Tony woke up on the floor of his bathroom with a pounding headache that normally came after a serious drinking binge, and he knew that wasn't the case, because they were just fighting giant wasps (or something, what the hell did he know, he just pointed and shoot where Rogers told him to, or mostly anyway) only the day before, and he may or may have not gotten himself a concussion, so he definitely wasn't drinking, because even he knew that was a no no, drinking to get fantastically drunk when you had a head injury.
And maybe that was the cause of the headache, the concussion, because head injuries hurt, right?
"Jarvis?" he muttered, because surely his AI would have been concerned about him passing out with a head injury, because he was such a mother hen about those sorts of things.
He sat up, noting that everything, and he meant every fucking thing, hurt, and that was also probably from the flying wasp things too, right?
"Good morning sir," Jarvis said with notable relief, and huh that was weird because Jarvis had what people would call emotions, sure, but relief at Tony bugging him? Nope. "It is 10:37 am. The temperature outside is 70 degrees, partly cloudy with a ten percent chance of precipitation later today."
There was a slight hesitation, and oh boy that couldn't have been good, before Jarvis spoke again. "You have been in the bathroom since 8:52pm the previous evening when you said you were going to take a shower."
Tony frowned. "That's weird. Right? I normally don't sleep in the bathroom." He sniffed himself. "And I totally didn't make it to the shower." He frowned. "You didn't think that was odd J?"
"Of course I did sir," Jarvis said defensively. "But before you entered the bathroom, you said, and I quote 'Jarvis I am a grown man and I am going to take a shower, I swear to god if you bother me or anyone else on my behalf I will donate you to SHIELD and let Fury use you as his personal assistant', which I found amusing."
"Of course you did," Tony muttered. "And there's no video feed in the bathroom, so who knows what I did last night. I could have just fallen asleep, or I could have held a party and then forgotten about it in my hungover state."
"No one entered or left the bathroom while you were in it, and given that there is no alcohol in that room, it would have been a very dull party," Jarvis noted dryly.
"Alright smart ass, I know that. So I fell asleep. In my clothes. In the bathroom. I think that's a first; is that a first?"
"As far as I can tell, it is indeed, sir."
Tony smirked. "All right then. Make note of that, apparently I'm getting old. Is someone making breakfast?"
Jarvis checked, and Tony began stripping his clothes off while he waited.
"Captain Rogers is making blueberry pancakes in the main kitchen. Agent Barton and Thor are also there, and Doctor Banner is planning to join them shortly."
Tony nodded. "Okay. Can you let them know I'll be there soon? Shower, then coffee. Then food. Probably."
"Of course sir."
"Oh, and J, don't mention the sleeping in the bathroom thing. I'll never live it down."
"Indeed, sir," Jarvis noted, and it was definitely with a smirk, Tony could tell. It didn't matter that Jarvis didn't have a mouth or face to smirk with, it was definitely, without doubt, a smirk. Who the hell programmed his AI to be such a sarcastic menace anyway?
Jarvis must have known that Tony was mentally berating him, because the water ran slightly too cold until he apologized.