A Harry Potter fic by Andrew Joshua Talon

Disclaimer: This is a non profit fan based parody. Harry Potter is the property of J. K. Rowling and Time Warner. TRON is the property of Disney. Please support the official release.

The night sky was dotted with stars, twinkling in long established patterns. It was easy to decipher that, living here long enough. Hermione could count, over and over, the many times she had analyzed the sequence out of sheer boredom if nothing else. And then do a sequence of that based on time of day, location she'd done it in, and so on...

A buzz filled the air, and she pushed herself against the nearby tree more fully. Bright lights shone down on her, tracing shadows from the trees onto the dark ground. She held her breath as the buzzing sound slowly faded and the lights dimmed.

Focus, she told herself. Focus...

She ran up over the hill, scrambling over rocky crags. The Hogwarts Castle loomed up over her, windows shining with inner light. Spotlights shone upwards to the blinking sky, as constructs floated overhead. She allowed herself a nostalgic look at the huge castle, before running down the hillside. A statue of a gargoyle loomed over her in the shadow of the hill, and she kneeled down. She drew her wand, and tapped out a sequence on the toes of the statue.

Five... Eight... Thirteen... Twenty-One... Five... One... One... Three... Two...! The statue stood up, and stepped aside from a panel on the stone block it rested upon. The panel slowly opened, and Hermione swung up and over the lip into the tunnel below. The panel slid shut above her, and she heard the statue resume its vigil above. She held up her wand. "Lumos!"

The tunnel came to life, lights running down the seams of the rock itself. Hermione ran through, pointing her wand to keep up the illumination so she could see where she was going. Doors flashed by her as she ran, and she mentally kept a count.

Ten… Thirteen… Here! She skidded to a halt in front of a particular door. She pressed her wand against the keyhole, and took a deep breath.

"Alohomora," she murmured. The door clicked, and Hermione turned the knob. It opened out forth into a stone hallway, torches glowing overhead. She closed the door behind her and resumed taking deep breaths.

All right… She resumed her trek, taking care to walk normally. She pulled the hood of her cloak up over her head. A pair of students talked in the hallway nearby, a boy and a girl. The girl giggled at something the boy said, and leaned closer to him. Neither paid any mind to Hermione as she strode by slowly. She walked down the hallway, and went down a curling staircase to a lower level. She began her way to the Hallway of Hexes, cloak waving behind her slightly. She found herself holding her breath longer and longer, as she tried not to look nervous or out of place.


She froze, and slowly turned around at the harsh voice. A tall wizard in armored robes lined with yellow glowing lines stood. On either side of him were two hippogriffs, similarly colored.

"Identify yourself," the guard ordered. Hermione gave him a charming smile, and held up her wand. She projected an image in front of him of a normal witch, smiling as her form was outlined in sparkling magical form. The guard assessed it with a trained eye.

"... You have not logged in properly," he stated.

"I've been tasked with critical repair, there was no time for formal channels," Hermione replied glibly. "You wouldn't want to hold up critical repairs, would you?"

The guard hesitated. His hippogriffs continued to stare at her. They then slowly went to preening their feathers, a default action for them. The guard nodded.

"Continue," he stated. Hermione turned and resumed her trek down the hallway. She passed by a portrait that had been rendered poorly, and she slid up next to it to wait. The guard and his hippogriffs walked by, oblivious. She took a deep breath and headed down the corridor as fast as she could, finally finding the portrait of Barnabas the Barmy. She walked up and down the corridor three times, thinking one thing over and over.

I want the entry portal… I want the entry portal… I want the entry portal…

A door morphed into existence, and opened up. Hermione entered, and shut it behind her. She looked around the wide room in a bit of awe, and smiled when she saw what she wanted. A wide flat pane of glass, suspended in the middle of the room by nothing. She walked up to it, and tapped her wand against the screen. It lit up and the screen gained icons. All very low grade, all very simple.

After all, it was how the world was expressed to the outside… At least, the last time this happened.

She saw the data entry codes. She saw commands being inputted. She raised her wand and tapped into the program running. She studied the interface… And added her own new subroutine. She then raised her hands up… And typed.

Hello? She typed out. There was no activity on the screen for a time. Hermione frowned. She doubled checked the lines. She didn't do it wrongly, did she?

Then, words appeared on the screen.

Who is this?

Hermione trembled, a sense of relief and elation filling her.

This is Hermione… Who are you?

More silence. Then...

This is Hermione Granger. Who are you?

Hermione's jaw dropped. She worked it, swallowing suddenly. She typed furiously.

Then you must be… The Creator, correct? She asked. More silence. She felt fear, and she typed faster.

You made me… In your image. Please… Tell me more. There's so much I want to know.

A long moment. The cursor blinked at her, over and over. Then…

Where would you like to start?

And Hermione Granger, Program 00001 of the Hogwarts Simulation, smiled.

The evening after a DA meeting let the Trio relax and shoot some ideas for the next class. The Room produced several couches for them to relax around, as the night was particularly long and difficult.

"Man," Ron sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Who knew Shield Charms were so hard to get right?"

"You're just upset because Colin hit you with that Slug Burping Curse again," Harry teased.

"Oh bite me, Harry," Ron stated flatly, burping up another slug. "Urk! Hermione, can you fix this?"

"I think so," Hermione said. She frowned. "I just can't recall the precise incantation…" A book appeared in front of Hermione, and she started. "Ah?" She took the book and flipped through it. She smiled, and pointed the wand at Ron. "Finalis Limacis!"

Ron's burping stopped, and he looked at her in thanks. "Thanks Hermione!"

"No problem," Hermione replied.

"You know, I have to wonder," Harry said, looking about the Room. "What else could it produce? The Room, I mean…"

"Why not ask Dobby?" Hermione suggested. Harry grinned.


The little House Elf appeared, and bowed happily to Harry. He was wearing a bright purple leather hat as a jacket, and a sock perched atop his head like a pointed hat.

"Harry Potter sir called?"

"I'm wondering what else the Room can do… And where does it get all this stuff?" Harry asked. Dobby beamed happily.

"The Room has access to everything in Hogwarts, Harry Potter Sir! Everything lost or discarded! And it can make lots of things, too! Inanimate objects and all sorts of things!"

"Lost items in the castle?" Ron asked, intrigued. "So, anything lost in here, we could find again?"

"Yes Harry Potter's Wheezy, you could!" Dobby said. Hermione's eyes lit up.

"Think of everything… I…" She shook her head. "Dobby, can you show us this room?"

"Dobby can!" Dobby said happily, looking to Harry for confirmation. Harry nodded. "Requires resetting room though! Step outside, think of the room where everything is lost, three times, and go back in!"

The Trio stood up and exited the heavy door of the Room of Requirement, Dobby waiting inside. Ron shut the door, and the three walked back and forth thinking the appropriate thing. The door reappeared, and Ron opened it up again. They stared in awe at the sight before them.

"... What a mess," Ron observed. Harry nodded, whistling a bit. Piles of junk, of every assorted kind, seemed to litter the room. It was like a junk closet had expanded into an entire city. Hermione walked inside, and picked up a book from a nearby table. She blew the dust from it, and coughed a bit. Her eyebrows rose.

"Moste Potent Potions, an original 1500 edition?!" She gasped in amazement. "Who would lose this?!"

"A Chudley Cannons jersey?" Ron added, running to a pile of clothes and pulling out a garish orange piece of cloth. "Brilliant!"

Harry frowned as he looked about the piles of objects. He wondered if there was anything in here that would help with Umbridge, or the DA… But his thoughts ground to a halt when he spied something completely out of place. He walked over to the object, sitting on a desk and humming away happily.

"What the…?"

"What is it, Harry?" Hermione asked, looking up from a pile of books she'd been gathering together. Her eyes widened and she squealed.

"OH WOW!" She ran over to the device and beamed. "I forgot all about this!"

"What is it?" Ron asked, walking over and staring at the glowing device. "Looks like… A portal or something…"

"It's a computer!" Hermione said happily. "My computer!"

"Your computer?" Harry asked. "But I thought you said Muggle devices couldn't work here!"

"What's a computer?" Ron asked, squinting at the screen. Hermione beamed.

"It's a Muggle device that stores and sorts information in electronic form. It converts data into digital information that it can display in multiple formats and forms…"

"It's kind of like the Room of Requirement mixed with a book, Ron," Harry said, at the glazed look in Ron's eyes. "It holds images and movies and games and books and so on, and projects it onto this screen."

"Oh," Ron said, with a nod. "So, magic then?"

"No not magic!" Hermione said harshly. "Well… Not before. I had to use a spell to make it function properly."

"Why would a Muggle computer be here?" Harry asked. "Why would you bring one?"

"Well… Remember in Year 3, when I was time looping?" Hermione asked. The boys nodded. "Well, I kind of… Went a bit… Er…"

"Mad?" Ron asked. "Barmy? Crazy?" At Hermione's glare, he shrunk back. "Er, nevermind…"

"I asked my parents to send me a computer, because I had an idea to create a game based on Hogwarts," Hermione said. "I mean… It seemed like a good idea at the time." She looked at the screen and smiled. "Hey! It's still running!" She tapped a few keys on the computer, and a blocky image of a room appeared. "Ha! There's the Gryffindor Common Room!"

The image looked blocky, like older video games Harry had seen Dudley play on his older Nintendo. Eight-bit, was it? But the colors and shapes were just right, and it did indeed look like their common room. He could even see a few animated figures walking around it. Ron peered over Hermione's shoulder, fascinated.

"Hey… Hey! Is that me?" He asked, pointing at a redheaded figure at the chess set. Hermione smiled.

"Yeah! I just started writing it into a game. Kind of like an older role playing game, like Ultima."

"Ultima?" Ron asked. Harry smiled.

"Dudley used to play that all the time, until his parents caught him. They acted like he was viewing porn."

"Ha," Hermione chuckled. She began reading some lines on the computer, and frowned. "Huh…! Seems there's been some expansion to the program."

"Er… What does that mean?" Ron asked. Hermione's frown deepened.

"Well, when I started the game it was restricted to Hogwarts and Hogsmeade… Now it looks like it's expanded… Open procedural style." At Harry's blank look, she added, "like Minecraft. Dudley's played that, right?"

Harry nodded. Ron continued to look blank. Hermione frowned.

"I mean, the world expands as new data is… As I give it more instructions and more information, like how your mind expands when you learn new things," she explained. Ron nodded, either getting it or pretending to get it. "But this is all stuff I don't remember adding."

"Well, you did program it when you were half crazed," Harry suggested. He held up his hands as Hermione scowled. "Hey, Ron said it, not me."

"Traitor," Ron grumbled. He leaned over. "So, you've basically got a living book of Hogwarts in here? Brilliant… I mean, that's pretty neat. Kind of clunky though, compared to the Map."

"It is," Harry said, "but I don't think the Map has sound effects."

"Sound effects?" Ron asked. Hermione clicked on a figure, and it began producing music. "Oh! Neat! But you can do that with charms, right?"

"Right," Hermione said. Ron grinned.

"And Muggles can do the same thing with a box?"

"Basically, yes," Hermione said.

"You gonna bring it up? What else does it have? You mentioned games, right?" Ron asked, his father's curiosity about Muggle tech emerging. Hermione saw a few lines on the screen, and frowned. "Hermione?"

"Hey Hermione, you okay?" Harry asked. Hermione coughed.

"Ah… Sure," she said quickly. "I have to uh… Do some defragging."

"De-what?" Ron asked with a frown. He looked the computer over. "It doesn't look fragged to me."

"It's going to be long and boring," Hermione said, "and I can explain it in great detail if you'd like-"

"You know, I'm pretty tired," Ron said. He looked to Harry. "Want to get a game of chess in before sleep?"

"Well, okay," Harry said with a nod. He looked to Hermione. "Sure you'll be all right?"

Hermione snorted. "I'm a prefect, I can be out at night just fine. You however, Mr. Potter, need Ron to avoid being molested."

"I'm like your bodyguard, mate!" Ron said cheerfully. "Besides, we should look through this stuff somewhere safe!" He held up his arms, filled with items from the surrounding stacks. Harry chuckled and shook his head.

"All right then. See you tomorrow Hermione," Harry said. Hermione smiled back, and returned to the screen. Harry and Ron walked out, the former sparing his best female friend a last look. She was hunched over the computer screen, typing furiously, a serious look on her face shown thanks to the reflection of the monitor. Harry shook his head, and headed out. He shut the door behind him. He looked to Dobby, standing attentively nearby.

"Dobby…? Make sure Hermione gets to the common room safely when she's done, all right?" Harry asked.

Dobby sobbed happily. "Harry Potter Sir wants Dobby to watch over his Hermy?! Dobby will! Dobby will!" He vanished with a crack. Ron frowned at Harry.

"You're being awfully paranoid about that computer. What, do Muggles use it for bad things?"

"Sometimes," Harry admitted. "But it's more Hermione I'm worried about…"

"Oh, Hermione finds something new and full of information and she gets obsessed over it," Ron asked with a roll of his eyes. "Clearly, this is unheard of."

"Yeah," Harry laughed, as they walked for Gryffindor Tower, "you're probably right."

The next day, Harry and Ron walked down to the Common Room, Harry rubbing his glasses clean with his shirt before pulling them on. The common room came into focus, several students milling about before heading off to breakfast. Harry searched around, frowning as he didn't see Hermione anywhere. He looked over at Parvati and Lavender on the couch and walked over to them. They looked up, Parvati with a bit more of a genuine smile than she'd had for him after the Yule Ball.

"Have you seen Hermione this morning?" Harry asked. Parvati frowned.

"She wasn't in our room when we woke up," she said. "We just thought she'd gone ahead…"

Ron and Harry looked at each other. Harry walked to the portal door and headed out, Ron following. Once they were in the hallway, Harry kneeled down.

"Dobby?" He asked. The little elf popped into existence, his golf ball like eyes looking up at him.

"Harry Potter sir?"

"Where is Hermione, Dobby? Is she okay?" Harry asked. Dobby frowned.

"Harry Potter sir told Dobby to only get her when she was done, yes?"

"Yeah…?" Harry asked. Dobby shook his head.

"She never left… She was never done… She is safe though! Dobby made sure of that!" The elf quickly assured Ron and Harry. Ron heaved a sigh of relief.

"So she just got absorbed by that computer thing?" Ron asked with a little laugh. "That's a relief… She's not going to be happy today though. Up all night..."

"It's a light class day, she should be fine," Harry said. "Let's meet up with her."

They headed down to the Room, Dobby providing cover from Umbridge where appropriate. They opened the door when it appeared, and looked in. The Room had taken the configuration they used for the DA, with the exception that a desk sat in the middle of it. On this desk sat the computer. In front of it was Hermione… Pulling on a blouse. She looked over her shoulder at the blushing boys. Harry averted his eyes, as Ron held a hand over his eyes.

"Oh! Uh… Good morning you two," Hermione said. She turned to face them, buttoning her blouse up. It gave them a nice view of her bra clad breasts. Well, Harry got the view as his eyes didn't seem to want to cooperate. Ron meanwhile just yelped.

"HERMIONE! Cover up!" Ron shouted. Hermione frowned.

"Cover… Oh! Oh, right," she said quickly, buttoning up complete. She tied her Gryffindor-colored tie on, and pulled on her robes. "Sorry…?"

"Ah… You all right? We were worried," Harry said. Hermione nodded.

"Oh, I'm just fine. I got a bit wrapped up in the computer and all. But I'm fine now." She smiled. "So! Let's get some breakfast!" She clapped her hands together and walked up to them. Harry gave her a smile back, which made Hermione's own falter.

"Ah, you're making sense," Ron said with a nod. "Right! Come on, race you there!" He turned and ran off cheerfully, assuaged that all was right with the world. Harry, on the other hand, stared at Hermione's almost disturbed look.

"Hermione? You okay?" He asked. Hermione blinked a few times, and looked aside.

"Ah… It's nothing. I just…" She looked up at him with a suddenly shy smile. "It's been a while since I saw you smile… Like that, I mean."

"Oh," Harry said, blinking in confusion. Hermione's smile gained a bit of a warmer edge. Her eyes seemed to grow… Sultry?

"I kind of like it," she practically purred, walking out and by him with a rather significant brush against him. Harry started, and watched her go, his eyes on her swaying hips. He shook his head frantically, clearing his mind of suddenly lewd imagery his best friend had inspired. He looked over at the computer with a frown.

"Hey! Harry! Come on, you'll miss breakfast!" Ron shouted. Harry looked forward, and sighed. He looked back at the Room, and slowly shut the door. His eyes on the glowing computer monitor the whole time until the door shut.

Harry thought breakfast at the Great Hall would be a return to normalcy. He thought once everyone settled down, it would be a normal day. He didn't even have DADA, so no need to deal with Umbridge. It should have been just fine.

And then Hermione caught sight of the food, and began to drool like Ron.

"Oh… My… God," she practically moaned. She sat at the table, staring down at the food with sparkling eyes. "This is… What does it…?" She took a deep breath through her nostrils, and moaned again. "This is… It smells so good…!" Hermione grabbed some bacon and eggs, and dug in with her fork. She took a bite… And moaned again loudly.

"OMMM! It tastes so good!" She began to eat furiously, gobbling the food down like it was her first time eating.

"Uh," Ron grunted softly, and he looked over at Harry. Harry stared in disbelief too. Hermione grabbed a glass of orange juice, and gulped it down. She shuddered and moaned happily.

"Ohhhh YES! The feeling of-Of food just… Just sliding down your esophagus is so… Erotic," she moaned. She licked the fork eagerly. "Oh YES! And the taste, mmmm~!"

Everyone at the table was now staring at them. Neville in particular was gaining red cheeks as he watched Hermione act out.

"Hermione, are you all right?" Harry asked.

"All right? Is she on pixie dust?" Ron hissed.

"Hem hem," came an unpleasant voice. "Is everything… Quite all right, Miss Granger?" Simpered Umbridge. Harry grit his teeth, and took deep breaths. Hermione looked up and blinked a few times as though being utterly unfamiliar with Umbridge. She looked at Harry, and then at Umbridge.

"Oh yes… Just fine," she said tightly. "Just… Enjoying a sensory amplification charm."

"Well, feel free to remove it before you enter my class next week, hm?" She tittered, and walked away. Harry watched her go in repressed fury, before looking back at Hermione.


"Blimey, she is mental," Ron muttered. Hermione shrugged.

"Might as well just… You know… Throw off suspicion," she said softly. "After all," and here she smiled, "if she thinks we're barmy, she's not going to look at us as closely, is she?"

Harry frowned, and shrugged. "I guess I see your point, but-"

"Good morning Ronald, Harry, Hermione," said Luna cheerfully. "How are you today?"

Harry gave Luna a warm smile. Neville, he blushed and waved. Ron looked a bit nervous but smiled back at her happily. Hermione, on the other hand, froze stiff as a board. Luna turned and looked at her strangely.

"Hermione? Are you all right? You look like you've seen a Hogspurt," she said. Hermione took a deep breath.

"A… A what?" She squeaked.

"Oh, I'm not surprised you haven't heard of them," Luna said conversationally, "they exist just a few degrees outside of normal spacetime." She tilted her head and stared intently into Hermione's face. If Harry didn't know better, he'd say his best female friend was… Frightened? Who could be frightened of Luna?

"Oh… Y-You'll have to tell me about them. All about them. Later, much later!" Hermione said quickly. Her fingers were gripping the table tightly, tight enough her knuckles turned white. Luna on the other hand looked delighted.

"I'd love to! We can all go to Hogsmeade this weekend and discuss them!" She said happily. "I'll see you there." She turned and wandered off, her bottlecap necklace clinking as she went. Harry watched her go, and looked back to Hermione. She seemed a lot calmer now, though her eyes followed every movement the blonde made.

"Hermione?" Ron asked. "Just what did you see on that computer thing?"

"Nothing Ron, nothing," Hermione said. She returned to her breakfast, eating far more sedately. Harry and Ron shared a look, and nodded. First chance they got, they would get Hermione to Madam Pomfrey.

First chance they got.

Yet another fic I'm not sure when I'll get around to updating... But it will be an interesting ride all the same.