Disclaimer: The following is a Fan-Written Parody. Fairly Odd Parents is property of Butch Hartman, Frederator Studios, Nickelodeon Animation Studios, and MTV International. Please support the official release.
I am so, so sorry Butch.
-The Ero-Sennin, as he realized what he had wrought upon the world
-Andrew J. Talon, as he popped popcorn.
Fairly Odd Angles
When the curve got ahead of Timmy Turner
Timmy Turner, age 15, groaned as he slowly returned to the waking world. Blinking, he stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom, which hadn't changed much over the last five years, save for the addition of a few posters of bands he liked and absent of the toys and childish things he once treasured. The teenaged boy sat up and could not help but notice that things seemed different. He couldn't place his finger on it, though.
He then felt the lightest weight on the top of his head. "Good morning, Timmy!"
Timmy's eyes went up, as a purple-haired five-year old fairy peered down at him. "Morning Poof."
Something looked seemed off about Poof, too. No longer was he a round, floating egg shaped being. He actually had limbs, a neck... Soulful eyes...
"Poof, did I make any sleep wishes that have drastically changed how I perceive the world?" Wow, he must still be half-asleep to speak so eloquently.
"Nope!" Poof said cheerfully. "I mean, I don't think so. You could ask mommy or daddy, but they were busy tickling each other last night and playing Scrabble-"
"Nevermind," Timmy said quickly. "Are they up yet?"
"Good morning sport!" Wanda said cheerfully, as she and her husband poofed into existence above Timmy. He blinked as he noticed something strange about his godparents as well. While they, like Poof, were still tiny and harmless, they had defined bodies and far more expressive eyes.
"Uh... Cosmo? Wanda? Something seems... Off." Timmy said.
"What do you mean, Sport?" Wanda asked. Cosmo's head fell off and bounced onto the floor. He looked up at his godson.
"Off? What? Do you mean my head? It just does that, Timmy! I'm sorry if you haven't gotten used to it yet," Cosmo apologized. He scowled up at his body. "Hey! Down here, dummy! No, no, to the left... Your other left!"
As Cosmo tried to pull himself back together, Timmy sat up and rubbed the back of his head. "Everything seems more... rounder. Kind of like in Retroville, but not I guess."
"You mean bulgy?" Cosmo asked as he pulled his head back on. "Hmmm..." He rubbed his chin. "Everything seems to be normal to me... Then again, fairies see everything in eight dimensions!"
"Dear, that's you. Normal fairies restrict themselves to five," Wanda said wryly.
"Oh yeah!" Cosmo said cheerfully. "Upside-in is my favorittttte!"
"So what's wrong with me, then?" Timmy asked as he got up and stretched. While everything looked different, it didn't feel different.
"Probably just a change in how you perceive the world, it's nothing dramatic," Wanda reassured him.
"Nothing dramatic? Isn't that a little weird? A person can't just change how they perceive the world." Timmy went into his closet and tossed his t-shirt and boxers into a clothes hamper before putting on his clean clothes for the day.
"Nobody sees the world in the same way, sport. And even then a person's view can change like night and day," Wanda replied.
"Right!" Cosmo said. "My view of the world used to be... Well I didn't have much of one!" He floated up and hugged Poof and Wanda. "But after Wanda and I started... Uh... Playing Scrabble," he said at the look his wife gave him. "I pay far more attention!"
"Yay!" Poof said happily.
Playing Scrabble, that had to be a code for something. On the other hand, Timmy really didn't want to think about it. He walked to the window and looked out. The world seemed far more defined. Like, it were in High Definition, 1080i. It looked gorgeous!
He rubbed his eyes. "I can see clearer now..."
"The rain is gone!" Cosmo cheered.
Really, it should've been more disorienting for Timmy, as he walked down the stairs feeling like he and the entire world had an art shift, but it felt entirely natural.
"Good morning Timmy! Breakfast is ready!" His mother called, setting out a generous spread. It was slightly difficult to ignore the fact his mom had gained some generous proportions in other areas. That was okay though-His father wasn't ignoring it at all.
"Mmm... Great spread, Mom!" Mr. Turner said cheerfully.
"Oh you!" Mrs. Turner replied cheerfully. "Have some extra bacon, honey!"
Oh man, they were being extra sappy. "Did anybody get the mail yet?"
"Could you be a sport, son?" Mr. Turner asked as he watched his wife turn around to head back to the stove.
As Timmy opened the door, he heard a clap and a surprised squeak from his mother. Shaking his head, he headed outside and off the porch to the mailbox right on the edge of the street. He opened the box up and looked inside. He heard a mailbox down the street open, and looked over.
There was a gorgeous, curvy redheaded woman wearing tight spandex running shorts and t-shirt. She looked like she'd just finished running given that she was jogging slowly in place as she began rifling through the envelopes that she produced from the mailbox.
Oh yes... Okay, there is definitely something to be said for this change in perspective, Timmy though happily as he ogled the woman shamelessly.
She didn't seem to notice him, or the world around her in general given the earbuds of an mp3 player pumping music straight into her skull.
Sooo much detail, definition, depth... Timmy wiped away a bit of drool, and impulse struck him. He jogged down the mailboxes and ran a hand through his hair. He put on his best smile, and tapped the woman on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, miss," Timmy said, "but I couldn't help but notice... Notice..."
The woman turned and looked at him, and he realized he made a grievous error as she recoiled a bit in confusion and unmistakable disgust.
"Notice what, twerp?" Vicky asked.
"I... You... Vicky... Hot...?!" Timmy stammered, his cheeks red. "Uh... Nevermind! You're not hot!"
Vicky blinked in disbelief. "What?"
"I mean-I HATE YOU! PERISH IN FLAMES!" Timmy shouted, turning and fleeing for his life back to his house. He slammed door behind him and leaned against it, panting for breath.
"Nice trip to the mailbox, champ?" Wanda asked.
"I saw something horrible and incomprehensible, deep beyond the bowels of terror!" Timmy gasped.
"Was it my brother's ex-wife? I thought I told her that I'm a happily married man!" Cosmo declared forcefully.
"Was it Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda playing Scrabble like Mommy and Daddy?" Poof asked.
"Ahahaha, ahahaha!" Wanda laughed a bit forcefully, covering Poof's mouth. "How adorable!"
Timmy was now certain that Scrabble was code for something else, but his mind was too overcome by horror to really process that right now.
"I was out at the mailbox, and there was this beautiful woman at another mailbox, and so I went over to say hi to her and the woman was Vicky and ohGodInearlyhitonVicky." Covering his mouth as he felt the bile shoot up his throat, Timmy all but poofed up the stairs and rushed into the bathroom.
"Timmy! You're missing breakfast!" Timmy's Mother called.
"BLARRRGH!" Timmy responded.
"Oh well! More for me!" Mr. Turner said happily. He then let out an amorous growl. "And speaking of getting more..."
"Oh you!" Mrs. Turner giggled.
"Right, come along Poof, nothing to see here," Cosmo said, hand over Poof's eyes.
"But I wanna see, Daddy!" Poof whined. Wanda sighed.
"Maybe when you're older..."
"Are they playing Scrabble?" Poof asked innocently. The two fairy godparents looked at one another and sighed. Wanda poofed headphones onto their child's head, and he was soon humming along happily to the Wiggles.
"We really need to find a better euphemism," Wanda said flatly.
"Euphemism might work. I don't think Timmy knows what it means," Cosmo suggested as they floated upstairs.
"No, it's a bit too... Euphemistic..."
Outside, Vicky was still standing at the mailbox, a blush coloring her cheeks. She shook her head rapidly and coughed.
"Well, well, well," she said wryly. "Turner... Guess you're growing up after all."
With a little smirk, she turned and headed back into her home.
Anti-Cosmo: Hello, Anti-Cosmo here! I just wanted to get here before the oncoming storm of chaos this will unleash! Ahhh, the smell of it is sweet!
Head Pixie: Periodically, characters like us will commentate upon the shorts to add to the ambiance and drive a desire for extra features on the DVD.
Anti-Cosmo: Ah, Head Pixie, this is fanfiction. There is no DVD release.
Head Pixie: Drat. Oh well. The shift to a more detailed art style will guarantee more viewer satisfaction and the fanbase drawing more erotic fanart of the series.
Anti-Cosmo: I keep telling you that-Wait, how is that going to make you more money, Head Pixie?
Head Pixie: Simple: Shares in ad agencies. You should really expand your portfolio beyond whatever you find on Google's "I'm Feeling Lucky."
Anti-Cosmo: That llama farm over the nitroglycerin factory seemed like such a good bet... Oh well! The YouTube videos will make it so it pays for itself! Ahahaha! Until next time~!
... Yeah, I have no idea where this comes from either.