A Secret Inside
The train had already left and James was gone. Lily didn't know when he would be back for the remainder of the year or even if he would be coming back. Gina was no longer the sweet person everyone thought she had been. When James had broken up with her Gina grew bitter. Whenever she passed Lily in the hallways she always had an unpleasant remark towards her. Slytherin would have best suited her now.
Ever since James had left everything was so quiet. Not that was necessarily a good thing because everyone seemed to miss his presence. Including Lily. Even after hearing those words he was saying to Gina as they broke up she still felt something for him. Something inside of her told her that he didn't possibly mean those things he had said.
Lily was seven months pregnant now. Everyone in the school was making assumptions that she was pregnant and of course they were right. Now Lily didn't even have the strength to fight off the things that were said about her. Since James left she had been depressed not even wanting to get out of bed. Eating made her sick and she only did because she loved her unborn child with all her heart.
"James is back with his parents now. They're letting him come back for exams." Remus said one afternoon at lunch. Lily's interest was peaked.
"You've talked to him?" She asked eagerly. It was the best news that she had heard in a while. "Has he mentioned anything about..." She trailed off afraid of the answer to the question she was about to finish asking. Had he mentioned anything about her? She missed him so much and felt awful for the way she had treated him. She would have given anything to see him again.
Sirius gave one of his roguish grins to Lily. "He might have said something about our Lily flower here..."
Her eyes lifted up from where they unconsciously fell to her plate while she was thinking. "He did?"
"He misses you. A lot." Sirius told her seriously. A blush crept its way to her cheeks. James missed her. After all she did to him. She slapped him. She yelled at him. She ignored him and pushed him away. Not that he had been great to her. They were both at fault. Yet both of them still missed the other one.
"Excuse me." Lily said struggling to get up from the table. "I'm going to go lay down for a bit." She smiled. Everyone in the clique nodded and understood.
As Lily walked back to her room what luck would have it that she ran into the bitter Gina. "If it isn't the school slut." The words were harsh and cut to Lily like a knife.
"Don't, Gina, please." Lily begged. She couldn't take one more dramatic thing happening to her at the moment. All she wanted to do was head back to her room and think about James. How he missed her despite everything that had happened between them. The tension they had before they started dating and all that had happened recently despite all that he loved her.
Gina didn't move though. Instead she stood there at the top of the steps blocking Lily's path. Being around Gina had always made her uncomfortable, but this time there was something different. There was something in Gina's eyes that made Lily feel even more uneasy than usual. "James was mine. If you hadn't been," She trailed off as her eyes fell to Lily's stomach. "He'd still be mine."
Lily's hand slowly lowered to her side ready to grab her wand for protection if she needed it. Not knowing what to expect she was afraid and wanted to make sure Gina didn't notice she was heading for her wand. Surely Gina wouldn't do anything harmful. Right? The beautiful perfect Ravenclaw every girl in Hogwarts wanted to be and every guy wanted to be with. Little miss perfect wouldn't do anything that would ruin that perfect reputation would she? Lily hoped not.
One hand held her stomach protectively as the other one was ready to test how fast her reflexes were if Gina decided to do something crazy. "This is ridiculous. Just stop it already. James doesn't care about you in that way. Accept it and get over it already."
That was the wrong thing to say.
Her eyes narrowed into slits as she quickly lifted her wand in front of Lily's face. Too slow to grab her own wand, an incredibly strong force exploded from the tip of Gina's sending Lily flying backwards.
The scream she let out as she tumbled down the stairwell echoed throughout the empty hallway, but echoed loud enough to where she could be heard. People that had heard the loud shrill scream she let out went to find her at the bottom of the steps unconscious. And on her stomach.
The depression she was feeling when James left was nothing compared to this next feeling when she came to. The nurse had told her she would be alright. A few broken bones, but she was fine. As for her baby... she couldn't even phantom the idea that it was gone. It had been with her for seven months. She had taken good care of it, hadn't she? It wasn't gone. It couldn't be gone. He or she couldn't have been...
Sirius, Leanne, and Remus sat on the bed trying to comfort the hysterical Lily. It was all to no avail. She didn't want their comfort. What she wanted was her baby back. What she wanted was for them to tell her everything was all one big cruel prank. One she would forgive them for no matter how cruel as long as she had her baby back. Her mind wouldn't, couldn't, wrap around the thought.
For weeks Lily wouldn't leave the common room and all of her teachers understood. Even the Slytherin head of house understood. Leanne brought her homework that Lily refused to do. The books piled on her side table as her grades began to suffer. It didn't matter though. Nothing mattered to her anymore.
It seemed like nothing was going to cheer up. That is until exams came around. It was near impossible to get her to move and eat. There were times no one saw her move all day and thought she was catatonic.
"Where is she?" A familiar voice yelled from in the common room. Lily's ears perked up, but she did not move. She knew that voice anywhere, but was it really his voice or was it all in her head. She had been hearing that voice for so long now telling her everything was ok. But he was never there. "Well go get her down here. I don't care. Drag her if you have to." She heard it again.
When Lily tried to stand up it was like she had forgotten how to walk. Her legs immediately gave out from underneath her weight. The second attempt was more successful as she stood on her feet. It was time to get out of her night gown that she had on for longer than she probably should have. It wasn't easy for her, but right now he was what she needed to get her through.
It was actually quite refreshing to clean up where she hadn't bathed and putting on those freshly clean black work robes was also a wonderful feeling. But the feeling quickly vanished as she thought she shouldn't have that feeling. Her baby never had that feeling after all and it was her fault.
Slowly she made her way down to the common room where everyone was catching up with the ever popular James Potter. She wasn't sure what to do or what to say. Did he know about what happened? Did he hate her for not finding a way to stop it? For not grabbing her wand first or for not staying at the table with the others when she should have?
Everyone was surprised to see her as she stood on the stairs. She hated stairs. They all rushed to her side to ask her if she was ok, except James. He stood there looking at her as if he had never seen her before. But his gaze wasn't one of hate like she thought it would be.
"Can I talk to Lily alone guys?" He asked after a moment. Reluctantly everyone left the two people they hadn't seen in a while alone.
"I'm so sorry, James." She cried. "He's gone. She's gone. It's gone." She broke down in front of him like she didn't want to do.
"It wasn't your fault, Lils." He said taking her into his arms and holding her tightly. "Gina's been expelled I hear. And good riddance. I can't believe she did this to you. To us." His hand cupped her cheek as he made her look into his eyes. There was a mixture of emotions there. One was hurt. He wanted the baby as much as she did she realized. He had never admitted it before, but she could tell now. "We'll get through this." He added continuing to look deep into her eyes.
"I just wish I could have stopped it somehow." Her crying had stopped now. Not because she was any less upset about what had happened, but because she was slowly realizing something. She loved her baby that she lost. She would always love it no matter what. She could show it the love by showing it to her next baby that she would have in the future.
"I love our baby, Lily. They may not be here with us now, but they'll come back later. I know it. When we're married. When we leave Hogwarts." He grinned at her.
Looking into James eyes she noticed something else. It wasn't about the situation they had been in, but the one they were currently in. It was a look of adoration. It was a look of love. Everything would be all right.
A/N: I'm sorry everyone. Its been two years since I've visited this site and a total of four years since I've updated this story. A friend of mine sent me a fanfic her friend had written and it reminded me of this. So many of you actually liked this story and I'm so glad that you did. It felt wrong of me to leave this unfinished. I don't remember where I was going with this story so long ago, but this is how I am ending it. I'm sorry if it didn't meet expectations, but I'm glad some of you out there like it. It means a lot to me so many of you read this and left me such wonderful reviews. Thank you all! Maybe I'll start writing again on something I know more about (I admit I didn't know what the heck I was writing when I wrote this). Thank you all for reading!