A/N: My pathetic attempt at humor. What do you think would happen if RE was actually a mixture of our favorite classic Disney movies? This idea just crept up on me while I was watching 'Beauty and the Beast' with my little sis. I thought I'd give humor a try, so if you don't think this is funny then be nice about it! It requires good knowledge of Disney cartoons though, especially Beauty and the Beast and of course the RE series; otherwise you'll be thinking, 'riiiiiiight'.

DISCLAIMER: All RE characters and DISNEY.

WARNING: This will contain MANY, MANY stupid songs and is basically a stupid fic. You might see it as bashing some characters, but that's not my intention, since everyone is basically made fun of. Besides I like ALL RE characters, but Ada and Brad:op


The Spencer mansion, deep in the forests of Raccoon City, is shown. A man with a deep voice starts to talk dramatically, but is not seen: (he's the narrator)

"Somewhere in the midst of Raccoon City, lived a lonesome cop called Leon S. Kennedy. He lived all alone..uh since he WAS lonesome after all. One stormy and rainy night, came an old beggar women asking for shelter in Leon's very big and almost empty mansion. She asked for shelter in exchange of a single green herb. The good-looking cop sneered at the gift of the ugly old woman and turned her away. She warned him not to be deceived by appearances..for beauty was in the inside. He told her to piss off again and so the woman's hideousness changed to reveal a beautiful enchantress by the name of Alexia. She decided to turn him into the nemesis, and told him that he must be able to learn to love a woman before all the leaves of the green herbs die..and earn her love in return, and then the spell would be broken. If not, then he will be doomed to remain a monster for ALL TIME...for who can ever love a monster as freaky and ugly as Nemesis?

These words are shown over the mansion: PRETTY BIKER GIRL AND THE UGLY NEMESIS DUDE (sorry, couldn't think of a better title!)


Claire Redfield drives down to Raccoon City on her motorbike, her hair blowing in the wind behind her. Images of a dark Raccoon City are flashed on the screen. Everything is dark and the atmosphere is tainted with evil. Silence is the only thing that could be heard in the 'deserted' forsaken town. Claire finally reaches the town, getting off her motorbike with a big smile on her face. She picks up her flower basket and happily walks through the town.

Music is now playing: (Think of the tune 'Little Town' from Beauty and the Beast)

Claire opens her mouth and starts to sing, slightly out of tune:

"Little town, it's a freaky villaage

Everyday, getting worse than befoooore

Little town, full of freaky ass people

Crawling oon tooo saaaaaaaay..."

Zombies and lickers pop out from different directions.





Claire looks around, still smiling, and then starts to sing again.

"There goes the licker with his tongue stickin out like always

The same old claws it uses to killllll

Every night it's just the same!

Coz it's the night I miserably came

To this scary provincial town..."

A zombie strolls over to Claire slowly.

"Aoohh aoooowww"

"Good evening, living dead guy!"

"aaooohh oweee aaaaahhh?"

"To the police station! I just read the most wonderful diary entry! About this guy being ripped open alive and-"

"Ahh ooaawwh"

Claire shrugs and feels insulted at being ignored in the middle of her story but walks on anyway. She walks on as zombies and lickers turn to stare at her, confused. They kept moaning and groaning as she walked by, obviously they were discussing her. She then jumps merrily onto a car taking out the diary entry she found lying over this dead man earlier. Little ugly infested rats surround her legs looking up at her as she sings again:

"Aaaaawww, isn't this amaaaaazing

It's my favorite part beeecaaaause, you'll seeeeee (she shows the diary to a rat, missing both eyes)

heeeeeere's where it gets real friiightning

But the blood and gore, doesn't start until it's paaage threeee"

Zombies and Lickers go back to conversing in their not so understandable language. Suddenly a guy shoots at a fat zombie, making its brains fly out all over the concrete ground and the zombie slowly falls to the ground with a PLOP.

"Wow, you didn't miss a shot Steve!! You're the greatest shooter in the whole world!!" says an over excited Alfred.

"I know." Say's Steve in a squeaky voice, blowing the smoke coming out from his gun.

"No zombie alive..I mean dead, stands a chance again you! HEHEHEH, and no living girl for that matter!"

"It's true Alfred, and I got my eyes set on that one!" Says Steve pointing in Claire's direction, who was busy reading.

"Chris's sister??"

"She's the one! The lucky girl I'm gonna stalk like a loser.."

"I know, but-"

"The most beautiful girl in town!"

Alfred looks around thinking that she didn't have much of a competition anyway, then says, "I know-"

"That makes her the best! And don't I deserve the best?" he says pointing his gun at Alfred threateningly.

"Well of course, I mean you do!"

Steve turns around and starts to sing, with a voice that could even drive zombies into committing suicide.

"Right from the moment that I met her, saw her

I said she's beautiful and I feeelllll (Literally)

Coz in the town there's only she

Who is as pretty faced as me (duh)

So I'm making plans to stalk and seduce Claaaire"

A bunch of Steve girl fans pop out of nowhere and also start to sing: (You can mostly hear Joanne Beverly)

"Look there, he goes, isn't he dreamy?

That babe, called Steve, oh he's so cute!

Be still, my heart, I'm hardly breathing!

He's such a -strong- guy- and-the-sweetest-dude!

Steve walks on past zombies and various other freaky creatures, shooting some on the way, and deciding to spare others as he strolled towards Claire.

Claire jumps into the middle of the crowd of freaky creatures dramatically and sings at the top of her lungs:

"There must be some sorta normal thing aliiiive"

Steve walks before her and sings:

"Guess what, I'm goin to make Claire my wiiiife"

Zombies, lickers and other infested scary looking creature's turn to each other, still confused, and then start doing a little dance until the music fades. After that they all get back to hunting for prey and so forth.

Steve runs after Claire who skips over to the Raccoon City police station. She seems to be very much into that diary in her hands.

"Well, good evening Claire!" He shrieks out, scaring Claire slightly.

She turns around sharply taking out a magnum from her 'flower basket' and points it at Steve.

"Woaah, relax beautiful. I was only saying good evening," he said, giving her a seductive smile, and putting away his own deadly weapon.

"Oh, hi Steve. How are you doing this fine day?"

"Well, you know the usual. Rescuing and protecting damsels in distress, such as your pretty self. Hanging up heads of zombies and giant crocodiles in my humble home," he said, flashing her a toothy smile once again.

Claire rolls her eyes, "well isn't that typical of you Steve. Now I really must get going. Chris must be wondering where the hell I am!"

"That crazy, guy! Man he's so overprotective! And he still insists that Umbrella is trying to take over the world!" says Alfred as he and Steve kill themselves laughing.

"Don't you dare talk about my brother that way!" Shouts Claire defensively as she takes out her mini machine guns and points them at both Steve and Alfred.

Steve slaps Alfred across the face, "I thought I told you to never talk about her bro like that!"

"My brother is not crazy! He's knows the truth about Umbrella!" She says. Just then an extremely terrified Brad runs out of the R.P.D building with a very angry Chris running after him with his shot gun. He shoots at Brad's legs making him run even faster.

"And if I ever see you grabbing at Barry's butt again, I'll kill you!!" He shouts, then gives two grunts before returning into the police station. Steve and Alfred stare at him dumbfounded, then fall on the floor laughing.

Claire puts both hands on her hips and frowns angrily. She then runs off into the Police Station to see why her brother was so angry. She runs in to see Jill comforting Barry as he sat there crying over his terrifying ordeal with Brad.

"Chris! What happened??" She asks running up to her brother in a theatrical fashion.

"Brad was acting gay again. This time he was picking on poor Barry, and now we're one man short for the Spencer mansion raid! I've about had it with Umbrella!!" He says angrily as he rubs his forehead dramatically.

Claire giggles and says, "you always say that."

"Well I mean it this time! We'll never get to take down Umbrella!!" he replies sulking.

Claire puts a comforting hand on his shoulder and looks at him lovingly. "Yes you WILL! You'll surely beat Wesker this time, and become the world's most famous hero!"

"You really think so??" He asks, giving her puppy dog eyes.

"I always have."

Chris now feels ready to take out just about anything from his sisters encouraging words. "Alright gang! Let's go to the Spencer mansion!!"

Jill and Barry: "YEAH!!"

A/N: R&R!! Lol, tell me how stupid this was! Man I'm sad, I actually know these Disney movies off by heart...but trust me, you would too if you had a 4 year old sister that repeats each movie 10 times a day! Ah well, I love both RE and Disney (lovely mix, ay?) so I thought I'd give this idea a try since I haven't seen anyone else use it^_^ I might not even finish this, unless I get good enuff reviews, coz seriously, what's the point then? So R+R. Gimme hints or something.