The Labyrinth of London
Revenge of Pie Day and Turkey Day
A Sherlock/Labyrinth Crossover
"The Thin White Sleuth…"
The Almighty Disclaimer
Oh Moffat and Gatiss,
Henson and Doyle,
To you belongs all the characters
And none so for me!
Summary: Jareth and Sarah go home for Thanksgiving after Jareth's return. The Williams' family have some reservations about their house guest. One-shot taking place between chapters seven and eight of "The Empty Crystal".
A/N: This story was inspired by "The Thin White Sleuth..." by Pika-la-Cynique of Girls Next Door fame.
Robert Williams considered himself a reasonable, laid-back man. Reasonable, laid-back men did not run over their daughter's boyfriend because said boyfriend was kissing said daughter. Nope. That would hit the daughter as well.
Mr. Williams did, however, bring his silver van to a screeching halt right by the couple, causing the two of them to pull apart. Robert got out of the vehicle.
"Hi, princess," Robert said.
Sarah smiled and hugged her father. "Hi, Daddy. I missed you."
"Missed you too princess," Robert said as he returned the hug. He mouthed to Jareth. "I WILL KILL YOU SLOWLY YOU BASTARD."
Jareth smiled politely back and made the "O.K." sign.
Arrogant, smug bastard. Maybe I could "accidentally" back-up over him.
Frederick eagerly greeted Sarah when they arrived at the house. The dog waited patiently for Jareth to acknowledge him and was reward with an ear scratch. The dog then began to follow Jareth everywhere he went for the rest of the visit.
Karen was pleased to see her step-daughter and Sarah's not-actually-dead-boyfriend. Jareth seemed deeply content with his mug of tea.
Jareth took a sip. "Mrs. Williams, sainthood is yours again."
"Not a problem, Jareth. I am just glad to be making it again," Karen said.
Sarah rested her head against Jareth's arm. "You are so comfy."
"I thought you said I was too skinny," Jareth said.
"You are starting to be healthy again and you have always smelled ridiculously good," Sarah said.
She smacked his chest. "Always."
Karen was aware that Jareth looked thinner from their Skype conversations, but looking at him now, she could tell that he had been far too unhealthy recently. His normally exuberant hair was not as vibrant in color or volume. He was paler than normal and his clothes seemed to not fit him quite right.
"Well, we will be having pie day. That should put a good five pounds on him," Karen said.
"Pie," Jareth said with a smile.
"Tired?" Sarah asked.
Jareth nodded and kissed the top of Sarah's head. "Very, though maybe not as much as you."
Karen smiled as she busied herself with making breakfast. She remembered Jareth as an energetic character who was constantly keeping Sarah on her toes. Seeing him treat her so tenderly warmed her heart. Sarah needed more gentle care than most realized and Karen was glad that Jareth knew Sarah well enough to do just that.
The sound of feet running above broke the moment. A blur of blonde hugged Jareth. "Hello, Emily."
"Hi, Jareth," Emily said.
Jareth ruffled Emily's already messy hair. "Breakfast?"
"Breakfast," Emily said cheerfully. She greeted her older sister before sitting down next to Jareth.
"I am surprised Sophie is not down here as well. I so rarely see you two apart," Jareth said.
Emily was quiet as she thought of something troubling. "She is just getting ready for the day."
Karen placed three plates of scrambled eggs and toast in front of them. "I'll go tell her breakfast is ready. It's Monday, so the girls still have to go to school."
"I don't want to see him," Sophie said as she sat on her bed with Karen at her side. Katy Perry's "Wide Awake" played softly in the background.
"He wants to see you," Karen said.
"And I did too when he wasn't a liar," Sophie said.
Karen sighed. "He has explained…"
"But that doesn't make it hurt less!" Sophie said.
"And you have every right to feel that way," Karen said, "If you want breakfast, you will have to come downstairs."
Sophie made a squawk of indignation, but Karen cheerfully ignored it.
Around the time of Sophie and Emily's lunch at school, Sarah had to go pick up Sophie because she had gotten into a fight. The drive home was quiet as Top 40 radio played in the car. Jareth was waiting for them on the porch with Frederick.
Jareth raised one slanted eyebrow. "Who gave you that bruise, Sophie?"
"An idiot with a broken tooth," Sophie said. She saw that Jareth was resisting a smile.
"Come on, little Sophie. Let's get some ice for your battle wounds," Jareth said.
Jareth set Sophie on the counter and prepared an ice pack. "Did you win?" Jareth asked.
"JARETH!" Sarah said.
"I did," Sophie said.
"Why did you fight? Did someone try to lay hands on you? If so, you have no need to feel shame and you did the right thing," Jareth said.
Sophie frowned at the phrasing, not understanding the full meaning of it. "No, David didn't throw the first punch. I did. Well, I kicked him in the groin."
"Why though?" Jareth asked.
"Because it makes boys go down faster," Sophie said.
"No, I meant why did you fight him?"
Sophie looked away from Sarah and Jareth. She flinched when Jareth placed the ice pack on her cheek. He looked at her with the affection he always had for her family.
With a sudden burst of tears, she said, "He said you ran away because Sarah wasn't a good… good… whore to… to… fu…"
There was a flash of wrath in Jareth's eyes that quickly died. "He should have never said that, for many reasons. Sophie, you know that I do not view your sister so lowly."
Sophie nodded and threw her arms around Jareth's neck. "I know you don't. Sarah doesn't even kiss you as much as Toby kissed his last girlfriend." She started to fully sob. "I didn't… I couldn't… I was so angry."
Jareth patted her head. "I am not mad at you, Sophie. Just worried."
Sophie hiccupped from her crying and began to calm down. Sarah gave her sister a tissue. "Worried for me?"
"Of course I do. You and Emily are going to be my little sisters. I worry about my big sister, Jo, as much as I worry about you two."
Sophie smiled and hiccupped at the same time.
"I am going to tell you something that was told to me when I was little boy." He motioned to his odd eye. "I got into a fight like you did once and this was left behind. So, this is a slightly changed version of what I was told. Anger is not always right. What if you did that to one of your friends because they pestered you? Would that be right?"
"No," Sophie said.
Jareth motioned to Sophie's cheek. "This, young lady, is a reminder to you that one cannot act in anger. One must reflect on anger and see if it is righteous and if it is just to act on."
"How will I know if it is 'righteous'?" Sophie asked.
"Let us examine what got you in this situation. Was someone physically harmed from what David said?"
"Was someone going to be physically harmed?"
"Now why would you physically harm someone if they were not going to harm yourself or anyone else?"
"Because I was angry. I felt better when I hurt him."
"Was that a right thing to do though?"
"What should you do to remedy doing wrong?"
"I guess apologize to him," Sophie said.
"And we will do that when your parents come home," Jareth said, "Though I fail at this, fighting is not always the answer. Your sister has defeated more than one enemy by her words alone, including me. You have that same spirit. So, be more like her and less like me. Will you try that for me, little Sophie?"
"I will," Sophie said.
"Come on," Jareth said, "I believe you came home with some schoolwork and Sarah thinks I might be able to help you."
"Yes, I think in ancient history. You are so old after all," Sarah said dryly.
Jareth glared. "Of the two of us, I am not marrying the old man, precious."
The next morning around five, Robert woke Jareth up. "Wakey-wakey. We're going on a trip."
Jareth was groggy as he was given just enough time to change into jeans, a button-up shirt, and a leather jacket. He had to put his shoes on in the car. Robert drove the two of them to the gun range just outside of town.
"I think there are less conspicuous places to kill me, sir," Jareth said.
"Oh, if I were going to kill you, you would never see it coming," Robert said.
"That would be very ambitious of you," Jareth said darkly.
"Don't pull that 'I've seen it all' crap," Robert said, "You are at least two decades younger than me."
Jareth snickered. "Sorry. Nothing important. Continue."
Robert shoved the gun bag into Jareth's arms. "Don't be a smart-ass." They began walking to the building where they could rent a spot on the range. Already, they could hear people firing their weapons. "I'm going to guess since you work with the cops, you know something about guns."
"A little," Jareth said.
"What are your intentions for my daughter?" Robert said.
"Good. Straight to the point," Jareth said, "I am going to marry her and then we will have as many children as Sarah can stand." He smirked. "Is that a problem?"
Robert shrugged. "Oh, just the whole faking your death thing and constantly putting my princess into danger."
"Now the second part is not entirely true. We get into plenty of scrapes because of her," Jareth said.
"Are you saying my daughter is a troublemaker?" Robert said.
"I wouldn't be interested in her, otherwise," Jareth said. He then promptly fell on his face when Robert tripped him.
"Oops," Robert said dryly.
The two men came home to a displeased Sarah. "The gun range, Daddy? Could you be a little more subtle about wanting to kill Jareth?"
"It is a bit harder than I originally thought," Robert said.
"What did you do?" Sarah said as she glared at Jareth.
"I merely did as your Father asked, precious," Jareth said. He kissed her cheek.
"Come on. Show them," Robert said.
Jareth had that insufferable grin made up almost entirely of sharp teeth as he held up the two targets. Robert's was almost entirely centered, with two out of fifty in the second from center circles being the only ones not in the bulls eye. Jareth's was a smiley face where one could barely see the bullet holes because of how close the shots were together.
"And then he says that he is not the best shot in his family," Robert grumbled as he made a cup of coffee.
"Dante is. He has excellent spatial reasoning," Jareth said, "I am not overly fond of guns. They make such a mess of one's hands."
Sarah banged her head against the kitchen counter. "Even in choice of weapons, you're vain."
Pie Day was literally and figuratively when everything went up in smoke.
Toby hastily tossed the burning apple pie into the garden. The kitchen was filed with smoke and the fire alarms were all going off.
"This is why I should not be allowed near electronics," Jareth said as he began trying to disable the alarm attached to the ceiling by standing on a ladder.
"Jareth, Toby forgot he had put the pie in the oven while we were all gone. You just happened to open the oven. At least the house didn't catch on fire," Karen said.
The detective was about to respond when he became quite distracted by Sarah walking by in a teal skirt. He almost fell off the ladder trying to watch her leave the room.
"Stop leering at my daughter," Robert growled.
"I was not leering," Jareth said.
"One more step out of line, and I will kick you out," Robert said. He coughed on some of the smoke.
Jareth disabled the alarm. "No you won't."
Much to Robert's dissatisfaction, he knew that he would not.
Pie Day dinner was a quiet affair. They talked about how the girls were doing in school (avoiding Sophie's fight), Crowley and the Boys next gig, Karen's shop, and Sarah's latest nursing story.
"This is fantastic peach pie," Jareth said. Sarah kicked his leg. "Can you be so kind as to pass me another piece, Emily?"
"What would be kind is if you stayed dead," Emily mumbled as she passed the pie.
Jareth's eyes glinted for a moment and he cupped a hand to hear. "What was that?"
"I said you should have stayed dead," Emily said, "Everyone is trying to be nice to you. I was trying to be nice to you, but I can't stand it. You just go off and nearly kill Sarah and we are all supposed to be happy that you're back."
Jareth covered his mouth with one hand and leaned back in his chair. "And?"
"You didn't see her," Emily said as she stood up and tried to hold back tears, "She screamed and cried and then we couldn't get her to talk for a week. She walked around in your clothes and didn't even really know we were there. Then you come waltzing back in when Sarah is almost normal again and of course she forgives you. She forgives Linda and Linda treats Sarah like trash. I hate you and I don't want to see you ever again." Emily ran up to her room followed closely by Sophie.
The remainder of the group was silent.
"Well, Hell," Toby said.
"Tobias! Language!" Karen said.
"Emily is quite well spoken," Jareth said, "I will give her that. She would make a great orator."
Sarah sighed. "She lumps you with my Mother and you give her a compliment."
Jareth shrugged. "I have been 'lumped' with far worse."
Thanksgiving morning, Karen woke up early to put the turkey in the oven. She jumped when she turned on the light in the kitchen and saw Jareth standing near the stove with his arms crossed.
"Goodness, Jareth. You scared me," Karen said.
"Just waiting on my tea," Jareth said.
"Not sleeping well again?" Karen asked as she began preparations.
"Far better than I have for the past two years, but not like the past few weeks being home again," Jareth said. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I am sorry, Mrs. Williams."
Karen gave a small smile to Jareth. "I do forgive you, Jareth, but you must have known it would take time for acceptance from everyone."
Jareth made a noise of agreement. "I am not skilled in apologies… or asking for advice." He looked up. "How am I to show my sincerity in this matter to you and your family beyond what I have done already?"
Karen was quiet as she thought it over.
"Well? Surely you have thought of something," Jareth said.
"And there is the problem," Karen said.
Karen sighed and took a deep breathe. She spoke slowly. "You are not patient. People do not move or think as fast as you do. You have done what you had to do, but now you have to wait for everyone else to catch up with your reasoning."
"I don't like waiting."
"You waited for Sarah. You can wait for this," Karen said.
"I was not patient in that either. Sarah been extremely forgiving for my eagerness."
"Sarah never said that you did anything untoward besides a little flirting that first year."
Jareth shrugged. "That is true."
Karen paused. "How did you two meet?"
"Several years ago."
"How many?" Karen said. She went to wash her hands from the turkey.
"So long it seems many lifetimes ago," Jareth said.
Karen stood in front of Jareth and crossed her arms. "Can you not remember?"
"I certainly do remember," Jareth said.
"Then say the number," Karen said.
Jareth was quiet for a moment before saying, "Twenty-eight."
"Wow. Sarah was only three years old. How old were you?"
"If I were to guess, probably the same age as you are now."
Jareth raised one of his strangely shaped eyebrows. "Excuse me?"
Karen smiled and made up Jareth's tea. "Robert mentioned once meeting a fellow when Sarah was little that looked like Jeremy Eden at a musical performance. The fact that you do look like the actor seems a bit odd."
"Balance of probability states that there are at least seven people who look alike for each person."
"And then there are your teeth."
"Sharp teeth are not that unusual."
"And the eyebrows."
"Fashion statement to annoy my sister."
Karen gave Jareth his tea. "The funny stories Sarah posts on her blog."
"I can't have everyone knowing my methods. It keeps the criminals on edge. Fantasy sells well." Jareth began to take a sip of tea.
"I added a crushed up iron pill to that. I was worried you might be anemic," Karen said sweetly.
Jareth paused for a moment before rushing to the sink to spit out the drink. "Why would you ruin a good cup of tea?"
"To test a theory," Karen said, "You're not human."
"I wouldn't say one poisoned cup of…"
"An iron pill is not poisonous, Jareth," Karen said, "At least to humans. For fairy tale creatures though, it's fatal."
Jareth stood up straight. "What of it?"
Karen took a deep breathe. "I know that though I can't see things, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Emily should have broken her arm on the playground when she was three, but something stopped her from hitting the ground before gently putting her down. Sophie told me a fairy bit her when she was five and I saw tiny little teeth marks on her finger. Sometimes when Toby talks to himself, I can hear someone respond." She smiled. "And Sarah, as long as I have known her, has believed the impossible. I think it has rubbed off on me."
"And how does that apply to me?" Jareth said.
"You, Jareth, are the most impossible person I have ever met and I don't think Sarah believes in anyone as much as she does you. That and the other things I mentioned," Karen said, "So, what are you?"
Jareth said, "A man in love with Sarah."
"Did you really use magic to protect my children?"
"You and Sarah didn't meet at a musical?"
"We did. That is true. We had a more… tempestuous meeting years later. That is the meeting that she remembers best. But that is not my story. It's hers. She is the heroine of that tale. You should ask her."
Karen laughed. "And you don't want me to smack you."
Sarah was very groggy when she was brought downstairs. "You just want to still be practically perfect in every way with my family, Jareth."
"I am touched that you think I can compare to Dame Julie Andrews," Jareth said with mock pride.
It was an impossible story. A strange, awkward, impossible story that was full of such embarrassing and harmful details that it had to be true.
"So, former-baby-snatching-Goblin-King-who-had-an-unhealthy-obsession-with-my-daughter-and-gets-kicked-out-of-Faerie-Land-for-said-unhealthy-obsession, let me see if I understand correctly. After becoming slightly less insane, you saved Sarah, you two become friends, fall in love, you have to fake your death, and then you come back. Oh, and your brother-in-law is Rumpelstiltskin who married the Miller's Daughter and who are both currently waging a war against his half-uncle. Have I got it right?"
"Joanna is a miller's daughter, not the Miller's Daughter," Jareth said, "And Sarah has saved me so many more times."
Karen took a sip of coffee. "Well that's… weird. Really weird. It sounds like those fantasy novels Sophie likes to read." She shrugged. "All stories come from somewhere."
"Shouldn't you be… screaming or something? Getting someone to take us away?" Sarah asked.
"Like I said before to Jareth, I know that though I can't see things, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist," Karen took another sip of coffee. "Besides that… Labyrinth, sounds like it beat the tar out of you for wishing away my baby boy."
Jareth grinned. "I am glad you are pleased."
Toby came into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. "I'll start on the potatoes in a second, Mom."
"Or you could get the goblins to take care of them," Karen said.
Toby did a spit take. "What?"
"I know about your little adventure from the culprits themselves," Karen said.
"Oh, thank god. I thought I was going to burst from hiding it so long," Toby said.
"Does your Father or the twins know?" Karen asked.
"The twins do because we didn't want them to wish away anyone," Sarah said.
"So that just leaves your Father," Karen said, "I can't keep this a secret from him."
Robert woke up to the smell of turkey and other wonderful foods. After getting ready for the day, he came downstairs for his morning cup of coffee. He found his children all at the dining room table with their mother and Jareth. They spoke in hushed tones.
"What dastardly plans are you up to?" Robert asked.
The group sat up and were quiet save for a few mumbles of "Nothing." Karen fetched Robert a slice of pie from the fridge as he stared at the young people.
"This better not be about a Christmas present. I want a Blu-Ray of the latest Doctor Who season and that is all. Anymore and I will have to return it," Robert teased.
"Nothing is wrong, Father," Sarah said wearily.
"What did I do?" Robert asked. Sarah only called him Father when something upset her.
"It's not you. Toby is about to jump off the stairs to prove a point," Sarah said.
Robert ran out of the kitchen and saw Toby begin to fall high off the stair case. Jareth threw a crystal and a bunch of pillows exploded out of nowhere to stop Toby's fall. Toby emerged unharmed and the pillows disappeared.
Everyone looked at Robert for his reaction. He glanced at Toby and then at Jareth. "Huh. I'm just… going to sit in my study. Sarah. Now."
After Robert made his coffee Irish, he made Sarah explain. She gave a short story that Robert knew had more to it, but Sarah claimed that Karen could give more details as Sarah was worried that he was going to have a heart attack from Toby's stunt at any moment.
"So your Jareth… isn't human," Robert said.
"He was born human," Sarah said.
"I am more concerned about what he is now," Robert said.
"He's mine," Sarah said, "Daddy, I told you what he is already. You're stalling. Please, tell me what you're thinking. I don't want you having a stroke because Toby decided to be an idiot."
Robert folded his hands together. "This is a lot to take in. I don't rightfully understand it all, but your Jareth does a lot of good for a lot of people, doesn't he?"
"Yes, Daddy," Sarah said. She smiled. "Jareth is a good man, he just forgets at times."
"Don't quote Doctor Who just to put me into a good mood," Robert said. He sighed. "So, you think of Jareth as your Doctor."
"He is so much better than the Doctor could ever be," Sarah said, "He isn't a knight in shining armor or an adventurous prince. He is so much better than any story I have ever heard and will probably ever hear. As much of an ass as he is, he is the best man I have ever met, and I have a lot of good men in my life, including you."
Robert laughed quietly. "Now you are just trying to flatter me."
Sarah knelt next to Father. "Do you forgive me, Daddy? For wishing away Toby?"
He kissed the top of Sarah's head. "Of course I do, princess. Though you should know, I no longer feel bad for taking Jareth to the gun range after hearing about those Cleaners he set on you."
Sarah laughed. She stood up and kissed her Father's cheek. "Thank you, Daddy."
"I will be out in a minute," Robert said. A few moments later, he found Jareth talking to Sarah quietly in the hallway. "You are permitted to stay if my wife allows it. I am not happy with your earlier treatment of my daughter."
"Neither am I proud of what I have done, sir," Jareth said.
"And I will be hearing more about you two," Robert said, "And no more secrets about this magic stuff."
"Of course," Jareth said, "I am sure you and my brother-in-law would get along well."
"And he is? What? Thorin Oakenshield? Puss in Boots? Prince Caspian?" Robert said.
"He's Rumpelstiltskin," Jareth said, "Yes, that one.
Emily rushed into the hall. "Jareth! Avenge my score!"
"Coming," Jareth said as Emily ran back to the living room, "Duty calls, Mr. Williams."
Jareth strutted back to where the twins were playing their video game. Robert looked at his now empty mug. "I think I am going to need some more Irish coffee."
Robert awoke the day after Thanksgiving. The previous day had gone better than its start and a sort of peace descended upon the household. Mr. Williams found Jareth and Sarah asleep on the couch while sitting up. Jareth was holding her tightly, but not in a way that made Robert want to take the man out to the shooting range again. Sarah seemed to be sleeping well, which he knew had been an issue for her since joining the military, even if they never talked about it directly.
Mr. Williams poke Jareth's shoulder. Jareth opened one eye. "Sir?"
"You have my blessing, even if you are some sort of fairy."
"Goblin. Fairies are smaller and have wings."
"Either way you have way too much glitter showing up where ever you go."
Jareth smirked and closed his eyes. "Sarah says the same thing."
Well, at least my daughter has some sanity left.
A/N: Now the whole family knows. As I mentioned in a Tumblr post, this is the one-shot that was a game changer.
So, yes, a Thanksgiving piece at Easter. I don't really see Jareth and Sarah celebrating Easter. Well… head canon for series: Jareth gets dragged to Mass on Christmas and Easter by his sister every year. She gave up on getting him to go to confession when he set the confessional booth on fire.