A/N: Buffy stopped keeping a diary after everything with Angelus went down. After that, she locked down emotions that even the page couldn't bear. But when Spike died? Boy, could she not hold things back anymore.

This journal extract was written a few weeks after Sunnydale.

The Truth

The truth is that I loved fighting with him, just as much as he enjoyed it. Not the arguing, or not just that. God, even just bickering with him sometimes could be fun, but that's not what I mean… And I'm not talking about the violence here, either.

Dancing, he called it…

Yeah, dancing.

I liked when we did that.

I miss that.

The truth is that I miss him – like, so much, and I love him. All of him, but right now I wish he was here so we could dance, and laugh, and… God, I hate this.