Note: Takes place before the beginning of Kill La Kill, but after the end (failed wedding) of Ranma.
"...A lightning assault?"
The Elite Four were each individually surprised by their lady's statement, which had seemingly come entirely out of the blue. Nonon was the first to speak.
"But how come, Satsuki-chan? And on what?"
The girl in question looked up from her tea to respond. "On a high school we have not yet conquered, from the Western Kanto region."
"Eh? Aren't they still holding out against us right now?" Sanageyama asked, slightly confused.
"Yes. However, while it lies within the area, it is not within the portion actively resisting us." Satsuki replied. "This presents us with an opportunity, and it is one I am choosing to take. We will fly in by helicopter and subjugate the school before anyone even realizes what is happening."
The serious girl took another sip of her tea before continuing. "That being said, our true objective will not actually be to put the school under our control- that is merely the front we will put forward. In reality, we will be searching for someone skilled enough to join our higher ranks."
"Oh? We're trying to enlist a transfer student?" Nonon asked, pulling a flute out of her hat and absently cleaning it as she mulled this over. "So, the Elite Four may be in need of a name change soon?"
Satsuki simply nodded. Considering what they would eventually be going up against, they needed all the help they could get. Nowhere else in the country had quite as many major fighting related incidents surrounding it as this school supposedly did- surely there was someone of at least some talent there. And if not, it only helped further enhance the facade she had created until the time came to face Ragyo.
"We will be undertaking this by ourselves?" Gamagori inquired.
Satsuki nodded. "As I said, this will be Blitzkrieg- lightning war. We will come down hard, fast, and with little to no warning, although we will of course give them a chance to surrender themselves- if they actually do so, this will have been a waste of our time. Regardless, it should take less than half a day to complete, so we have no need of additional forces that will do nothing but slow us down."
"I see..." Gamagori nodded in understanding. "And where will we be going, Lady Satsuki?"
"A school known as Furinkan High."
"...Furinkan... hmm..." Inumuta pondered aloud before breaking in to a sudden fit of typing on his ever-present laptop. "Part of the Nerima ward... the area is renowned for its various esoteric fighting styles and its extremely competent construction crews. Said to be a must-visit for any martial artists wishing to prove their strength. I see why you chose this location, Lady Satsuki."
"Quick on the uptake as always, Inumuta." Satsuki noted, allowing herself a small, thin smile.
"Heh, sounds like my kinda place!" Sanageyama exclaimed as he rested his head against the couch.
Nonon smirked. "Since when was swinging around bamboo a martial art, Monkey? You're no artist, you're a thug with a stick."
"Hey! Kendo may not be a martial art, but-"
"It matters not." Gamagori cut in before an argument could start. "We must prepare ourselves. Lady Satsuki, when will we be departing?"
Satsuki closed her eyes and stood.
"We are approaching Furinkan High School." the pilot stated matter-of-factly from the front seat.
Satsuki eyed the school from the window of the private helicopter. There were visible signs of battle damage around the schoolyard, but none so severe that they did more than affect the aesthetic of the place. Otherwise, it was rather peaceful, even ordinary looking... but Satsuki knew better than many not to judge solely from appearances. There was proof enough here that this was indeed a school that had seen many fights- it was time to see just where those scars had come from.
The helicopter began to descend, dangling its person-laden ladder down as the school drew closer. Student's heads were already beginning to peek out of the windows, no doubt drawn by the sound of the vehicle's blades cutting through the air.
As soon as they reached the school's perimeter wall, the four council members hanging from the ladder leaped off of it as one, landing perfectly in position on the narrow platform to frame a small center space, large enough for but a single person to stand. The helicopter's ladder withdrew as the aircraft descended just low enough for Satsuki to step out of its side and directly on to the space framed by her Four, the branches of the nearby trees whipping back and forth from the wind as she exited the craft.
...The wall wasn't nearly as tall as she would have liked, honestly. Satsuki instantly knew that she should probably have stayed in the helicopter to do this- it was too late to back up and start over though, so she would have to make the best of it.
More students in dull blue uniforms began to lean out of the side of the building, many cramming over each other to get a glimpse at perhaps the most dramatic arrival the school had seen in ages. This turned out to be a mistake, as the moment Satsuki opened her mouth to speak, a burst of rainbow light inexplicably began shining from behind her, temporarily blinding the many students who had the misfortune to be looking directly at her.
"I am Kiryuin Satsuki, Student Council President of Hounnouji Academy!" Satsuki yelled, her voice projecting more than loudly enough to be heard over the dull roar of the helicopter, which was taking off even as she spoke. "As of now, Furinkan High is under our control! Surrender, or be crushed beneath our feet!"
As she spoke, a boy wearing what appeared to be non-standard red and black clothing suddenly came tumbling out of a third story window, landing in a crouch before dusting himself off and beginning to walk towards the quintet whilst grumbling to himself.
Satsuki ignored this in favor of continuing.
"All attempts at resistance are futile! Submit yourselves, for you shall only be truly free once you have yielded to fear! Accept that truth, you pigs in human clothing!"
It was, all in all, a rather typical sounding speech for Satsuki- not being in the highest possible position in the area was perhaps leaving her less than inspired- but it was still plenty intimidating, and should have had the desired effect. However, to the five newcomer's collective surprise, the students staring out of the school's windows (those that weren't still rubbing the spots out of their eyes) didn't look frightened, resigned, or even defiant, so much as enthralled, as if waiting for a show to start. The red clothed boy now standing below them merely blinked, which was hardly an appropriate reaction to an imperial demand for surrender.
"I missed about half of that," he began, apparently addressing Satsuki, "and I really got no idea what you're talkin' about, but I think you're looking for Pig Boy? Man, that's a relief... one sec', I'll get him for ya'."
Not giving Satsuki any time to process the cryptic statement, the pigtailed boy took in a deep breath before suddenly expelling it in one loud statement.
"HEY RYOGA! I CAN SEE AKANE'S PANTIES FROM HERE!"
"WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?!" came an enraged female cry from the same window the boy had fallen from.
A fraction of a second later, there was a resounding crash as a portion of the school's outer wall fell down, and a rugged looking teen wearing traveling clothes and a tiger striped bandana stepped through, immediately leaping towards the boy who had just given his inexplicable announcement.
"RAAAAANNNNNMAAAAAA! HOW DARE YOU DEFILE AKANE LIKE THAT!"
"Huh, that was fast. I should use this more often, like when you get lost on the occasional times we actually need you around." the original boy said, more to himself than anyone else, as he sidestepped a strike from the other boy's umbrella that cratered the ground.
Satuski raised an eyebrow by a millimeter. Interesting...
As the newer arrival leveled a punch, the boy in the Chinese clothes dodged and grabbed his arm, redirecting its momentum in order to spin the other teen around to face Satsuki, who continued to look down upon the proceedings with a fierce, yet impassive seeming expression.
The boy, apparently known as Ryoga, looked confused for a moment before growing angry again. "And who is this, another fiancee?! RANMA, YOU-"
"Actually, she said she was looking for YOU, Ryoga!" the pigtailed teen interrupted with a wide smile. "She specifically asked for the 'pig in human clothing', so I knew just who to call. You sly dog, go get em' buddy!" he said cheerfully as he slapped his opponent on the back, sending him stumbling towards the wall upon which Satsuki and her council stood. The bandana wearing boy immediately turned back around and charged back towards his adversary.
"Shut up Ranma! You know I could never betray Akan- Akari like that!"
"Then what was with that little slip of the tongue, huh?"
The other boy sputtered with indignation. "I- gah, wha- ARGHHHH, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! RANMA PREPARE TO DIE!"
"WHAT'S my fault exactly?" the first boy asked with a note of incredulity while backflipping away from another head on attack. "Man, you just make less and less sense every time you show up anymore. Alright, it's been a boring day anyways. Bring it on P-Chan!"
The fight between the two began in earnest before quickly being interrupted as a desk came flying out a window, striking the pigtailed member of the pair in the back of the head. The other member paled as he considered just who might have heard Ranma's "pig" comment.
"HEY PERVERT! DON'T YOU DARE LOOK AT MY UNDERWEAR! AND QUIT PICKING ON RYOGA!" yelled a girl with short, dark hair from a third floor window.
"Crazy macho chick, like I'd ever really wanna look up your skirt! And stop throwin' stuff!" returned the boy who had been hit, using his hands to spring off the ground as his opponent (now reassured that nothing important had been found out) took advantage of the distraction, somehow pulling multiple bandanas out of the one on his head and tossing them overhand like knives.
Satsuki closed her eyes and shook her head an imperceptibly small amount to clear her thoughts. As interesting as the bizarre drama that appeared to be unfolding before her was, it told her little about who here was actually fit to defend the world from COVERS when the time came. While they clearly could fight, what she needed to see was who would resist if a hostile takeover began- and who might just have the potential to win.
Sensing the implication, Gamagori nodded and leapt off the wall, directly in to the middle of the fray.
The two martial artists froze, one of them suddenly heavily reminded of a similar move from a forbidden style.
"I AM HOUNNOUJI ACADEMY'S STUDENT COUNCIL DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE CHAIR, GAMAGORI IRA!" Gamagori yelled at the top of his lungs as he landed between the two martial artists, the impact being comparable to a minor earthquake. "YOU WILL BOW BEFORE LADY SATSUKI! EITHER DO SO BY YOUR OWN WILL, OR BE MADE TO BOW!" he continued while picking up the surprised pair by the back of their shirts. "SUBMIT, AND MAKE THINGS EASIER UPON YOURSELVES!"
"...Oy Jumbo, this is between me and him, stay out of it would ya'?" Ranma said nonchalantly as he hit a pressure point on Gamagori's hand, loosening the massive fingers' grip enough for him to slip out and fall the six foot drop the to ground.
"RANMA, YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" Ryoga screamed at a volume nearing Gamagori's own, currently too angry to truly pay attention to anything besides Ranma and easily prying apart the fingers that held him before dropping as well.
The fighters resumed their battle, completely ignoring an utterly baffled Gamagori.
Satsuki's mouth twitched up for a fraction of a second. Well, it appeared that the tales about this place hadn't been entirely exaggerated after all. They were strong... but how long could they resist under a true assault force?
"Inumuta, Jakuzure, Sanageyama."
"Yes, Lady Satsuki?" chorused the three council members who had remained on the wall with her.
"Enter the school and test the other students for resistance. Anyone who cowers or appears to be nothing more than a common street fighter is beneath our notice, but bring or draw anyone who fights and lasts long enough over to the schoolyard. You may transform if necessary, but do not use lethal force." Satsuki ordered.
"Should we do something about that first?" Sanageyama asked, staring down at the continuing brawl going on below them. Gamagori had reentered the fray, and was now attempting to restrain at least one of the combatants, but was having difficulty catching or keeping a hold of either of them now that he had lost the element of surprise.
Satsuki shook her head. "No. This is Gamagori's battle. In the event that it becomes absolutely necessary, I will personally intercede. Go, now!"
"Yes, Lady Satsuki!" the remaining Elite four called out in tandem before dropping from the wall and sprinting for the school.
Satsuki waited until they were halfway there before setting her stance and preparing herself to assist Gamagori. He likely would be unable to take on both of them if what she was witnessing now was any indication- and perhaps she needed a little stress relief anyways. It had been a rather long week.
"You there, knave!"
Sanageyama stopped in his mad dash towards the school, looking around for the source of the voice while his fellow council members ran on ahead. He was the only one of the group that would really qualify for the title of "knave" after all.
"I heard your mistress' announcement. So, you seek to conquer this fine establishment of learning, do you?" asked his apparently class-skipping opponent as he stepped out from behind a tree. "Well you shall go no further, for you face Kuno Tatewaki, age 18, captain of the Kendo Club, also known as The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!"
The boy said this all in an extremely theatrical manner, posing dramatically with a wooden sword he seemed to have pulled from his side. Sanageyama was about ready to begin either laughing or clapping- he couldn't decide which- when a bolt of lightning cracked overhead, despite the complete lack of clouds. The other sword user looked up incredulously towards the sky, wondering if he could learn how to do that.
"It is I who shall be your opponent today! Prepare thyself!" Kuno finished, holding his bokken in a ready position.
Eventually lowering his head back to the ground, Sanageyama stared at his opponent's choice of weapon. "Hmm... kendo, huh?" he stated more than asked. "I do a bit of that myself..."
Sanageyama smirked cockily as he drew out his shinai, his own practice sword a "step below" Kuno's and made of bamboo instead of wood, but used for roughly the same purpose. Neither of them were planning on using their respective weapons "properly" enough for that to matter much anyways.
Kuno blinked at the sight, before standing up straighter in order to address Sanageyama once more. "A fellow swordsman, are you? Tell me then, what is your name, so I may know whom I have defeated at this battle's end?"
Sanageyama couldn't help it- he grinned, genuinely. Sure, the ancient samurai act this guy was putting out was a little cliche, but he could really get behind the dramatic proclamations bit- in fact, he could play that game quite easily.
"I am Hounnouji Academy's Student Council Athletic Committee Chair, Sanageyama Uzu! Former representative of the Northern Kanto Gang Leader Alliance! Three star student under the command of Lady Satsuki, and..."
He gave his sword a well practiced twirl before resting it on his shoulder.
"...Kendo Club Captain." he finished, flashing his teeth with a confident grin.
"I see..." Kuno stage-whispered. "Then I give you this chance to prove yourself in combat, my brother. But know this, Sanageyama!" Kuno declared, pointing his sword at his white clad opponent. "Today is the day of your defeat! For whether you prove to be a worthy opponent or not, you shall not triumph here!"
The three star student grinned even wider. "Is that so? I am the strongest of Hounnounji Academy's Elite Four! The all seeing blade of Lady Satsuki, the irresistible spear that pierces all in her path! You will not win this battle, for as long as I have these eyes, I cannot lose!"
Had there been any observers to this "fight", by now they would have either broken out in fits of laughter at the sheer ridiculousness of what was quickly becoming ham on ham combat, or begun to grow frustrated at how long these two were taking to start beating each other with their stupid sticks already. Thankfully, the pre-battle script finally seemed to run out of material, as the two fell quiet and faced each other.
It would have been a considerably tense scene- a pair of swordsmen facing off, their hair blowing in a light breeze as each one readied their respective weapons. Two masters of the (practice) blade, both of them skilled enough to use mere wood and bamboo more effectively than steel. Their eyes locked upon each other's, staring their opponent down in preparation of a truly dramatic showdown... except that the sounds of Ranma, Ryoga, and what Sanageyama thought was likely Gamagori fighting each other was still going on in the background, making the affair more comical than anything else.
The two did their best to ignore it though.
And on some unspoken signal...
"...okay, so I've got 1:2 odds that she's a new fiancee of Ranma's, 1:3 odds that she's here seeking vengeance on Ranma or to kidnap my sister, 1:5 odds that she's here for both, and 1:10 odds that she's here for something else entirely." Nabiki announced as she began the betting pool.
"What kind of odds can I get on Ranma picking her in the end if she is a new fiancee?"
"Can't say just yet, come back later."
"Can I get odds on the wrinkled gnome guy showing up?"
"1:1. She's a girl. You don't get to bet on Happosai showing up unless the new arrival is male; we've discussed this before."
"What kind of odds do I get on ALL the new arrivals being fiancees, either to his guy or girl form?"
"I'll give you 1:50 on that, how much are you betting?"
"Hey, hold on. Didn't she just say she was here to take the school or something? So don't we already know she's not here as a fiancee?"
"Please, what they say initially is hardly EVER all there is to Ranma's enemies, especially the girls. Every fiancee he's got, Akane included, either is or was trying to kill him at some point. I'll give you 1:25 odds on that if you'd like, but if this Satsuki girl has any other motivations, or changes goals at some point, the house wins."
A sky blue haired boy stood silently just outside the doorframe, discretely observing the mass of people congregating around the bookmaker. As an elite five man squad, they were quite powerful, but nowhere near numerous enough to search the entire school at once. Thus, he and Nonon had split up- Sanageyama had somehow gotten lost somewhere between the school's main entrance and its outer wall, but he'd no doubt turn up sooner or later. Inumuta was fairly certain each of them had enough power to take down most forms of resistance they might each encounter on their own anyways.
Of course, the strength to overcome resistance meant nothing when no one was trying to resist.
'They don't seem concerned at all... did they simply not understand the threat, or are they so confident they see no need to run, or even prepare themselves? Perhaps we needed more people after all, if only for the image of an oncoming army to spur them in to action...'
"That good for nothing pervert, ANOTHER fiancee, honestly!"
Inumuta turned to see the girl who had been yelling at the pigtailed teen earlier stomping down the hall in the direction of the entrance.
"And then he gets in another fight with Ryoga! That jerk, who does he think he-"
The technologically inclined boy stepped in front of her, stopping the girl in her tracks.
"...Hey, you're one of those people that was on the wall a minute ago, aren't you?" the girl thought aloud. Inumuta was about to respond when she spoke again. "That girl who was talking earlier, is she really engaged to Ranma?" she asked tersely.
What WAS all this talk about engagements and fiancees about?
"...Not to my knowledge, no." Inumuta replied honestly. "However, that is not my concern. Prepare yourself," he added as he whipped out his laptop and began to analyze the girl's form.
"Prepare for what?"
He could have smacked himself at the cloud of obliviousness that seemed to permeate this place. "As Lady Satsuki said, we are here to conquer this school. Given your previous actions," the image of a flying desk flashed through Inumuta's mind, "I'm reasonably sure you are going to be one of the resisters. Therefore, prepare yourself."
"Oh, so you want a fight, huh? Alright..." the girl said with a hint of indignation as she moved in to a basic Kempo stance. "I'll prove that I can take care of myself! I'm NOT gonna let myself get kidnapped again!"
Inumuta squinted at the girl over the top of his glasses.
What a strange school this was.
AN: I was originally going to write this whole thing first and upload it all at once, but then I figured that would take forever and I didn't particularly feel like waiting until November to upload this. So, here you are. Have it.
...and no, I have no idea why I decided to make this either. But I'm having a lot of fun, so let's just go with it.