Stupid Hans. With his stupid face. And his stupid Michael Jackson gloves. And his stupid sideburns. I'd rip those sideburns off his stupid face. And feed them to a bear. If I could find a bear.
God, I'm so drunk. They're right, you never realize how drunk you are until you go the bathroom. I'm in a bathroom right? Yea, this is a bathroom. Phew, that would've been terrible.
Once finished, I stumble out of the restroom, passing a few guys walking in after me. I can't believe he just left me here after I said no. So rude. I'm not walking home. Nopity-nope-nope. Where's my phone? Oh no, my phone! Crap crap crap! Oh! Speaking of crap, I think I left it in the bathroom! I hope it's still there!
I run back into the bathroom. Some guys walk out. I burst open the stall I was using annnnd yep. There's my phone. Right where I uh… dropped it. In the uh. The toilet.
Not worth it. I'll just walk to Kristoff's place. He lives nearby. Yeah good plan, Anna. You're so smart when you're drunk. And pretty. And sexy. I'll just walk down the block no problem. And if any guy tries to attack me in my drunken stupor, I'll just use my secret weapon: Vomit on his crotch.
Awesome, I made it! Kristoff's apartment. Good thing he's on the ground floor. I don't think I can handle stairs right now. Especially if I fell on my face. Okay now here's the door. Crap, the lights aren't on! That mean's he's working tonight. At least he always leaves that one thing under the mat for me. That one shiny thing… uh… the key. Yeah.
I lifted the doormat. No key. UGH! Kristoff, why would you do this to me!? No key under the mat, ugh. Now I have to crawl through the window…
Good thing these windows slide open or there'd be trouble, lawl.
I clammered over the side, and slowwwwwly fell to the floor. Tact and grace of a… cat? Wait no, two cats. I'm not seeing double, I can't be that drunk, there's definitely two cats. When did Kristoff have two cats? Or maybe Sven transmogrified from a dog into two cats. Oh my god, that'd be weird. Oh well. I see a couch. I'm crashing there. I plopped onto my stomache and stayed that way for the rest of forever. Oh yeaaa… couch… sweet couch…
I passed out.
Mmm… god yes… so comf… right here on the couch…
It was a big sink-into-it couch. With soft fur on it. It felt amazing on my belly. It certainly felt more amazing than that darn sun glaring into my eyeballs. Ow! Man, that is painful! And yep, there's that headache I missed so much… Go away headache… go bother someone else.
Ugh, why can't I move my legs? I CAN'T FEEL MY LE-
Oh wait. There was something laying on top of me, it kept me from moving. Haha, and I almost thought I drank so much that I paralyzed myself. Stupid me.
Laying on my butt was a white cat that was approximately the size of God. He couldn't even fit entirely on my butt and was covering part of my legs too. They were tingly and numb. Sandbaggy. Ew I hate that feeling. And man was this cat fat. And angry-looking. He blinked slowly at me as I continued to stare at him.
And stare at him.
A smaller white cat leapt out from behind the couch and tackled the bigger one, trying to get him to play chase. It didn't work and the bigger cat continued to sit on me.
Hold the phone...
This isn't Kristoff's apartment...
"Oh god, I'm in a stranger's home." I whispered to myself. Did I have sex with a complete stranger to get them to let me sleep on their couch!?
I looked up. Maybe having sex with this particular stranger wouldn't have been such a bad consequence. She was a young woman (tho she coooould be a few years older than me, it was hard to tell) tall and sexy, blonde swept back hair, and a set of hips I wanted to put my mouth on.
I vomited word-vomit.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I accidentally broke into your apartment because my friend lives next door to you and I was in the area, drunk, and I thought I was climbing into the right window, and I did wonder when my friend got two cats but I didn't question it, so now I'm hungover and in your living room so um... Hi howya doin'?" I tried putting on my best face. Tried.
She cleared her throat and took a sip of her hot drink, handing me a familiar article of clothing. I couldn't tell if she was angry or not. "I washed your shirt." she said.
My shirt? How did she get my shirt? I looked down, just now coming to realize I wasn't wearing it anymore. Nope. No shirt. Just pants. And a bra with happy suns on them.
She said it was dirty and laying on the floor, so she just put it in with her laundry this morning. She was an absolute angel for doing so, I thought.
"Thank you," I breathed, not catching myself gawking at her soon enough. She must've felt me staring, cuz she bashfully hid her mouth with her mug again. So fricken cute, like wow.
I eventually snapped out of my one-sided staring contest and was about to thank her again for not wigging out on me when she said, "Are you hungry? I was about to make some breakfast." She walked into her kitchen, which was entirely visible from the back of the couch.
"Oh! Um, sure!" I smiled, biting my lip and following her with my eyes. Gosh she was so nice! Here I am, some strange weird chick, hungover and illegally entering her home. And she cleaned my shirt and is now making me food. Not to mention, I REALLY like her face. Like really, really like her face.
Please be gay, please be gay, please be gay. (Hey, I may have been stupid enough to break into her house, but I'm not above being interested if she's being this cool about it, okay?)
Be subtle, Anna, you're a detective now. I draped myself over the back of the couch to hear/watch her better. "I'm glad your boyfriend didn't just throw me out this morning," I laughed in a totally convincing way. Oh yea, you stealthy motherfudger, you.
"Boyfriend?" she inquired casually as she heated a skillet. She started mixing together some concoction in a mixing bowl. Probably pancakes. Mmm… pancakes...
YES! Fifty points to Griffindor! "Girlfriend then?"
Oh heck yes, did I see her smirk just then? "Haha, no, no girlfriend at the moment." So she's saying there's a chance! But wait… how do you close this kind of conversation anyway…?
She beat me to the punch. "Do you like chocolate chip waffles?"
"I LO-O-O-OVE chocolate chip waffles." I happily kicked my legs to emphasize my love for waffles. "Like frozen waffles?"
"Oh no, I make my own." She plopped some of the batter in a waffle iron that I just now noticed.
She makes her own waffles. I'm in love.
"How many strips of bacon would you like?"
I laughed. "I think the better question is how many pigs do you own, cuz I could easily eat five of them." She chuckled at my awkward sense of humor. "But um, five strips is mine." I said, attempting to sound disinterested in eating everything in her fridge.
Her smaller cat had jumped onto the couch with me and was butting his head into my arm for attention, which I happily gave to him. What a dorky kitty. I start petting him, and he takes that as an invitation to climb on me. Good thing he has those orange stick-on claws or I would've been in a world of hurt.
She smiled at me like she knew better. "How about I just make the entire bag? I mean… if I don't eat it all, it's just going to go bad anyway."
"So you live by yourself?" I find that incredibly hard to believe. She's gotta be quite the social butterfly, and I just caught her on a night she decided to stay home or something.
"I'm not by myself. I have my cats Marshmallow and Olaf." She turned to me and laughed when she saw Olaf sitting on my shoulders and rubbing his face on mine. She covered her mouth with her hand, "That's Olaf right there. He likes warm hugs."
"Oh reeeeeally now?" She smirked, taking him off and giving him a big ol' kitty hug. His arms practically clung to me, it was adorable. "So sweeeeet, oh! I wish I could have a cat. My dad's allergic." I pouted. I would totally take this cat if I could, I thought. But something tells me she'd be sad if I did… wait, what was her name? We've been talking this whole time, I don't even know her name.
"Well, if your friend is my neighbor you're... more than welcome to visit my boys." She wasn't looking at me, and was putting waffles and bacon on our plates. "I'm sure they'd actually enjoy the company."
"Really?" I hugged Olaf excitedly. I think I may have surprised her, because her gigantic blue eyes became even more gigantic-er. "Aw thank you! You're so sweet, after all this… stuff I did to you."
She laughed. I decide that's a good way to start my morning. And if she means she'll let me visit her cats, that means I can visit her and hopefully not annoy her enough times to see her smile often.
"Just an observation. You must be new around here, because Kristoff never even mentioned his neighbors before. I mean, he's not good with people in the slightest, lemme tell ya. I just thought he would've mentioned having such a pretty neighbor."
She paused a moment during her cooking. Dang, I wish I could see her face. "I don't really get out much." she stated. I hope my compliment didn't upset her in any way.
"Next time I come over, I could show you around if you like!"
"I'd like that." I couldn't see her face, but I could hear her smile when she spoke. It was relieving. It would've been terrible ruining this newfound friendship so early on. I let her cook in silence for a few minutes, petting Olaf and Marshmallow, who'd both taken a liking to me, before she finally finished.
"Breakfast is ready," she announced, taking a seat and arranging her cutlery. She had maple syrup, and unexpectedly (but VERY welcome) chocolate syrup! Food itself was beautiful to me, but the tower of bacon and chocolate chip waffles she made was clearly photoshopped, because it looked extraordinary.
"Thank you, soooooo much!" I leaped up, super excited to stuff my face. Helping myself to a seat across from her, I dug in. What were manners, anyway?
I suddenly remembered what manners were when I caught her staring at me with those gigantic-er eyes again. Maybe I went a bit overboard with the chocolate syrup… it's probably ALL over my face… I took a napkin and dabbed my mouth, like it'd do the job. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself." I chuckled, scratching my head. "Is there anything on my face?"
She shook herself out of a trance. "Ah, no." Starting on her own food, I noticed her rapidly glancing up at me every now and again. If she wasn't so cute, I wouldn't have noticed the blush on her cheeks getting brighter. She took a breath. "Would you like some orange juice? And ah, your shirt?" She pointed a gentle finger towards the couch, where I'd left it.
"Oh! Right!" Oh god, I made her suffer by looking at my boobs in my ridiculous bra. I grabbed the shirt really quick and put it on. It was backwards, but it was on. "May I have some coffee, please? It helps my brain work better." Evidently it was needed.
She nodded, and went over to the… fridge. "Is iced coffee alright?"
What? Iced coffee? What in the world…? "Sure! I mean, I've never had it before, is it good?" What a stupid question, of course it's good. Why would she keep it in HER home?
She smiled proudly. "I have a feeling you'll like it." She poured me a glass and gave it to me. It was mocha-flavored. I just about died of happiness for the second time that morning. The first being greeted by this angel of a woman. She looked very much pleased with herself. It was well-deserved.
"I think I've found myself a new best friend. Sorry, Kristoff! You've been replaced by… uh… oh my god, I never asked your name!" How embarrassing!
"Haha, I never asked yours either. Pretty foolish of me, letting a girl whose name I don't even know pet my babies. And then I made her breakfast."
"And looked at my boobs."
She accidentally dropped her fork, and stumbled over her words. "Oh, well uh, I didn't mean to, I-"
I laughed. Her flustered-ness was rewarding. "Altho, it feels like we've been friends forever!" It really did. She recovered and smiled sweetly at me. She barely even touched her food. It was like she found me more interesting than her food. "So what is your name?"