It's been three years. I told George. Three years since Rachel died.

I sipped the beer from the glass he had given me. As a red-tailed hawk, I didn't get much enjoyment from alcohol so when I drank as one it was more out of habit. It was more because it felt like I should. George didn't mind if I drank as a red-tailed hawk or a human and that's one of the reasons I drank with him from time to time.

George also didn't tell anyone else what I, one of the surviving Animorphs aka Tobias Fangor, told him in confidence. Looking at him you wouldn't expect that as he was old and disheveled with alcohol always on his breath.

As we drank in my meadow, I instinctively looked out for any predators even though it was highly unlikely that I would be attacked with George around.

"You mean the end of the war." George said and took a drink from his beer can.

Same thing. I replied.

"End of something at least. You went on a whole drinking and sex spree. Ever think of settling down?"

With one sex partner or an actual relationship?

"An actual relationship. You and Rachel seemed to be very close and maybe part of you will return if you get an actual relationship."

Marco I can see as a sex partner, but I don't know about being in an emotional relationship with him.

"Every time the pair of you gets together you seem happy enough."

That's because we're having sex.

"You don't just talk about having sex with him every time the two of you meet."

I didn't visit the other remaining Animorphs for the most part. Ax was usually doing military stuff and wasn't close to Earth. Jake was someone I had promised never to talk to ever again unless it was for something important. Cassie I sometimes talked to when I visited the free Hork-Bajir. But the only one I had much communication with was Marco.

After a little bit of coaxing, we had started having sex. But soon after we stopped due to him telling me that he wasn't into guys and then I had left on my soul searching journey. Or at least what had turned into soul searching.

We hadn't talked since then, except for a call here and there, and I was nervous about talking with him.

I'm going to contact him soon. I told George. Remember what I told you about the Frolis maneuver?

"That's where you mix the DNA of multiple members of a species to form one morph?" George asked while looking slightly disinterested.

I got a bunch of people to agree to let me acquire one so I have an adult morph for Marco to bang. I know he likes my own form as a human, but that doesn't age. It will never age and banging people with a thirteen year old's body is just weird and uncomfortable at times. Besides, Marco might be more easily attracted to an actual adult.

"So you went through all this trouble just to bang Marco?"

And anyone else in the future.

"Do you realize how unlike you this sounds?"

Hey, it's not like I haven't focused on sex before now.

"I've heard you talk about Marco and you wouldn't acquire a morph just for the sole reason of having sex with him. You're telling me you didn't go on your 'soul searching' because he rejected you?"

Are you going to keep telling me that I'm in love with Marco? I am interested in him sexually and nothing more.

George just shrugged and continued to drink. He was done arguing with me for the night. He had been pushing for me and Marco to be together for a little while now. It was odd to have someone tell me what my relationship status should be. Hell, Rachel and myself had never gone through this with the other Animorphs.

Of course, at the time, me and the other Animorphs had been fighting a war. We weren't that concerned with who was with who or who was into what. The Yeerk invasion was much more important than our love lives.

But Marco...He seemed to want to play a part. He wanted to pretend he was a macho man and that he was only into girls. I couldn't speak of his sexuality with any certainty, but I knew he liked guys. He had liked me sexually.

He had enjoyed me in his pool and in my cabin. If we had stayed together longer maybe we could've enjoyed each other in more places.

Marco...maybe I did want him for other reasons. It wasn't just the sex that kept drawing me back. It was his jokes, his laughter, and his ability to be there for me. Maybe there was some other part of me that wanted him for more than sex.

But if Marco didn't want me sexually, if he couldn't admit what one part of himself wanted, what did it really matter? Why did I think it mattered?