So... More crack... Because you all seemed to want it
Summary: Some people would run screaming from the building... For Alan and Sam, it's just another typical month at the nut house otherwise known as Encom.
Week 1- Monday:
"It was Ed's fault."
"Was not!"
"Was so!"
"Like Hell!"
"Hell, yes!"
Alan cleared his throat loudly, and both Jr. and Sam quieted down instantly to look at him. He raised the memo once more and held it up to their faces.
"Once again, I will repeat… Why is there a memo stating that all Encom employees are now required to attend a seminar of proper use and safety of office materials?"
The two boys in front of him shuffled around, neither speaking, simply looking everywhere but at him… Alan crossed his arms and started counting back from ten. When there was still no response, he decided to take matters into his own hands.
"Okay… Given that you two seem to have the maturity levels of 4 years olds right now- you've got 60 seconds to tell me about the memo or I'm placing you in 'time out' and locking you both in the supply closet."
Not surprisingly, Jr. broke first.
"We finished that side project late last night… You know, the one where we take disused programs and recode them for Encom's systems up—"
Alan interrupted.
"You're stalling, Jr… Get to the point."
Sam chose to come to his rescue.
"Yeah, well, in retrospect, talking a bunch of sleep deprived employees into celebrating with a drinking game consisting of Redbull and vodka shooters at 3:30 in the morning may not have been the brightest idea I've ever had."
Alan sighed as he tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling
"You know, I've met three year olds with more common sense then the two of you combined."
Looking back down he saw Sam flash him a cocky grin.
"Yeah, but I bet they couldn't hold a candle to our charismatic personalities."
"We can only hope… So, who's explaining how I ended up with a brand new office chair?"
Sam and Jr. looked at each other for a second until Jr. shoved his hands in his pockets and exhaled slowly as he stared at the floor.
"Sometime after the 6th shot we thought it'd be fun to have an office chair relay race."
Alan raised an eyebrow, and Sam piped up with a grin.
"Down the staircase!"
Alan just stared and Jr. looked up, blushing with embarrassment.
"Nothing but one minor injury for the human participants… But your chair didn't make it."
Alan stared for another moment, and then reached out and quickly cuffed both of them. As both boys responded with a resounding 'OW' he turned on his heels and began to walk away, chuckling quietly. Suddenly Sam's voice ran out.
"That's it? No big spiel on the waste of an ill spent youth?"
Alan grinned as he turned to face them with a shrug.
"On the way down, did either of you happen to notice the dents in the metal door on the third landing?"
They both nodded, and Alan laughed as he looked at Sam.
"That was your father… Kevin thought it would be fun to 'surf' a desktop down the handrails… Memories fuzzy, but I think JD was involved in the inspiration process."
Sam grinned then narrowed his eyes in thought.
"And you would know that, how?"
Instead of answer, Alan simply grinned and gave Sam a mock salute as he turned and walked away, calling out over his shoulder as he did so.
"I'll send out the memo to everyone, Sam. Just don't expect me to be present- I've already heard everything they'll tell you before."
Week 2- Tuesday:
"Awe, Damnit! Come on!"
A frustrated sigh escaped from Sam as he looked through the front glass at the treats the vending machine refused to release; he slammed his hand on the side of it a couple of times to no avail.
"I swear you are one step away from the dump you hunk of scrap metal."
Of course, that would be the moment that Quorra came along.
"Sam! Don't talk to Swed2.4 like that! It's not his fault they errored on his maintenance last month."
Sam looked at the machine for a second then turned back to Quorra, eyebrows raised.
"You named the vending machine Swed2.4?"
She walked over and gently patted the side of the machine, looking at him, confused over his amusement.
"Yes… Service Working Energy Dispenser… 2nd floor, 4th unit."
Sam knew he shouldn't… He really did. But despite understanding it would probably mean sleeping on the sofa for the next month, he doubled over as he burst out laughing. Quorra simply stood there and crossed her arms, tapping one foot and looking at him. When he finally collected himself he pointed at the machine.
"It's a product Quorra- it doesn't have formats or intelligence- you just put money into it and it gives you what you ask for."
He gave the corner a light, fast kick.
"At least it's supposed to… This piece of junk just takes the money."
Quorra stepped in front of the machine, pushing Sam away as she looked at him coolly.
"You don't know as much as you think you do, Sam Flynn."
She turned to Swed and lovingly put a hand on the glass.
"Don't pay attention to him… I understand… But he'll sulk for the rest of the day if he doesn't get his chocolate fix… Please can you try to help; I'll make sure the company repairs your code the next time a visit is scheduled."
With that she reached around and wiggled the power chord back and forth, pressing it father into the wall jack. Using her other hand she pressed the enter button as she did so.
Presented with the marvelous view of her backside, Sam didn't notice as the gears within the machine started turning until the sound of something hitting the bottom informed him.
He made sure to look at her face as Quorra shifted back to the front and reached down, pulling out an Oh'Henry bar and handing it to Sam; she smiled triumphantly.
"See… All you have to do is ask nicely…Now… What do you say to Swed2.4?"
Sam looked at the bar with one eyebrow raised.
"I requested a Twix."
Quorra's tone took on a warning sound as she tensed her body
"S-a-m…. What. Do. You. Say. To. Swed2.4?"
Quorra stepped out of the way, and pushed him back towards the machine. Not wanting to add another month to sleeping on the sofa, Sam awkwardly patted the glass.
"Um… Thanks."
"And…"
Sam looked at her confused.
"And?"
She huffed as she threw her arms up.
"You insulted him for a malfunction he can't help… You owe him an apology."
Sam went to argue until he saw the look on Quorra's face… He was risking a LOT more than mere bedroom privileges if he refused. He turned back to the machine.
"… And I'm… Sorry for yelling at you."
Quorra smiled, and her body position returned back to its usual relaxed and carefree nature. Just then the machine whirled back to life and they watched as a Twix bar dropped to the bottle. Sam's jaw dropped.
"No way…"
Quorra handed him the bar and kissed him on the cheek as she smiled.
"Told you."
Week 3- Wednesday:
If anyone asked, Alan would deny it vigorously… But inwardly he did admit to receiving a small amount of glee in watching Sam and Rinzler's ongoing war of escalation.
Which is why when Rinzler snapped his attention to the door and growled low in his throat; Alan simply sat back in his chair and prepared to enjoy the show. The cat's muscles tensed like coiling springs as his tail began to twitch back and forth. A knock on the door a few seconds later caused him to smile.
"What is it, Sam?"
Sam opened the door and Rinzler launched himself into the air with a feline battle cry, fully intending on imbedding his claws into the boy's chest.
Sam had learned a trick or two over the months, however, and he'd been prepared for the attack. As soon as the door was open, he'd lunged out of the way and lobed the cup of water he'd been holding into the cat's face. Taken by surprise, a shocked Rinzler sailed soaking wet through the opening and into the hall. Sam barrel rolled inside and leapt back, slamming the door behind him.
He grinned as the cat pounded against the door infuriated growls penetrating through wood. Leaning his back against the door, Sam called out to the cat.
"A lick it and spin you pint sized psychotic spawn of Satan."
Straightening up, Alan laughed as Sam walked towards him, looking as if he'd just concord the world.
"Proud of yourself?"
Sam sat on the top of Alan's desk as he did a mock bow, face breaking out in a huge grin.
"I have my moments."
Alan simply hummed and grinned knowingly as Sam held up a handful of files.
"Just came by quick to drop these financial reports off as you requested, and to see if you and Laura were interested in joining Quorra and I for dinner tonight."
Alan smiled warmly as he took the reports and nodded.
"We'd love to."
Sam smiled as he got up and headed to the door.
"Great… See you around 8."
Alan set the files on his desk and leaned forward, placing his elbows on the desk and resting his chin on his hands. His smile widened as Sam got to the door and froze. He couldn't help but chuckle quietly as the sounds of deep, enraged snarls were issued from the other side. Sam stood motionless, hand on the doorknob; at the echoes of menacing claws scraping down the wood he turned back to Alan.
"I'm beginning to see a fatal flaw in my strategy."
Alan raised one eyebrow and hummed again, but didn't say anything more. Sam squared his shoulders and stood tall as he quietly talked to himself.
"Sam… Come on… You faced this guy down when he was a 6 foot tall, armed, kung-fu flippin' enforcer… The 2 pound feline version should be a cake walk… So man up and open the damn door."
Alan made a mental note to tell Sam that, all around, he thought he handled the situation well… After all, most people don't expect to open a door only to have a half drowned hellcat literally drop down on their shoulders.
Fortunately even with the set back of accompanying Sam to the emergency ward- and the resulting 26 stitches- they still managed to make it in time for dinner.
Week 4-Thursday:
"Sam, what the hell is going on here?"
Sam closed his eyes and sighed… Of course Alan would decide to check in on them now… He sensed disturbances at Encom like some kind of freaking Jedi master. Off to the side, the 'program' gasped.
"Another Tron?"
Sam was going to correct her, but a glance at Alan told him she probably wasn't all that wrong.
In his defense, it wasn't what it looked like.
Because, what it currently looked like was he and Ed had flipped out and tied a scantily clad, exotically beautiful, angry, and confused young woman- complete with circuit like tattoos (which apparently ran all the way down), weird purple irises, and fangs- to a chair in Encom's basement.
Okay… So maybe it was exactly what it looked like…
Still Sam figured he had less than two minutes to come up with some sort of explanation, or Alan was going to make his life hell for the next decade…. Actually, he was probably going to make his life hell regardless. Either way, Sam put on his best 'please don't kill me smile' and turned to him.
"Well… The good news is Encom won't have to worry about the Melissa Virus anymore."
Alan crossed his arms, signaling to Sam to continue he looked at Ed, who kept his rapt attention and eyes on the virus. Sam wisely continued.
We went in after being sent reports that Encom's systems were being affected by something… By the time we arrived, it'd already infected half the administrative systems. Avio and Tron were handling the situation, and they told us just to get out of there… But when Melissa found out that Users were on the grid and had a way out—"
Alan interrupted.
"It decided to hitch a ride."
"It seemed like a good idea at the time."
Sam and Alan turned to look at her, after a moment she smiled mischievously and shrugged- well as much as she was able to, bound.
"How could I resist?"
Finally Ed shook his head and pulled his eyes away, looking at Alan.
"None of us saw her coming… One minute we're stepping into the portal to go home, the next something slams into us from behind and we come out with a now human virus… A rather determined human virus… So, I… Tied… her… up."
Sam looked at the virus, and then at Ed, suddenly curious.
"How did you manage that, by the way… she was putting up a pretty good fight."
"Not good enough, apparently."
Ed rolled his eyes.
"Sam… I was in high school by the time I was 11… I wore glasses, had a genius IQ, and weighed 110 pounds soaking wet… Long term survival dictated I learn a few tricks."
"Well… This has been a treat, but if you don't mind, I think I'd like to be untied now."
Sam lifted an eyebrow.
"So… You studied… Bondage?"
As Ed's face went red, Alan cleared his throat to get their attention; some part of Sam's mind did register the ridiculousness of the situation… But for now, all three of them seemed inclined to ignore the virus while they talked things out.
All and all, Sam thought Alan had been taking it pretty well… But he figured they have maybe one more minute before it fully sinks in, and then their screwed… That minute looms ever closer when Alan places his hands on his hips and taps one foot.
"You're telling me you two pulled a virus out of the computer."
Sam and Ed nodded.
"Any reason either of you just didn't think to delete it while you were there?"
Glancing out of the corner of his eye, Sam couldn't help but smirk when he saw the virus shift uneasily in her chair.
"Wow… Your Tron's even more of a buzz-kill than the other one… I was just having a little fun."
"We didn't even know there was a virus when we went in there, Alan… And with Melissa being a macro/ worm combo, the only way to permanently erase her is from this side of the screen- that's why we headed back in the first place."
"Seriously, boys…I'm sure it'll be a snap for you to repair…"
Alan frowned, and Sam knew it was going to hit the fan.
"Wonderful Sam… That solution doesn't work so well now that she's here."
"And I promise I'll never come near this system again."
"Well, we certainly can't put her back… She'll either continue screwing around in our system, or use the bandwidth to move to another.
"I mean… When you think about it, none of this is my fault."
"Maybe she could be of some use… To us… In the real world."
"I don't mean to be bad… I'm just programmed that way."
Both Alan and Sam turned to Ed, who'd settled into a slight blush and was rubbing the back of his head. Sam raised an eyebrow and Ed smiled and continued.
"Viruses are getting more and more advanced… Maybe… She could help- teach us how they 'think' or something… You know- fighting fire with fire."
They turned as the virus cleared her throat.
"Is this the option that keeps me online?"
Ed nodded.
"Well… Yeah… I suspect your advisor skills would be rendered moot if you were dead."
The virus said nothing for a moment, and then narrowed her eyes at Alan.
"Will your security enforcer try anything?"
Sam looked at Alan for a moment; who simply re-crossed his arms and glared at her. He turned back to her and shrugged.
"As long as you obey the rules and behave, I don't see why we can't get along."
The virus looked down at her feet; one bare foot she drew patterns on the floor with her big toe. Finally she looked up and smiled coyly as she jerked her head towards Ed; it occurred to Sam that his life was about to get infinitely more complicated.
"Can I have this one as my User?"
For a moment they all just stared at her, and Sam watched as Ed's jaw hit the floor. Her smile broadened as she nodded at her bindings.
"What? Clearly he's the processing power for this little group… And besides… I want him to show me how this 'bondage' thing works."
Sam could barely hear over the sound of his own brain slamming to a halt as Ed choked on nothing and turned an amazing shade of crimson. Alan went rigid for a moment and then turned on his heels and walked out the door, rubbing his temple with one hand as he did. Sam was pretty sure he heard what he said as he left.
"No way in hell I get paid enough for this crap."
Week 5- Friday:
"Hey Ed, hurry it up man, we should be there by now!"
Alan looked up from the monitor at Sam's shouting just in time to see Jr. walking quickly down the hall… That wasn't so unusual; when that man was on a mission, he could break sound barriers getting from point A to B.
What was unusual was the fact he was wearing a winter jacket and carrying a snow board.
Inside Encom… In July.
Alan sighed.
"Just another typical day in the Mental Ward."
His plan involved ignoring the kid, until five other people from Jr.'s team came running down the hall with similar gear and jackets.
It was the toboggan that cinched the deal.
Alan looked at Roy and raised an eyebrow, who simply groaned and then jerked his thumb in the kid's direction.
"Please go find out what the Looney Tune brigade is up to."
"Yeah… I'll do that. "
He didn't need to guess where they were instead he headed straight to the laser room. Entering the code into the key pad he walked in to the sound of excited voices. Sam and Jr. were organizing various snow gear to fit in the lasers pathway.
"Do I even want to know?"
Sam and Jr. jumped as the rest of the people whipped around; Sam smiled as soon as he saw who it was.
"Alan! We did it! We got digital snow to fall in the outlands!"
Alan waited as cheers travelled around the group. He couldn't help but smile at their enthusiasm.
"And you're all going in to have some fun."
A young programmer named Alex popped her head up and grinned.
"Ah, come on Alan… Can you blame us? It's a freakin' 109 degrees out there, and all we have to do is skip on over to the grid to bask in a winter wonderland."
Sam's grin grew bigger.
"Besides, a lot of the programs are interested in learning what User's do for fun... And I told Tron I'd teach him how to snowboard."
Alan began to calculate every way this could end in disaster. Still looking at all the eager faces, he couldn't help but feel like the parent of kids desperately hoping they can go out to play. He smiled as he pointed at Sam.
"You're responsible for everyone out there- human and digital- so while it may go against your nature… Behave! … More so, if you do anything to damage my program I will come in there and personally kick your ass."
Sam lunged forward, surprising him with an impromptu hug as the rest of the group broke out cheering again; before Alan could react, the kid was already leaping away and turning to the others.
"Alright, I'll code in the last finishing touches on the ski runs- everyone get ready for digitizing."
Alan suddenly was struck with an idea. And while it could only be described as immature and devious at best, he couldn't resist. So he went to over to Sam and put a hand on his shoulder.
"I'll take care of everything on this side you go and get ready with the others."
Sam beamed.
"Thanks, Alan."
"Don't mention it."
He waited just long enough for Sam to not see what he was coding in, and then he began to type furiously. After a few minutes, he'd put his plan into action. Looking over at the kids in their gear he couldn't help but let his grin show; he gave them a wave.
"Have fun!"
Alan pushed the key that activated the laser. A bright light later he was alone in the room. He walked out of the room, chuckling… Now all he had to do was wait.
It was only thirty minutes on this side… He only had a rough estimate of what that translated to in the grid when Sam came walking up, soaked with digital melted snow- although he didn't know how that was possible- to playfully glare at him.
"Cute, Alan… Very cute."
Roy looked at Sam, and then turned to Alan.
"Why… What did you do?"
Alan leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head as he smiled up at Sam.
"After last week… You had it coming."
Sam rolled his eyes and pointed at Alan as he looked at Roy.
"Old faithful here offered to put the 'finishing touches' on our digital ski resort… What he didn't mention was that he also sent Tron instructions on how to execute the perfect snowball fight… We went in expecting winter wonderland- and got a snowy World War three."
Roy whipped around to look at Alan; after a second they both burst out laughing. After a second Sam joined in.
"Okay, old man… You win."
Alan playfully slapped Sam on the back.
"Fundamental law of age and treachery, kiddo."
Sam looked confused.
"Huh?"
Alan smiled with a glint in his eyes.
"Age and treachery will always overcome youth and enthusiasm."
Week 6- Saturday:
"It's not fair!"
Sam head jerked up as Melissa entered his office, Ed close behind already mouthing 'sorry' as he closed the door behind him; Sam put down the reports he'd been reading and leaned back already regretting allowing the virus back into Encom.
"What isn't?"
Ed groaned as he sat down across from Sam; Melissa growled and went over to the corner, plopping herself down on the carpet.
"I used to scare people… They cried my name in terror… Now all they do is look at me like I have a second processor."
Sam turned to Ed; he had a feeling this was going to be interesting. Ed sighed.
"She's mad because she can't infect and kill people with her touch anymore… She's been trying for the last hour."
Sam drummed his fingers on the desk.
"Please tell me she didn't try anything more than that."
Ed shifted in his seat for a moment, and Sam began to count down the seconds until his next headache arrived.
"Well, turns out she doesn't need much sleep… And she loves watching the Sci-Fi channel… Let's just say last night's reruns of Star Trek have her determined to master the 'Vulcan neck pinch'…. I… Managed to stop her before she attempted that one on anybody."
The virus sighed as she stared out into space.
"Ah… Data… Now there's some circuitry it'd love to run my hands on."
Sam groan as the headaches first pulse ran across his temples. As Ed simply shook his he, the virus threw her hands up and turned to glare at Sam.
"What? I want to understand what built in capabilities this form has, in case there was a situation that required action… And this form- by the way- has proven to be both annoying and unpredictable…But when I asked Ed about it he just mentions something called 'hormones' and runs off."
Sam looked at now blushing programmer as he put his head in one hand and waved the other in his direction.
"Don't ask… Dear lord, please don't ask."
Sam smiled patiently at Ed while Melissa continued her rant.
"I swear I only tried it on service programs… Anyway- if it had worked, you could have just created more… the current ones all seem defective- so I thought you'd appreciate the chance to upgrade…"
Ed sighed as he swiveled his chair to look at her.
"Melissa… What was the first thing we said you couldn't do we agreed to let you stay here?"
The virus muttered under her breath as she picked at the carpet with one hand.
"I didn't hear that, Mel."
She sighed, and rolled her head over to look at Ed.
"You said I wasn't allowed to kill anyone, for any reason… No matter how much they might deserve it."
It occurred to Sam in that moment that the fact they had to make a rule like that pretty much proved they were all mad. He's thoughts were broken up when the virus jumped up and giggled at something. Following his eye line, he saw Rinzler stalking his way down the hall, oblivious to the coming assault. The virus jumped up and rushed out the door.
"Kitty!"
Though they couldn't see what was going on that far down the hall, it didn't take a genius to guess as the cat's screech filled the room. Sam looked at Ed, who simply stared back as he calmly replied.
"She discovered she likes fuzzy thing… Especially living fluffy things… It's only been two days and the neighborhood animals have all learned to flee at her approach."
Sam looked at the hall as another wail signaled Rinzler's distain for the virus' affection. He looked back at Ed.
"I almost feel sorry for him."
Ed shook his head, and smiled slightly.
"Don't… I also came in here to tell you left your leather jacket here last night."
Sam frowned.
"So… Rinzler tore on arm to shreds… Then hacked up a hairball on it."
Sam let his head fall to his desk, as the headache finally emerged full strength.
"I'm killing that damn cat… I'm firing you just because… And I'm running off with Quorra to Taiwan."
Suddenly Melissa called out from the hall, questions coming in rapid fire.
"Ed… What is this red liquid coming out of my arms? Do I need it? How do I put it back in? It's the same color as that juice this morning... does that mean I can drink it? Oh! Do you have liquid to! Could I drink yours and see if it tastes different? Ed? …Why is everyone looking at me strange again?"
Ed looked at the hall, and then back to Sam.
"Please take me with you."
Week 7- Sunday:
"Hey Alan, steaks are almost done!"
Alan opened his eyes and waved at Sam, who was busy hovering over the barbeque on the back porch. Alan loved Sunday's. It was the one day he allowed himself to completely ignore work and relax. He shut his eyes again and enjoyed the sound of the people around him.
He especially loved Sunday get-togethers when Laura and Jet were able to make it down from Washington- it felt like family. He smiled as a familiar weight settled onto his lap and began purring; he lifted his hand to stroke behind the cat's ears and it soon fell to sleep.
"User Bradley- why aren't I allowed to climb up the tree to see the squirrels?"
Alan opened his eyes to see Melissa standing a few feet away, clearly confused.
"And how come the Quorra is allowed to tell me to 'piss off' when I talk to her, but when I do it I get in trouble for being 'rude'?"
Alan chuckled; Melissa was proving to be a handful, but enduring at the same time.
"We're cutting her some slack because of past experiences… But I'll talk to her later if you like."
"Thank you, User Bradley."
"Alan… Just Alan is fine."
"Oh… Thank you… Alan."
Alan watched as she walked off, taking the opportunity to looked around at people mingling in his back yard. His wife, his sons- biological and honorary- old friends and new friends, and two programs who couldn't be more different if they tried.
"Hey Roy, toss over the Frisbee man, I'll have you a game."
Alan smiled as Roy and Jr. began trading barbs, as Quorra and Melissa walked out onto the grass.
"Can we play to?"
"Sure… Just… Remember- this is Frisbee, not Disk Wars… You throw them towards the other person- don't hurl it at them."
"Hey dad, want a beer."
Alan turned to see Jet holding one out; he took it and smiled up at him.
"Thanks."
Jet motioned as if tipping a hat and walked off to join the game as Laura strolled out from the kitchen, setting a salad on the patio table. She smiled and walked over, sitting in the lawn chair next to him and snuggling close.
He looked around at everyone and sighed in contentment… Some he'd loved for years, others he found himself growing to love; because for all the insanity, the headaches, the misunderstandings, the heartaches, and trials- there was one great truth.
They were all on the same team.
They were family.
Okay... So, seriously... Prompts would be nice... I've got a few ideas in the wings, but I'm going to run out otherwise. (Doesn't have to be much) as always, reviews are loved and cherished.
So...
Monday) Inspired by 'Sam/Ed racing office chairs' prompt by Hoppnhorn... And don't try to convince me Alan and Flynn didn't have their own insane moments back in the day...
Tuesday) Prompted by hoppnhorn who reminded me of the interview with actress who played Quorra stating that she could see Quorra in the real world trying to make friends with toasters and talking to computers.
Wednesday) Yeah... Continuity is going to be somewhat haphazard on these... But Rinzler kitty is here to stay... There's just WAY too much fun to be had with him.
Thursday) I had to... Because a virus out in the real world is its own kind of fun... Oh... Melissa virus is a real virus btw... and it is a macro/worm cross. Supposed to be extremely hard to get rid once it infects a system.
Friday) because I always thought digital weather could be a cool thing to explore... and I felt the need to let Alan have some pay back.
Saturday) Once again... Virus + Sam + a blushing Ed = fun.
Sunday) thus proven that even crack has room for fluff. :D