I do not own Naruto

My life on the line

Chapter ten – The return of things lost

Two weeks.

Two entire weeks had passed without anything happening. No new clues as to where Orochimaru and my mother resided, no new Sound gang incidents. No news from Japan.

It was driving me crazy.

The pain in my chest had eased up a lot and now it only hurt when something bumped into me, a few days ago I had begun to run again and now it was the only thing keeping me sane.

Hidan and Kakuzu had been back on the field, working after only a few days of rest but I still wasn´t allowed out. Pein had been livid when he heard that I had taken a bullet to the chest and cracked my sternum despite wearing one of the bulletproof vests.

I believe that he told the others to not let me out again until he came back home.

I was sitting at the kitchen table, pushing the food on my plate from one side to the other while the other six guy´s ate like they might never get any more food in their lives.

I knew that I was sinking back into depression but I didn´t want to burden Deidara or the others with my problems. They had so much to do because of me…

I excused myself and left the kitchen, going back to the bedroom I shared with Deidara. I lay down on my back on the bed and closed my eyes, relaxing into the soft mattress.

I knew they were worrying about me now.

I wasn´t eating enough, and I ran on the treadmill at least once a day, the exhaustion in my body the only thing keeping me in control. I wanted another piercing, I wanted another tattoo.

I wanted pain.

I rolled over on my side and curled up in a fetus position, I knew that someone was going to stop me from running soon if I didn´t start eating like normal again. I knew that I made them worry about me. But I didn´t have an appetite, all I did now that I wasn´t allowed to help them was worrying about them, about Itachi and Naruto and Sasuke in Japan, and about when the next attempt on my life would be.

There was a knock on the door at the same time my cellphone went off, signaling that someone was calling me. I yelled at the one behind the door to come in before I picked up my phone and answering it.

"Hello?" The door opened and Sasori and Deidara entered the room, serious expressions on their faces. When they saw that I was on the phone they kept quiet though and took a seat on the bed as well, waiting for my call to end before bringing up the reason for their sudden visit.

"Sakura it´s me, Konan. How are things back home?"

"Boring, since I´m not allowed out anymore." I answered her emotionlessly, knowing that Pein was most likely listening in on the call and because right now I was angry with him.

If only I was allowed out with the teams like I had been before, I would have had something to keep my mind busy and then I wouldn´t have time to worry as much and by default not be on the verge of depression.

"I´m sorry that you feel that way… But I have news that should make you feel better!"

"Oh really? Tell me then."

I could hear that she really was sorry that I wasn´t allowed to do practically anything, she must´ve understood that I felt like I was going crazy or perhaps she had also gotten a call from the boys left in the apartment with me.

I knew that all of them had called Pein at least one time, begging him to let me come with them again. They had seen the bad effects this had on me and while they understood Pein´s need to keep me safe, they realized that I was going to do something stupid sooner or later if things didn´t change as well.

"We´re coming home. Itachi has gotten his memories back."

I felt my eyes widen and then a bright, genuine smile appeared on my face, startling the two boys that were watching me intently. Happy tears gathered in my eyes and I handed the phone to Sasori, I didn´t need to hear anymore.

Itachi was coming home.

During the three day wait until Pein, Konan and Itachi reached the apartment, I was completely changed. The approaching depression was blown away and I was constantly moving around, but I didn´t run on the treadmill even once. I simply didn´t have time for that.

No I was cleaning the entire apartment, wanting it to be clean and look inviting when Konan and Itachi came back, had it been only Pein returning I probably wouldn´t have bothered, I was still angry with him after all.

When there was no more cleaning to be done, I took over the kitchen, making everything from cookies to cakes to full course meals just to have something to occupy myself with.

And because of that, I was asleep when they came back, taking a nap in my room.

But when I woke up from my nap and saw Itachi sitting next to me on the bed, the reaction came immediately. I blinked once and then launched myself at him, colliding with his chest and pushing him down on his back on the bed with me on top of him.

The impact had made my chest hurt though and I pressed one hand against my still healing sternum bone while the other was wrapped tightly around Itachi's neck, refusing to let him go.

"You came back…" I whispered as if I still had trouble believing it.

"Of course I came back." He said confidently and I could see that the time with his family and especially his little brother had done him some good. He had needed that.

I sat up next to him and asked him, a little hesitantly, the incident in the kitchen popping up in my mind.

"And you remember me now?"

He closed his eyes and I realized that he remembered the incident in the kitchen, just as I had done a moment ago. When he opened them again, they were shining with held back tears and he assured me.

"Yeah I remember you now… I´m really sorry for what I did."

His eyes closed again and the tears escaped silently from them, the picture of him crying like that, completely silently and with closed eyes, it almost broke my heart.

I curled up next to him, wrapping my arms around his body and allowing my head to rest against his shoulder. And while his tears didn´t stop, his arms came around me as well, holding me against him.

"It´s okay Itachi… Don´t think about what happened then, everything turned out alright and it wasn´t your fault."

"That may be so, but I still did something unforgivable. I put you in danger…" He whispered into my hair and I tightened my arms around him before telling him.

"It was not unforgivable; I forgave you directly after it had happened. And I´m in danger constantly since we can´t seem to solve the problem with my mother and Orochimaru. The last encounter I had with them, when Pein still allowed me to do something, we managed to kill Orochimaru´s right hand Kabuto though…"

That made the tears finally stop and he looked at me with confusion in his eyes.

"What do you mean 'when Pein still allowed you to do something'? Aren´t you still going with the teams?"

"No." I mumbled into his chest. "Not since I took a bullet in the vest and cracked my sternum… But what was I supposed to do?! He was going to kill Hidan, I had to do something."

"You… What?" Itachi got out, a shocked expression on his face. I took one look at him before sitting up and leaving his embrace.

"Oh don´t look at me like that, I was wearing a Kevlar vest and they didn´t. Had I been a member no one would have thought my behavior strange so why is it just because I am not?"

Itachi sat up next to me as well and put a hand to his forehead before he shook it slowly and said.

"Wait, slow down a little, Pein haven´t asked you to join?"

Now it was my turn to look at Itachi with confusion in my eyes.

"What are you talking about? Why would he do that?"

"Oh dear Kami what a mess… He, Sasori and I had all agreed on asking you to join us, you have excellent instincts, great skills and a way of thinking that the rest of us doesn´t have. Everyone agreed that having you as our teammate would be great for our success rate. Not to mention that all of us adore having you here, you give all of us some happiness in our lives and from what I´ve heard from the others, Deidara more so than the others."

I felt myself blush and Itachi smiled, but then I realized what he had told me and anger consumed me instead.

"So what you´re trying to tell me is that I could have been a member a long time ago but that Pein for one reason or another decided not to follow the plan, not even giving me the choice to make the decision myself?" Itachi's eyes widened when he realized what was about to happen but before he could stop me I stood from the bed and stalked towards the door, saying.

"I´ll take your silence as a yes." I then I slammed the door behind me.

My feet took me to Pein´s office despite my mind not being entirely sure on what to do. But I was so angry and sad and my thoughts were all jumbled, making me act on instinct and with my heart instead of with my head.

I slammed the door open and thankfully he was alone in the room, otherwise I might never have gotten the courage to say.

"How dare you make that decision for me?! I might be your half-sister but you do not rule over me! I am twenty-two years old and can make my decisions thank you very much. But if this is how it´s going to be, then you can find someone else to make decisions for."

And with that I slammed the door shut again and for the first time in forever, left the building alone.

I knew it had been a bad idea from the start, but I was thinking with my heart and my feelings and not with my brain.

I walked down another street in silence, rain had started to pour down an hour or so ago and I was completely drenched. Thankfully we were in the middle of the summer, so at least it wasn´t cold.

I had gotten my thoughts back under control after an hour of mindless walking and realized that running away like this wasn´t going to solve the problem. What I should have done was talking to the others, finding out how many of them that new about it and what they thought of it.

I couldn´t force them to accept me as one of them but I could sure as hell make them leave the decision of whether or not I wanted to join them to be mine.

After coming to that conclusion I realized that I should probably head back, they were most likely worried about me and who knew where the Sound gang members that wanted me dead could be.

But then I realized that I was lost, and the rain started.

I took another left turn, hoping to find something that I recognized but all I could see was an endlessly long street that promised nothing more than more rain and tired feet.

I sighed heavily but started walking anyway; there was nothing else I could do. I had left my phone in my room and even if I did find somewhere where I could borrow one, I still didn´t know the numbers in my head.

So I focused on putting one foot in front of the other and when I looked up again I was on the middle of a bridge that I might, or might not have crossed earlier. I looked down at the river that passed by nearly fifty feet below; it looked rather peaceful in a way… Despite the water being a dark grey, looking cold and uninviting I felt a serenity I had never felt before when looking down at it.

The sounds of tires coming to a screeching halt made me turn around, believing that it was someone from the Akatsuki finally finding me.

It wasn´t.

The car that had stopped on the road behind me was a little red convertible, not something that either the Akatsuki or Sound gang members would drive. But my mother surely would.

I barely recognized the woman stepping out of the little red flashy car as the woman who used to be my mother, her appearance so changed from plastic surgery and a lot of expensive make-up. She walked up towards me but stopped when she was just out of reach from me, opening her mouth to speak.

"Hello my little cherry blossom, have your baby-sitters finally had enough of you?" Her voice was completely calm and icy cool, nothing like the sweet, caring voice I remembered from my childhood.

"Why do you care? You only want me dead anyway." I told her angrily, suddenly feeling scared that she was right. What if they wasn´t searching for me? What if they didn´t care that I was gone?

I quickly pushed those thoughts away from my mind. Itachi would care if I just disappeared, as would Deidara and Sasori and Kisame and the others.

"That is true; however, it would be much more fun to kill you, if there was no one left to mourn you." And with that she pulled a gun from her designer purse and put it against my forehead without me moving an inch.

I had seen something she hadn´t.

A black ford explorer coming to a stop at the other end of the bridge and the forms belonging to Zetzu, Kisame and Itachi exiting the vehicle.

I focused my eyes on hers, and doing my best to ignore the weapon that could end my life at any given second I asked her.

"Just tell me why? Why are you doing this? Is it really just because of money?"

She laughed.

"Of course it is for the money silly girl… Everything I do is for the money, after all, that´s the only thing important in life." She got a crazy look in her eyes and I instinctively knew that I had run out of time, she was about to kill me and the others were still too far away to be of any use.

If I really wanted to live, I would have to do something drastically.

Before I had time to think my plan through and perhaps regret it, I acted. I ran forward, towards her, and her eyes widened in surprise and she pulled the trigger on pure instinct.

I could hear the bullet whistle past me, barely an inch beside my head and then my body impacted with hers, making us both tumble over the railing of the bridge, sending us into a free fall towards the water far below us.

I could hear someone scream my name, but the screech that the woman underneath me let out drowned out all other sounds. The fall felt like it went on forever, but in reality it could have been only a few seconds.

The impact we did against the water surface made every single bone in my body rattle, and I am sure that I felt a few bones of the woman that had involuntarily sheltered me break on impact.

Then the cold, murky water sucked us down and the body of my mother disappeared, hopefully never to been seen in life again.

I felt the current of the river wanting to take me away, to drag me under and to give me a grave at its bottom. I fought against it, struggling and kicking to get my head over the surface once again.

I broke through the surface only long enough to draw in a few gulps of air before the river pulled me back under.

I kept fighting against the current but I was starting to feel like I was fighting a losing fight. As memories of the most precious moments of my life started to flash in front of my eyes, I barely even realized that I had stopped fighting and was now slowly sinking towards the bottom of the river.

But suddenly something wrapped itself around me and pulled me upwards, against the current and towards the surface. I broke the surface gasping for breath and coughing up river water. A blue hand rose from the water and lightly slapped my cheek.

"Come on Kitten, I need you to stay awake. Hold on to me and don´t let go, I can´t take us both safely to shore otherwise."

It was Kisame who had bravely jumped in after me into the water, rescuing me from a death as certain as the one I would have gotten if the bullet from my mother´s gun had penetrated my skull.

I locked my arms around his neck in a hold that was tight and secure but not too tight so that I was choking him, and then held on as he swam against the current with strong, confident strokes.

My body was feeling numb, probably from the cold water in the river but it could also be from being almost certain that my mother was dead and that it was my fault.

Suddenly I felt ground underneath my feet and let go of Kisame's neck, dragging myself from the water and allowing my body to fall to the ground. I rolled over on my back and just breathed for a moment, my chest heaving with every breath and the occasional cough.

"Are you alright… Sakura?" Kisame asked me, panting and from a position next to me that mimicked my own. I turned my head to look at him, my eyes clouded and my teeth shattering because of the freezing cold I didn´t feel.

"Shit…" He murmured before sitting up, taking a deep breath and yelled. "Itachi! Zetzu! Over here!" He lay back down and reached for me, pulling my cold, shivering body close to his own. He too was cold, but not as much as I was.

"It will be alright Kitten don´t worry, everything will be alright. Don´t cry please…" Kisame begged me and I just stared at him with my haunting eyes, not even being aware that I was crying.

But I let him tell me comforting words and then Itachi and Zetzu reached us. Zetzu handed Kisame a blanket from the car to wrap around himself and Itachi wrapped another one around me before lifting me off Kisame's body and holding me close to his own, warmer one. Zetzu helped Kisame up and then supported him on one side as Itachi asked him.

"You okay Kisame?"

"Yeah I´m fine… Only tired and cold. I´m worried about Sakura though… She has a look in her eyes that I don´t like."

I felt Itachi nod and then all four of us began to climb the hill back up to the road and the awaiting car. It took us while since I couldn´t walk at all and Kisame was rather slow-moving but we reached the car and with Zetzu behind the wheel and the rest of us in the backseat, we were on our way home.

I had Kisame on one side of me and Itachi on the other, both of them trying to get my body temperature up again as we drove. I heard them talk to me but I didn´t answer them, I had enough with trying to tangle out the mess my mind had turned into.

My mother was most likely dead and I didn´t know how to feel about it.

On one hand I was kind of relived… on the other I was sad. Even though she clearly didn´t love me or even cared for me, she had still given me life and I couldn´t simply forget about my younger years in her care.

She might´ve only had me for money but she had still taken care of me.

When we parked the car down in the parking garage of Akatsuki´s building all the others were already there, meeting us. I could hear them ask what had happened and what was wrong with me and Itachi and Zetzu explained as best as they could to the others while Deidara, Hidan and Kisame took the elevator up to the apartment with me in Deidara´s arms.

When we got up Kisame immediately left us to go and stand in the shower for an hour or so to warm himself up completely and Deidara and Hidan brought me to my bedroom. Hidan left to go and make some hot cocoa, while Deidara stripped me of my wet clothes and stood with me underneath the hot spray in the shower until I stopped shivering and my lips changed color from blue to their normal pink hue.

When Deidara was satisfied that I had gotten warmer, he turned off the water and quickly dried us off before dressing me in a black silk pajama and himself in a pair of well-worn jeans and taking me back to the bedroom where Hidan was waiting with the cocoa.

They put me in the middle of the bed, my back leaning against the headboard before sliding in after me, Deidara to my left and Hidan to my right. Then they pulled the cover up over us and Hidan put a cup of delicious hot cocoa in my hands.

The warmth and comfort that was slowly trickling back into my body made my head clear up a little, giving me back the control over my limbs and I took a sip of the hot cocoa.

When I had emptied the cup Hidan took it away from me but didn´t leave his spot on the bed. With my hands empty again one was grasped by Deidara and the other by Hidan and then Deidara asked me.

"Are you alright Blossom? What happened, yeah?"

I wasn´t sure if he really expected me to answer but I did, my voice emotionless and almost mechanical.

"I found out from Itachi that he, Sasori and Pein had agreed to ask me to join the Akatsuki as a real member. But Pein never did ask me, he took away my right to make that decision for myself, deciding that it was too dangerous for me after all. He then forbade Sasori to talk about it or bring it up." I took a deep shuddering breath before continuing.

"I lost control… I was so, so angry with him and because of that I left. I walked for hours with my thoughts running wild, not paying any attention to where my feet took me. After a while I realized how stupid I was being and I tried to find my way back, but I was lost and didn´t succeed." I did another pause, this time to gather my thoughts before I hesitantly continued once again.

"The rain was pouring down and I had stopped caring where I ended up when I found the bridge. I stopped on the middle of it, looking down at the water and thinking that it looked rather peaceful when my mother showed up in her car. We started arguing and she said that she wanted me dead because of the money, that everything she did was because of the money. She pulled a gun and pointed it at my forehead but by then I noticed Itachi, Kisame and Zetzu showing up. But the look in her eyes made me aware of that they were too far away to be able to help me, so I ran at her and pushed her over the railing of the bridge." I closed my eyes before continuing.

"When we fell towards the water she was beneath me, involuntarily sheltering me from the impact with the water surface that I knew broke some of her bones. Then the current separated us and I was close to drowning when Kisame saved me."

Everything was quiet when I finished my explanation and I started wondering if they were mad at me.

"So what you´re saying is that…?" Deidara started, sounding shocked.

"You basically killed your own mother instead of the other way around?" Hidan finished from my other side, sounding equally shocked.

"Yeah I guess so…" I answered them in a whisper, tears spilling from my eyes. "And now I don´t know what to feel. In a way I am relieved, and in another I am saddened but I don´t know if I am allowed to feel sadness over this…" Both of their hands tightened around mine and then Deidara said.

"Of course you´re allowed feeling sadness, yeah. No matter what she did or intended to do, she was still your mother."

That made the tears run freely and then the sobbing began.

Let me know what you think guys.

Love C