A/N: My sincere apologies to anyone waiting for updates on any of my other fics, by they Gilmore Girls stories or otherwise. The fact is, the back end of Season 6 made me so mad when I watched it for the first time a month ago that I've just been itching to rewrite it and fix so many things I feel were screwed up, including Rory forgiving Logan, Jess and Rory parting badly, and Luke and Lorelai breaking up, amongst other things. So, here comes six chapters (eventually) rewriting the last six episodes how I think they should've gone. Will you agree with my choices? I really hope so! Whatever your thoughts, please do leave them in a review for me - I would so appreciate that! )
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters belong to Amy Sherman-Palladino and other folks that aren't me.
Chapter 1 - I'm Not Okay
Rory still felt kind of numb about the Logan situation. She half-expected him to follow her to Paris' apartment and beg her to come home, and he didn't let her down. Of course, he thought he could sweet talk her, make excuses, smooth it over, but Rory knew she couldn't let that happen. It wasn't about the technicalities of whether or not they were on a break, that was what she still couldn't seem to get through to him. All he cared about was that when he slept with all those other girls, he was not officially Rory's boyfriend.
In her mind's eye, she saw his desperate expression as he clung onto the belief that if he could just convince her that what he did was not technically cheating, everything would be okay, but it couldn't.
"So then if you believe that, in my mind, I was not cheating on you, do you think you can forget what those vipers said today, put it behind you, and just come home with me?"
Rory shook her head as she recalled those words. He meant it, every single word. Logan hadn't just been making excuses as such, he genuinely believed he was right, that what he'd done should be acceptable to her. It wasn't, and she couldn't let him think so.
"You know what, Logan? No. No, I can't do that, and you wanna know why? Because it doesn't make it better. Okay, so say we were broken up, say that was that we were done, what difference does it really make? You waited, what? A day? A week to jump into bed with the next girl you saw? Oh no, I'm sorry, the next three girls!"
He had tried to interrupt her, but Rory wouldn't stand for that. Damnit, she was a Gilmore, and if she wanted to talk a mile a minute and let out all her frustrations into his astonished face then she would, and she did. Logan had needed to hear it just as much as she'd needed to say it.
"No! You say you love me, you expect me to believe it, but you were so heartbroken, all you could think to do was sleep your way through your sister's friends? That's not love, Logan. I could never have done that to you, I never would."
"And that's it? Because you can't be an adult and accept I'm not perfect..."
"I'm not an adult?!"
Rory recalled that as the moment she truly lost it. She knew then that she and Logan were really done for good. It had been building for a long time, longer than was healthy, if Rory was honest. It was before Jess had come to visit, though she had a feeling it was his rant that tipped the scale, in fact she knew it was. Logan had changed, or maybe she had changed and their relationship got stuck somewhere in a rut they couldn't get out of. Honestly, she wasn't sure about the whys and wherefores, Rory only knew it was over.
"I'm not an adult?! I'm not the one drinking, partying, and having sex every God-given minute of the day! I thought we were a couple, Logan, I honestly thought we were in love and that maybe this was for the long haul, but I should've known better. You don't know how to be anything but what you are, a spoilt little boy who can't keep his pants on, and I'm over it. We're done, Logan, over, for good. This time we really are broken up, so go do what you want!"
Storming back into the apartment and slamming the door had seemed like such a good idea until Rory realised that Paris and Doyle were making up in pretty serious fashion all over the floor. She had run to the spare room, her room again now, and hidden there until the worst was over.
There had been a lot of tears at first, but since that night, Rory just felt numb. It had been two weeks now, and still every time she thought of Logan Huntzberger there was just no emotion attached. No anger, no tears, no recriminations. He hadn't tried to talk to her or get her back, and it was a relief when Colin and Finn showed up with all her stuff, saving Rory the trouble of finding a good time to go over and collect it.
"For what it's worth, I think he's an idiot," Finn had told her faithfully, making her smile.
"We did tell him that, repeatedly," confirmed Colin.
It wasn't their fault, and they were good guys really. Rory had hugged them both and said they were sweet. She meant it, truly, and somehow she felt she would miss them more than she would even miss Logan in some ways. That seemed weird in her head, and weirder still when she said it out loud to her Mom last week. Lorelai had smiled kindly and covered her daughter's hand with her own.
"Sweetie, it's not weird, it's just... it's just break-ups," she shrugged easily. "They hit everybody differently, and y'know, I wouldn't worry too much about the numb thing. If there's emotion in there that needs to get out, it'll get out, at some point."
Rory wasn't so sure about that, not when her Mom said it or even now as she lay here on her bed staring at the ceiling. She had studying to do, newspaper articles to edit, so it was time to get herself up and deal already. She was just considering where to start when there was a knock on her door. Rory sat up as Paris stepped into the bedroom.
"Hey, you got mail," her friend told her, handing over a small pile of letters.
"Thanks," she smiled, but her heart wasn't really in it and they both knew it.
"How are you doing?" asked Paris awkwardly.
She wasn't built for this, for sympathy and such. She tried her best, but it didn't come easy. If Rory wanted a good long bitch-fest or a list of ways to eviscerate her ex, Paris would be the perfect friend. Unfortunately, when it came to the sweet stuff, to the hugs and smiles, it didn't come so easy to Ms Geller, but she was trying.
"Honestly?" Rory sighed heavily. "I don't know. I... I kinda feel like, like I should be feeling more than I actually am. I mean, I miss Logan, kind of. It makes me wonder how much I really loved him, and I know for sure that he couldn't've loved me, not like he said or like I wanted him to..."
She trailed off, looking and feeling overly thoughtful. Paris didn't know what to say. She understood what it was to lose a man you cared for, and she knew how it felt not to feel what you thought you should. Still, finding the right thing to say, the right thing for Rory, it was tough.
"Y'know, whatever you feel about Logan, you're allowed to feel it," she said eventually. "Nobody can tell you it's right or wrong."
Rory wasn't sure if Paris got that from her life coach or if she was somehow channelling Lorelai. Either way, it sounded good, it helped, even if only a little.
"Thanks, Paris," she smiled bravely. "I, er... I think I'm going to get some studying done, then maybe later we could get lunch together?"
"Okay, sure," her friend nodded easily, knowing they'd made a big step here.
Rory really hadn't been out much since the break up. She was either in class, in the apartment, or visiting with her Mom. It was all kind of anti-social, and whilst that didn't bother Paris for herself, it bothered her for Rory. She was supposed to be amongst people, she was the type. It would be good, even if they only ended up going as far as the Yale cafeteria.
After Paris left, Rory fired up her laptop, set herself comfortably on her bed and did her best to concentrate. Paris was right, and Lorelai before her. Rory could feel however she felt and that was okay. There was no way Logan was sitting round moping over her, and she would not give him the satisfaction of finding out she had been doing that either. She had fought really hard to get back on track with her studies, and they were not going to suffer just because her boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend, couldn't keep his hands off other women the moment they had a spat. Well, that was over now, and Rory had a life to be living.
It made her proud to complete a couple of half-done assignments, to read the next two chapters of a book for class, and proof-read her article for the Yale Daily News. It turned out to be a morning well spent, and she was right on time to go meet Paris for lunch. Rory found there was a reasonable kind of genuine smile on her face as she moved to hop off her bed and get ready to leave. She cursed mildly when she realised she had knocked a pile of envelopes onto the floor in her movement. The mail Paris had brought in before, Rory had almost completely forgotten about it. She flipped through the letters and cards then, a frown creasing her brow as she came across an unlikely item.
Truncheon Books, she knew that name. The even more familiar words were hand written in the top corner above the return address. Jess Mariano. Rory's eyes widened and a smile curved her lips once again as she opened up the card that turned out to be an invitation. An open house at the place where Jess worked, where he got his book published. She was just so proud of everything the guy was achieving in his life. She told him years ago that he could achieve anything he wanted and again when he handed her a copy of The Subsect a few months ago now. She had read it, re-read it, maybe more times than was healthy. She loved it because it was him, because it was pure Jess.
A knock on her door made her spin around fast and yell 'come in' without thinking. Doyle appeared, holding the cordless phone to his chest and looking harassed.
"Rory, I'm sorry, but Paris is on the phone. She says you were going to meet her for lunch and... well, the next thing I know I'm being asked to come in here and check you didn't, and I quote 'slit your wrists over that asshole Huntzberger'."
Rory laughed lightly at the phrasing and reached to take the phone from Doyle.
"Paris, I'm fine. Not dead, not even bleeding, I promise," she explained, still grinning as her eyes skimmed over the invitation in her other hand one more time. "Honestly, I just got a little distracted, lost track of time, but I am on my way now. Right now, I swear!"
A moment later, Rory was tossing the phone back to Doyle, throwing on her shoes and jacket, and running for the door. Paris was a little surprised when her friend arrived smiling from ear to ear. When she left her this morning, she looked closer to tears than anything. She really hadn't smiled that much since the break-up, only trying for a brave smile when she thought it was absolutely necessary. Paris hated Logan Huntzberger. She had told him too, several times. Unfortunately, he didn't care, and Rory didn't feel any better because of it. Neither did Paris if she were honest, but the solidarity of the sisterhood would not be allowed to slide.
"Have you been hiding alcohol in your room? Drugs maybe?" asked Paris, altogether too loudly, as Rory sat down opposite her at the table.
"Er, no," her friend shook her head definitely. "Why would you ask me that? Geez, I was only a few minutes late."
"It's not about your tardiness," Paris rolled her eyes. "It's the smile. It's so unnatural, on you anyway, the last couple of weeks I mean," she explained.
"Yeah, well. I got something good in the mail," replied Rory, showing the card to her friend.
"You remember, I told you he works at a publishing house now? That he wrote a book?"
"I remember," Paris nodded once. "My God, you must have read that thing a hundred times," she rolled her eye dramatically.
"Exaggerate, much? " Rory countered lamely. "Anyway, said publishing house is having an open day and yours truly is invited. I'd so love to go."
Paris looked over the invitation with suspicion, and then her eyes drifted to Rory as the other girl ordered her food. Jess Mariano. She remembered the guy too well, his attitude, his opinions on various literature. There was no doubting he was just about perfect for Rory back then, and his upward trajectory was in his favour for being ever more worthy of Miss Gilmore now. Rory had insisted she and Jess were friends only these days, after the last time they talked a couple of months ago, but Paris couldn't help but think her friend was awfully giddy for just a friend.
"You should go," she told Rory then, handing the card back to her. "Honestly, anything to stop you moping in your room like a pathetic recluse."
Rory smiled widely as she tucked the invitation back into her bag. Yes, she definitely would go. It was only Philadelphia and just for one day, no big deal. She could see Jess and where he worked, and then come home again, no problem. She didn't feel like wondering too much on why she couldn't stop smiling about seeing her ex again. They were just friends now, and it would be good to catch up now she was in a better place - not counting her recent break up, of course. It made Rory's happy expression fade just a little to think about Logan again, but the lull in her good mood didn't last too long. She was having a better day today, she was abolsutely determined. She and Paris got onto new topics, mostly the paper and school, whilst they enjoyed their girly lunch. Still, Rory kept on thinking about her upcoming date in Philadelphia. For the first time in two weeks, she felt genuinely excited about something.
To Be Continued...