Beauty And the Pig: A Fractured Fairy Tale
Warnings: This story contains yoai, crossdressing, massive amounts of OOC, self-inserts, and very bad jokes. If any of this offends you, please feel free to leave now.
Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2 or Beauty and the Beast, nor am I making any money off this fanfic.
Notes: A crossover of Ranma 1/2 and Beauty and the Beast. I am not using the Disney version, I am, however, taking many liberties with the story to make it funnier and to blend it better with Ranma.
(Scene: A comfy looking living room with a couch and an armchair. On the back wall hangs a picture scroll of the Ranma 1/2 cast. The view wobbles and suddenly slides down to show the cream colored carpet. There is a brief, but violent spurt of cursing and camera is straightened, though still at a slight angle. From off to the side you can hear a fight.)
Voice Off Screen: I said get out there!!
(A young woman is thrown out onto the set and falls over the armchair. Grumbling, she pulls herself up. You see that she has reddish brown hair, freckles, and hazel eyes. She is also wearing Duo-chan footie pajamas' and has a Sailor Saturn plushie tucked under one arm. She looks over to the right.)
Girl:*to someone off screen* I'll get you for that, neechan.
(She turns and notices the camera. Smiling slightly, she sits on the couch.)
Girl: Hi there! I'm Hope and I'm here being tortured by my big sister. *mutters* I mean, were the PJ's _really_ necessary?
(Another woman joins Hope on the set. She is a few years older, her hair is more brown and her eyes are blue, but she has the same freckles as Hope. She is wearing a nightgown with a line of chibi-Sazaku Seishi chasing each other around the hem and is carrying a hard cover book. She settles herself in the armchair.)
Sadie: *to Hope* Yes, the jamies are necessary. *to camera* Hello, nice of you all to come. I think you know me, and you've met my imouto-chan.
(Hope is making faces at the camera. Sadie sighs and hits her over the head with the book.)
Sadie: Baka. *cough* Anyway, we are all here today to enjoy a unique telling of "Beauty and the Beast" using the character's from Ranma 1/2.
Hope: *rubbing her head* Ooh…original, neechan.
Sadie: *growling* Shut up.
Hope: Make me.
Sadie: I simply refuse to descend to your level of childishness. So there. *sticks out tongue*
(Hope reacts to this by inserting both fingers in her mouth, stretching out her lips and extending her own tongue. A brief tongue war ensues and is cut off when a shoe is thrown at the pair and bounces of each head before hitting the ground.)
Sadie: Owie.....Who did that?
Hope: *looking at shoe* Hey, this is mine! Who's been in my room??
New Voice Off Screen: Will you two get on with it?
Sadie: Fine, fine. *she glares at her sister warningly and opens the book* My story begins in a village far, far away, and in this village there were four sisters.....
Hope: Isn't it supposed to be three?___________________
Each of the four sisters was special in their own way. Kasumi, the oldest, was a wonderful cook and could make a full seven course meal (complete with appetizers) for thirty people in ten minutes flat. Nabiki, the second born, was genius when it came to money and supported the whole family through overseas trading. Akane, the third born, was super strong and defeated all the local sports teams on a daily basis. But the most talented sister of all was the youngest, Ranma.
Hope: RANMA?? Uh, neehcan, when this is over with I need to talk to you about the differences between boys and girls.
Sadie: *sarcastic* You do that.
Not only was Ranma a star martial artist, (some said the best in the world) he was also the best dresser in the entire village. All ready, his wall was covered with awards from beauty contests and the like. Sadly, Ranma's father didn't appreciate this particular skill.
"Please, please," the large, white gi clad man pleaded before his er...daughter, "I'm begging you! Wear MEN'S clothing!!"
Oh....did I forget to mention he was the best cross dresser in the village?
Sadie: Hey, I had to convert the curse _somehow_. And story does call for a girl-type person.
Ranma frowned at his father and smoothed a wrinkle from his dress. "Why would I do that? Besides, pants don't show off my figure properly."
Genma's eye twitched at the last comment, but he said nothing. With a deep sigh, he hefted his traveling pack. Ranma cocked his head curiously, then pulled out compact to check his make-up. Genma ignored him and called for his other daughters. "Kasumi! Nabiki! Akane!"
A few minutes later, the three made their appearance. Akane is muttering under her breath. "I don't care _what_ she does to me, I refuse to call this man my father." She shook her head in a firm negative.
Just then, there was a brief and sudden rainstorm, which for some reason only hit Akane. With in seconds, she was drenched to the skin and looking more then a little annoyed. "Okay, fine! Have it your way! I'll do it!" The rain stopped. Nabiki rolled her eyes, Kasumi smiled blankly, and Ranma checked his skirt to make sure it didn't get splattered with water.
"Hai, otou-san!" the girls (the real ones) called in unison. Genma stood straight and beamed at his family.
"Girls…and Ranma…I'm going to be going on a trip to the next town. I will be gone for a couple days. Is there anything you want me to get for you?"
They looked thoughtful for a moment.
"I need a new broom. Oh, and a dishpan." Kasumi requested sweetly.
"I just need some basic office supplies. Here, I made a list," Nabiki pulled a rolled paper from her bodice and handed it over. "That should cover it. I could do inventory again, just to make sure."
"Uh, no, that's okay." Genma assured her, sweatdropping.
"Weights, a new mallet, and some pink stockings," Akane frowned at her um...sister, "Ranma tore my last pair."
Genma gagged slightly and turned to his youngest child. "What do you want, Ranma?" He questioned in a rather squeaky voice.
Ranma smiled warmly, his cheeks turning a delicate pink. "All I want is…a single red rose." Sunlight broke through the trees and surrounded him with a glowing halo of light. Bird sang beautifully into the summer air.
"Flame." Akane muttered. Nabiki nodded in agreement. Kasumi thought what a nice day it was and my, the fence needing a scrubbing. Ranma death glared them all. Genma's eye twitch was back.
"Maybe I could get you something nicer? More…more manly?" He suggested, hopefully. Ranma's glare darkened.
"You get me the rose, old man, or you'll have to take off your shirt to go pee." His expression softened, "After all, you are my father and all fathers love their daughters, right touchan?"
Genma swallowed a couple times and nodded. After a final check through to make sure he had everything, Genma left amid the happy calls and death threats of his beloved daughters…and Ranma.
~~End part one