Hey everyone,

This is something I came up with a few days ago when a was sitting in the train. This is my first Torchwood fanfic and I haven't got a beta so I take full responsibility for any mistakes.

The title is from the song Losing your Memory from Ryan Star. This isn't a songfic but I came up with this story listening to this song and I thought it was a good name for the story. Please let me know what you think.


"I wouldn't know anything different."

"I would."

The words kept replaying in Ianto's head as he drove back home. He had always known that he was Jack's second choice, but never had Jack made it so obvious as tonight. Ianto had known from the beginning that he was just Jack's part time shag. He sometimes made himself believe that he was something more than that, and Jack had sometimes pretended that he loved Ianto as well. That was why he had shot Owen all those months ago. He liked to make himself believe that he meant something more to Jack. When Owen had called him a part time shag it had pierced the bubble of his make believe world where he and jack were something more than just fuck buddies. Jack had always helped Ianto believe it. Like the night before they had sent Tommy back. Jack had even told Ianto that he loved him, in a roundabout way.

"None of you have any partners outside of this."

She was right.

Sweet Toshiko in love with an alien who was using her, a frozen soldier who had to be sent back to his own time to save the world and of course Owen. Owen who was blind for Tosh's love for him because he was still grieving for Katie.

Jack obviously didn't have anyone either. Sure, he loved Gwen and he shagged Ianto but he didn't really have a partner.

Ianto himself, well he would make sure that after tonight he wouldn't even have a make belief world where he and Jack were together.

When he had started at Torchwood 3 Ianto had come up with a plan b. Originally it was an escape plan in case things went wrong with Lisa and he had to flee. When things had gone wrong and he had been suspended he had almost used it. But at the time Jack had helped him through everything. He had never told Jack about his escape plan. Something he was very grateful for now.

"I wouldn't know anything different."

Yes, she wouldn't have known anything different and neither would Ianto after tonight.

Ianto pulled up in front of his house. When he stepped out the car he saw his neighbor Mrs. Jenkins looking out the window. He waved at her. Mrs. Jenkins was always looking after him. During his suspension she had come over a number of times to see how he was doing. Of course she didn't know that he was suspended from his work because he had hidden his half human, half evil, alien, metal girlfriend in the secret base where he worked. He had told her that he had a nasty stomach bug.

When Ianto stepped through the front door he immediately went to the cabinet in the spare room to get out what he needed. When he and Jack had started see… fooling around he had put everything in the spare room. The spare room was the one place where jack never had to go to. He put a couple of clothes and toiletries in a weekend bag and put everything from the escape plan in a back pack.

Ianto couldn't just leave Torchwood without writing goodbye. They were his family after all. Ianto ended up writing 6 letters. Each member of the team got their own letter, 1 letter of resignation and 1 letter for the team in general so that they could do Ianto's chores now that he was gone. He put the letters with his dairy on the kitchen table and left the house.

When Ianto had invented the escape plan he had bought a small flat in Newport. The only flaw in the plan was that he wasn't able to use able to use his car now because the team would be able to track it. He would have to walk and use public transport.

When Ianto arrived at the flat he checked if everything was ready.

Food in the fridge X

Gas X

Electricity X

Warm water X

New car X

Putting a fake diary with the story he had come up with on the table in the living room, Ianto went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He sat down on the sofa and took out the bottle which contained a couple of Retcon pills. When they rolled out of the bottle into his hand the little white pills looked really innocent, but he knew that as soon as he swallowed them down he would forget the last three years. He would forget Torchwood 3 and 1, he would forget Lisa and Jack. He put the pills in his mouth and flushed them away with water. "I'm sorry, Jack." He thought when started to get drowsy. He pictured Jack in his minds-eye when he fell asleep. Subconsciously trying to hold on to Jack for as long as possible.

"I wouldn't know anything different."

"I would."


In another part of Cardiff Captain Jack Harkness was thinking about everything that had happened today. He looked up from the CCTV monitor he had been starring at for the last two hours. "Ianto!" Jack called across the main part of the hub. There was no answer. He activated his comm and called again. "Ianto, are you ready to go home?" when Ianto didn't answer again, Jack turned back to the CCTV monitor to see if he could find him there. Ianto wasn't on any of the monitors and Jack went over to his computer to check the CCTV footage from the last two hours. When he found what he was looking for he saw Ianto leaving the hub and going to his car to go home. 'why didn't he tell me he was going home? I could have gone with him.' Jack thought as he walked to his bunker. 'I'll ask him tomorrow.' God, he really didn't want to think about tomorrow. Tomorrow Gwen would be back and he really didn't want to deal with her smug attitude about the fact that he had agreed not to Retcon Rhys.

"None of you have any partners outside of this."

"But we understand how you feel."

Jack could most certainly understand how Gwen felt. His partner might not be outside Torchwood, but that didn't make Ianto any less important. Ianto was definitely Jack's partner and Jack lo… cared a lot about him.

"I will see you tomorrow."

Jack fell asleep not knowing that tomorrow would be too late to talk to Ianto. Tomorrow Ianto would be gone.


So what did you guys think? Good or Bad? please leave a review to let me know. Thank you.