I Am Not Yours
I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.
You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.
Oh plunge me deep in love—put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind. -Sara Teasdale
Important Note: Lizzy's regular reader- A Harry/Voldemort Pairing! Lizzy- *Pets Hair* Shhhh Just go with it. :-) You'll probably love it!
Hermione Granger had lost her mind. She was certain of it because only a truly mad person would take a risk like the one she was taking. Her hands shook as she reread the carefully worded letter, waiting for the ink to dry so she could pass it along. Once sent there would be no going back. She took a deep breath and wondered to herself how she had gotten to this point.
She knew the answer of course; it had started summer of fifth year when Ron died. Her best friend was not a casualty of war. Nor was his death as a result or even related to his friendship with Harry. No Ron had been killed by a drunk driver. A stupid, muggle drunk driving home from a long night of drinking at the same time Ron happened to be crossing the street to the Leaky Cauldron. His family stood nearby but could only watch in horror as the vehicle ripped around the corner killing Ron instantly.
Hermione's grief had been like an ocean swallowing her whole as she read the letter Ginny had sent. She had cried alone in her bedroom for two days straight refusing to speak to or even acknowledge her parents. She'd been in love with Ron since they were twelve and never told him and now he was gone forever. Harry arrived at her house in the early morning of the third day. He didn't speak as he walked into her room, climbed onto her bed and took her in his arms. She didn't ask how he'd gotten there. It didn't matter she could tell by the look on his face that nothing would have kept him away.
Ron's death hit Harry even harder. Loosing him so soon after the death of Sirius Hermione could only thank whatever mercy had allowed Ron's death to be random. She knew that if a death eater had killed Ron Harry might have broken under the guilt. As it was Hermione had broken and Harry ever selfless had found the strength to pull her through. They returned to school as shells of themselves but together they managed and grew closer than ever before.
Harry told her about the prophesy, and together they studied looking for ways to keep themselves alive in the years to come. Always pushing each other to hold on and keep trying. Harry detailed every meeting with Dumbledore. Every word or action was considered and weighed together as they tried to work out what Dumbledore was trying to tell him.
Unsurprisingly Hermione realized it first. Harry had finally learned what a Horcrux was and as soon as Hermione understood it she knew. Harry was a Horcrux. Of course she had no proof only her own absolute certainty. She didn't tell Harry because she knew him. She knew that for Voldemort to be defeated Harry had to die; there was no way around it. Once Harry learned this she had no doubt he would valiantly and bravely sacrifice himself to the cause. Hermione could not allow that.
Though it took months to work out all the details the plan itself formed in an instant. Voldemort would do anything to keep Harry alive if he knew. Voldemort would want Harry with him of course to protect him. There had to be a way to bind Voldemort into complying if he were allowed Harry. At first Hermione felt horror at the idea of giving her best friend to Voldemort. She swore she'd never do it but still, she started researching.
When she found the spell she almost gave up the plan entirely. Harry would never agree, she pushed the book away but she bookmarked the page. It only took three days for her to come around; she consoled herself that this was the only way. She would rather have Harry live a long life hating her, than knowing he hadn't lived at all. She had told no one of her plan and now the final moment was at hand. She carefully folded the letter and tucked it into the envelope. She puzzled for a moment on how to address it and settled on using only initials.
Hermione had written the contract month's ago but had had it reviewed by three separate law Wizards and two very confused but high profile muggle law firms (she obliviated them after). It was airtight, unbreakable without a single loophole. Harry's consent ended up being a non issue. She simply didn't ask him; instead she went to his muggle relatives and promised that if they signed on his behalf they would never see him again. They signed at once only complaining mildly when it required their blood. Harry wasn't legally an adult so the contract was binding. Dealing with the Minister discretely was harder but far from impossible and soon everything was in place.
All that was left to do was gain the other signature and to do that the Dark Lord needed to receive the letter. She had puzzled for some time on how to manage this. Surely one couldn't just hand an owl a letter and say take this to Voldemort. Finally she decided Draco Malfoy was her best bet. In third year Draco had cornered her in the library, told her she had lovely eyes and kissed her before walking off without another word. Two days later he'd laughed about Buckbeak dying and Hermione had broken his nose. Neither had ever told anyone about what happened in the library but sometimes Hermione still felt his eyes on her hot and demanding in a way that had nothing to do with her blood status.
After Ron's death his behavior toward her had changed. He never taunted her or sought her out. Part of that she suspected was because of whatever mission he was on. When Harry told her about his thoughts she'd been skeptical but after keeping a close eye on Draco she noticed the changes. Once or twice however he had done more than simply pretend she didn't exist once even helping her with her books when she dropped them before quickly walking off. Hermione believed she could trust Draco to deliver her letter.
She tailed him in the days before Easter holiday until he was finally alone. As soon as she spotted him walking with his head low down an empty corridor she chased him down and pressing the letter into his hands she whispered urgently.
"Give this to Voldemort! It's a matter of life and death!" for a moment he only stared at her with wide eyes before he gave a single jerky nod and she dashed off. There was nothing left to do. Harry's life was out of her hands.
Draco was shaking slightly as he stood before the Dark Lord. He had just delivered Granger's letter. He had barely believed it when the girl had pushed it into his hands. He'd found himself momentarily paralyzed by the way her fingers brushed his and the soft urgency of her lovely voice. He'd agreed without a thought. He could only hope the letter didn't hold anything that angered the Dark Lord. He was known to kill and crucio any who brought him unwelcome news.
After several silent moments in which the Dark Lord reviewed the document his red eyes shifted back to Draco.
"Why did Potter's mudblood give you her message?" His voice was cold and calculating sending shudders down Draco's spine. Draco almost shrugged before his Malfoy training kicked in so he spoke instead.
"I-I'm not sure. I know both she and Potter suspect I am in your service my lord," but as he spoke the scene from years ago flashed before his eyes. He'd glanced up and met Granger's deep brown eyes and for a moment been lost in them. He'd wanted to touch her and so he had, only to realize his mistake moments later. The Dark Lord's chuckle pulled Draco from his mind and to his horror Draco remembered that the Dark Lord could view your memories at will. Had he seen it?
"No worries Mr. Malfoy, you are young it is not unusual to turn your eyes to less . . . worthy conquests. However if half of what this letter speaks is truth it is possible your lovely Hermione, may just be able to atone for her unfortunate blood status."
Hermione had convinced Harry to spend the Easter holidays with her at her home. She knew that for her plan to work she had to be able to hand Harry over at a moments notice that would not be so easy at school. He'd agreed with very little fuss, it was hard for them to be apart these days. It was only two days into vacation when Hermione felt it. A rush of power that could only mean the contract had been signed and was now officially binding. When Hermione looked out her window she wasn't surprised to see Lucius and Draco already there standing across the street.
Harry lay sprawled lazily on her bed working on some homework. Hermione smiled at him and reminded herself that what she was about to do was for him.
"Harry? You know I love you right?" Harry glanced up and grinned at her, his dark hair falling into his eyes.
"Course Hermione I love you too." He turned back to his homework and Hermione breathed in deeply. Glancing out the window she could see Lucius and Draco talking to one another perhaps wondering if this was all a ploy.
"I just want you to remember Harry. Your safety is the most important thing to me. I hope one day you can forgive me." Harry turned to her looking confused.
"Forgive? Hermione what are you talking about? What did you do?"
"I'm sorry Harry. Stupify" the jet of light hit Harry right in the chest. He hadn't even moved to defend himself. She couldn't hold back the tears as she watched his body fall back onto her bed. Moving closer to him she placed a chaste kiss on his forehead right where she knew the Horcrux to be lodged.
Then straightening her shoulders she walked outside of her house and gestured the Malfoy's inside.
Voldemort lay down his quill and stared thoughtfully at the contract before him. It was done, normally Voldemort was not one to question himself but today was different. To give so much for the safety of his Horcrux, was it truly worth it? He had spent the last few days checking the status of the precious fragments of his soul. It had not been a pleasant trip. His diary, destroyed by the boy himself! His ring taken by Dumbledore, although judging by the damage it was taken at great cost. Slytherin's locket was missing, stolen by that traitorous filth Regulus Black. He had been unable to access Hogwarts to ensure the diadem was still intact. Meaning he could only be certain of two surviving horcruxes aside from the boy.
Voldemort couldn't kill the boy, not with so much of his soul unaccounted for. He took some comfort in all that he would gain. The complete surrender of the Wizarding World was no small thing. That it was conditional upon every policy and decision being approved by his Horcrux was rather distasteful however. The mudblood truly had a devious mind, building painful consequences into the contract to compel not only Voldemort but also the boy himself to comply.
For every tenant of the contract Voldemort broke a Horcrux would be destroyed. Once the boy was the only Horcrux left Voldemort would die freeing Harry from his contract and allowing him to attempt to destroy the Horcrux within his body. In the event that Potter refused to comply, one of his friends would die. She had even listed herself as the first to go. Voldemort thought it typically Gryffindor of her, he rather thought the boy would break the contract just to see her die. He certainly would if he'd been tricked into marrying his enemy.
For ultimately that is what the contract was, a binding marriage contract of the oldest form. Meant to settle wars between Kings, Voldemort had read about them before of course but it had been centuries since such a spell had been used. The contract allowed a six month 'courtship' where the plans for the new Magical Britain were to be decided and details ironed out. After six months a traditional binding ceremony will take place and the contract would be consummated. As long as Potter's Horcrux remained intact both he and Voldemort would survive indefinitely. Ruling first Magical Britain (but eventually the world) together for as long as it pleased them to do so.
That the ceremony required intercourse was unfortunate but Voldemort had decided it was not insurmountable. While he had never been inclined to partake in such base activities his distaste did not go so far as to risk life to avoid it. He had certainly done many worse things than bed a seventeen year old boy and he would no doubt to many more in the years to come.
A slight vibration in the magic around him was all Voldemort needed to know that Lucius had returned from the Mudblood's house. Reaching out with his mind it was easy to identify the unconscious body of his horcrux. He frowned at the blankness of the boys mind, he had given strict order not to harm him! With a scowl Voldemort stood and swept out of the study and down the Hall.
It was time to face Harry Potter once more.
Authors Notes: I know, I know starting another story even though I've got too many in progress already but I couldn't get it out of my head! I actually started this a year ago but have been thinking about it so much lately I actually rescued it from my old computer! I promise to have an update for my other things soon. Someone Like You will have an update by the end of the week the others will be updated eventually. . . :) Anyway Please Review and I really hope everybody loves it