I am the thing that watches you in the night.

I am the fear that overwhelms you when your alone

I am the noise you hear as you walk through the woods.

I am Slenderman.

And I have just purchased a computer.

I have been extremely interested in the things that you mortals have been saying about me. I was very flattered to find I have a rather large "fanbase" and various websites dedicated to myself. But, all you people seem to think that my life is easy. It is very hard.

You see, I am not exactly...normal...looking. You have no idea what lengths I had to go through to purchase this laptop. It involved a very elaborate pirate disguise, a marching band and a midget in a clown suit. You do not want to know the details.

All you mortals have various items of clothing. I only have this suit. I do not have a onesie or a comfortable pair of sweatpants. I only have one suit. I haven't changed out of the suit for around a hundred years, so you can guess how terrible the smell is...

Also, I cannot eat any food. Because I lack a face. You have no idea how horrible it is to never know the taste of a chocolate bar. You mortals are so lucky

As you can guess, looking as I do, I do not have many friends. Actually, I don't have any friends. Not counting my brother, Splendorman. I certainly do not consider him a friend. Of course, it is hard to make friends when I kill everyone I meet. But still, it is very lonely life I lead.

Before I go, I would just like to make something very clear. I am not in a relationship with Jeff the Killer. He is...not my type. I was bothered by the amount of "fanfiction" about Jeff and myself. You mortals have very disturbing minds. Very disturbing. Just to clarify, I have never had a partner in the thousands of years I have existed. I am very, very single.

Anyway, I must leave you now. I have important things to do.

One last thing...if you are alone tonight and all the lights are off...look behind you.



A/N: I hope you enjoyed that! It was rather short. Sorry.

Slenderman says hi. Slender and me are buddies...BFF...he's my brother from another mother...the apple to my pie...the-

Slenderman: Shut up mortal.


Slenderman: No. I don't even know you.

Me: How could you be so cold! I thought what we had was special!

Slenderman: *teleports away*


Please review! If you do Slenderman will give you a hug!

Slenderman: No I won't.

Me: SLENDY! *glomps*