She had once again failed to control it, to conceal it, to protect her sister. What happened mere minutes ago seemed like hours, and flashbacks of the first time she had struck Anna kept playing through her head.
"It's not my fault." The queen kept muttering these words, trying to convince herself that she had done all she could to protect her sister and Arendelle. She paced back and forth across the top floor, wringing her hands and looking out over the balcony. Had she really done all that she could? If she truly didn't want to see Anna, she could have made the entrance impermeable. But knowing the princess, she would have found a way in.
"It's not my fault." Elsa walked out on to the balcony and stared out over the ravine. Three hundred feet down and nothing to break the fall but jagged rocks. She shuddered at the thought, but continued to stare out into the abyss. There was nothing waiting for her back in Arendelle, nothing waiting for her in the castle but the inevitable. She had driven away the one person who didn't fear her, what else was there to live for?
"No, Anna might come back." She pulled back from the crevasse still clutching the rail. Doubt was making it's way into her thoughts, making each idea as uncertain as the last. What if Anna never came back? What if Elsa was doomed to live her life alone, knowing that she had struck her sister again after years of protecting her? What if the only way to end this winter and this curse was to end herself? She rocked gently on her heels, weighing each situation out in her head. Her fear had caused a flurry around her, and the pinnacles of ice grew ever more menacing the more she wrestled with her thoughts. A forceful wind was blowing in every direction, and Elsa was losing the ongoing battle in her mind.
"I-it wasn't my fault," she paused, and looked out into the accumulating darkness, "but if it was, what else have I got to lose?" Elsa climbed shakily onto the rail, steadying herself against the snow; the wind pushing her further and further over the abyss, with only the queen's last saving grace holding her back. "A-anna, forgive me for everything I've done," Elsa choked back a sob, and closed her eyes, "and what I'm about to do..."