Barrier Around My Heart

By: K. Makaru


Disclaimer: I own it all! **A sheet is waved in front of Keonne's face** Ok, so I don't. **To himself** Stupid Lawyers . . . . .


Dreams of Love


I looked into the near-white pupils before me; the solid glare felt like it could pierce through me. I was trapped in it, excited by it. I can't escape it. It's like it could kill me without getting any closer. It was too much to bear, but I couldn't pull away. The eyes drew closer, moving strangely slow. I felt a body press against mine, its heat causing me to sweat. It was so warm, yet so inviting. I felt lips brush against my cheek, soft and light. I raised my hands to push them away, but not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I was afraid my powers would hurt them. They said they would be fine and that they could negate my powers. I didn't understand at first but then what they did next helped me understand. They pulled me tighter against their chest, not enough to hurt me but enough to hold me in place, and placed their hand on my cheek, caressing it, rubbing it. I never felt so loved. As they rubbed my cheek they leaned in and kissed me again. This time with more strength, I could feel the need and lust in their movements. They needed love just as much as I did, maybe more.

"That's enough." The professor said in his usual horse tone. He pulled his hands away from my own. I felt the psychic energy around me leave. Replacing itself with the usual lonesome emptiness. "It is more than just a dream, but how much more is undeterminable. It rests in your hands now, young one." It sounded like a stereotype more than anything did. Accusing me of being young now, what next? This 'dream' gets more and more real every time I go to sleep. Images of love and lust filling my head and nothing I can do will let me escape them. The professor says I have the dreams because I can't get close to people, not because I don't want to but because I can't.

And with that our simple psychic reading and short conversation ended, the organization of the X-men came to a close. We all walked to our rooms; Kitty and I went different ways as we now have separate rooms, which I am grateful for, but also disappointed in. Kitty was nice to wake up near first thing in the morning. Her long brown hair cluttered in her face, sleepy blue eyes fluttering around the room just hoping to adjust, slender curves and sleek body accented by the tight spaghetti strap nightshirt, the baggy night-pants adding a sensual eroticism to the image. I loved the way her lavender perfume smelled in the morning, gracing my senses with its sweet strength. She slept in it every night, no matter what. She couldn't sleep without it. After a while, neither could I. She is beautiful and I guess I do like her. But I can't ever tell her, no matter what I do. But I'll never forget the way she looked in the moonlight, vague gray-blue haze highlighting her body, the shadows dancing across her curves as she breathed in and out. I can remember my breath beginning to work in sync with hers, allowing me not to miss a single moment of her beauty. I approached my bed and without thought removed my shirt, leaving me in just my bra and dark pants I wore. I lay back in my bed, not even bothering with the blankets. The satin sheets brushed against my neck and back, causing me to shiver at the soft caress, I embraced it without control, seeking comfort in the inanimate softness. I looked up at the ceiling and questioned to the shadows that clouded my mind. "What would you do if the one thing that could mean the most in your life was forever out of your reach?" The shadows offered no response to my turmoil, only the same constant, empty silence as always. Tomorrow morning was Monday, and a holiday, the start of a new week. Hopefully it will bring something new into my life. Hopefully.

I roller over into the soft sheets, letting my mind drift off into sleep, I took one last look at the clock before closing my eyes. The images of the previous night's dream clouded my mind. Filled my every thought. I felt the presence again. The strong warmth of the figure surrounded me, drawing me into its essence. I took a deep breath; the air around me was heavy and thick, like the air on the morning of a thick fog. The warmth overcame me again as a gentle hand came down on my shoulder, gripping it softly. It felt so reassuring, just letting me know that I can love. I felt a single tear travel down my cheek, leaving a trail that felt like fire on my skin. I don't know if is a happy tear or sadness like all those before it. But I know its presence confused me. Almost as if the figure sensed the pain, its free hand raised up to whisk the tear away from my face. I brought my own arm up from my side, using it to open the figures palm against my face. Its thumb gently caressed my cheek for moments that seemed like eternity itself. The tips of the fingers brushed the back of my jaw, just lightly enough to be felt. I opened my eyes to look into the near-white pupils before me again. I looked into them, taking in every aspect of their strange-yet serene beauty. A small black dot encased perfectly in a white circle all encircled by a thin black line, strange how something so odd can be so beautiful. They looked like the eyes I saw on a painting of a panther once. Except the panther's eyes were yellow with the same black lines. The hand on my face stopped its gentle caress, and slid down my neck and rested ever so lightly on my shoulder. They began to gently massage the crook of my neck, running up and down. It's warm fingers caressing the soft flesh, tickling my senses. But before I could begin to enjoy feelings, they were cut short by the hands abrupt stop. The gentle massage ceased. But I was brought back to my senses by the feeling of the hand on my neck pulling me into the person in front of me. The figure knelt down to embrace me in a soothing kiss. I felt the figures tongue brush against my lip, seeming to beg for entrance. I parted my lips, letting the tongue slip into my mouth. I copied the maneuver, sliding my tongue into the figure's mouth. I let tongue dance with the figures. I began to wrap my arms up around the figure's neck; holding it into me to continue the moment. I didn't want to ever stop. I was lost in the moment, embraced in a passion that I couldn't even see. We broke the kiss, neither of us wanting to lose the moment . . . . .

Then the unthinkable occurred. The undiniable beeping of my alarm broke through the passion, waking me to the unforgiving world around us. I picked up the small plastic item, and looked at the hands. 6am. "Damn it." I whipped the alarm clock across the room as it started to 'beep' again. The clock hit the wall hard and shattered into a million tiny pieces. The red and white plastic bits spread across the floor like a river breaking the flood gates. Then problem two hit me between the eyes; not literally, Kitty had given me that blasted alarm clock for my birthday. "Damn it, again." This was not my day. Things only got worse from there. As I sat up in my bed I heard the sound of thunder in the distance. I hastily turned around to view the blackened morning sky through the large window opposite my bed. I rose up slowly, stretching out my tired muscles. I had no plans to move quickly this morning, so I began to move to my closet at a crawl. I looked through the articles here and there, tossing them to the side as I went. I came to an old blood red turtleneck. This was also a gift from Kitty. How I adored that girl. The thunder cracked again. I almost jumped out of my skin. This morning was turning out to be the day from Hell. A knock at my door drew from my daze. I walked up, still moving slowly. The knob turned before I even got there, a giddy laugh broke out behind the door. Kitty; I would never forget that laugh. See leaped in to greet me, hand waving like it was the first time we had seen each other in days. Her patented 'Kitty's happy-go-lucky smile' sprawled across her face. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of her, she was beautiful and nothing I did would ever get me over these feelings. But again, my abilities hindered the possibility of us ever having a relationship, if she even would let it happen. Plus, she is way too much into guys; she has a boyfriend, and hangs of Kurt all the time. 'She could like girls too.' My mind quickly countered. "Um, like, Earth to Rogue? You there?" again her cheery voice breaking my train of thought. "Hello? I'm, like, sittin' down if your gonna stand there and not answer me." I looked over at her, and smiled at the cute confused look she gave me; and sat down beside her. I was going to tell her now, no matter what the consequences.

"Kitty?" I asked, voice meek from the butterflies tearing apart my insides.

"Hmm" She sounded so innocent. I couldn't bear tell her now. Again I lost myself in thought, trying to decide whether to tell her or not. "Rogue, you're thinking again. Stop thinking and, like, say what you want to say." I sounded like an order, but also like a plea.

"Kitty . . . There's something ah gotta tell you. But, ah, ah . . ." I stuttered. I couldn't find the words; my head was swimming in possibilities. "Like, out with it girl!" She interrupted my thoughts again. "Ah love you Kitty. Ever since ah met you." I broke into sobs. My body gave all it could to keep me from breaking down. " I love you too, Rogue. But . . ." My heart skipped a beat at the 'but' part. "How could, like, work out. I mean with your powers and all." My heart sunk, I knew that's how she would look at it and she did. Love always finds a way, I don't know how, or why. But love always finds a way. I hope.


Tempest of Love


Kitty and I decided to talk again in the morning, after we had time to think about what we were doing. But I didn't sleep at all that night, though I doubt she did either. I walked into the kitchen to get a quick bite to eat before meeting Kitty. We had agreed to meet off of the compound, outside the prison like walls of the institute, in a small corner café somewhere in town. As I entered the small breakfast nook I saw Mr. McCoy, Beast to those who knew him well, sitting at the table, he looked over to me, smiling his usual fang filled grins. He was a nice guy, just a little hairy. It seems he was teaching a new student to play chess, and even losing, which is hard to believe. Pat just came to the school a week ago, and it's already obvious that he likes Kitty. He caught her eye too. With his ability to fly he gets around quite quickly and quietly to, but he is, as Kitty would say, "Way to into himself to, like, care about what others think!" He's an egomaniac, and only thinks of himself, so he doesn't spend a lot of time thinking what bout others feelings. But otherwise, he's not that bad, just takes little getting used to. I entered the small kitchen, and looked around. The room had just been re-tiled and was now a subtle blue with simple green highlights around the fixtures and doors. I thought the room was kind of interesting this way. Plus it was 'way' boring before. I giggled out loud and got funny looks from Beast and Pat. "What?" I questioned as I walked towards the fridge. I flicked my hair back and placed my right hand on my hip as I passed the two dumb-founded guys. Classic blonde "I'm just to pretty" strut as I giggled again. I opened the fridge as I looked over my shoulder to witness the best part of my day. Pat was leaning across the table to grab an apple or something from the fruit bowl and his chair screeched across the new linoleum floor and ended up falling flat on his face. Beast roared into a fit of laughter and it didn't take long for me to join him. 'Miss Jean Grey' walked in just as Pat hit the ground and didn't know what was going on. She's cute, sure, and smart and funny, and stacked, but she's just too out going. That's too much 'fun loving' for one girl to handle. To boot she thinks she's the queen of the freaking world. So I figure, she and Pat would make a great couple, no love there but for themselves, they probably wouldn't even notice each other. So I figure it'd work out great. Athletes always did annoy me, but this redhead takes the cake; or trophy, your choice. I sat down beside Beast, breakfast in hand as Pat righted himself again, his fruit in hand. "Y' ok, Pat. Ah mean ya took a big spill there." he looked to me, eyes shown with confused and mixed feelings. "Yeah. I'll be fine, eh? I fly, and you expect that to be the worst fall I've ever taken? You'd be losing your marbles if you'd be thinking that one!" I couldn't help but laugh again. He had a grin that could melt the coldest heart, but it didn't work on me. 'Queen Grey' on the other hand, was totally into his act and feeding his ego faster than I thought possible. She sat down beside him, giggling the whole way down, and shifted herself in really close, making sure her arm was up against his. He turned his head to look at her, a confused look on his face said he wanted to know why her arm was against his, and he ended up nose to nose with 'Queeny'. She smiled at him; I could almost feel the joy emanate from her as she sat there nose to nose with him. He leaned in slowly, taking his time to do it, edging his body closer to hers. After what felt like an eternity their lips met, softly at first, just a small, almost friendly kiss. But just like everything else in this cruel fated world, the friendly kiss ended. Bringing forth a torrent of passionate grasps and movements. I could see her tongue slide into his mouth (an image I'll never scrape from my mind, no matter how I try) and him return the favor. I gagged on the apple I retrieved from the fridge. "Ah'm tryin' to eat here! Have some decency." I just had the cutest image of Kitty, her standing in her pajamas, staring at who ever just started making out in front of her and yelling out, "Like, gag me with spoon." and then childishly pretending to gag herself. I can't believe how much I really do love that girl. I'm obsessed with her every movement, they're fixed into my memory like how to walk or breathe. I can't get her out of my head, but I don't mind, now that I understand how I really feel. Jean shot me funny look, and I knew something was up; the only people I hate more than athletes are telepaths. 'Miss Grey' always was nosy. So I could see her reading my mind as I sat here staring at her making out with some, hotheaded, conceited, egomaniac. "What's this about Kitty you're thinking Rogue? Nothing bad I hope." I looked at her and narrowed my eyes, her expression changed faster than I thought it possibly could. She could feel my rage building, and she knew what was coming. "Stay. Out. Of. My. Head. Grey. Understood?" She looked like she'd just been shot in the gut, and she stifled a petty nod. 'Yes, ma'am', was all I could see on her face. Beast looked at both of us, his friendly fang-filled grin now a mock of utter disgust. He could probably see how close I was to cold cocking her right now, but he knows as well as anyone how much control I've built up over the years. "Ladies, please. This is not the time nor the place to be arguing." I looked at him and did my best to soften my expression, but my anger still shone through, "Then tell that mind reading . . ." I took the time to stop my self from swearing at her, controlling the hate that was welling inside me. "To keep out of people's heads when they did say she could waltz her sorry ass in!" I was yelling by the end of the sentence. But the thought of seeing Kitty weighed over kicking Jean's ass right there. I walked as calmly as I could out of the kitchen, opening the big wooden door and slamming it shut. I was out of the mansion faster than I ever thought possible. But it is amazing what a person can do when they are as mad as I am. As I walked down the driveway, listening to my feet scrape across the pavement as I walked. I was mad at Jean but I wanted to see Kitty. "Why must life hate me so?" I asked to the empty woods surrounding the mansion. "Because you don't fight the hate with your own feelings. If something bothers you, do something about it, don't run from it." Beast's voice startled me, he was walking behind me, and I was to busy thinking to notice him. Not only is he big and fuzzy, but silent as a mouse. "Sorry, didn't see you there, Mr. McCoy." I looked away from him as I continued to walk. He came up beside me and motioned me to slow down. "Please, call me Beast." I looked at him. And decided to tell him what I was doing. "Ah." I paused for a second, wondering to tell him about Kitty's and my, 'Date'. "Ah got somewhere to go, Beast." His fuzzy grin mocked a question, and I knew he could tell I was lying. "Miss, if I may. I can smell Kitty's perfume on you, and you have been preoccupied all morning, and, well, I can keep secrets quite well." I couldn't help but smile at the big fuzzy oaf. There is no way you couldn't help but like him, he's just so kind and generous. Reminds of Kurt with less energy, kind of. "Ok, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. Deal?" He looked at me, with a grin that screamed 'Me? Tell a secret? Ha.' But he had that attitude to. "My lips are sealed at your command, M'lady." I laughed at his whimsical romp into poetic languages. "Deal. One last thing before I let you in on the gory details. You read way too much Shakespeare." We both got a quick laugh from that one. He could tell I'd lightened up some since he first came up beside me. So could I for that matter. It's easy to be comfortable, and be yourself around him. "On to the 'gory' details." I sighed; I didn't want to tell anyone just yet. But If I had to tell anyone, it'd be him or the Professor. "Yesterday, Kitty and ah were talking in her room, ya know girl to girl, and ah just kinda blurted out how ah feel about her. To my surprise, the feeling was mutual." The look of total wonder faded into a more normal look for him. A small crept onto his big fuzzy jaw, shifting the way the fur sat on the rest of his face. "It's nice to see young love still lives in today's youth." I thought for a second, taking in the poetic verse he calls normal speech. "Um, Mr. McCoy? You're talking kinda poetic again." He chuckled, at my musings. I didn't blame him, though. "If you would like I could give you a ride to your destination?" I nodded, it was a long walk into town and I hadn't thought about that yet. Just pissed off at 'her highness', 'Miss Jean Grey'. "Beast, you said you can keep a secret really well, right?" He nodded, his smile fading once again. "Ah really, and ah mean really, hate Jean." He laughed like I think no had heard him laugh before. I figure Wolverine could here. "What? What'd ah say?" He looked at me, tears falling from his eyes. As he wiped the tears from his eyes he said to me, "The fact you hate her is evident, but the way you said that was priceless!" He barely finished the sentence before bursting into laughter again.

A/N: So . . . How'd ya like it? R&R folks! Rogue loves Kitty, Jean has pissed Rogue off beyond human (or mutant) imaginations. What next? Just you wait and see!!! To the next chapter!!!