The Baby Maker

A/N: Hooraaaay for short and sweet procrastination one-shots!

This one-shot is post-destroying Itex. The best way to describe it is that it's NOT all human, but I guess it could be if six human kids lived together without parental supervision… Um, Max and Fang are nineteen or so. Do the math for the others, but it really isn't that important.

[Summary: "Fang, I found something disturbing on your computer." Future-fic. One-shot. Fax.]

THIRD PERSON NARRATION AHEAD. Plus, I kind of suck at third person narration, so bear with me, friends.

WARNING: It's very short. Sorry.

• • •

"Fang thinks you're ignoring him," Angel said, shoving a handful of Cheez-its into her mouth.

Max, having already tried three times to stop her from snacking before dinner, rolled her eyes at the loud munching and squinted out the kitchen window. She sighed, watching the Gasman chuck a football at Iggy's head out in the yard. She turned away from the window when the two collided and fell to the ground, punching each other and rolling around while Fang watched stoically. She looked at the three other girls around her in the kitchen; Angel and Nudge sitting at the counter, snacking, and her sister Ella making Kool-Aid of the blue raspberry variety.

"I'm not," she denied almost instantly, blinking. "I spent all day yesterday with him."

"Yeah, but even when you were with him, you weren't with him," Nudge said knowledgably, as if she were a relationship genius. Which she wasn't. At all. That's why she and her past boyfriends - a number which added up to a whopping two - had broken up and Max and Fang had somehow stuck it out.

Max raised an eyebrow at her, obviously not interested in her argument. "What, did he talk to you about this, too?"

Nudge just shrugged, not going to deny having the inside scoop.

"He didn't tell either of us," Angel said. "He thought it. I told Nudge."

Max stayed silent, wishing Nudge would start blabbing about something else so she wasn't on the spot. Some girls basked in the glory of having everyone's attention on them. Max was not one of these girls.

After a minute of waiting, Ella said, "What's the deal, Max? Is something wrong?"

Max rubbed her forehead. "No, it's just…"

They all watched her, hanging in suspense. When she said nothing, Ella's shoulder sagged and she looked at her sister with annoyance. "Max, just tell us."

"Just forget it."

Ella crossed her arms. "As if we could forget the only interesting thing going on out here."

Max narrowed her eyes, surveying her sister. Ella was out of school for the year, and she'd opted to stay with the flock in Colorado while Dr. Martinez did CSM things around the world. Apparently, Ella didn't find secluded life with the flock very riveting. Tragic.

"No offense, guys, but it's not just some stupid little fight. Okay? If it was I'd tell you. But it's kind of a big deal and…I honestly don't trust you guys not to tell the others."

An explosion of denials and exclamations happened almost immediately after Max's statement. "What? You don't trust us?" "A big deal? What kind of big deal?" "You think we'll tell the guys? As if they give a shit about your relationship problems."

Max glared at Nudge for the last comment.

"Oh, just tell us! You obviously don't know how to handle the situation yourself, so tell us and we'll help."

Max groaned, letting her head fall back for a moment to display her defeat. The girls smiled triumphantly; getting Max to dish out drama was like getting a cat to bark. Instead of talking, Max went down the hall and grabbed Fang's computer from their room.

When she reentered the kitchen, she stepped around the counter and booted up the computer with the girls leaning over her shoulder.

"I found this the other day and it totally scarred me," Max whispered. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

• • •

Fang leaned down and pulled Iggy off of a snickering Gazzy, throwing the blind boy to the grass.

"What the heck, Fang! He threw the football at my face!"

"Well, be ready next time," Fang said irritably, clenching the football in both hands.

"Ready for an unannounced attack?" Iggy scoffed. Fang didn't answer, only threw the ball up in the air and caught it a couple times. Iggy rolled his shoulders. "What's your problem, dude?"

Fang sighed. He really didn't want to sound whiny, complaining about his and Max's problems, but…he didn't know what was going on.

The Gasman took off down the lawn yelling for Fang to throw the ball to him. Fang raised his arm, ready to throw it, then sighed and lowered it, looking at Iggy.

"Max is ignoring me."

Iggy rolled his eyes. "So? It's Max. In a couple days, whatever you did to piss her off will go away and she'll jump your bones again."

Fang shook his head, throwing the ball up again. "It's not like she's totally ignoring me, she's just…"

"Being a difficult teenage girl? Shut up and throw the ball, you wussy!" Gazzy called.

Fang didn't know what the situation was with Max, really. Just a couple days ago they'd been totally fine, and then yesterday? She'd kept her distance, avoided any physical contact, and had only talked to him when necessary. A time or two he'd looked at her and caught her staring at him, but not in the admiring, loving way he was used to.

Nope, these stares were…curious. And…horrified.

Fang had wracked his brain, trying to figure out what he'd done wrong, but he couldn't figure it out.

Fang dropped the ball at his feet, turning toward the house.

"I'm going inside."

Gazzy groaned, putting his hands on his knees. "Fang, you are so lame these days!"

Fang rolled his eyes, the boy's word bouncing right off him. He didn't care if Gazzy called him a lame wussy. For some reason, his best friend was ignoring him. Fang was intent on finding out why.

Fang pushed into the front door, kicking off his sneakers and walking, in his socks, to the kitchen. Nudge, Ella and Angel were busting up laughing, holding their sides while tears streaked down their cheeks. Max was just staring despondently at the computer screen, put off by the laughter.

"Hey," Fang said. When the girls saw Fang, it set off another round of delighted laughter. Max frowned, closing whatever was on the computer and snapping it shut. She smacked Ella's arm, telling the girls to cut it out.

"Oh, Fang," Nudge wheezed. "Oh, God. That's priceless."

"Shut up," Max said, this time blushing. Fang walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around a reluctant Max's waist. He leant down to kiss her and she turned, letting his lips land on the corner of her mouth.

"He-ey, there," Max said uneasily.

"What are you doing with my computer?" Fang asked, pulling her away from the still giggling girls.


Fang raised an eyebrow.

Max chewed on her lip. She reached out and snatched the computer and then let Fang continue to pull her into their room for some privacy.

"I know that you've been ignoring me," Fang said. He smoothing his big hand over the small of her back, feeling her spine relax a bit at the touch. He brushed back her hair. "What's going on?"

"What? Nothing," Max said, shrugging. "Why does everyone think I'm ignoring-"

"You've avoided kissing me four times now," Fang said firmly, not letting it drop. If there was one rule a man should know, it was that when a woman said it was nothing, it was absolutely something. He definitely wouldn't make that mistake twice. "You 'accidentally' fell asleep on the couch watching TV last night, then freaked out when I carried you to bed. Plus, you won't even look at me."

"I'm looking at you right now," Max huffed, crossing her arms.

How had he known this would turn into an argument?

"Okay, well, when you do look at me, you glare at me. As if I did something to piss you off."

"Maybe you did."

"Don't play that shit with me Max, we both don't want to go there."

Max groaned, sitting on the edge of their bed. "I don't want to have this conversation! It's awkward!"

Fang was almost relieved at that news - almost. He dropped his arms to his side and sat next to her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her almost onto his lap.

"Is it, uh, a…girl thing?"

Max shoved him roughly. "Shut up, Fang. God."

Fang rolled his eyes. Well, how was he supposed to know any better? Just because he lived with three girls and spent most of his time with one didn't mean he understood them. Only girls understood girls, everyone knew that. Fang knew exactly as much about women's minds as he had when he'd been in the School. Specifically, none.

Max groaned, flopping back onto the bed. She covered her face with a pillow and then said, muffled, "I found something disturbing on your computer."

Fang scoffed. He knew that was a lie. "My computer history is clean, Max. Nice try."

Max glared up at the ceiling, tossing the pillow aside. "I wasn't talking about porn, you idiot!"

"Good," Fang said immediately. "Because you wouldn't find any."

I mean, honestly. That was a rookie mistake.

"Oh, my God, you are such a guy."

Fang raised an eyebrow curiously, not sure where this was going. "That's not the problem, right?"

Max looked like she wanted to throttle him. He held up his hands in surrender, suddenly tired of trying to get the reason out of her. She sighed, pointing to the laptop.

"Go ahead. Look."

Then she walked out of the bedroom.

• • •

"Holy shit."

Max buried her head in her hands, sighing. The laughter from the three girls in the room with her almost drowned out Fang's distressed sound - almost.

"Max? Should we put you on birth control?" Fang called. "Like, today? Like, right now? Do you think they have it at the gas station?"

Max stood up and walked down the hall, peeking her head into their bedroom.

"I know."

"It's…" Fang said, his eyes wide in disgust.

"I know."

"That can't possibly be right… Right?"

Max shrugged. "I don't know. Once I saw that one, I tried a few other sites just to make sure it was real. They're all that bad," Max said, pulling up different tabs. "This one, The Baby Maker, even made me enter different facial features separately; eyes, nose, chin, cheekbones…look how ugly that baby is."

Fang sat back, looking defeated. "This is why you've been ignoring me?"

"It's a bit of a turn off, I think," Max said defensively. "I mean, seriously. Every time you tried to make a move on me, I just picture these unattractive babies…"

"Really, Max? You couldn't even kiss me?" Fang shook his head. His eyes landed on the baby face on the screen and he shuddered, exiting out.

"We can't ever have kids, Fang," Max said sadly, softly.

"We can't condemn some poor, innocent baby to life as an outcast."

"People would more readily be friends with Quasimodo."

Fang looked at her. "You're right. We can't ever have kids."

Max looked like she might cry.

"They'd be so hideous."

A/N: Reviews are better than cute Fax babies.