Title: 'There Is'

By: Boxcar Racer

Songfic By: Kristen Martin aka Nagini

Rating: PG-13

Summary: This is a James/OC James/Lily fic. It involves 16-year-old Marauder circa characters. It revolves around a messed-up romance with RPG situations from the RPG at:



Disclaimer: Currently I owe my MOTHER over 100 dollars. I don't tihnk you want to sue me, right? Right. ^.^ Well... I *do* own Juliana. Or at least her character. Muffin-love!

Warnings: Um... James being a jerk and um... yeah. *thinks* Mary-Sue is main charrie. That's about it. Oh yes! Swearing. That sort of happens when well.... When you're b/f cheats on you with your enemy. ^.^ Yeah. ^.^ And drug use. ^.^ (That's always nice- RIGHT.))

This vacation's useless,

These white pills aren't kind.

I've given a lot of thought on

This thirteen-hour drive.

Juliana slammed the door of her car shut, life was just *not* going well for her this summer. Sitting on the hood of the beat up Ford, she pulled up a knee and rested her head on it, the other leg dangling off the car. Slipping her hand into her pocket, Juli pulled out a smal white pill from her pocket, popping it into her mouth. She had just recently gotten her muggle driving license, and aside from being a pureblooded witch who attended Hogwarts during the schoolyear, she could easily pass for one herself.

As she looked off into the horizen, she wondered numbly why she continued to waste her inheritance on some shitty muggle drugs that didn't work for crap. After pushing back her short hair, she leaned back, thinking to herself.

/James Emory Potter is a complete and utter arsehole./

She had been driving all day long, it gave her time to think. The only problem was that she had no idea as to where she was now. Yet... for now she wasn't even worried about that. She still couldn't believe he had done this to her.

I miss the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9.

And slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights.

I've given a lot of thought to

The nights we used to have.

Juliana's face contorted in pain as she swept away the burdening crystalline tears. Why did he do it to her? Her cousin was best friends with him.... She used to spend every summer at his house for a few weeks since Second Year. James, although his family's blood was purer than Malfoy's... he lived in a muggle neighbourhood. Accross the street from him was an old apartment building, which hasd a big parking lot. His front yard almost always had headlights shining down on the lawn. It made his face light up like an angel.

/An angel? Right. Where did THAT though come from?/ She glared around angrily, wishing she had something to throw at the moment.

Juliana giggled while James tossed popcorn inbto her hair. His glasses were off of his face and her hair was messier than his.

"James!" she squealed in surprise, throwing popcorn back at him while Sirius snored peacefully at the end of James' bed on a sleeping bag. Jmes grinned, kneeling down on his matress looking down at her as she tried to get the popcorn out of her hair.

"Dork," she said with a grin, tossing a peice back at him. But him and his big mouth; he caught it, chewing thoughtfully.

"Needs salt," he said after a minute, causing Juliana to start giggling again.

The days have come and gone,

Our lives went by so fast.

I faintly remember breathing, on your bedroom floor

Where I laid and told you-

But you sweared you loved me more

"I can't believe it was over two years ago.... Two years ago he kissed me... and I'll never get another kiss from him again!" Juliana said, still crying steadily.

Juliana lay serenely on the floor, staring at James' cieling calmly.

"You tired now?" he whispered softly. Juliana paused, then finally grinned softly at him.

"I love you James," she said softly, her first time she could remember uttering those words to anyone, let alone to her boyfriend. James sat up, a delighted look on his face as he peered over at her.

"I love you too Ju-ju. Always have... I always will," he whispered firmly into her ear.

"I always will...." Juliana paused. "Bastard," she whispered bitterly, hopping down and scooping up a rock, heaving it toward a rather large boulder.

"YOU LIED!" she screamed through angry tears, screaming at noone, everyone.... James especially as she slowly fell into a sobbing heap on the ground, curling her knees to her chest as she wracked with sobs.

Do you care if I don't know what to say?

Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me?

Will I shake this off; pretend it's all okay...

That there's someone out there who feels just like me?

There is.

Nearly a an hour had passed when she lifted her tear-stained face, staring numbly off into the sunset. How was she going to talk to James about this? About how she still felt? She couldn't just leave herself feeling like this, not while he was feeling so perfect with his perfect girlfiriend the perfect Lily Evans whom everyone knew and was so... PERFECT.

/Do you ever think about me anymore? Do you even care? I can't stop thinking about you, even though I'm with Puck now. I can't. I love you too much. Am I suppose to just be my cheerful self and pretend everything is... perf- right?/

She sighed a heavy sigh, settling back into the beat up Ford as she flipped on the radio, a noisy song blared onto the speakers. Nothing her aunt would approve of, that's for sure.

/I wish I had someone to share this with. Anyone.

Those notes you wrote me,

I've kept them all.

I've given a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall.

With every single letter, in every single word,

There will be a hidden message

About a boy that loves a girl.

Juliana sighed, slapping the glove compartment as a small stack of parchment came tumbling out, neatly tied in red and blue ribbons. James always had a thing for house colors... maybe that's why he fell for Evans instead of loving Juliana. Maybe it was her red hair.

/Oh, who knows!/

She glanced over the notes he used to pass her in class, gazing forlornly at all of the 'I love you''s and 'Love James''s. Maybe if she wrote him back... mabe somehow he'd see she still loved him. Somehow.

/I can't stand being JUST friends./

Do you care if I don't know what to say?

Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me?

Will I shake this off; pretend it's all okay...

That there's someone out there who feels just like me?

There is.

Juliana revved her engine, and looking off into the twighlight sky, she promised herself... she promised she would ask him what went wrong. Why, when she caught him that night....

/Evans in his arms, her lipstick smeared on his face... and he didn't even TRY to deny it. He didn't care. He thought it was just a game, didn't he? DIDN'T HE? He just sat there, his face devoid of emotion and shrugged with a soft smile and he just stood there.... He stood there. And I turned my back on him./

/And he let me go so easily, as if I never mattered./

/I never mattered./

Do you care if I don't know what to say?

Will you sleep tonight, or will you think of me?

Will I shake this off; pretend it's all okay...

That there's someone out there who feels just like me?

/Never ever./

She headed back home that night, wishing she had someone to commiserate with, but she was alone. She needed someone to feel her pain and understand her.

She skidded to a halt, almost getting crashed into by another car. She headed instead; west. To Puck's. He'd hear her out. He'd love her.

And she could feel better, without those damn muggle pills. Juliana rolled down her window on the highway and tossed up the pill bottle in her hands, catching it, then tossing them out the window, not looking back.

Never looking back.

And she'd ask James. She would. Once school started up. Seventh Year... final year. Her last chance to ask him. Last chance.

Do you care if I don't know what to say?

Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me?

Will I shake this off; pretend it's all okay...

That there's someone out there who feels just like me?

There is.

I hope I made this okay enough and I hope it explains stuff. Ummmm I highly reccomend the song if you haven't heard it yet. *cough*loser*cough* ^.^

My gawd! ^.^!!!!!!!! I finally finished it! Meep.

October 21, 2002 5:36 p.m. Eastern Time

REPLYYYYYYYYYYY or I'll cry. ^.^