TITLE: She's Back
AUTHOR: Kelly Rowe
SUMMARY: Challenge Fic. Darla is back and the scoobies come to LA to help.
DISCLAIMER: Buffy, Angel and all other characters (except those I make up) are the absolute property of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and Warner Bros (If I owned them, the events of Buffy season 4 or most of season 3 wouldn't have occurred).
SPOILERS: General (if any)
TIMELINE: Between season 4 and 5 BTVS and seasons 1 and 2 Angel.
DISTRIBUTION: You want you can have it, just tell me where you put it.
CONTENT: Adult themes. Riley and Kate bashing.
NOTES: Challenge requirements at end of fiction.
Angel was asleep, dreaming the most wonderful dream. He was holding Buffy in his arms as they walked along the beach in the sun, when suddenly Buffy reached up and kissed him. It felt so real, yet not all like Buffy's usual kiss.
He awoke to find Darla leaning over him, "Was it good for you too?" she asked him.
Angel stared at her for a minute before asking, "Darla?" He could hardly believe it washer, she was dead. He should know he killed her to protect Buffy.
"Hard to believe it's me, huh?" she asked. "I suppose it would be for you. You know Angel, I've decided to forgive you for that death-thing. I realise it was all her fault, Buffy".
Seeing the look on Darla's face, Angel said "It was me. Buffy had nothing to do with it". "Even now you still defend her. You are so pathetic" Darla proclaimed, getting ready to leave. "She will die, Angel. You can't protect her all the time".
Then she left. Angel quickly got up and headed to the phone to call the gang in Sunnydale to warn them.
Giles was enjoying a quiet afternoon, reading when the phone rang. "Hello?" he answered.
"Giles, it's Angel".
"Yes, what is it?" Giles asked.
"Darla's back" Angel simply stated.
"How is that possible? I thought that you killed her".
"I did and I don't know how or why she'd back. I'm calling because she still seems to have it in for Buffy" Angel told him.
"My God. Buffy is in LA at the moment, visiting her father".
"Giles, you have to warn her" Angel said, with a hint of desperation in his voice.
"I will" Giles swore.
"I'll call back if I have any news" Angel said, hanging up.
Giles took a moment to ponder the situation and was about to ring Buffy, when the phone rang again.
"Angel, that was quick. What do you need?"
"Why exactly is Angel calling you?" came a voice down the line.
"Oh, Buffy it's you" Giles said.
"Why are you calling?"
"I was going to ell you Riley and I were going to stay a few days, but if you need me back in Sunnydale..."
"No, infact we're coming to LA. Something big is up and I think Angel could use some help" Giles explained.
"Is he okay?" Buffy asked, concerned.
"He's fine. It's you he's worried about. Darla's back".
"Wait a sec...Darla...bad hair, catholic school girl outfit, sire, total bitca. That Darla?"
"Yes. Buffy just keep look out, don't do anything until we all get there, please" Giles begged.
"Ok, I'll be good" Buffy replied.
"We'll be there early tomorrow morning".
"Ok, see you then Giles".
"Bye Buffy". Giles hung up the phone confident that Buffy would keep her word and not do anything without back-up.
Buffy idly wandered back into the living room of her dad's house, where her father and Riley were having an animated conversation about the corporate structure of the modern law firm.
"Wow, I think it's great you're a senior partner Hank" Riley said, for the millionth time that evening.
"Yes. Especially since I work for Wolfram and Hart, they are the top law firm in California" Hank replied.
Buffy realised this conversation would continue for a long time yet made an impulsive decision. "I think I'm gonna go for a walk", she said.
"Sure" Riley said.
"Be careful" Hank mumbled.
Buffy left the house after pocketing Riley's car keys and headed for Angel's office.
Meanwhile Angel was in his office surrounded by Cordy and Wesley. They were trying to form a strategy for fighting Darla, when Cordy suddenly doubled over in pain. Wesley ran to get the pain killers and when the vision was over Cordy paused for a moment before telling Angel the message.
"Well..." Angel asked, impatiently.
"Ok, I saw two funny looking people, who were wearing God only knows what. I mean their outfits sucked, it made them look like homeless people wearing bedsheets..."
"Cordy" Angel said, as Wesley passed the pills to her.
"Did they want something?"
"Well does the word duh, mean anything to you. They need to see you pronto", she replied super sarcastically.
Angel grabbed his jacket and ran out of the office. That was when Wesley asked, "Why did he do that?"
"I dunno" Cordy said, "But if he starts wearing a bed sheet, I'm so outta here".
When Angel arrived at the Oracles chamber, he was shocked to find them there again.
"You seem shocked warrior?" the female said.
"I am" Angel replied.
"What gift did you bring us?" the male asked.
"An antique silver jewellery box" Angel answered, handing over the gift.
"We have summoned you to tell you she will not revive Angelus" the female said.
"Darla will not succeed" the male agreed.
"Why?" Angel asked, curiously.
"The powers have rewarded you with a permanent soul" the female told him.
"Be gone" the male replied.
When Angel arrived back underneath the post office, his first thought was that he had to tell Buffy. That's when he realised he couldn't, she'd moved on like he'd foolishly told her too, she had that slimy fishboy now. He headed back to the office to tell the two people he knew would be happy for him.
Buffy arrived at Angel Investigations, just after Cordy and Wesley had headed home. After banging on the door for a few minutes she gave up and sank to the floor, unsure of what she should do next.
That's where Angel found her, "Buffy?" he asked in surprise. She looked up at him and smiled, "I heard you could use some help".
"From you, always" he told her, helping her to her feet. he let her in and they went into his apartment where he set about making her some tea.
"Nice place" Buffy commented.
"It's ok" Angel muttered.
"I liked your old place better though".
"Really, I didn't think you'd noticed it, with Faith there and all" Angel said.
"No, from my first visit. You know thanksgiving" she told him.
Angel stopped what he was doing, "You didn't come into my old apartment on your first visit".
"Angel, stop it. I told you I'd never forget and I didn't it just took a while for me to remember". Angel stood there in shock, so Buffy continued. "I know nothing can happen but I thought you should know that I..."
Buffy never got to finish what she was saying because Angel flew across the room and kissed her passionately.
"Wow" she said, when he broke the kiss.
"Yeah" Angel agreed, leaning in to kiss her again when she stopped him. "What?" he asked.
"We can't your soul..." Buffy said.
"It's permanent" Angel replied.
"Since when?" she asked, preparing to blast him if he said he'd known for a long time.
"Since like thirty minutes ago".
"Okay" Buffy said, pulling Angel into a kiss. Angel picked Buffy up and carried her into the bedroom.
It was an hour until dawn when Giles and the Scoobies arrived at Buffy's dad's house. The door opened before they could even get out of the car, Riley rushed over to them and asked if they'd seen Buffy or more importantly his car.
"What does that mean?" Giles asked frostily.
"She didn't come home last night and my car's missing?" Riley replied.
Spike sat in the back of the car laughing. "I betcha Slayer ran off to see Peaches, even though you told her not too" he said.
"Let's not assume anything" Giles said calmly. "We'll go to Angel's and see if Buffy's there and if not then we panic".
"I'm coming too" Riley said, climbing in and sitting on Spike's lap.
"Get off me you bloody fishboy, or pain or no pain I'll eat you" Spike said, viciously.
"Spike, shut up and lump it" Giles told him.
"What's that smell?" Xander asked.
"Look" Giles yelled, losing his temper. "We're not far from Angel's office. I know Riley stinks and this is a confined area but tough, no more complaints".
They rode the rest of the way in silence and arrived at the office just as Cordy and Wesley did.
"Hey guys" Cordy said, excited to see her friends.
"Hi" they replied.
"Who's the elephant man?" Cordy asked, after getting a look at Riley.
"This is Slayer's fishboy" Spike replied.
"Did Buffy lose her eyesight as well as her sense of smell, when she met this guy?" Cordy asked, unlocking the office door.
"Have you seen Buffy?" Willow asked them worriedly.
"No" Wesley said, "maybe Angel did".
They all walked down to the apartment towards the bedroom, when they heard the noise they all backed off. Except for Riley who opened the door and entered, what he saw shocked him and everyone else. They had caught Buffy and Angel in the middle of having sex. When Giles realised this, he hauled them out of the bedroom.
That's when Cordy said, "I can't believe them. Alone for more than thirty seconds and their hormones go into overdrive".
"Maybe this has to do with whatever the oracles had to tell Angel?" Wesley commented.
With that comment everyone fell silent wondering if that could be true, except Riley who said, "She was never that noisy with me. It sounds like she's dying in there".
"What a way to go" Anya said, earning her a look from Xander.
"Shut up Riley. Everyone knows about your inadequacies in the bedroom. Buffy told us all about them", Willow said. Everyone sat there and waited for Buffy and Angel to emerge.
Across town at the offices of Wolfram and Hart, Hank Summers sat in a darkened room with Holland and Lyndsey waiting for their guest to arrive. It didn't take long before Darla was escorted in.
"Well, well...What's wrong boys?" Darla asked.
"We've had word, Angel's soul is permanent. Also he spent the night with the slayer", Lyndsey replied.
"Buffy", Darla ranted. "I hate Buffy".
"Buffy?" Hank asked, amazed that someone else hah, had the nerve to name their daughter that.
"Yeah. The school girl slayer, who bats her eyes at vamps until they fall for her, forsaking their sires" Darla replied, bitterly.
"Well if we want to get at Angel, we'll have to kill the slayer" Holland said.
"Goody" Darla said.
"Darla, would you like to kill the slayer?" Lyndsey asked her.
Darla didn't answer, she just sat there with a big smile on her face.
As Hank left the conference room an uneasy feeling settled over him, he brushed it aside, he had more import things to think about.
Back at Angel's apartment, the guys had gone into the office to research while the girls stayed in the apartment. The research topic they were discussing was not Darla's resurrection, but which guy was the most do-able.
"I still say Wesley" Cordy said, loyally.
"Vote how you want, he'll never know" Anya replied. "I vote Angel, even dead he's hotter than Xander".
"Well, my vote makes two for Angel" Buffy said. "Wils who do you think?"
Willow blushed bright red and mumbled, "Spike".
"What?" the others said. "I said Spike"
"Wils, we heard. We just can't believe it" Buffy told her.
The conversation was interrupted by Spike who had been listening, coming into the room. "Sorry to interrupt you gal's but Anya's boytoy spilt soda all over me and I need to change", he said. "Hey Red". Spike then went into Angel's bedroom to change.
When he was gone Willow asked, "Do you think he heard?"
"Yep" Cordy said.
"Oh no" Willow said, burying her face in her hands. The girls decide to work on Darla's resurrection but were interrupted again, this time by Spike's outfit. He was wearing skin-tight leather pants and a bright pink shirt. When Buffy saw this she burst out laughing.
"What are you wearing, Chip-head?"
"It's all I have. Xander's little joke" Spike replied.
"Borrow one of Angel's shirts" Buffy told him.
Spike's face lit up with an evil idea, "Sure" he replied, returning to the bedroom.
"What's he up to?" Cordy asked.
"I don't know, but I'm sure we'll find out" Buffy answered.
They got their answer a minute later when spike emerged, dressed identically to Angel. "What do ya think Slayer?" he asked.
"I think it'll drive Angel nuts" Buffy told him.
"Perfect" Spike replied, leaving. "See-ya Red".
About a minute later they heard yelling. "I don't think Angel is impressed with Spike's new look" Cordy said.
With a laugh they all got back to work.
Finally it was an hour before sunset and everyone was just relaxing together.
"Where's fishboy?" Spike asked, from where he was sitting next to Willow.
"Maybe we lucked out and he left" Buffy said hopefully.
It was then that Riley reappeared, dressed from head to toe in leather.
Everyone stared at him in silence, until Cordy screamed. "Aahhh, I'm blind, blind I tell you. Buffy your stupid, slimy fishboy has made me go blind by wearing that outfit".
"So how do you like me now, Buffy?" Riley asked in his squeaky girlie voice, popping a pill into his mouth.
"Not at all" Buffy replied.
"What did you just take?" Xander asked sarcastically, "Your female hormones?"
That's when everyone burst out laughing at him, and Riley being the total idiot that he is joined in.
"Angel?" Cordy said.
"Doesn't fishboy here, remind you of Kate?" she asked.
"Actually, yeah" Angel answered.
"Who's Kate?" Willow asked.
Cordy fielded this question. "She's LAPD. She had a sickening crush on Angel, then found out he was a vamp,so she changed her mind. Then she decided he might be ok, then some vamps killed her dad and she's now on some weird crusade to rid LA of vamps, including Angel".
"What a moron" Xander commented.
"I call her Detective Dopey" Cordy said, proudly.
"She doesn't sound as bad as Riley" Giles commented.
"No one can be that bad" Buffy said.
That was when they heard a banging coming from he sewer entrance.
Darla stood in the sewer trying to access Angel's place but couldn't. She was about to give up and find another way when it was opened.
Angel stood there, "I've been thinking, Buffy deserves to die. You should see her boyfriend".
"I knew you'd see it my way" Darla said, letting Angel help her into the apartment. "It'll be just like old..."
Darla never got to finish what she was saying because Buffy staked her. "How many times do I have to tell them", she said. "No one messes with my boyfriend".
Angel leaned down and gave Buffy a quick kiss, "Good job", he told her.
Just then Kate arrived. "What are you doing here?" Angel asked her.
"Someone rang the station and reported a..." Kate took out a notebook and read a name. "Riley Finn, for selling black market Viagra".
Everyone in the room turned to look at Spike, who simply replied, "What did you expect, I'm evil".
Riley came out of the bathroom and Spike told Kate, "There's your fishboy".
"Riley Finn, you are under arrest for the selling of Viagra illegally" Kate said.
"Ok", Riley replied. "But could we stop off at the hospital first, because when I was in the bathroom my dick fell off". He held it up for the room to see.
"My God", Cordy said. "I didn't think they came that small".
As Riley was led away he saw Buffy grab Angel and pull him into the bedroom. Wow he thought, Buffy is so thoughtful to be putting her old boyfriend to bed.
Cordy stood with the others and said, "Do you think he even realises that she dumped him?"
"Nope" Spike replied.
"Well lets go celebrate our victory", Cordy said going back inside and quickly coming back out after hearing the noise. "I know a great club we can go too".
Darla's back (still a vamp)
Angel calls Sunnydale to tell them
Scoobies come to help
Buffy and Riley already in LA visiting her dad
Hank is a senior partner at Wolfram and Hart
Wolfram and Hart don't know Buffy is the slayer
Riley gets dumped but doesn't realise it (total idiot)
COUPLES: B/R, B/A, X/A, Wi/S, C/We
Buffy remembering IWRY
Angel finding out his soul is permanent
Oracles returning and Cordy saying something insulting about their outfits
Major Riley and Kate bashing
Hank or Riley walking in on Buffy and Angel
A conversation between Buffy, Cordy, Willow and Anya about do-able guys
Cordy claiming to have gone blind after seeing Riley in leather
MUST HAVE AT LEAST 3 OF:
Spike and Angel dressed identically
Spike wearing a pink shirt and leather pants
Riley getting a poker stuck into him
Riley getting arrested for selling black market viagra
Tainted viagra making Riley's dick fall off