A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate all comments and suggestions. As for this chapter, it is a short fill in for next ones but I hope you still enjoy ;)
Her heart was beating so hard inside her chest that for a wild moment, Regina was afraid that her ribcage was going to break with the force of it and that the organ was going to take that opportunity to escape and hide out of reach.
Who knew, with all the twist and turns life was throwing her way, it would be better for her heart to do just that. That way, she wouldn't have to be bothered by such things as dealing with baneful inconveniences as feelings or what was worse, with mundane nuisances as being brokenhearted.
Perhaps it was better that way… but the thing was that her heart wasn't doing any of that, it was just there… thundering painfully hard and out of control; even the sound of it was deafening and no matter how many deep breaths she would inhale through her nose and then release through her mouth, nothing seemed to calm it.
It was all pretty bad and nothing she has experienced before, and as if that wasn't enough, her hands were shaking, her legs felt way too weak under her weight and her stomach was in constant turmoil; overall, she was a mess, after she has worked so hard to come to terms with the wicked trials and tribulations she was presented with, he just came and in a matter of nothing he made a mess out of her, again.
"Regina, can you stop pacing and tell me what happened?"
Swirling on her feet and clasping both her hands over her head, Regina closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.
If truth had to be told, she didn't want to tell the other woman the reason she was so altered… no, far from it, after all she was used to deal with her feelings on her own instead of getting them out of her chest and that was what she wanted to do; to lock herself in her house and spend her days submerged in her eternal sorrow, fighting tears, confused with a turmoil of feelings that wanted nothing but to consume her and then to force herself to become numb of said feelings.
But at the same time, she felt like she needed to vent in order to prevent exploding; she felt like she needed to let it all out and who else could she do that with the only person who could understand her? That was the reason she went to her, why she appeared in the middle of the night in the room the fairy was now renting.
The only problem was that she hadn't said a word since she first appeared and well, if she wanted to vent, she needed to start talking. Thinking about that and opening her eyes, the dark haired focused her gaze on the ceiling and after taking yet another deep breath, she approached the subject with caution.
"I saw Robin tonight." Her tone, detached and perhaps a bit cold came out steady and of that, she was proud.
"He came to me and… he told me that he loves me." She said through clenched teeth in a less than calmed tone of voice and as the words were left out, she could feel her eyes stinging with unshed tears. "Just when I was feeling positive that I was going to pull through, he comes to tell me that and now I- I don't know what to do or what to feel…"
And no, she really didn't know what it was that she was feeling. In the followings weeks after Robin's wife came back, she has come to the conclusion that being happy wasn't in her stars and even though the thought was devastating, she made her peace with it. She has been a fool to believe that she of all people had an actual shot for a second chance and everything that happened opened her eyes to the reality of it all.
It took her a while to swallow all that in but at the end she came to accept it; but then he came professing a love she thought lost and all she has worked hard to get came crumbling around her and now she was confused… she was angry, despairing, bitter and more than a bit lugubrious. She was drowning in a sea of feelings and as always, no one was throwing her a lifesaver.
She was basically choking with all feelings she has tried to bury and she needed to let them out or else she was going to suffocate.
"I just… I can manage with what I feel but I can't deal with it if I know that he feels something."
"What did he exactly said?"
Sniffing, Regina wiped at her eyes. "He wants me to give him a chance."
"Is he going to leave his wife?"
Shaking her head, Regina blinked a couple of times. He didn't say that he was going to do that and she didn't ask so who knew, maybe he wanted them both, maybe he wanted to keep his wife and keep her too.
"When you said that… that I ruined both my life and his, was this what you were referring to?"
Pursing her lips as if considering it, Tinker Bell shrugged. "Perhaps. I mean when I said that, I didn't have anything concrete but looking at the whole picture now, it could be. You see, when you walked out on him that first time, you changed your destiny; he met Marian and fell in love with her and you casted the dark curse, thus you shaped the path you were both going to travel in."
Snorting bitterly, Regina allowed herself to sit in a corner of the fairy's bed. "In other words, I'm the one to blame for all of this." Of course, it always came to that, to her having done things she would later regret.
"Yes, but do you want to know something; I've been thinking about this quite a lot and it could also be that meeting Robin in that tavern wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. Maybe, you were after all destined to meet him here and now."
"Was his wife also destined to come back to life?"
Sitting by her side, Tinker Bell blew out a breath. "She doesn't belong here… I have nothing against her but she isn't supposed to be here. Robin must know it too if he wants you over her."
Chewing on her lips, Regina shrugged. She didn't think that Robin really wanted her over his wife; if anything, the man was confused and she didn't want to be the one confusing him even more. Sure, it would have been so easy to give into her feelings and accept whatever he was willing to give her, but the truth was that doing so would have been a huge mistake.
Robin was a good man and she… she was rotten apples and true happiness wasn't meant for her, meaning that at the end she would have only managed to drag him down with her and it wouldn't have been fair.
She should be content that at least she had Henry; in fact, that should be all that mattered.
"If it wasn't for Henry, I would leave this town for good never to come back." And by God, she would have done so many things if it wasn't for her son. Like erasing her memories and start anew somewhere else or perhaps take the same path her sister took and cast a curse to back in time.
Now that she knew that such a thing could be done, she couldn't stop wondering what would happen if she could go back to her youth and prevent Daniel's death; that would solve every single one of her current problems… there would be no path of revenge, there would be no darkness taking over her life and there would be no Robin in her heart.
True, to do such a thing also meant that there would be no Henry and that was enough to make her desist.
"You should look at it this way, at least you know how it feels to love and be loved… twice, I've never lived that and as things are going, I'll never will."
Tilting her head to the side, Regina looked at the woman sitting beside her. Tinker Bell was staring off absent mindedly and even though her lips were slightly curving at the edges, there was no trace of amusement in her face.
"Well, taking in consideration that my first love was killed by my own mother and that the second one just reunited with a wife we all thought death, I wouldn't be considering myself lucky."
"Point taken." Arching an eyebrow, Tinker Bell snorted while nudging at Regina with an elbow and despite her rotten mood, the Queen chuckled. "Maybe we should both get out of here and experience life outside. It would be fun, two friends venturing out."
"Friends…" Regina let the word roll out of her tongue and for a minute, she considered it. A friend… she couldn't remember ever having a friend before but yeah, if anyone could be considered one, it would be the fairy. After all besides Henry, the blonde has been the only one giving her any kind of support and she really appreciated it. "That would be nice… someday."
"So do you plan on giving Robin a chance?"
Twisting her lips in a grimace, Regina shook her head and lowered her head in a way that her hair created a black veil around her face. "All I want is for him to be happy and he will never achieve that with me. If he comes to me again I'll just tell him that I don't love him and that I don't want to ever see him again; he'll respect that."
True, it would hurt to say that but if there was something she knew, it was that he needed to stay away from her.
Sighing, Tinker Bell nudged at her once more. "Pixie dust doesn't lie, Regina; Robin is your soul mate so one way or another, you are going to end up with him. Maybe it will take a while for him to see it and for you to accept it again, but it will happen. You just wait and see."