I was Emma, but everyone knew me as Cause Girl, or Greenpeace, or even Sean's girl friend (the on and off one). Lately now though, since not in school anymore, nor had any environmental events til summer, I felt like Miss Nothing.

With Manny living in Hollywood now too? It was agonizing. I was bored, and lonely, every DAY. Sean knew I was depressed about her leaving, but I'm sure he didn't expect me to get as depressed as I did or that our relationship would suffer from it.

Last year for Christmas, when Manny last visited...something happened..


"Manny you made it!" Spike was so happy, hugging Manny at the doorway as Christmas music sung behind her in the house and there was a crowd of laughter and talking over yelling.

It was a Christmas party at the Nelsons.

Emma beamed at Manny's return and Sean smirked beside her, wrapping an arm around his happy girlfriends waist as Manny peeled away from Spike. Jay stood behind them too, smirking that Manny was back even though now they were 'just friend's.

"The airport was horrible, snowed in, but I'm glad I made it." Manny said.

Spike nodded and gasped, "The turkey!" she ran off.

The girls shared a giggle, classic Spike move. She should really leave the cooking to Snake.

"I'm so happy you're back!" Emma exclaimed, hugging Manny once again as the brunette chuckled and nodded in her embrace, both their eyes closed.

Emma wore the cutest sparkly dress, with black high heels. The dress was short but classy on Emma and made her glow, she looked beautiful. Manny wore a green christmas-y sweater and tight high waist black pants with leather ankle boots and her hair pinned straight.

When the two pulled away, Jay taunted pervertly, "Geez, why don't you both just kiss already?"

Sean chuckled and added, "It is tradition." he nodded up over them.

Manny and Emma stepped slightly back from another to look up at the door way they stood under. A mistletoe. What the hell ! It WAS tradition, and they had kissed before and Emma had to admit, Manny was a good kisser.

Manny went in for the kill first, giggling as she did so and crashed her lips to Emmas playfully, but then their lips touched, it paused, and they went serious, kissing slower. Emma shut her eyes softly and caressed her lips back to Manny's and it deepened a bit more. Manny's eyes fluttered while closed and moved her mouth against Emma's tenderly as her fingers cupped Emma's jaw line gently.

Jay's mouth hung and Sean stared wide eyed. Best. Christmas. ever.

Jay cleared his throat, eyeing the two and cleared his throat louder and the two jumped apart.

They both blushed madly, but Manny brushed it off with a giggle and teased Sean, "Jealous?"

"not the slightest." he shot back, bringing Emma back into his arms who stumbled a bit, a look in her eye nobody or her could explain.

It was from that kiss.


I, Emma Nelson, may of fallen for Manny at that kiss. I always struggled with my feelings for Manny since the first time she kissed me (when she was still 'straight' and dating Jay, we were just drunk at a party). And when Manny had finally come out to me, it made me wonder about our moments when we've kissed and if they had meant anything to her too. She had thought I just couldn't deal with her coming out, but I was just having issues with my own sexuality while she seemed so sure of hers.

...but we were best friends, I shouldn't be looking at Manny like that, plus I was STRAIGHT right? I was with Sean! And I did love him in ways.

The rest of the year was hard for me, and him too I'm sure as I struggled with these feelings. It didn't help Manny made it harder by moving to Hollywood and I missed her so bad it ached and cause bad moods from me.

I've always been jealous and envious of Manny... and I use to think I wanted to be her, but now I knew it was because I wanted her. All the time..

I'm still struggling with myself. I swear I am straight, but when it comes to Manny, I'm crushing on her bad, and I loved her since I knew her. How couldn't I? She's been through every single thing with me and she puts up with me more than anybody. Sean thought it was tough? He should be in Manny's shoes!

If not for Manny, I could of been dead, long ago because of my body issues, my eating disorder. Manny saved me, told on me for my own good, and even took care of me after. That was a stressful thing to go through with a person, Peter got stressed a lot with me then but Manny, she was at my side no matter what. Or how about the time when we were little and I had that 'Jordon' situation..again, without Manny, I would be helpless. Manny was like (as lame as it was) my hero. . my little angel on my shoulder like I hers.

So what was this, I use to ask myself, Why did I dream about Manny, why does my heart flutter when around her and why now do I get jealous when Paige is around? O-or even KISS her like I did the other night (GOD THAT WAS SO STUPID OF ME. I am a mess.). I can't think this way for Manny anymore, she had a girl friend and yeah maybe now I was done with Sean but that didn't mean to go straight to Manny when she had a girlfriend and I wasn't even sure if I could handle people thinking I was a lesbian.

Who am I kidding? I am a lesbian when it came to Manny. She was beautiful, lovable, funny, wild, everything I'm not and that I wanted. I wanted her so bad.

How do I even say that though? Maybe I should keep it a secret..She is, after all, with Paige now. That makes me sick to my stomach and I wasn't even a jealous person when it came to Sean but with Manny, I find myself hoping Paige breaks a leg again soon.

Authors note: Not gonna continue without reviews!