Warning: Extreme Silliness

Disclaimer: all characters belong to Professor Tolkien.


Wee Noldor Nursery School

Kementári Ave. 3


To: The Lord Finwё, King of all Noldor in Aman

My lord King,

Please accept my sincere apologies. I very much detest being the bearer of ill news. The situation has however become so awkward that I find myself forced to write to you. I understand the difficulty of being a single parent, and I know you are very busy, but I must insist on a conference with you concerning the behavior of your son Fёanáro.

I am indeed distressed to inform you that although Fёanáro has been enrolled in this program for six months, he is showing very little progress. He continues to be disrespectful, obstinate, and quite simply unmanageable. He can neither sit still nor keep his hands and feet to himself; he continues to display aggressive behavior toward some of his playmates, and is prone to temper tantrums the likes of which I have never experienced in my seven hundred and fifty-two years as a teacher.

Although he is clearly an exceptionally gifted and intelligent child, he does not play well with others. It is impossible for him to interact within a group -- he will bear a grudge toward all who disagree with him. He also refuses to share.

He has repeatedly laid sole claim to the Arts & Crafts Nook, selfishly holding on to tools and materials (in spite of calling them 'inferior'), and sneering at the efforts of others. His artistic talent and skill are undeniably outstanding. His works have been the object of much admiration this last Open House (which you were unfortunately unable to attend), especially a set of very pretty crystals. There was, however, some difficulty in convincing him to display them in the Art Exhibit at all.

Another great concern of mine is that Fёanáro might not be getting as much sleep as he should (I understand he is often allowed to stay up past the Second Mingling of the Lights?). As of today, he has never once observed nap-time. We have finally given in and allow him to read quietly instead, and have even granted him access to the teacher's library, as he finished all the books of his reading level in two days, expressing utter contempt for most of them.

On a more pleasant note, I am happy to say that he seems to have made at least one friend. Little Nerdanel is a very patient and quiet child, and has sadly been the subject of much teasing because of the color of her hair. I appreciate Fёanáro defending her, but kicking and hitting is against school rules and cannot be tolerated.

My lord, I am looking forward to discussing this problem with you in person, and perhaps finding a solution. I am aware that you enrolled your son in the hope that he find friends and learn to socialize. Yet by now I strongly feel that a child like Fёanáro would be better off with a private tutor.  Mr. Mahtan, Nerdanel's father, has expressed an interest in your son, and would be willing to devote a few hours a week to lessons.

Yours devotedly,

A. F.,  Principal

P.S. I shall have this message delivered to the palace by one of our caregivers. I am also including the letter I wrote to you yesterday, and entrusted to your son. He opened it and handed it back to me this morning, calling me several names (of which 'backstabbing traitor' was the least offensive), and has been sulking in a corner ever since. As you can see, he also corrected my spelling in several places.

P.S. An urgent situation has arisen that requires your immediate attention! Please have Fёanáro picked up as soon as possible. He was observed speaking to some of the other students during recess, and shortly afterwards we were faced with a group of some twenty children attempting to leave the school grounds, armed with sticks and yelling 'Death before Thraldom'. Please understand that this sort of behavior cannot, I repeat CANNOT be tolerated any longer.