Title: Milk
Author: Syn
E-Mail: veruca_werewolf@hotmail.com
Rating: G
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Relax, I'm just playing with them.
Archive: WOF&B and whoever else wants it I suppose.
Pairing: Clem/Sophie vignette friendship piece.
Summary: Friends in unexpected places.
A/N: This is one of those joke ships that everyone references and gets a laugh over, kinda like Mr. Gordo and Miss Kitty Fantastico. But I think they'd be cute together. Let's explore them a little, shall we?
Feedback: It's such a small thing, if you please.


She couldn't drink milk sometimes and he didn't quite understand that. There's dairy in everything! Cheese, yogurt, fettuccini alfredo, gravy, and even ice cream! How in the world do you avoid dairy?

So he asked her, sitting across from her at the DoubleMeat Palace, picking at a DoubleMeat Medley and lamenting the lack of cat. Her quick brown eyes darted up from her own burger where she was scraping the cheese off the top with the tip of an over-done French fry. She put her French fry scraper down on her napkin and bit down on her lip.

"I drink soy milk sometimes and I-I have to check the things I eat."

"Oh." He says, nodding his head, chins wobbling. "That's kind of sad."

"Not really. Only, I can't eat chocolate." He nearly gasped as she took a drink of her unsweetened tea, the cow on her hat staring cheerfully at him. "I'm allergic to all kinds of things."

"Wow, the only thing I can't eat is tosshmar." At her blank look, he shrugged. "It's a mossy vegetable from this hell dimension. Makes me turn all green."

"Oh." She nodded her head, brown ponytail bobbing against the back of her orange and white striped shirt. "I bet I'm allergic to that too."

"Most humans are. Hey, do you like tomatoes?" He asks suddenly, pulling a slice of juicy, mustard-covered tomato out from between the second layer of his Medley. He held the dripping red fruit between two of his long, curved fingernails and smiled kindly at her. Her nose wrinkled charmingly and she shook her head, indicating to her own tomato slice tossed to the side of the sandwich next to her cheese scrapings.

"Rash." She said simply, taking another suck from her straw. Nodding, he tossed the tomato down and scratched his head.

"Question? Why do you order a Medley with everything if you can't eat it all?"

Her nose wrinkled again in that cute way as she thought for a moment. "B-because I like things I shouldn't have, ya know? Makes me feel like a rebel."

"A food rebel?"

"That's the best kind."

"I've always thought so. I'm going to have to get you to try kitten sometime..." His voice trailed off as he saw the disgusted look on her face. "Sorry. I always forget that you humans get attached to them. Weird."

"I'm the weird one? Who's the one with the neck that looks like a vagina?" She shot at him, a twinkle in her eyes. Ever since they'd seen the new Austin Powers movie she hadn't let that go. He groaned and rolled his eyes.

"Haha. You know that gets lamer and lamer every time you say it."

"I know, but I'm never letting you live that down."

"Fine, then I'm going to start making fun of the hat again." She frowned and lifted a hand to touch the brim of her hat. The cow stared dolefully at him, as if it were offended too. The chicken tail in the back bobbed in the breeze from the ceiling fans running overhead.

"Don't diss the hat."

"Don't diss the folds."

She stuck her tongue out at him and then grinned widely. He returned the gesture and took a drink of his Diet Coke, studying her as she glanced at her watch. Her dinner break was almost over, although he didn't think she was really needed at the moment. The nighttime rush at the DMP was usually relegated to drive-thru, but it didn't appear to be busy. The inside of the over-bright restaurant was also empty except for them and he was glad.

He hated getting stared at.

"Well, I'd better get back to work. We still on for the Gilmore Girl's premiere at your place tomorrow night?" She asked, piling her trash and used bits of cheese and tomatoes onto the orange plastic tray.

"Yeah. I'll um...I'll get you some soy milk if you want." He said almost shyly, scratching at his head again, arm folds swinging to and fro. Looking up from her trash detail, she smiled that warm, wide grin again.

"T-that'd be nice. And get some Doritos. I love those."

"Sure. Umm...see you tomorrow then." He said, piling his own trash up onto the tray.

"Bye Clem."

"Bye Sophie!" He waved as she shot him another grin and threw the trash away, then placed the tray on top of the others. He followed her as she walked behind the counter and disappeared into the back of the restaurant.

He sat there for a minute, smiling and rubbing absently at his many chins, thinking that perhaps he'd found the only human he knew that was stranger than him. Which wasn't a bad thing. Sighing, he stood and walked toward the exit, looking back over his shoulder to see her standing at the grill, flipping a burger, her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth.

He couldn't help but smile as he opened the door. He also couldn't help but wonder where the hell he was going to find soymilk at.

Humans. Weird.