This whole idea can be summed up in THAT title. And this situation. I promised myself I'd fix up my serious, emotional fanfic of a different fandom and continue on it until it was done, but nope. I'm finishing up a random idea that I'm so tempted, so very tempted, to continue. But not now. Maybe not ever. Probably not ever. I don't have the time.

It was a bad idea starting it then, but oh well. Here is the premise: Emmet is a little orphan who Vitruvius is convinced will be a Great Masher Builder. He's been placed by a Certain 'Sausage-Fingered' person to the Lava Chamber we saw at the start of the movie. An AU that came from a headcanon I won't talk about right now.

But oh well, here's the little experiment piece. Let's hope I kept everyone in character. This is basically what would have happened if he'd been there at the starting scene. An introduction to an AU that may not be continued. Meh.

A Bunch of Hippy Dippy Baloney

It was against the instructions. Though, he felt as if his whole life was against the instructions. Most children had two parents; a mother and a father, perhaps a brother or sister. Or a dog. But he didn't have any of that. Not even a dog.

He'd always been positive, like it said in the book- it was the only thing he felt made sense. So it didn't make sense when he found himself in a rocky, fiery place filled with boiling lava and a giant mountain in the middle of a dark nowhere.

It didn't make sense that he met a funny old man that made things out of bricks. He like making things out of bricks- but the old man didn't quite do it right. That was okay, Emmet supposed- he was an old guy, maybe he just didn't realize. He was reminded of the old man who lived down the street of the orphanage who would forget things often, so he didn't complain when the flying birds didn't look like any real ones he'd seen in a book.

Mr Vitruvius was kind and kinda fun, but Emmet found it harder to make excuses- or, explanations for what he did. He didn't really answer his question of how the eight-year old got there, he spoke of 'Master Builders' and how he must have been placed there by 'The Man Upstairs'.

He wondered what a Master Builder was. Did he mean the boss of those men who wore yellow helmets and made buildings? Emmet was good with toys, but he wasn't...

Anyway, he was in a big cave place that he found kinda scary. Nothing looked...right. All the walls where wonky and dirty. But there were two guards at the door, like in story books. They were guarding...something.

Emmet took another moment to analyse the large box embedded in the rock. He'd been here for a few days, yet the image of the volcano's insides still appeared new to him. Vitruvius was speaking with the guards.

"...and make sure the door is extra tight." The smooth, deep voice was comforting to the child, yet Emmet still didn't really understand what was going on.

Then, Emmet decided to speak once again to the strange old man, "Mr Vitruvius, I still don't think I was placed here for a reason..."

"Weren't you he one who said that 'everything happens because it should happen' like it is in the book?" The old man's eyes where a little merry. Emmet blinked,

"Y-yeah, but...if there WAS a reason, wouldn't it...make sense by now?" Wouldn't he have understood?

"You will in time, Emmet." Vitruvius petted his head gently, his tone rather soothing despite the situation, "You will in time..."

Suddenly the hand that petted his hair stiffened. Emmet looked up to find the old man had frozen like a statue. Emmet blinked.

"Mr Vitruvius...?"

The old man turned slowly, almost as if he wasn't moving his feet at all. Emmet looked down to check, but his head whipped back up again as the man spoke.

"He is coming."

A twirl and a crunch later the old man was standing, poised like a superhero, only with more hair on his face. Emmet blinked as he poked the air with his glowing stick.

"Cover your butt."

Both Emmet and the guards nearby blinked at the old man. The bubbling of the lava was the only thing that was heard in that awkward silence.

Emmet giggled, "Cover the wha-?"

A horrible fear gripped him when he heard thunder- and he found his legs moving on their own, behind some rocks. He could hear the screams of the guards- and he realized it wasn't thunder, it was the big doors at the end of the hall that had opened. Emmet peered over the side of the rock, gripping the warmed stone in his little hands. He didn't care if it was uneven and lumpy, he had to hide from whatever was-

Something stepped through the dust. Terror gripped his little form and Emmet began to tremble as a rumbling laugh rippled through the air.

A face appeared, on top of tall legs, a helmet of fire, a long, red cape. He was so tall, so big- Emmet could only stare in horror and be thankful those eyes weren't on him.

He was almost shocked to hear a human voice come from this giant. "Vitruvius!"

"Lord Business..." The merry, rumbling voice of the aged man had lowered to the rusty growl of a fighter. Emmet suddenly had a spark of relief.

Though really, he had no idea what was goin-

"You've hidden the Kragle WELL, old man..." The man on the tall legs drawled, and the stomps of his large feet only drew closer. For a split second he turned to look at the entrance, and in that split second Vitruvius looked at Emmet.

The child was jolted out of his dream-like state. He suddenly realized he wasn't watching some kind of scary movie. That big man was here, just a little away. He began tearing up- but then the older man gestured for him to hide lower.

"Robots! Destroy him!"

"Yes Lord Bus-iness!"

Emmet complied, curling down away from his sight as much as possible. He screwed his eyes shut.

All he heard next was the howl of pain from the deep-voice man who had been so reassuring. Emmet began sobbing gently. The bad men had gotten him, and now they'd get him, too.

"The Kragle...The most powerful SUPER weapon..." Emmet dared to peer around the rock.

Blink. Vitruvius on the floor. Blink- the tall man staring into a light, blazing from the metal box below him.

"Ah, the KRAGLE!" The man boomed in a giddy manner. Emmet stared at the robed man lying on the ground just a little away from him.

The bellowing, evil laugh- just like the one from cartoons- brought Emmet's attention back to the tall man almost forcefully.

"Now my evil power will be unlimited! Can you feel me?!"

"I can feel you..."

Emmet felt like he wanted to go home and hide under the bed. He watched the robots, and the tall man, begin to march away. Slowly, relief began spreading. He was going away. He'd be gone.

He began tip-toeing over to Vitruvius, a small, light feeling of relief making him a little shaky. They'd sneak away, nice and slow...

He stepped on a rock. It scuttled down into the lava with a 'plop'.

He was back behind that rock in seconds.

But the stomps of the leaving footsteps had stopped, and a horrible silence filled the chamber. Emmet curled behind the rock, praying. But the stomps began getting closer.

And closer.

And even closer.

"What's this, more of your little 'Master Builder' goody cupcake friends of yours, Vitruvius?" The man said, clearly unimpressed, "We-heh-ell, I know exactly what they need..."

The weakened protest of the older man landed on deaf ears. Emmet recoiled as the rock behind him was shattered like it was made of polystyrene. He stumbled onto his feet; his ankles balancing dangerously on the edge near the boiling abyss below.

He held his hands in front of him; shaky little whimpers making up his breath as the dust of the broken rock cleared. He saw the narrow, glinted eyes of the Tall Man stare down through it at him, and he watched as they widened in actual surprise.

"...What?" The gears slowly turned in his head and he gave a forced laugh, "Ho-ho, is this some kind of little pupil or something? An apprenticeship, Vitruvius?" He turned slightly to grin mockingly at the injured old man struggling onto his feet nearby.

"Leave him be, Lord Business. You shall not touch him." His poor, blank eyes narrowed. Emmet felt his stomach churn at the sight, his hands over his mouth as he shook.

Lord Business gave a boisterous laugh, "Like I'm gonna believe" He turned back to Emmet, his face shrouded by shadows as he stood with his back against the light of the lava, "Whaddawe have here? A Little Master Builder who thinks he can mess with my stuff."

"No...!" Emmet managed to squeak in a tiny voice, turning slightly so he no longer had his back to the edge, but moving to the left, away in stumbling steps. Lord Business leered closer, his much larger steps easily catching up with him, and getting closer.

"Leave him!" Vitruvius called, his voice tinted with a rare fury as Lord Business's height decreased, almost out of pure will, so his arm could reach down and pluck the child off the ground. Emmet had finally lost it; turning to break into a run- only to give a squeal as he was suddenly pulled from the ground, legs wriggling in the air.

"Do you know what we do with Little Master Builders?" The tone was like the teacher's: higher at the end, questioning, almost encouraging and friendly- but something else, something Emmet had never heard before was behind it. He didn't know what, but the words sounded bad, bad, bad. The light smile on the man's face twisted suddenly into a scowl and he swooped to his tallest height, hoisting Emmet over the side, over the hot lava.

Emmet could only shriek, covering his face, confused and afraid. His heart was thudding horribly.

"Well, I for one like to pick them up and throw them into a fiery, boiling pit..." He jostled his tiny captive just enough to send waves of terror all over Emmet's simple mind, "Just like this one."


Now it was a mixture of a snarl and a grin on his face; lined expression terrifying and threatening. Emmet cowered away the best he could, arms curled into his body to protect himself, shoulders hunched and eyes barely open as he cried, "N-no, I don' wanna mess up y-your stuff..."

The glinting eyes of the Tall Man bore right into his soul. Then, they lightened as suddenly as they darkened and he smiled almost cheerfully, "Aw, he's kinda cute once you get to know him..." But then his brow twitched down back into the malicious grin as turned back to Vitruvius below, "I think I'll keep him...see what his little Master-Building mind knows..."

"Release him or suffer the Consequence of Imagination!" Vitruvius proclaimed from below.

There was a pause. Lord Business rose one side of his brow. "...Seriously? Consequences of Imagination? You- you do now how corny that sounds right? And shouldn't it be the Consequences of NO Imagination...?"

Suddenly the hand holding Emmet, confused and afraid as ever, was bitten by one of the birds Vitruvius had made. Emmet squealed as he fell, arms out and mouth open wide- until the same birds caught him and swooped over the side. As they did, the old man caught onto their feet and the flock swept over the lava fields.

Emmet dared to open his eyes and look back, head spinning- and see Lord Business's furious snarl watching them go.

"We'll be back..." Vitruvius said slowly, his deep voice certain. Emmet gulped, holding onto the birds that carried them.

He hoped not.

In conclusion: Emmet has no idea what is going on, nor do the readers.