***Blood? Mm, Mm, Good!***


Andrew Joshua Talon



Andrew Joshua Talon and Keitaro Urashima were walking home from the local movieplex, both with wide grins on their faces.

"Man, was that the best Star Trek film ever or what?" Talon gushed, slightly hyper from the orange soda and gummy bears he'd had for snacks.

"I'll say! I loved the Scimitar, so incredably powerful man!" Keitaro agreed, the three boxes of sugar bombs changing his behavior markedly.

"Let's just hope Suu doesn't see Nemesis..."

"Yeah! She might try to build that thing!"

The two friends laughed, in their jovial state failing to notice a dark shadow creeping up behind them.

"Hm... Yeah, these guys'll be good for the matinee," the shadow murmured, creeping closer.

The human theory of extra-sensory perception is nothing remotely new. Premonitions, deja vu, telepathy-Such terms for things some humans can see better than others. But humans have always possessed a gift very much like it. They had needed it when they were mere apes in the trees.

It is hardly some super-power though, and it didn't make our ape-like ancestors lords of the jungle. Increased awareness and perception was simply a requirement if our ancestors were to survive such large, stealthy, and fast predators like leopards and early hyenas. Sensitivity to emotional states, intuition, and "eyes out the back of your head" are essentially what's left of this survival adaptation.

However, as humanity stopped evolving physically and began to evolve purely in behavior, this power faded off into genetic obscurity, left as mere shadows. There still remain those who believe that some humans, rather than losing this increased sense of awareness, developed more powerful forms of it, allowing them to "see" foes and attackers.

What does all this have to do with the setting before us? Well... I don't know exactly, but let's just say that our two friends had gotten the feeling their ape ancestors had when a big cat was in the neighborhood.



"Do you really think it was nessecary to go into that long pseudo-scientific explanation up there?"

"Well... Probably not. But hey, it sounded cool, right?" Keitaro looked thoughtful.


"I guess... So, since you revealed this guy is 'hunting' us, I can only assume he's either some sicko who rapes boys or a vampire. Which is it?"

"Keitaro, do I look like some diseased freak who writes rape stories? My good friend was raped. I would NEVER write about rape, got it?! SO FUCKING FIGURE IT OUT!" Keitaro cringed, then shook his head.

"Geez, I have a feeling you and Naru would make a good couple." Talon blinked. He then started to snicker. The snicker became a laugh. The laugh began an all-out guffaw.

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ME AND HER?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Talon was rolling on the ground now, tears streaming from his eyes. The vampire approached Keitaro, stared at the hysterical Talon, then raised an eyebrow.

"Ah yes... He's the one who wrote this fic?" Keitaro shrugged.

"Sort of." The vampire nodded.

"I see. So, what'll it be? I prove to you I'm of the Breed, you take some of my blood and put it into your veins so you can survive HIV and become a vampire yourself?" Keitaro blinked.

"Where would I get HIV?" The vampire shrugged, dodging Talon rolling like a barrel down the street, still laughing. The author rammed into an trashcan, and with a yelp he crashed into a side-street. Neither Keitaro nor the vampire paid much attention.

"Well, there are those Kitsune/Keitaro fics where you two get drunk and sleep with eachother." Keitaro snorted.

"Those are always pregnancy angst things." The vampire nodded.

"Oh yeah, I remember now." Keitaro blushed slightly.

"Though if making me a vampire could get me with her..."

"You go for women solely based on how they look?" Keitaro growled.

"Of course not! I'm not shallow or deluded!" The vampire smiled wryly.

"Then why do you keep going after Narusegawa?" Keitaro blinked.

"That's... totally different!" The vampire rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Sure kid, whatever. Well, if that's not it, are you going to reveal your secret identity as Keitaro; The Vampire Slayer? Destroyer of evil and all that?" Keitaro chuckled indulgently.

"No. I don't really want to kill anyone or anything if I can avoid it." The vampire nodded, looking at his watch.

"In that case, if there's nothing for me to get you on?"

"I don't think so..."

"Then it's simple; you're my late-night snack." The vampire lunged for Keitaro, grabbing for the ronin's neck. Keitaro was about to scream when a large turquoise, white and red striped mass rammed into the vampire and sent him flying.

[Booyah! Talon 1, vampire zero!] Celebrated Talon, who had apparently transformed himself into a Jurassic Park III variety male Velociraptor (though that animal was probably closer to the Utahraptor). Keitaro blinked.

"Um... Talon, how did you do that?"

[You know the book series "Animorphs?".] Keitaro grinned.

"Yeah, I loved those books! I have the entire collection in my room!"

[Well, that's my author power. Animal morphing. I got this morph from SlvrDragon3251215. What the-WOAH!] Talon leapt over the vampire as he charged, landing gracefully behind the bloodsucker. The vampire snarled, spinning around and lunging at Talon faster than any human could possibly go.

Fortunately for the purposes of this story, Talon wasn't human. Erm, well, not physically, anyway.

[Nyah! Can't catch me, mammal boy!] Talon taunted, leaping over the vampire once again. Getting very fed up right about now, the vampire pulled a gun and sorted through his clips.

"Hm, let's see... Silver bullets? No, no good... Holy Water delivery bullets? Gah, I don't even know why I got those stupid things... Steel-HURK!" Talon had grown impatient and slashed the vampire's head off. He then used his powerful tail like a baseball bat and sent the vampire's head flying far into the night.

[All right! Homerun! Talon, 2! You, nothing! I rule! I rule!] Keitaro was treated to the absolutely bizarre sight of a Velociraptor doing a victory dance on the body of a vampire.

"Erm... Right. Okay Talon, I think that's enough now."

[Aw... Then again, I don't want to eat this guy. Blech! He smells rotted and decayed! Raptors eat this stuff only if they're desperate! Ick, so gross!] Talon drags the body into an alley and lights it ablaze with a lighter he found in the vampire's pocket.

[MWAHAHAHAHAHA! I am Talon the Vampire Slayer! Hear me roar!]

KABOOM! The vampire's body exploded, sending Talon and Keitaro flying and screaming straight to the Hinata.


CRASH! Both find themselves in the hot springs, with all the females of the house staring at them.

"[Oh shit...]"

And thus the night was filled with terror of an entirely different sort.


I was extraordinarily bored when I wrote this fic. Xing banned me from updating for a while. But hey, this is only one of a whole legion of new chapters I'm uploading, so sit tight. And, of course, R&R please...