Attack on Titan © Hajime Isayama.
I need more of these guys in my life.
A Titan free moment between Erwin and Levi. I'm still not caught up on the manga yet, so some of this might be a little off but shh it's okay.
Levi Ackerman – what he lacks in height he makes up for in skill… and anger. Anger is what he felt when Erwin Smith returned with only one arm, but he held it in. When he first saw the damage, his breath got caught in his throat, but ultimately, after the anger subsided, there was relief – Erwin was alive. Erwin is alive.
"Does it bother you?" Erwin asks when he catches Levi staring. Much time has passed since the attack, but Erwin will never truly recover. Unlike Eren Jaeger, he can't simply grow another arm.
Levi looks away. "No. Does it bother you?"
"Why would it?" Erwin inquires.
"It's a constant reminder of your own mortality," Levi says softly. "It's a constant reminder at how weak human life is." But perhaps he is lying when he says it doesn't bother him and perhaps this is why it does.
"Talking like this… tsk…" Erwin murmurs, clicking his tongue and reading Levi like a book. "It doesn't suit you."
Levi forces a cynical smile. "So sorry. I forgot I'm not allowed to act like this, am I?"
"That's not what a mean," Erwin says, muttering the words and sighing. "You know that's not what I mean."
Levi shakes his head. "You're right, though. I'm not supposed to be scared. I'm not supposed to get angry, get attached… We're not supposed to show emotion. It will only distract us. We can't afford to get distracted. We're supposed to be soldiers, correct? This is what we trained for. We signed up for this. We knew what we were getting into. We fight and we die. Things like this shouldn't come as such a surprise." After a brief pause, Levi decides, "I don't want to talk anymore. You want to fuck me, right? That's why you called me into your office?"
Erwin gets up from his desk and approaches the shorter man, standing in front of him. He stares down while Levi stares up and when their eyes meet, Levi's throat feels dry.
"Strip," Erwin demands.
"Is that an order?" Levi asks lightly, reaching for the buttons on his shirt. The question rolls of his tongue each time they're together, almost like a joke but they both know it's not.
"Slowly…" he adds.
"Your wish is my command," Levi says somewhat cynically. He stares down as he gets undressed, but he feels Erwin's eyes on him, watching every move of his muscles and raking of every inch of his skin. Once he's bare, he begins undoing the buttons on Erwin's shirt. "Your arm… It doesn't bother me…" he insists again once Erwin's shirt is gone.
"It's okay if it does," Erwin promises.
Levi remains blank-faced for a moment before perching himself on his toes and pecking the commander on the lips. Without another word, he lies down on the desk, preparing himself.
With practised ease, Erwin unbuttons his pants as he watches the lewd sight. "I like you best like this," he says.
"Shut up…" Levi's breath hitches and Erwin simply smirks, positioning himself between Levi's open legs.
It's rough, but Levi likes it that way. It's a brief break from what's happening in the outside world, but still, Levi can't help but think about the first time he was in this position – trapped beneath a body much larger than his own. He was younger than he is now and far less worldly. It was before he knew just how filthy and disgusting humans could be. In fact, it was how he learned. Human beings are greedy, filthy beasts. They take what they want. They don't even hesitate. That's the world they live in. In times of war, things get dangerous. In desperate times, men turn into animals out of fear. He smiles bitterly at the memory before shaking it off and forcing it back to the farthest corner of his mind. There are days he almost prefers the titans… but then there are days like this and he finds comfort in being this close to another human being.
"Levi?" Erwin says in a syrupy voice.
"Shut up," he replies hoarsely, glancing up at his superior and trying not to look at the stump on the taller man's shoulder. "Just finish."
Erwin pauses, staring down. "You insist on doing this," he starts, "yet you seem to hate it."
Levi softens at the words. "I don't hate it."
"You know, you look years younger when you're eyebrows aren't so angry," Erwin comments.
"Tsk," Levi clicks his tongue before repeating himself, "I said shut up… don't talk when we're in this position."
Erwin tilts an eyebrow. "Why?" he asks.
"It's unattractive," Levi responds easily.
"You never talk otherwise," Erwin accuses. "When I've got you like this, you can't run away."
"Oh, is that what this is?" Levi inquires. "Is that why we do this?"
"You know it's not." Erwin says, bending down so their faces are mere inches apart. "So, who else have you let inside of you? Eren?"
"No," Levi scoffs. "He's so young."
"So, you like old men?"
"You're not that much older than I am," Levi murmurs. "Just hurry up and finish. I don't want to talk when we're like this."
Erwin looks mildly humored, but he relents and doesn't say another word. He begins moving his hips again, thrusting into the body beneath him. He stares down at Levi, watching his expression change. He starts moaning and panting, as though in a daze. Erwin reaches forward and curls his fingers around Levi's cock, stroking it. Levi arches, throwing his head back as he comes on himself.
"Want me to pull out?" Erwin asks in a strained tone.
"Please," Levi murmurs, closing his eyes. A moment later, he hears a grunt and feels something warm on his chest. He forces back a grimace, opening his eyes and staring up at the commander.
"You're always so loud…" Erwin comments.
Levi lets out a breath. "Would you rather I stay quiet?"
"No," Erwin says. "I like it… you're almost like a girl."
"Some girls are quiet," Levi retorts.
"You'd know?" Erwin taunts.
"I had quite the past, remember?" Levi gives shoots him a less than sincere smile before sobering. "Filthy," he murmurs, perching himself up on his elbows and glancing at the mess on his stomach.
"It doesn't have to be a bad thing," Erwin insists, eliciting a sound of blatant disagreement from Levi.
"I need a shower," he says, dismissing Erwin's attempt. "Let me stand up."
"How long have we been doing this?" Erwin muses aloud, leaning forward so their stomachs press together.
"You're making the mess even worse…" Levi says with a sigh.
Erwin demands, "Answer the question."
"A while," Levi tells him vaguely. It's been years and they both keep insisting it's purely physical – it's carnal lust, but nothing more. Oh, how wrong they are… but the Survey Corps is no place for romance.
"Who else have you had since then?" Erwin pries.
"No one," Levi says honestly.
"Good," Erwin smiles, reaching forward and touching a strand of brunet hair. "You're not allowed to let anyone else have you like this."
"Is that an order?" Levi asks.
"Yes," the commander says before drawing away and releasing Levi.
He stands up, staring down at his stomach. He kneels down next his clothing and grabs a handkerchief from the pocket of his shirt, using it to wipe the mess of his stomach.
"Better?" Erwin asks, pulling his pants back up and buttoning them before cleaning his own abdomen off.
"I still need a shower," Levi says quietly.
"No, you don't," Erwin insists, approaching him and wrapping his arm around the shorter man's shoulders.
Levi closes his eyes and presses his forehead against Erwin's broad chest. He feels so much, but he says so little about the things that matter most. He wraps his arms around Erwin's midsection and shudders slightly, trying hard to suppress every negative emotion he's feeling.
"Are you crying?" Erwin asks flatly.
"Yes, you are," he says knowingly.
"Shut up," Levi hisses, tightening his grip. "Just… shut up…" He can feel Erwin's heartbeat. He's alive. They're both alive and trying hard to keep it that way. Levi has learned over and over again that in times of crisis, people exhibit the worst parts of themselves – whether or not it's conscious. Maybe Erwin is no different. Maybe that's why he can be so, so selfish. Because he's scared – scared of losing important things. Levi is scared, too.
"It's okay to be afraid," Erwin tells him, once again reading his mind with ease. "You'd be a fool not to be."
Levi doesn't respond. He draws away and turns around, swiping at his eyes a few times before picking Erwin's shirt off the floor and putting it on. He swims in the fabric and it covers him modestly.
"You look good in my clothes," Erwin comments.
"Shut up," he says flatly, turning around. His eyes are glassy, his face is flushed and his nose is red but Erwin doesn't say a damn thing about it. Levi would only spite him. Nobody wants pity.
"I think we're far past you telling me to shut up after every word that leaves my mouth," Erwin tells him gently, sitting down at his desk chair. Levi sits on his lap, sinking into him.
"Don't die," he murmurs suddenly. "Promise me… Promise me you won't die… and I'll promise you the same."
"I won't die," Erwin promises.
But when tomorrow comes, all they can do is hope they'll still be standing by the end of the day.