(1) You're dead, and it's really fucking unfair.
(2) You're still dead.
(4) Dying isn't hard. Dying is easy. It's quick and the pain ends and that's it.
Living is hard. Because living just keeps going on and on and the pain doesn't end.
(7) God I hate you.
(8) God I miss you.
(9) I can hate you and miss you at the same time you know. I know you didn't like emotions, but people can have more than one at a time.
Human are complicated beings.
Of course, you knew that.
(13) I've moved out of the flat. I can't think of it as anything but our flat. Sometimes I would hear violin music in my sleep, and before I woke up all the way, I thought that you were still there.
I never thought it would hurt so much to realize there was no one to yell at.
(18) My limp hasn't come back. I'm not sure if I thought it would or not, since you were the one who fixed and, and you've gone and... well.
But it hasn't. I'm not sure if that's something you'd be proud of or not. You never really seemed to show pride, not that you showed any emotions freely, but certainly not pride in another person.
(20) Molly told me that when you were on the case with the missing children, the candy one, and we were in the lab, that you talked. About how you looked sad sometimes.
I'm not sure what that meant, because you never looked sad when I could see you.
Maybe that was the point?
(31) I am so fucking angry at you. Seriously. If you were here I'd punch you. Repeatedly. Because how dare you go and do that to me?
(For fuck's sake Sherlock, suicide may have been an easy way out for you, and god I hate myself for saying that, because I know it's not, because I've thought about it before, but yes it is easy compared to those who have to stay behind.)
(54) I've met someone. I think you would like her. As much as you like anyone anyway.
She's funny and clever and she's the only good thing that's happened to me since...
Well, since you.
(I'm still mad at you by the way.)
(59) Lestrade came round the other day. He had a box of things.
You know the video message you made me for my birthday? Yeah, you're a right bastard. A thing. I never believed that, you know.
But I knew you weren't good with people, so I didn't argue.
(And it was a rubbish present.)
(72) The woman I met, I work with her. She's a nurse.
(74) Mary. Her name is Mary.
(87) I read about a serial killer the other day in the paper, and I was going to cut the article out for you. Until I remembered you had no need for newspaper articles, on account of being dead and all.
Will I ever get used to this?
(88) I suppose I'd have to accept this in order to get used to it.
(90) Lestrade also tells me that Anderson has become your biggest fan, your number one believer.
(I don't dare tell him that role is already taken.)
(101) I think I'm going to ask her to marry me. I'm not sure if you'd have come to the wedding or not. Maybe you would have even been the best man. I'm still not sure who I'll get for that.
If she says yes anyway.
(You'd be able to tell me what she was going to say. If you hadn't driven her away already.)
(107) I'm going to ask her tonight. God, I miss you still. I wish you were here to berate me about spending so much time worrying about where to go and what to wear and the ring.
(108) God I hate you.
(109) God I'm glad you're back.
(110) And yes, I can be both. But you knew that, didn't you?