Willy's Bar & Grill: Nothing Evil about Basketball by Philip S.

Summary: Harvey and the guys want to check out the new cheerleading squad at Sunnydale High. No beer allowed in the school gym, though.

Spoilers: The Witch

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: The characters appearing herein are (mostly) original creations, but everything is based on Joss Whedon's work. Characters from BtVS are mentioned and may appear now and then.

Note: Though this story does remain within the constrictions of the PG-13 rating some of the content might be offensive to members of the American Beer Industry. Sorry mates, but your beer really does taste like stale lemonade and carries the kick of a glass of milk. Import more German beer!


The Streets Aren't Safe Anymore - Editorial by Martha Grant

Times were Sunnydale was the safest place for a demon to be. Hellmouth energy, lots of cemeteries, people who would not believe in your existence even if you gave it to them in writing. Alas, those were the days.

Things have changed, though. Sunnydale is now home to a Slayer and the streets are about to get a whole lot meaner around here. For all those not subscribing to supernatural lore monthly, the Slayer is the chosen one. One girl in all the world with the skill and the strength to hunt vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness. Meaning you, dear reader.

Already Sunnydale lost some of its finest to this new girl. The vampire community mourns the passing of Luke, Thomas, and several others who fell victim to this menace now prowling the once tranquil streets of our city. Jakust of the Lei-Ach is missing one of its brood. It was last seen trying to part a young girl from her bone marrow on Rivelo Drive. Has he, too, fallen prey to the Slayer?

Our community has every reason to be concerned. So far little is known about this girl. The drawing on page two was put together from eyewitness accounts. (Many thanks to Daniel Fleetfoot for his detailed description). So, dear reader, even if you have a particular liking for petite blonde girls, you might want to think twice about approaching one for your next meal.

You never know whether it might be your turn to be the prey.


"So, what do you think?" Viktor asked, sounding like he might be inquiring about the weather.

Harvey looked at the copy of Sunnydale's monthly demon newsletter he held in his hands and frowned.

"I don't know," he answered. "It's not bad, but ... Sunnydale's finest? Luke and Thomas?"

"Hey, they might not have been the scourge of the planet, but they did their parts. Besides, you were at their wake. I'm sorry I missed that."

Viktor, a vampire with a German accent so thick that Harvey always thought he was just having fun with it, had been away for a few months to visit his Sire in Los Angeles. As a result he had missed the excitement of the last few weeks.

"You're just sorry you missed Willy's taking out those big beer glasses I told you about."

"Yeah, that too."

Viktor and Harvey were old pals, having been regulars at Willy's Bar & Grill for several decades now. Harvey liked to think that Viktor shared his philosophy when it came to living at the Hellmouth. Living in the abstract sense, of course. They both liked to stay out of trouble as much as possible.

"This might be a good thing," Viktor said, gesturing toward the newsletter again. "I mean, granted, old Martha will never win a Pulitzer, but at least this way word gets out really fast. Lots of people and other things read this stuff, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess."

They got back to their beers and started paying attention to their surroundings again. The gymnasium of Sunnydale High School was filled to the rafters. Filled with humans mostly, though Harvey could spot quite a few friends among the audience as well. He waved to some of them.

"What are you guys doing here?" a voice suddenly inquired from behind them.

Harvey and Viktor turned around, spotting Daniel Fleetfoot just sitting down in the row behind them. The young vampire looked terribly anxious about something.

"Hi, Daniel," Harvey said, managing to sound at least partially happy about seeing the other. Daniel was an okay kid, but he had kinda hoped that this would be a quiet evening. Just some old pals going out to see the sights.

"Don't you guys know?" Daniel asked, fidgeting. He would probably have sweated if vampires were able to do that.

"Know what?" Viktor asked. He barely knew Daniel, the vampire having come to Sunnydale only a few weeks prior to his holiday. The fact that he had gone along on Luke's ill-fated Bronze raid did nothing to raise his opinion of him, though.

"The Slayer," Daniel hissed, leaning forward. "Odds are she is a student at this school."

Harvey sighed. "Daniel, she is a teenage girl and this is the only school in Sunnydale. Of course she is gonna be a student here."

"Aren't Slayers tutored privately by their Watchers?" Viktor asked. "I think I read something about that once."

"Maybe, but ... you know ... undercover stuff? An older man with a teenage girl that never goes to school? That would be kinda ... scandalous, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah, probably."

Daniel looked back and forth between the two perfectly calm vampires, not understanding the world.

"You know she's gonna be here and ... and you're still here?"

"Daniel, my boy," Harvey said, wondering what sin he had committed to always be in the position of having to explain things to the youngling, "we are sitting in a crowd of about three hundred people, looking one hundred percent human. Believe me, we are perfectly all right here."

"Except for these beers," Viktor complained. "They are non-alcoholic."

"Of course they are! This is a school."

"Still, you'd think they could at least give out American beer. Barely stronger than milk anyway."

Harvey refused to get into another discussion about the inferiority of American beers. Especially since Viktor was kind of right about it.

"Why take the risk?" Daniel went on, still not understanding. "Why come to the place where the Slayer is bound to be, even if she is unlikely to spot you? Didn't you tell me that smart vampires stayed out of a Slayer's way?"

"It's the first game with the new cheerleading squad," Harvey just said. If Daniel did not understand it now then he would not be the one to explain it to him.


"Are they here yet?" a growling voice asked from below the stands.

"Not yet, Shaggy," Harvey assured the bouncer from Willy's. Shaggy, being a demon wolf, could not exactly sit in the stands with the rest of them. Even the people of Sunnydale would notice a seven foot wolf-headed demon sitting among them. So Shaggy was watching the game from below the stands, looking out between Harvey and Viktor. It somewhat limited his field of view, though.

"Want some popcorn?" Viktor offered, passing the big bowl they had brought along below. Shaggy happily accepted and the following sounds did not bode well for Viktor's getting any of it back.

"So this is all about watching the new cheerleading squad?" Daniel asked, still seeming a bit dazed.

"We might be dead," Viktor said, his eyes searching the field for any sign of skimpily clad teenage girls, "but we're still guys."

"I'm not dead," Shaggy protested from below.

"We know your not, Shags."

"I'm a guy, though."

"No need to prove it," Harvey quickly assured him.

Daniel's eyes were still darting back and forth all the time, looking for threats, but he did not look likely to bolt anytime soon. Which was kind of not the effect Harvey had hoped for, he admitted to himself. Their arguments about the general safety of being here had not been intended to make the younger vampire stay.

"Why are you here anyway?" Harvey asked Daniel.

"I ... well, I was kinda ... hungry."

"So you go to the school the Slayer is at to feed?"

"Hey, the Bronze is closed. I ... I was hoping to ... you know ... slip in and out before she even knew I was here."

Harvey was trying to decide whether a comment about the inherit intelligence of that idea was worth his time when the decision was taken out of his hands. The music started up and Sunnydale's newest cheerleaders came out onto the field.

"Ah, the good part," Viktor said cheerfully, waving around his beer. A sharp wolf whistle hailed from below the stands.

"You seeing okay down there, Shaggy?"

A deep, satisfied growl was all the answer he needed.

"The brunette in the middle looks tasty," Viktor told Harvey. "You figure she will taste good?"

"I don't know. You can't judge a girl's taste just by her looks, you know?"

"It's part of it, though, be honest!"

"They all look ... nice," Daniel offered, slowly getting into the spirit of the evening. He was a scared vampire, but, as Viktor had said, he was also a guy. Seeing skimpily clad teenage girls jumping around was bound to have some kind of positive effect on him.

The three vampires and one demon wolf watched as the cheerleaders performed their first few routines. There were a few rough edges here and there, Viktor pointing them out quite audibly now and then, but for the most part they were doing fine.

"You seen this?" Harvey asked during the break (otherwise known as the actual game), handing Daniel the newsletter.

"Oh yeah!" Daniel brightened up considerably. "She took my description. That is so cool!"

"Does she really look like that drawing?" Viktor asked. "I always imagined Slayers to be ... taller ... more muscles, stuff like that."

"She's really small," Daniel said. "Kinda pretty, too."

The cheerleaders went at it again, causing conversation to die down. One of the girls seemed distracted, though, which messed up the routines.

"They should throw out that one," Viktor commented. "She's no good."

"Everyone messes up," Harvey shrugged. "Give the kids a chance."

"We are gonna eat some of them later, right?"

"Yeah, but you can still give them a chance."

They looked on as the girls went on to build a human pyramid, which held for about four seconds before the girl on top, the one who had been distracted earlier, suddenly lost her balance. The pyramid collapsed and several of the girls landed on their behinds. There was some laughter from the crowd.

Not from the vampires, though. Harvey and Viktor looked at each other for a moment, equal looks of disappointment on their faces.

"Maybe we should leave them some more time to practice?"

"Yeah, that would be fair."

The distracted girl ran from the gym, which seemed to put an end to the cheerleader action for the night. Harvey and Viktor emptied their non- alcoholic beers with a look of disgust and rose.

"See you at Willy's, Shaggy?"

"Sure," the voice from below growled, followed by the sounds of someone shuffling off in something of a huff.

"You're leaving?" Daniel asked. "But the game ..."

"Who cares about the game?"

"No self-respecting vampire would eat a high school basketball player."

"I think I did once. I didn't know he played, though."

"That's okay then."