Disclaimer: Chapter 1
Hey so uh y'all probably hate me cause it's been days but in my defense I'm still in the middle of a major mental breakdown so you know... Excuses, excuses. Anyways, I hope you all forgive me and PLEASE lemme know what y'all think! 3
ZabuzasGirl: Sorry I took so long! :(
Vulcanlover12: I honestly think I will, but if I do it may have to wait for a little bit. My life's beyond hectic right now, but I'm really going to do my best and see what's up and where it goes! :)
LostHazel: Hehe I almost cried writing it, it was so wonderful to let my imagination go wild! Don't apologize for having difficulty logging in!
Eowyn Ivey: I really think I will! Aww thank you so much! I always really try to put a lot of thought and heart into what I write, so it's amazing to hear you loved it so much! :)
I had stayed the whole night, waiting for everyone to go home so I could help the remaining staff clean up. The night had gone flawlessly. Everyone had a good time, and everyone danced. I even got Sarek and the rest of the Council to dance. I didn't have much to do as the bar tender had cleaned most of it. There were a few minor things like forgotten gloves and things of the like. It only took me ten minutes to clean up after 500 people. The only person left was the DJ.
I sat down at one of the small tables we had set out and I sighed, placing my head in my hands. I was exhausted.
After my dance with Spock, he practically disappeared. But I'm not one to talk, as I basically did too. I sat at the bar and had another drink with my father, this one a little stronger, in the hopes of forgetting the ordeal a bit.
Unfortunately, I took one sip and felt too disgusted in myself to go on. So I just asked my father for my gloves from my bag and headed off into the crowd. Luckily, he knew not to pester me about the dance he just witnessed after sensing my emotions.
And then for the rest of the night, I was passed between every man in the room at least once that night including Sarek, Scotty, Chekov, Jim, Bones, Sulu, and-surprisingly-my father. I was glad I wore my gloves.
It was a relief to sit down. The first time since the drink I began to sip after my dance with Spock.
But the entire night, no matter who I was with or where I was, I couldn't get the dance I shared with him out of my mind.
And just remembering the kiss we shared made my mind go blank and my heart speed up.
Thinking about it now made my heart swell past the brink. I felt the tears well up once again.
"Amanda, please help me," I begged quietly, laying my head on my arms on the table. "I don't know what to do. Your son, he's-he's my best friend. He's everything to me, but he's leaving... but... tonight on the dance floor… I… Amanda, I love him. What do I do?""
The tears came freely now. I was crying freely, sobbing quietly, feeling lost and insecure.
"I wish you were here, Amanda… You were always so happy, and you always knew what to do… What to say… You just knew… I miss you so much… You would've gotten along with my mother, you know. You would've gotten her to laugh. I had never seen her laugh," I admitted. "I always wanted her to laugh for me, but she never did. But you would've gotten her to laugh. I know you would've."
"It is illogical to speak to the air as though it is the deceased," I heard from behind me.
"S-Spock!" I gasped, spinning to look at him. After I calmed down a bit I continued. "Perhaps it is not she, but… I miss her. I miss them. And I suppose I believed if anyone understood you, it'd be your mother... And I find that imagining she is with me in spirit and talking helps me feel… better."
"I see," he said after a moment. I nodded. I motioned for him to take a seat and he pulled one up.
"How much did you hear?"
"I saw you set your head down and heard the rest from there." I just nodded, not knowing what to say. I felt his eyes on me. Finally, I looked up to him.
"You don't love me too, do you?" I asked him quietly. "Not like that."
He just stood and held his hand out for me once again. This time, his palm was up. I took his hand quietly, painfully aware of my tear-stained face as he led me to the floor.
I don't know how he knew, and frankly I don't care how, but the DJ must have hit play, because the song Iris by the GooGoo Dolls began playing quietly for us to dance to when we were halfway to the floor.
As soon as the lyrics began, we began another waltz. Our movements were completely in sync, and slowly, again, our movements became more and more elaborate. Twirls and spins mixed with our waltzing, and our emotions spun together into a pool of passion and love and adoration as we completed our dance in a much simpler fashion this time.
Our dancing slowed until finally, we stopped at the same time as the music.
Our eyes were stuck on each other's as he slowly leaned in. I leaned forward slightly, standing further onto my toes until our lips met.
I melted into the kiss, my lips and stomach lit on fire as slowly, I wound one of my hands into the hair at the base of his neck. I tightened my grip on the hand that had already been holding his, and electricity shot through my body. Spock moaned lightly into my mouth as I weaved my fingers with his. He moved his free hand to hold me behind my neck, tilting my head slightly as he began kissing me deeper. I felt his love and passion pour into me as I let my love and passion pour into him. I never felt such emotion, and I had never been so content in someone's presence.
Finally, we pulled away from each other, both out of breath.
"I never want you to ask me that question again," Spock said quietly. I nodded, my eyes captured by his. "As I have never felt such emotion as I do when I am with you. I am, and will always be… in love with you."
I captured his lips with my own again, squeezing his hand to my own once more and was once again lost in all of him. Finally, I pulled away, our foreheads still touching.
"I'm so in love with you, Spock," I whispered breathlessly. "But... you are leaving. How am I supposed to-"
"I'm not going anywhere," he told me. "You never let me finish what I was saying. I was sad because I missed my mother as well as my home planet, and I was sad that I sent a response to the council. They had asked me of my intentions and I told them I was staying in Starfleet. It was sad to see I would not be a part of rebuilding my planet. I was filled with anxiety and some fear when I saw you because I was afraid of what your reaction would be. I could not leave you, Maeve. You mean more to me than I ever imagined possible."
I was frozen for a moment, trying to process the information. Tears welled in my eyes as I looked up to the man I loved with all of my heart. The man I thought I would never have.
Tears streamed from my eyes again as I practically jumped on him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him fiercely. When I pulled away, he looked at me, confused.
"Your tears convey sadness-"
"No, Spock," I said with a breathless laugh, taking my arms from his neck and instead holding his hands lightly with my fingers. "I'm happier than I ever have been. I never thought this day would come, I... thank you, Spock. Thank you so much."
"T'hy'la," he murmured, his eyes closed as he pulled me closer, placing his forehead on mine.
"T'hy'la," I murmured back before he squeezed my hand tightly, making me hiss in ecstasy.
"Maeve?" he asked, letting go of my hand, and moving it to brush against my collar bone.
"Yes?" I breathed, my forehead still pressed to his.
"Would you do me the honor of… becoming my t'hy'la?" My eyes shot open.
"You mean… perform a mind-meld?" I asked him.
"Spock… do you understand what that would mean? I, as a Betazoid, can only tie my telepathy to one person as a bond-mate in my entire lifetime, lest they die. If we were to bond telepathically… I would be forever bound to you."
"And that is something I hope for," he admitted.
I couldn't stop the loving smile that made its way onto my face. Slowly I leaned up and kissed him slowly and softly, pouring all of my love and adoration to him.
To become completely yours would be my honor, I whispered to him in the weak telepathic link we could maintain through touch.
Slowly, he lifted his hand to my face.
"My mind to your mind… my thoughts to your thoughts," he chanted quietly before suddenly I was overwhelmed by him.
I was in Spock's mind, surrounded by him.
This is… amazing, I admitted. Show me something.
What do you wish to see, t'hy'la?
Show me you as a child, I begged, bracing myself for the emotions and scenes from his past.
There was a Vulcan boy of eleven. I watched the brilliant child answer many complex questions as slowly, light after light went out, finally leaving only one. The boy-Spock-answered his final question correctly.
"Your score is 100%. Congratulations, Spock."
Spock walks out of the little bowl, only to be confronted by two boys.
"I presume you've prepared new insults for today," Spock said.
"Affirmative." My heart sank. This was it. It's what I had been expecting.
"This is your 35th attempt to illicit an emotional response from me."
You counted them all, I said through our link sadly. He didn't respond.
"You're neither Human nor Vulcan and therefore have no place in this universe."
"Look, his Human eyes. They look sad, don't they?"
"Perhaps an emotional response requires physical stimulate," the boy said before pushing Spock. "He's a traitor, you know? Your father. For marrying her, that human whore."
I felt Spock's anger, his fury, his deep hurt, from the boy's comment as he lunged forward and beat the boy easily.
That's exactly how you were when Kirk said those terrible things on the ship, I told him.
I felt, in that moment, as though I had progressed very little from when I was a child, he told me honestly. I allowed my emotions to control me.
The memory continued and he sat with his father on a small bench.
"They called you a traitor," Spock told his father.
"Emotions run deep within our race. In many ways more deeply than in humans. Logic offers a serenity humans seldom experience. The control of feelings, so that they do not control you."
"You suggest that I should be completely Vulcan? And yet you married a Human."
"As ambassador to Earth it is my duty to observe and understand Human behavior. Marrying your mother was... logical." Spock thought about it for a moment, several emotions swirling in and out of his heart. "Spock. You are fully capable of deciding your own destiny. The question you face is, which path will you choose? This is something only you can decide."
Your mother would be proud, I told him. You know she would be. Perhaps not for you beating Jim up, but for allowing your emotions to guide you. That's the balance I learned during meditating upon the emotions I held for you. Let your emotions guide you. But don't let them control you.
My mother always insisted I stick up for myself.
And you should, Spock. You should never allow someone to tell you you're not good enough. Because you're… wonderful. I love the path you have chosen. Not completely Vulcan, yet not completely Human. It's… perfect.
Show me something from your past? he asked me.
Like something you just showed me?
I felt his affirmation and I dug for the first one that came to mind.
I was sitting in class, 14 years old. It was last period before the day was over. There was a boy, Bryan, who had been my best friend-the only friend I ever had-who was in that class. That day during lunch he told me he hated me. He used to sit next to me. But now he was with the "cool" kids back behind me.
I ignored everything around me, focusing everything I had onto the teacher, not allowing my emotions get to me as I tucked my heels under my chair. I lightly tugged and pricked at the hem of my uniform skirt with my nails-something I did out of nervous habit. I constantly had to mend my skirts from it.
We were halfway through the lesson when suddenly I heard someone from behind me call, "Maeve."
I turned and pulled a piece of paper from the boy's hand.
It had Bryan's handwriting. I could recognize that chicken scratch anywhere.
I hate you. You thought we were friends? I sure hope you didn't think it was real. I'm tired of your whining. No one cares about you anyway. You told me you wanted to kill yourself, so do it. I dare you. We all want you to, freak.
As I was reading the note, I felt the growing haughtiness and heard more and more giggles from behind me. That was when I realized… Everyone helped him write that note. That note was everyone's opinion. They thought it was funny. They were sitting back there laughing at me.
Although I should have been angry, I hadn't been. I wasn't angry at all. Not one bit.
I was heartbroken and alone. My hands were shaking beyond my control before I was even done reading. I had to set the note flat on the table and hold my hands on my lap in order to finish reading, as my hands were shaking too much for me to continue reading while I held it.
The words echoed in my mind as I listened to the giggling from behind me.
I was flushed, anxiety taking over and I felt a sheen of sweat gather on my skin. My hands were shaking too terribly for me to do anything for the rest of class.
At one point I picked up my pencil to write a response, but I couldn't keep my hand steady enough to write.
As soon as the bell rang, I bolted past everyone in that school, running full-force to my home.
I burst in through the front door, unaware of my dad's presence as I swam in anguish.
Why? Why don't I do it? Why don't I just kill myself? If I go, no one will have to deal with me anymore. That's what they want, isn't it? That's what they're hoping for. My mere presence makes them angry, my mother can't even handle me, my father… he's always hurting, always sad, when I told him things.
That was when I came to the conclusion I would be better off dead.
"Maeve!" my dad burst into my room. He looked at me fearfully and I felt his mixture of fear and sadness. "Maeve, you are never to think like that again."
"Dad? What are you doing home?"
"I always come home early the days when your mother takes off for Vulcan," he reminded me. I suddenly felt rather sheepish for forgetting.
"Maeve, Barim," my mother greeted. "What is the matter? I heard raised voices."
"Mother, it's nothing-"
"Your daughter was seconds from killing herself," my father said. I felt tears prick my eyes as shame filled me. "She was bullied again, though I'm not sure by whom, and she rushed upstairs, brokenhearted."
There was silence for a long while.
"Hurry," my mother told me. "You're coming with me to Vulcan. Sarek shall teach you meditation. Perhaps that will help guide you."
I pulled us both from the memory and Spock took his hand from my face, tears in his eyes.
I looked down, shameful of my past. I didn't know what to say as Spock's hand made its way back to my chin, pulling my face back to his as he used his unoccupied arm to pull me close.
You will never feel like that ever again. This I swear to you.
And with that, I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him as heatedly as he was kissing me.
You're everything to me, Spock. Without you… I don't know what I would do…
I love you, t'hy'la.
I love you too, my darling.
"This assembly calls captain James Tiberius Kirk," The chair began as I stood at my spot next to Bones. "Your inspirational valor and supreme dedication to your comrades is in keeping with the highest traditions of service. And reflect utmost credit to yourself, your crew and the Federation. It is my honor to award you with this commendation. By Starfleet order 28455, you are hereby directed to report to admiral Pike USS Enterprise, for duty as his relief." I stood watching my friend as he turned to Commander Pike, a proud grin on my face.
"I relieve you, sir," Jim said calmly, pride written all over his face.
"I am relieved."
"Thank you, sir."
"Congratulations, Captain. Your father would be proud of you."
Feeling Jim's happiness, his pride and dedication, tugged at my heart as we all clapped for our new Captain. If anyone deserved the honor, it was Jim.
And now it was my turn. As soon as this meeting was adjourned, I was to be deemed Commander O'Grady.
I was able to give Jim my praise quickly before my meeting was adjourned. I caught Spock's eye on my way back into the hall.
Do not be nervous, t'hy'la. You have the position. All you need to do is accept.
Then do I get a celebratory kiss when we make our way to the ship? I felt him smirk before I saw it.
"This assembly calls upon Lieutenant Maeve Avarin Mitrani O'Grady. Your valor, dedication, integrity, and academia within the Academy had prompted us as a board to rule that this is a reflection of the honesty, purity, and love within your heart and within your character. Because of this, we have decided to officially bestow upon you the title and responsibility as a Commander of Starfleet. Do you accept this responsibility?"
"I accept," my voice rang throughout the hall.
"Thank you, sir."
There were resounding cheers all around the room as I looked around, grinning as I caught the eyes of Bones, Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov, Jim, and-most of all-Spock.
I never knew I could be so happy.
"Thrusters on full," Sulu reported.
"Entering thrusters and impulse engines at your command, sir."
"Weapon systems and shields on standby. Dock control reports ready, Captain," I reported.
"Bones?" I heard Jim ask. "Buckle up. Scotty, how we doin'?"
"Dilithium chambers at maximum Captain!"
"Mr. Sulu, prepare to engage thrusters."
"Permission to come aboard, Captain," I heard Spock's voice.
"As you have yet to select a first officer, respectfully I would like to submit my candidacy. Should you desire I can provide character references."
Jim grinned, "it would be my honor commander. Maneuvering thrusters Mr. Sulu." I walked up to Spock.
"You know, I still haven't got my congratulations," I teased aloud. He turned to look at me and I pulled him by his shirt to kiss me. He placed his hands on my waist to steady himself. I wasn't aware of everyone staring until after Spock and I finished our mini-makeout and I made my way back to my seat, feeling Spock's hidden pride. Much better, I praised in my mind. I felt everyone's amusement as I went back to my work.
"Thrusters on standby," Sulu reported. I could hear the smile in everyone's voices.
"Take us out."
"Aye aye, Captain."
And we were off.
Guys, I have to write a sequel.
PLEASE REVIEW! And please read this next few paragraphs. It's long but it's something I really hope you guys read. It's very important to me.
Thank you so much for sticking with me through all this... I really poured my heart into this, and the experience Maeve shared with Spock made me cry. Believe it or not, something very similar happened to me once when I was a Freshman in high school, except it was the first boy I thought I was in love with, not my best friend. I didn't have many friends-maybe 1 or 2. He was the only boy I ever thought I loved aside from the man I'm with today (who I know I'm in love with).
And when I got home, my parents were too preoccupied, dealing with my bipolar sister to realize how much pain I was in. It was the first time I made an attempt at my life. But I'm not telling you this for pity, because I realized life is so much more than I gave it credit for-even though that was the last thing I could see. To me, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. And to be honest, nothing changed. Everything stayed pretty much the same except I changed the few friends I had to friends who were worth the time and I changed my thinking. It took a lot of time and effort, but here I am, 3 years later, and much better than before.
I just want you all to know that if you're bullied and alone and you don't know why, it's not you. People are mean-especially when they're younger, and one day you'll understand that you're worth the world and so much more. And if you're ever depressed or sad or upset, please never hesitate to get help. You may feel weak or worthless, but that is never true. And never convince yourself you are. Maybe you like privacy or maybe you are ashamed of the cuts you inflict upon yourself or the pain you've dragged yourself through (I know I was) but there's always someone who understands and it's ALWAYS a choice-your choice-to move forward and get help. You have power. Because you are strong, you are worth it, and even when you don't feel it, you are loved. And one day, you'll see that. You just have to give the world a chance.
Again, I thank you all so much for reading all of this and let me know what you think about a sequel!