, passing the rising ship and bursting into the air. Turning upside down he let the water drain from his lungs and coughed a few times to make sure they were clear.
"That should be enough booty to keep me and my wenches in the lap of luxury," Xander said, trying to sound like a pirate before bursting out in laughter. He could feel the amusement of the other sides of his fractured mind, finding the idea of being a pirate and plundering a sunken ship amusing and profitable.
The ship leapt into the air as it surfaced and he quickly flew under it to keep it from crashing back into the water and possibly breaking apart. Carefully balancing the weight and reinforcing the ice once more, he sped to his island and set it on the beach. Xander examined it one more time, taking note of how strangely undamaged its cargo was and wondering if Raven could tell if magic had been used to preserve its contents. He could see rolls of silk inside simple wooden crates completely untouched by the water that surrounded them.
"One mystery at a time," Xander decided.
He flew up until he could get a decent view of the entire continent, making sure to memorize where his island was in relation to everything else before looking for a good source of building material to make a castle.
"That… is perfect," he decided as he spotted an ancient city covered in vines, deep in a jungle, hundreds of miles from any signs of human activity.
"…I mostly know them by route," Kakashi admitted as he demonstrated the least destructive seals he knew, "so I'm not really the best person to ask about what the symbols mean or how they work."
"It's an art I'm unfamiliar with, though it seems to share symbols with Feng shui," Raven said thoughtfully as she examined the storage scroll he'd spread out on the table.
"Feng shui?" Kakashi asked.
"A way to design your house to encourage positive energy flows and reduce negative ones," she explained.
"Well, I do have to use chakra sensitive materials to power them," he said thoughtfully.
Xander floated down and retook his seat. "Done."
"Done?" Hippolyta asked with some surprise. "It hasn't even been an hour."
"I got lucky and discovered a lost civilization who used precisely cut giant stone blocks to build everything. Much like Legos they were easy to build with, as long as you can carry hundreds of tons of stone of course," he explained with a grin.
"Of course," Hippolyta agreed, amused.
"And the treasure?" Kakashi asked curiously.
"Sunken merchant ship filled with gold and trade goods," Xander replied. "Despite being down long enough for the fish to pick all the bodies clean there were a surprising number of weapons that looked almost brand new and the cargo was untouched by the seawater."
"They probably used preservation seals," Kakashi said. He quickly drew a design on a blank tag and showed it to Xander. "Were there a lot of paper tags like this on the crates?"
Xander took a close look at it and nodded. "Tons of them, but not on the weapons."
"Probably chakra blades," Kakashi said. "If you have any extra blades, I'll gladly examine the crates for traps in exchange for a couple." Chakra blades were easily expensive enough to make up for the difference in pay for the C class mission they'd been told it was and the A class it'd turned out to be.
"Sure," Xander replied, eager to show off his work.
"Let me gather my students," Kakashi said, making a sign with his hands and creating a pair of doppelgangers in a burst of smoke who quickly vanished in swirls of leaves.
"Now that is a useful power," Xander said, "makes me wish I could still grow bodies from every drop of my blood."
"That was a power you had?" Kakashi asked.
"Well, one of my fathers did anyway," Xander said.
'Fathers?' Kakashi wondered and decided not to ask.
"That is an interesting ability," Raven said thoughtfully, "I'll have to take a closer look next time."
Haku arrived followed by Naruto, with Sasuke and a lagging Sakura making an appearance a scant second later.
"Got a new exercise for us?" Naruto asked eagerly.
"I'm going to be searching a ship for traps, and while I'm doing that I want you to be on your best behavior," Kakashi told them.
"My island is pretty empty at the moment," Xander said, "not much for them to break."
Kakashi considered that for a moment and decided bringing them with him was safer. "How do we reach your island?"
"I can take everyone in groups of three," Xander said, "Just tell me when you're ready to go."
"I'm ready," Naruto proclaimed excitedly, eager to see someplace new.
"Hop on my back," Xander said.
Naruto leapt onto him with a moment's delay. "Piggy back ride!"
Xander chuckled and walked over to pick up Sasuke and Sakura, vanishing in a burst of wind.
"I hope he hurries-" Kakashi began only to be interrupted by Xander reappearing.
"You are fast," Haku said, impressed.
"There are faster people, but they run into the temptation of messing with time," Xander said, thinking of The Flash.
Hippolyta hopped on Xander's back, resting her breasts on top of his head. He could practically feel her amusement. "You can fly," he pointed out.
"I know," she agreed, making no move to get off as he blushed.
"I'll walk, if you don't mind," Haku said.
"It's a couple of miles that way, over water," Xander pointed.
"It's not a problem," Haku assured him before vanishing in a blur of speed.
Xander turned and saw Haku was running across the water. "Cool." He quickly swept up Kakashi and Raven. "Okay, let's go."
Kakashi blinked and found he was being set down on a beach, a ship encased in ice was to the right of him, and there was a massive stone flat-topped pyramid a little further in.
"You stole an Aztec pyramid?" Hippolyta asked, surprised.
"I think it was a temple to a sun god," Xander replied. "It just seemed to fit."
"Imagine that," she said with a smirk.
"I'll go check to make sure it isn't cursed," Raven offered as she floated off to catch up with the three genin who were already climbing the stairs.
"You can get off now," Xander said.
"I know," Hippolyta said cheerfully, making no move to climb down. "Let's go look at the ship."
Typing By: Abyssal Angel