A/N: What if Holly and Paul wouldn't have reconciled the way
they did in the rain? Snippets of song are from "On My Own." I rearranged it to suit my purposes.
Alone. I am alone, the way I'm supposed to be. I am a free bird, a will-o-the-wisp. I walk following my tail like Kipling's cat. I float lightly through life and I belong to no one.
Once, I preferred living this way. I liked to live my life as I pleased, listening to none but myself. I enjoyed my ways, the jewelry and the money and the perfume and the clothing. I could spend my life at Tiffany's. Tiffany's—my safe haven, the place sheltering me from what I knew to be the true brutality of life. I hid at Tiffany's; I hid behind the calm of diamonds and silver, hid in a place that I naively thought was paradise, hid from love.
And now I've pushed love out in the rain. I'm alone again. I've lost Paul and I've lost Cat. I've lost the only two people (yes, I consider Cat a person) who made me feel as if I belonged, that I wasn't just a socialite flying dangerously though the years. I loved them and I shoved them into the rain; they'll be alone now, alone as I should be. We're alone; we know nothing of what will happen to us next.
I try to convince myself that that's the way I want it to be.
I am comforted by this rain, the way it drenches my emotions as I walk slowly down New York City streets. My city is dark and sorrowful; I imagine the raindrops are teardrops, tears that I'm too empty inside to cry.
I should go home.
But where is home? Where is my Moon River and why can't I
seem to find it?
And now I'm all alone again,
Nowhere to turn, nowhere to go to,
Without a home, without a friend, without a face to say hello to.
So cold; I'm so cold. I feel like Cat, wet and frightened, searching for shelter. I cannot retreat to Tiffany's, and I will not go home. I have no home. I'm Holly Golightly, girl-about-town. Belonging to no one.
In the rain, the pavement shines like silver.
All the lights are misty in the river.
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever.
But I know it's only in my mind. . .
Oh, Paul darling. I have forsaken you! You and your offerings of perfect, unparalleled love that I so rudely scorned. I didn't want to be caged. But you didn't want to cage me, did you, darling? You wanted to love me and I refused to be loved.
I hope you've found Cat. He deserves your stability.
I love him, but every day I'm learning.
It must be nearly morning. The sky will lighten soon and I will wake up, knowing this is all a bad dream. There will be no José, no Sally Tomato. There will be only Paul and me, forever and forever.
Foolish dreams. How often I've squandered my thoughts on dreams. When I was a little girl, hungry and poverty-stricken, barefoot in the hills, I dreamt of living the way I do now. I wanted the glamour. I didn't think about love; maybe it was because all the "love" I'd seen was false.
Now I wish my dreams hadn't come true.
I love him, but when the night is over he is gone.
The river's just a river.
Without him, the world around me changes.
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers.
I shiver, wiping water from my face. Whether it be rain or tears, I'm not
concerned. I want to get home, where I
can hide once more. My Moon River has
faded up dry and my foolish dreams are dead.
Your voice. I turn
to look over my shoulder, afraid I'm hearing things and when I open my eyes you
won't be behind me. I have dreamed you
into existence again.
"Holly." There it is again. "Holly, turn around. Look at me."
I close my eyes and he has found me.
"I waited for you," I whisper. "I waited for you to find me."
"I know," comes your reply. "We're destined, Holly Golightly. Two drifters will always cross paths. Are our paths linked, Holly? Yours, mine, and Cat's?"
You hold us in your arms, Cat and me. I'm shaking now, not from cold but from complete and utter insane love. "Oh, Paul. . .forever. You've found me and I've finally found a place better than Tiffany's."