This morning he woke up , terrified, from yet another nightmare. He can't remember the last time he slept properly without his guilt coming in between and keeping him awake for nights. He has never been in this situation before. Stefan has never felt like there's nothing to hold onto. Even at his darkest times, when he felt his worst, and had none by his side, he knew deep inside, that he can be saved, that someday he'll reunite again with his loved ones and that thought; it was good enough for him to keep on living even if it meant being incredibly miserable.
But this time, he was robbed of everything he ever cared enough to love and call his. His brother, the only family he has, died , going onto another dimension. And will probably be sucked into oblivion soon. Which made him realize that he'll never be able to say his goodbye. He wanted to apologize, he didn't know what for, he just felt that need. Like if it became a second nature to him. He felt responsible for everything. Even if both of them disagreed and had more fights then laughter, he was still the one person who was there during it all, Decade after decade and century after century. When they were younger, he admired his older brother, so much. They used to be unbelievably close, inseparable that it bothered their father at times. And now he is gone for good, death parted them,And Damon's forever is over &he' has to start imagining life without him.
And her, he'll never be able to enjoy her company again or the sight of her beautiful radiating smile. She was there for him when none else was, she watched over him and saved him in all ways possible and never for once asked for anything in return. With her, He came to learn what friendship is. And for her to leave this world, unnoticed, it broke him even more. Lexi was out-standing; She was one of those persons who could make you laugh when all you wanted to do was cry. She knew how to give him hope when he was on the verge of giving up. She was his true savior and he wished if he gotten the opportunity to be hers too, to return her endless favors by one simple act, but life is too cruel. And she died, twice, because of him, because she was stupid enough to get close to him and expose herself to his world and its darkness.
Now the only thing he's left with is this inner torture that will drive him mad sooner or later. He remembered how Damon once promised him an eternity of misery and he realized that only now, his brother's wish became true.
He stood up, walked to the window , only to see her.. As much hurt as he is..