Eren in Wonderland
Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan or Alice and Wonderland. This version of the crossover, however, is mine.
Warning: Spoilers for those who haven't read the manga, albeit subtle. It kind of bounces around in terms of timeline, so most of you should be able to follow along, but some parts reference more recent chapters.
Of course my first (and probably only) Attack on Titan fic would be something like this. Just….just don't ask.
Eren was going as fast as he could using the maneuver gear. The titan was right behind him, footsteps loud and ominous. He had to get away, he had to find the rest of his team. Zigzagging through the town, he tried to shake the titan off his trail. It was only when he noticed the silence that he realized his plan worked.
Or so he thought, before he flew right into the titan's mouth.
And down he went into its gullet.
"Ouch!" Eren exclaimed when he hit the floor. "Wait…where am I?" This wasn't the titan's stomach, this was a weird room with a table adorned with only a piece of bread and bottle of undetermined liquid. He looked around, wondering how he got in here and where the exit was. Did all titans have houses inside of them? How could they swallow an entire room? "This is stupid, what's going on?" he growled to himself, pacing.
That was when he finally noticed a small door near the ground. Getting on his knees, he peered at the only exit and cursed his size. He could barely fit his whole hand inside. How was he going to get out of here if he couldn't fit through the door?
As he got up he looked at the bread and bottle on the table. Walking over, he picked up the bread with the words "Eat Me" sliced onto the top. Blinking, he decided to try it out. Taking a bite, he groaned over the stale taste, reminded of his days as a child right after the titans broke through the wall.
Suddenly Eren felt himself changing. Heat burst throughout his body in an explosion which sent him skyrocketing toward the ceiling. As he cried out, a terrifying roar erupted from his maw, startling him until he realized it was his own noise. Looking down in amazement, he saw he was naked—
"Woah!" He said, or attempted to say, which vaguely came out as "Wroooooooor!"
Thankfully the only thing showing was his newly acquired washboard abs. With his neck curled over because of the ceiling, he stared at his hands and titan-esque body, completely freaked out about his transformation. Now he was definitely too big to fit inside the door and escape. He was already starting to feel claustrophobic, so he searched frantically for something to reverse the effects. The bottle of questionable liquid was beside the bread on the table, which he thankfully avoided as he stumbled around on his new thunder thighs. Carefully, he picked up the bottle between two fingers and brought it to his face. He had no idea what was inside: water, alcohol, poison, juice? Who knew?
Determined to return to normal, he drank it anyway. At first he felt a bit ill. Blinking, he realized it was dark. Hey, who turned out the lights? He felt a bit trapped, as well…his arms and legs were bound to…muscle and skin?
Was he back inside the titan? What the hell was going on?
Struggling, he pulled back and wriggled out of the carcass of the titan, looking down to see it was…him…as the titan…
"I think I drank too much last night or something. This is one trippy dream." Eren mumbled to himself, crawling out of the titan's back and down to the floor. He was back to normal size, and still couldn't fit through the door. Sighing, he made sure there was still some liquid in the bottle and took another sip.
He felt himself shrinking, but his uniform wasn't. He was almost smothered by the clothing and straps used for the maneuver gear, flailing in an attempt to get out from under them. "Well shit, now what do I do?" Wrapping himself in a small piece of fabric, tied together with the string from his shirt, he approached the door. "This better be worth it."
Opening the door, he realized he was in a wooded area. "Look at all these big-ass trees…" he gasped, craning his neck to see the towering forestry above him.
"Oh no, I'm late! I have to go, I have to be there!" a familiar voice squeaked ahead of him. Eren peered ahead to see Armin…in a bunny suit instead of his normal uniform. "What the…Armin?" he called out.
"Oh, you're late too! Hurry, we have to go!" Armin replied hastily, grabbing his arm and dragging him along. Rabbit ears stuck out of his head, wiggling as he bounced along.
"Wait, hold up! I can't…ack!" Eren cried as he tripped over the makeshift outfit he created from of his too-large uniform.
Armin stopped when he felt Eren fall loose from his grasp, looking back to assess the situation. "Hmmm." He put a hand to his chin thoughtfully. "We'll have to take care of that before the trial. Come on, I know the right person to fix this mess! But we have to hurry!"
They were off and running again, Eren trying to keep up with Armin's weird hopping through the forest. Soon they approached a foggy area, filled with plants and grass. Eren could discern a large mushroom in the center, and on that mushroom…
"Corporal?" Eren asked incredulously. He hesitated before taking a few steps forward.
A caterpillar turned to face him, eyes showing disdain. But Eren knew those eyes. "What are you?" Levi's voice questioned.
"Corporal Levi…what's going on?" This was too weird. Everything kept happening so fast without any explanation. Why was his corporal a caterpillar?
"Hush. Don't ask stupid questions." The caterpillar told him angrily.
"We don't have much time, we need to get to the trial! Help us! Look!" Armin interrupted Eren's reply by pointing out the failing outfit.
"Hmmm. Looks like you need a new uniform." The caterpillar replied, examining the loosely tied together cloth. Armin was hopping from foot to foot anxiously. "This will take a while, rabbit. You might as well go ahead." He turned back to grab something Eren couldn't see.
"I'll be late! I have to go!" Armin replied quickly and hopped away.
"Wait, don't go yet Armin! How do I get out of here?" Eren called. He received a swift whack on the head with a feather duster, turning his attention back to Levi the caterpillar who was holding a maid's outfit.
"Put this on and start cleaning. This place is filthy." The caterpillar commanded.
"What? I'm not putting that on!" Eren shrieked, rubbing his sore head.
"Hmm, you're right. You're much too small to fit." Levi grabbed a piece of the mushroom and threw it at Eren. "Here, eat that and you'll grow back to normal size."
"Are you…sure?" Eren gulped, worried he might turn back into a titan.
Levi leaned forward, peering at him. "What are you?"
Eren wasn't sure what he meant, nor did he care at the moment. He took a small bite of the mushroom and felt himself growing in size. The fabric didn't, though. Before he was completely bare he snatched the outfit Levi held out for him and threw it over his head, wriggling into it as he finished growing.
"Well this is probably the weirdest thing I've done so far." He commented to himself drily.
"Hmmmmm." Levi was peering at him again as Eren adjusted the outfit, fidgeting. "That looks good on you. I'm making it your new permanent uniform from now on."
"Corporal!" Eren yelled, blushing. He felt too exposed, even though the outfit covered him, wishing he had some pants on.
"Take this and enter the flower bed. From there you'll be directed where to go next." The caterpillar replied, handing him the feather duster. "And don't forget to clean." His expression was as serious as always, with no room for jokes.
Eren sighed, realizing he wouldn't make any sense out of this right now. "I guess I just have to go along with it." He muttered, walking forward. Risking a look over his shoulder, he saw Levi watching him and brushed the duster past a few leaves as he left. He kept walking until he found himself in the midst of flowers. He dusted off the leaves and petals absently, thinking of those eyes watching him.
"Hey, that tickles!" one of the flowers exclaimed, shaking.
Eren shrieked, jumping back. The flower turned to reveal yet another familiar face. "M-Marco…?"
"Oh hey Eren. What's up?" Marco the flower replied with a smile.
Eren blinked. "You…you're a flower."
Freckled Jesus smiled brighter. "Yes, yes I am." Eren stared at his comrade for a moment, speechless. "So uh…looking for someone, or something? Can I help you get somewhere?" Marco asked after an uncomfortable silence.
"Um…I was following Armin and…I met Corporal and…something about a trial?" Eren stumbled over the words, still trying to understand what he was seeing.
Marco raised a leaf. "Oh yeah, the rabbit went that way. Just keep going and you should be in the right direction. Got a long way to go though."
"Yeah, Armin said something about hurrying…" Eren mumbled, moving slowly away in the direction Marco was pointing. He kept looking back, unnerved, until he couldn't see the flowers anymore.
"There he is!"
"He is there!"
Eren recognized those voices too, and was torn between groaning or shouting in relief. Connie and Sasha jumped out from behind some bushes, wearing matching outfits with black and white stripes.
"We found him!" Sasha exclaimed.
"He found us!" Connie added.
"Can you guys tell me what's going on? I just saw Marco as a flower, and Corporal made me wear this weird outfit, and Armin is hopping around like a rabbit." Eren said, lifting a part of the skirt to indicate his newly acquired wardrobe.
"What you think is what you see," Sasha began.
"And what you see is what you think." Connie finished.
"What?" Eren stared at them. "Why are you talking like that?"
"I am Tweedledee." Sasha explained.
"And I am Tweedledum." Connie said.
"Or we could be lying, and be the other way around!" they added in unison.
"Okay, this is getting creepy. Can you just tell me where I need to go?" Eren asked, getting freaked out again.
"We'll take him to the Duchess!" Connie stated.
"The Duchess will take him to us!" Sasha replied.
"He's already with us." Connie told her.
"She's already with him." Sasha echoed.
"No, no. Eren is here. She is there."
"We are here, he is there?" Sasha asked.
Eren started backing away during their argument, wishing he could just go back and sit in the room with the weird food, away from all these crazy people he thought were his friends.
"Wait, there he goes!"
"He is here!"
"No, he's leaving! Come back!"
"Leave me alone!" Eren yelled at them, attempting an escape.
"But you need to come with us!" Sasha called.
"You're going the wrong way!" Connie added.
Eren stopped and sighed. "Fine, just get me out of here." They each took him by the hand and skipped down the path, humming a weird little tune as they went. Eren was dreading the rest of his adventure if this was how it was going. It wasn't long until he saw a house up ahead. 'Maybe someone sane will be in there,' he thought to himself.
"Here you are." Connie told him.
"There you go!" Sasha said.
They let him go and pushed him into the house. The door shut behind him and he whirled around. It was dark and small, but something was dead ahead. Something…
"Eren." The name was uttered from a figure sitting before him.
"Mikasa?" Eren cried. Relief flooded through him. Mikasa would know what to do, she wouldn't be affected by all this shenanigans. "Oh good, I finally found you! You have to help me get out of here."
"You can't leave yet, but you're almost at your journey's end." Mikasa replied vaguely.
Eren's jaw dropped in disbelief. "Mikasa what are you talking about?" Eren asked, panicking. "Don't tell me you've gone crazy too!" If she was going to join the others in their strange little antics, he was doomed. It was bad enough the Corporal made him wear a dress and clean, even in a fantasy land.
"I have to protect you from the Queen. Stay here, I'll keep you safe." She replied, rising from her chair. That sounded more like the Mikasa he knew.
"Safe from what? Everyone kept telling me I needed to go somewhere. Armin said I would be late." Surely she would at least explain this whole mess to him, right?
"The trial is soon, the Queen is demanding justice."
"Trial? For what? Am I in trouble?"
"I'll protect you. Just don't go anywhere." Mikasa told him. Before Eren could ask any more, she was gone.
He was alone in the house now, wondering what to do next. Sitting down, he decided to think over everything that happened recently: Getting eaten by a titan only to fall into this strange new world. Turning into a titan after he ate the bread, but shrinking down in size when he drank from the bottle. Seeing Armin as a rabbit, who kept worrying about the time. Levi as a caterpillar, asking what he was and giving him this new clothing. He didn't want to think about Marco as a flower. Connie and Sasha as idiot twins felt familiar, like they belonged in those roles, but he couldn't figure out how it all went together. And why were they calling Mikasa a Duchess? He felt like he should know something, that he was missing something obvious, but couldn't quite grasp it. "Dammit, I can't just sit here and wait to see what happens! Mikasa! Wait!"
He ran out the door, looking for his sister, but couldn't find her. "Mikasa? Armin!" he called, wandering around the house. He didn't know whether he should go back the way he came or keep going forward. There were a few paths to take, but he didn't know where any of them went.
"You look loooost." A voice cooed near his ear.
Eren squeaked and flailed around, wide-eyed as he tried to find out where the voice came from. He saw a large grin in front of him, then the gleam of eyes shone from behind glasses. The shape of a human took form, with cat ears, a tail, and purple stripes, but he knew that expression. "Hange?"
"No, silly, I'm a cat. But myyy don't you look cute as a maid?" Hange the Cheshire Cat replied, floating close to him.
"Hey! Don't say that!" Eren blushed again, moving away. Hange made him slightly uncomfortable for some reason, but he couldn't remember why. "First Corporal, now you, what's going on? Why is everyone crazy?"
"Not all of us are crazy, some of us are TITANS!" she yelled. "In fact, everyone's a titan! TITANS!" she spasmed in mid-air.
Eren screamed, stumbling back. "Hange you're scaring me!"
"You're a titan, Eren!"
"No I'm not!"
"Then you should tell the Queen before she takes your head…or the person who's standing in for your head."
"What?" Eren calmed down slightly, worried about what Hange was saying. "What do you mean? The trial?"
"Yes, you need to attend a Tea Party first, though. Can't go to court without some tea!"
"What? No! Tell me where the trial is!" Eren demanded.
"Nope. Tea first. It's in that direction." Hange pointed with her tail.
"But where is the trial? Armin said I was late!"
"It could be that way." Hange pointed with a paw. "Or that way." She pointed with another other paw, in a different direction. "Orrrr." Her head swiveled around.
"I get it! Fine, I'll go to the stupid tea party!" Eren yelled, storming off in the original direction she showed him.
"Just don't stay for long, you're already running late!" Hange called after him.
"Uuuuggggghhhh." Eren groaned, trudging down the path, dragging the feather duster behind him in the dirt. Soon he found himself in front of a gate, and behind the gate he heard raucous laughter.
"I came in like a wrecking ball!" voices sang.
"Please tell me that's not who I think it is." Opening the gate, he entered the Tea Party and slapped a hand over his face to keep himself from seeing what was going on. Reiner was laughing, head held back, holding a large hat atop his head to keep it from falling off. Bertholt was pouring sugar into his cup until it ran over, with floppy bunny ears on his head. Annie was sleeping, a pair of mouse ears amidst her golden locks.
"Hey, you!" Reiner the Mad Hatter threw a cup of tea at Eren, who stumbled away to escape the shattering pieces. "Happy unbirthday or whatever, you little shit!"
"That's a bit mean." Bert said in a softer tone. "Come join us for some tea, Eren."
Eren was wary but wanted to get this whole thing over with, so he reluctantly sat down with them. Cups and plates littered the whole table, with dishes for sugar and tea being passed around. When the tea was given to him, he poured some in his cup. As he was reaching for some sugar, Bert took his cup and sipped from it.
"Needs sugar." The March Hare grabbed the sugar from Eren and poured it into the cup until it reached the top, then handed the cup back to him. "There you go, should be sweet enough." He smiled and waited, looking at Eren expectantly.
"Don't be rude, drink the tea!" Reiner told him.
Annie lifted her eyes, head resting on her arms as she was slumped over the table.
Eren took a sip, then cringed and set it down. "Too sweet!"
Reiner gasped, Annie's eyes widened, and Bert's lips trembled as he pouted.
"That was rude! Apologize before I knock you down!" Reiner roared.
"S-sorry but…he put way too much sugar in that!" Eren replied.
"It's okay," Bert sniffed. "I guess I'm not good at making tea."
"Don't listen to him, big guy, he's just being a jerk because the Queen wants his head." The Mad Hatter soothed his friend.
"We should take him to her." Annie spoke up quietly.
"Yeah, she'll reward us for bringing the right Eren instead of letting the Knave of Hearts stand in for him!" Reiner shouted, grabbing for Eren's arm.
"Wait, hold on guys!" Something told him he should have seen this betrayal coming. Despite his protests, he was soon carried off down the road in between Reiner and Bert, with Annie following silently behind.
"Where are you taking me now? Why won't anyone tell me what's going on?" Eren yelled, struggling.
"Just shut up and get over it, Eren." Reiner ordered.
"No need to be rough with him, Hatter. He's just scared." The March Hare replied in that same soft tone as before.
"I'm freaked out Bert, not scared!"
"Awww, listen to how afraid he sounds!"
"This is anger in my voice! Anger!" Eren yelled back. With his head tipped back, he noticed Annie behind them. "Hey, a little help here?" The dormouse put her fists up over her head but said nothing. "Really helpful, Annie!" he replied sarcastically.
"Look, here we are." Reiner stated. Eren looked above him and watched as they passed through some large gates into a maze. He stopped struggling to take in his surroundings, stunned when he saw white roses covered in blood.
"Halt! Who goes there?"
Eren strained to see who was speaking, noticing a group of people dressed in red and black.
"It's just us, Ymir, bringing in the real Eren to face his charges." Reiner replied.
"You're late, idiots." The Red Knight snorted, gesturing for them to move forward.
"Not our fault he wanted to stop and have a Tea Party."
"I wasn't the one who suggested it! Hange told me to go and you guys made me drink that sugar water!" Eren exclaimed, struggling again.
Ymir walked in front of them, leading the way until they entered the courtroom. Someone was already on the stand, but his back was to them so Eren couldn't tell who it was.
"I present the real Eren, my Queen!" Ymir called, saluting. Reiner and Bert dropped Eren on the ground, then took their seats among the rest of the audience gathered. Connie and Sasha were on either side of Mikasa, with Hange floating between them and the Tea Party trio. Eren looked in front of him to see Historia on the throne, dressed in red with a crown on her head, and Armin whispering frantically in her ear.
"Took you long enough to get here, jerk. I almost lost my head because of you! I'm not doing it again." Jean's voice snarked at him from the stand.
Eren turned to see his comrade and rival, blinking again. "Your boyfriend is a flower."
Jean's face turned red. "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" he yelled, unable to hold back a furious neigh.
"So if you're Eren…who are you?" Historia asked, pointing to Jean.
"I told you, I'm the Knave of Hearts." Jean replied, as if repeating himself.
"Pfft. You're a knave alright, but not of hearts." Eren mumbled.
"Don't start with me Jaeger!"
"You started it, Kirschtein!"
"Order! Order in my court!" Historia yelled, silencing them both. Ymir threw Jean out of the stand and dragged Eren in, tying him to a pole in the center and standing guard. "Eren Jaeger, you are charged with being a titan. How do you plead?"
"What? A titan? No I'm not!" He yelled. "Did Hange tell you that? Don't listen to her, she's crazy!"
"We have evidence. I call the first witness!" The Red Queen shouted above him. Armin hopped to the witness stand near Eren, looking worried. "White Rabbit, is it true he transformed into a Titan in the first room, before entering the woods?"
"Well, I suppose, although—," Armin began.
"Aha! See? Proof!" Historia cried out.
"But wait! I was—," Eren tried to defend himself.
"—eating a piece of bread, and we all know that's supposed to make you larger—," Armin continued.
"But he turned into a titan!" The Queen yelled.
"But any of us could have turned into a titan! You don't know what was in that bread, it could have been stale and moldy!" Armin added, squeaking.
Eren's stomach churned and he cringed.
"We're all titans!" Hange screamed, rolling around in the air as her tail flicked.
"Get that demented cat out of here!" Historia called. Ymir approached Hange, who simply waved as she disappeared, her grin the last thing in view. "I've heard enough, off with his head!"
"Wait!" a new voice called out, one with an air of command and confidence. Eren turned slowly, wary of who he might see, only to be confronted with a pair of large blond eyebrows…which laid atop the forehead of the White King, who strode forward to stand beside Eren. "I am here to defend Eren, before you pass judgment."
"Do you think he's innocent of the charge?" Historia asked.
"No, he's definitely a titan." Erwin answered and Eren groaned, wondering what this madness was all about. "But we can use him."
"Why not just kill him?"
"Because I want him to be the champion against your Jabberwocky. So there." Erwin replied.
"And why should I let you?"
"I'm not giving you another choice. The White Kingdom is taking charge of Eren."
"Commander…can you please just explain this to me?" Eren pleaded.
Erwin leaned close and whispered "Shhh, in a minute."
"Well I'm not going to let you. He's dangerous and needs to be dealt with. Guards, off with their heads!" Historia commanded. Soldiers, headed by Ymir the Knight, advanced against them.
"Wait for it." Erwin said, not moving from Eren's side.
"What are we waiting for?" Eren whispered furiously. He heard the faint flapping of wings and saw the soldiers look startled, pausing in their movements. Eren looked behind him, as did Erwin, to see a butterfly. "You've got to be kidding me."
"Shut up, brat. I'm getting you out of here." Levi the Butterfly snapped and landed on Eren's back, attempting to carry him away. "Erwin, you forgot to give him the shrinking juice."
The Queen's soldiers laughed, charging forward. Erwin scrambled to take something out of his pocket, then shoved it in Eren's mouth. As he drank he felt himself shrinking again. Hange appeared in front of the soldiers to distract them as Erwin commanded his own soldiers, dressed in white, into the courtroom to do battle.
"Much better. Now come on, let's go home." Levi said, able to lift Eren now that he was smaller and lighter.
"Do I really have to fight a Jabberwocky?" Eren moaned. He didn't want to think about his commander's strange actions, nor the fact that Levi went from being a caterpillar to a butterfly rather quickly.
"The hell are you talking about? Hey, kid, quit mumbling in your sleep. Wake up, it's time to get started with your training." Levi barked.
"What?" Eren replied drowsily, then was shoved onto the floor off his bed. "Ow!" Rubbing his sore back, he looked up to see Levi, looking normal, glaring down at him.
"Hey, you're not a butterfly anymore."
Levi's boot collided with his face, and he never talked about his weird dream again.
Author's Note: This lovely bit of crack is brought to you by the various anime OVAs or special episodes involving Adventures in Wonderland. I thought Attack on Titan needed one. Admit it, you did too after reading this. Now if someone could make this into a comic, or reenact it with cosplay, that would make me super happy.