"I just. You. Yooou are just great," John slurred, leaning his weight into Dave as they walked. Dave rolled his eyes and said nothing, half-carrying and half-dragging the deadweight that was his drunk best friend steadily back toward their dorm building across campus. Not content with his results, John tried again. "Dave. You're awesome."

"Yeah, dude, I know. Think you could do a little less talking and a little more walking?"

John pouted and began shuffling his feet in some semblance of a walk, but it was no use. He might as well be trying to swim through jello for all the good he was doing. The kid was a fucking lightweight, that was for sure. Granted, he did take a couple of shots where Dave chose to decline, but beyond that the two of them had had exactly the same amount to drink, and the blonde was hardly even feeling a buzz. Dumb kid had been stumbling around telling people how awesome they were and trying to get someone to play speed scrabble with him, whatever the hell that was.

At least he was a happy drinker, all giggles and silly faces and the gift from above that was his bright smile; when Dave went out drinking with Karkat, Rose, and Kanaya over Christmas break, it was all heated political argument and crying about wasted potential or some shit. John just seemed to want everyone to feel as warm and fuzzy on the inside as he clearly did. It was funny, or it would be if he weren't having to practically carry his useless friend home.

John stopped again, bringing Dave up short, and put his hand on the other's shoulder. "Dave. Take your shades off."

Dave laughed. "Dude, what? No way, man."

"Daaaave," John whined. "I want to see your eyes!"

"You've already seen them, Egbert. I wanna go home." He began walking again but John gripped his wrist and let his weight go limp, holding Dave back. "Jesus fuck, John."

"Lemme see!" the brunet demanded. "Here, I'll take mine off, too." He pulled the frames from his face and squinted at Dave. "Okay, now your turn."

"Taking yours off doesn't do anything. I could see your eyes before. And now you couldn't see my eyes even if I did take my shades off, dumbass."

"Oh." John considered for a second and then put his glasses back on. "Please, Dave?"

Oh, that face. That god damn pout. How could he resist? "Fine. But only if you'll stop being a bitch and let me take you home."


Dave pulled his shades off and tucked them into his hoodie pocket. "Ta-dah, there you go. Can we keep going now?"

John pulled Dave's face down to his level and twisted it this way and that to watch the stars catch those brilliant red hues. When he was satisfied he nodded.

"Good. Now, I'm gonna carry you piggyback. Don't you dare puke on me or I'll kill you." Dave bent his knees so John could climb on, tucking his arms securely under the other's thighs. "Ready?"

John nodded again, resting his chin on Dave's shoulder as the blonde started walking again. He was quiet for so long that Dave was beginning to wonder if he'd fallen asleep. Typical Egbert. Moan and complain about going to a party only to steal the spotlight and get drunk off his ass once he actually got to the stupid party, and then fall the fuck asleep on his best friend on the way home. Adorable idiot. He paused to shift John higher up his back only to nearly drop him instead when a pair of soft lips touched to his neck.


"Mmm," John hummed against Dave's neck.

Dave squirmed away as best he could with John clinging to his shoulders. "That tickles. Also, what the hell are you doing?"

"I just…wanted to try," John said quietly.

"Try? Try what?" John mumbled incoherently in response and Dave rolled his eyes. "Come on, sleepyhead. Let's get you home."

It was a short walk to the dorm, generally speaking, but any distance would seem infinite while carrying a heavy roommate who alternated between being squirmy and being total fucking deadweight. Eventually he made it, though getting John up the stairs took skills that even Bro would have been proud of. Trying to maneuver him through the door proved much more difficult, and in the end he simply dumped John on the floor while he unlocked the door. Hooking his hands under John's arms, he dragged him into the room and kicked the door shut behind them.

"Hey!" came a muffled shout from the room next door. "Keep it down! Some of us are trying to sleep!"

"Shove it up your ass!" Dave shouted back. He rolled John into the bedroom, careful not to knock his head on the bedpost, but there was no way in hell he was getting him all the way up on the bed. He nudged John with his foot a few times, but he showed no signs of moving. "I'll get your pillow," Dave sighed, twisting so he could reach.

All his years of living with Bro, expecting an ambush at any moment, did nothing to prepare him for the fuckery that was John's sudden ability to pull the blonde down on top of him. He landed hard on his forearms so he didn't crush the moron beneath him, but apparently he still wasn't close enough because John wrapped one of his legs around Dave's and pressed himself up into his startled friend. Dave blinked, staring down into those deep, deep blue eyes, and cleared his throat.

"Can I help you?"

In response, a very determined look came over John's face. He took Dave's face between his hands and pressed their lips together, and even though Dave saw it coming he couldn't help the surprised gasp that allowed John space to shove his tongue into the other's mouth. He let out a soft noise of desire, and fuck if Dave didn't flush from head to toe. The way their lips fit, moved together, was sloppy, hasty, but sweet and slow, and Dave's head was spinning pleasantly when John pulled away. The brunet regarded Dave for a long moment, eyes going in and out of focus.

"Hmm," he said.

"'Hmm'?" Dave repeated incredulously.

"Hmm," John said again with finality. He grabbed at the pillow on the floor a few feet away and shoved Dave away so he could roll over and bury his messy curls in the plush fabric.

"Good—urp—goodnight, Dave."

Within seconds, John was out like a light, but Dave couldn't move. Fingertips pressed to his lips, still tingling where they'd met John's, Dave let out a short, breathy laugh. "Yeah, Egbert. Goodnight."

"Shhhhhhhhh." John waved a hand in Dave's direction and the blonde rolled his eyes.

"Go to sleep. God damn."