Well guys, I'm sorry to say, this but I'm off on holiday for a week now. A whole week. So this will be the last update until next Saturday.
We're going camping and I have no WiFi or electricity, so I shall miss the first Doctor Who episode. WHY? *sobs helplessly whilst the heavens open up and rain soaks my pathetic face*.
Harry's just a tourist, taking in the many 'wonders' of Britain.
"Huh?" Harry squinted around him. "I can't see Buckingham Palace anymore! This so isn't in the guidebook- should I call, like, a taxi or something?" He giggled, "I'm totally lost- for such a small country it's, like, totally big! But this place is so cool. They just don't have places like this in America!"
"Harry Potter! Come to finally meet your fate at the hands of-"
"So this is, like, a genuine British graveyard? With like, real British dead people buried here. Oh my god, do you think Shakespeare has a grave here? He was British- wasn't he? Or was he French? Because, you know, the whole 'language of love' thing. I went to Paris last year actually. It was amazing. I saw, like, the Eiffel tower and those cutesy little café things? Yeah, I totally ate at one of those. Do you wanna see pictures? They're all over Facebook, I got, like, a million likes. My friends were so jealous."
Voldemort shook his head and stepped out of the shadows, "I know not of this 'Facebook', but-"
"Oh my god, you look just like that actor! The British one! With the hair and the eyes and the… oh my god- what film was he in again? Oh my god, I can't remember! That is gonna bug me for the rest of the day! What was it…?" Harry smacked his forehead in realisation. "Ralph Fiennes! In Skyfall! I can't believe I forgot- I loved that film! They were so British, and don't you think James Bond is such a cultural thing, which I'm really glad you guys have, 'cause I don't think-"
"Oh my god, your accent is incredible! Do you do that normally or is that, like, put on? 'Cause if I could do a fake British accent I totally would- they're just so sexy!"
"This is my real voice-" Voldemort looked confused by the suggestion that he would fake his accent. Why would he pretend to be from somewhere else?
"I can't believe it; you sound just like the Queen. At least, what I imagine the Queen to sound like. I mean, I've never met the Queen in, like, real life. Oh my god- have you met the Queen? I bet you totally have. Don't all British people just line up and have tea and crumpets with the Queen? That is so cute-!"
"I'm not actually acquainted with Her Majesty-"
"Do you think the weather is bad? I mean, it's not raining! I totally expected it to be raining. Do you think it'll rain tomorrow? Oh my god- do you know Benedict Cumberbatch-"
Harry dropped to the floor, his stupidly large sunglasses tumbling off his face and disposable camera falling out of his limp fingers. Voldemort rolled his eyes at the corpse, "Tourists." He rubbed his temples and sighed. "I need scones. And Doctor Who. And jam. Get me jam, Wormtail!"
"Y-yes Master! Should I bring the top hat?"
"Oh go on then, I might as well relax."
Wormtail walked off wondering where he was going to get a DVD player for Doctor Who... and electricity to power it... and a TV for that matter. If only Britain had Wal-Mart.
But we don't.
Although technically the American Cooperation who own Wal-Mart also own Asda, so we kinda do...
But that's a discussion for another time.
So yeah, I guess I'm done.
The end, I suppose. Voldemort watched Doctor Who and had jam.
And I'm sat in a tent.
I'm so jealous.
Of him, that is.
Oh Merlin, I'm jealous of Voldemort.
This is sad.
This is very, very sad.
I'm just gonna go now.