Hello! I'd like to welcome and thanks anyone reading my story!. I'm not a new fanfiction writer, I used to write other stories with other nickname, mainly about Harry Potter, but decided to create a whole new account.
My name is Vanesa, I'm ARGENTINIAN! That means that my first language IS NOT ENGLISH, BUT SPANISH! This is my first time writing a long fanfics in English, so I'd like to ask for your consideration on grammar mistakes or if I repeat to much a word. I'm really trying to improve my English, constantly working on it and revising the chapter as many times as I can before publishing, but sometimes even that is not enough. Also, I read the books in Spanish and I have them in Spanish, so if some phrases look similar but are not written just like the English version (which I assume is the one you read) is because I translate it on my mind. Before anyone tells me why I write the story in English and not Spanish, here's the reason: it took me a while to decide to write it, and when I was thinking of it, all I could think (the dialogs, the plot) came to my mind in English. I just felt like I had to write this in that language
Second, I want to tell you where the plot comes from: as I was reading Insurgent I thought what would have happened if Tris's parents survived. Would Tris have been different, less suicidal? Would Natalie have said anything? So, here's what I think.
Also, the smut and lemons are not freely written. I do love smut, I believe sex is part of our life and I always loved how Veronica Roth used to write the sexual tension between them, and I just wanted to explore it more. Smut appears in my stories when it must and also as a way of showing how they struggle with their emotions. After all, they are teenagers in a war. I also wanted to explore Tris's intimacy fear, but all of this doesn't mean that there will be lemons in each chapter: on the contrary, there can be several chapters with just a rated K or T.
Well, apart from that one REALLY important thing about "Staying Alive": some of the chapters are written by Tris POV, but the majorities aren't. They are written by Natalie's, Andrew's and Tobias's, which means that there will be HUGH SPOILERS about what is out of the fence, etc; and , as I assume you have all read everything, I just don't describe all the scenes as Veronica Roth does. It would be boring for me to write and for you to read. I meanly just write what others think of what was happening, or just skip those parts by summarizing them.
Finally (yes! Sorry for the long speech, but I needed to!): although I read the first book, I just read a part (since Tobias and Tris go through his fear landscape) and all the things I know about other characters or thing that they said is because I read them in other fanfics. Apart from that, I really loved the way the film producers changed some parts (you are allowed to kill me if you want) and mixed them in the first chapters. The characters might be a bit OC, but I just couldn't help myself! . For example, to combine the idea of the Theo James as Tobias (who I ABSOLUTLY love and fight over with my friends for) and the Tobias described in the book, I made him 20 YEARS OLD AND NOT 18.
Thanks and sorry for all of that!ç
I look as my mom shots one of the man that tried to kill me and all i can think is how i didn't realize it before. Her bravery, her strength.
-mom?- I say, barely aloud.
-Beatrice!- she answers back, her look soft- oh my darling, i was looking at the trains, hoping to see you. I didn't know what i was going to do when i found you, but it was always my intention to save you.
I want to cry, but I know I can't. Not now.
-Where's dad?- is all i ask-
-In the safe house, we head towards them- she answers- your father and Marcus are leading a group there, they are going to Amity for asylum.
I flinch at the mention of Marcus's name. The kind, selfless abnegation leader that I used to look up. Right now, he seems to me the most horrible person on the world: a man that abused his own child, beat him.
His name comes to my mind and I want to scream, cry, save him. I remember his eyes as they took him. What Erudite and Janine where going to do to him was unknown to me, but all i wanted was to save him. His gaze never leaving mine, his eyes looking for mine, trying to save me.
Not now. I repeat to myself.
I take a gun from the dead man next to me and we start running, heading towards my father.
Suddenly, a group of Dauntless reaches us and we have to start fighting. I don't want to hurt him: this people were the ones that cheer me after initiation, the ones that shared meals and drinks with me in the cafeteria back at the Pit.
And my heart seams to stop when i see that one of them is Will.
-Hide Beatrice!- my mom yells, covering us behind a wall, but shots continue. Will approaches me.
-Will! Will is me! Tris!- I yell, but he has that lifeless look. He doesn't recognize me.
-Will! - I say again. He walks towards me, lifting up his gun and preparing it.
Without thinking, i shot him. Will's lifeless body falls to the floor. I sob.
You killed him; you killed your friend, the boy that defended you against all. Christina's boyfriend.
-Beatrice, let's go!- she says, running pass me, until she realizes that I'm not following her.
-I killed him- my voice is almost a whisper, I can't believe what I did.
My mom's eyes travel from will to me. Her face softens and she hugs me, but I can hardly notice anything. Only three words in my head: I killed him.
-Bea, we will speak about this later, but now we need to move. Let's get to your father's..
We move one a few more blocks until we are surrounded in an open area by cars and soldiers.
-Cover me up- my mom says. "No, I can't" I think. I can't lose my mom too.
-No, I'll go, you cover me up- I don't let her answer, just stepping out of our hiding spot.
I start shooting, but in a moment I lose my gun, my mom stepping out and helping me.
We hid again after a few minutes, and just like that a bullet reaches her.
-mom! No!- I scream- are u ok?
-I'm ok, Beatrice- she says in pain. I kneel, looking at her wound. It's on her right side. She seems in extreme pain, but alive.
-we need to get out, she says. Put your arm around me.
I do as she asks, lucky with my left hand, because my right shoulder was shot before and I can't move it well.
We walk a few more blocks until we reach the safe house.
We enter together, and what i see is a bunch of abnegations looking at me with terror. Of course, I'm wearing dauntless clothes.
But then they see my mom and relax.
-Where's my dad?- i ask- where's Andrew prior?
-Beatrice? - a familiar voice says behind me. Dad.
- Andrew!- my mother says, and she runs to his side. He paralyzes when he sees her wound.
-Mom?- a voice says.
- Caleb!- My mom cries. Caleb looks at me, coming to my side.
-you were right, Beatrice. I left as soon as I realized what they were doing!
-Caleb, I need your help!- my dad says. Of course, erudite must know how to help a wound person.
My dad looks at me, and his eyes watering down. The last time my father saw me his eyes had been angry, disappointed. Now they only show relief and love.
-My girl- he whispers, walking to my side, stroking my hair- I'll take that out, he says, pointing to the bullet wound .
-she first- I answer, and he just nods.
My mom's bullet comes out, Caleb and Dad doing an excellent job. It was deep and she lost a lot of blood, but it seems it didn't reach anything important.
My wound is easier, but it hurt like hell when they take it out. I can't work too well with my right hand, so i old the gun with my left.
-Why are they doing this?- My dad asks- why is dauntless attacking abnegation?
-they don't know what's happening; they think it's a simulation. Erudite provided it, the leaders arranged it. We need to stop this; we need to stop the simulation. We need to enter in dauntless.
- We can't- Marcus says, appearing. I have to supreme my urges to hit him, Tobias's simulation too clear on my head. Fucking Monster, I want to scream.- dauntless is a fortress.
My mom laughs. I smile.
- There's a way. I can get us in, but you won't like it.
Caleb, my dad, my mom, Marcus and me lead towards dauntless. The train, jumping off, was hard for them. My mom clearly knows what she's doing, but the wound making it more difficult.
- The net?- she says, and i nod.
-yeah… below this there's a huge net. Don't think, just jump. Be brave- I say, the last sentence stolen from Tobias. And all I can think about is him, how we caught me the first time.
After me, my mom jumps, followed by my dad, Caleb and last Marcus.
We head toward the Pit, when i catch a glimpse of someone.
He isn't dizzy or monotonous like the others, but awake and fully aware. I jump behind him, catching him and pointing with my gun. The rest appear behind me
-oh great! So now we don't have one stiff but four stiffs!
I just roll my eyes and punch him. Hard.
-How are u aware?- I ask. Is he a divergent?
- Because I'm smarter than you!- he says- they analyzed my profile and realized I could be more helpful awake than under the serum.
So he knew it. He knew what they were doing to Abnegation and didn't care at all. Piece of shit.
-Tell me how to get to the control room- I demand.
He looks at me with a funny expression and smirks.
-and why would I do that?-
- Because if you don't, I'll shot you- I answer back with a bit of sarcasm.
He laughs. - Yeah, of course, as if you could- he says. Agh, why do people continue to underestimate me? After all, i was first in initiation and my boyfriend is the legendary Four. They could be a bit more considerate that he'd not pick a weak girl.
- Why do people keep saying that?- I answer annoyed and shot him in his shoulder. I can notice my dad and mom flinch a little and hear a slow "Beatrice" coming out from Caleb's lips.
-Ok, Ok! I'll take you with one condition. Take me with you when you go out.
I look at him, trying to see what game he is really playing.
-Why?- I answer
-I can't stay here- he just says.
- Ok- Marcus answers and i turn to look at him.
- He's mine!- I say- This is dauntless, not Abnegation, and I'm the dauntless member.
My father now looks at me with hurt eyes and disappointment all over his face. I imagine he can't believe in who his daughter turned.
- Beatrice, what do you think you are doing? Who gives you the power to shoot him, to speak to Marcus like that?
- The power to save them, Father! Every minute, one abnegation is dying and a dauntless is becoming a killer.
That seems to take him out, and nods. We head towards the control room. Outside it there're guards.
-ok, this is what we'll do. Mom, you can't fight, not like this- she just nods, knowing she'll be more a burden than anything else.- dad, do you know how to shoot?- I ask, expecting him to say no, but surprisingly he nods. I look at my mom who gives me a smile and then back at my dad- good, and Caleb?- he shakes- well, Caleb Marcus you stay here. Dad, Peter and me will go. I'll enter.
-Beatrice, why don't you let me enter? If Janine Matthews is there, I know how to speak to her.
But Janine may not be in there. She may, but there's only one person who can help them work the controls. Well, two, but seeing how much they needed Tobias I can imagine that it's him inside there.
- Father, if who I think is there is who I think, then only I stand a chance of making him understand.
My dad looks at me.
-Him?- he asks. Peter looks at me and narrows his eyes, understanding.
- Four- he says- he said he worked in the control rooms, in Intelligence.
I swallow. I just hope that Marcus doesn't know who Four is.
- Who's Four?- Caleb asks.
- Our instructor. – Peter answers, and then smirks at me. Oh, no, don't say it- and her boyfriend. They kissed in front of everyone after initiation.
My family and Marcus look at me, shocked. Back in abnegation even hand holding was not permitted until you officially dated someone, with the parent's permission. Kissing was not allowed until marriage, and public kissing… well, not ever.
The good thing is that Marcus hasn't realized who Four is.
I just sight and walk over the control room, making the guards notice me. They turn to me and I see my father and Peter fighting them along side with me.
Finally, all the guards are down or injured enough to fight and I nod my mom, Caleb and Marcus to appear.
I rush to the door, opening it.
What i see shocks me. The area is divided in to, the light part full of computers and stuff that show Abnegation and Dauntless. On the other side, there's a chair, some computers and a person connected with hundred of wires.
His eyes are nowhere, all independent will taken out of him.
-Four?- I say, quietly- Tobias?- he doesn't answer, doesn't look at me. I rush to his side and start cutting the leashes.
-Hey, it's gonna be fine- I say, more to myself. I finish cutting the on in his right hand- there.
Just after that, he looks at me and grabs my throat.
I try to get out of it, but is impossible. He's much stronger than I am, i know that.
And then, she appears. Janine Matthews. Her eyes are locked on me, and then she looks behind. I do the same, and I see my parents standing there.
- Well, Beatrice, I wasn't expecting you. I suppose she helped you escape- she says, pointing at my mom- Once dauntless, always dauntless.
The other erudite look at me, but soon they continue with their work.
-you see, we brought him back here to try a new serum. This one, as you can see, works on divergents. It's quite amazing, isn't it? All we think we know of a person, what makes them them just erased by chemicals.
I can't take my eyes out of him. No, it's impossible. Tobias can't be gone, he's strong. He'll fight.
-Stop this, Janine- My father says- you've gone too far. You're killing children, old people, women and men. This people are innocent.
-oh Andre, but it was you who looked forward this. Even in your blood, in your surname you carry it: Prior.
I can't understand whatthey are talking about but i don't even care. I just care about Tobias.
Janine looks at me.- Oh, right- she says- don't get me wrong, Beatrice, there's a certain beauty in your resistance.
Tobias gets up from the chair, looking at me with empty eyes and i know what she commanded him to do.
An in that moment, I know I am lost.
Thanks so much! Please leave reviews and follows so I know that you like it! I promise to update at least once a week on Monday or Tuesday, and maybe even more. I have already written 15 chapters so it's up to you!
Besos desde Argentina! (Cheers from Argentina!)