A/N: The idea for this story popped into my head completely out of blue. It's my first Supernatural multi chapter so I'm a little bit so much nervous about it and would appreciate a lot if you let me know what you think of it.

The inspiration for writing this comes from the amazing story, "13 Reasons why".

Special thanks to fallingangelsandstars for reading over this chapter.


Sam has always seen Dean carrying his precious Walkman with him everywhere they went. It was a beaten up old yellow and black thing that had once acted as an unfortunate victim for Dean's practices on making the perfect EMF meter.

Now all that it was good for was making a faint buzzing sound around restless spirits, listening to Metallica and recording tapes, which was only useful when they were undercover as FBI agents. It was also the only thing that he didn't let Sam go anywhere near, or, god forbid, touch. Same thing applied to the tapes that accompanied it, and their numbers increased over the years.

Sam would admit that he too had some stuff that he'd forbidden Dean to ever come near, like his journal. Dean teased him enough and Sam wanted to confide his thoughts and feeling to something, without feeling judged. Although, he prevented Dean from reading his precious 'diary', as Dean took to calling it, it was more because he didn't want to be ridiculed for acting 'girly' while Sam was sure that Dean kept him away from his stupid music player just to trigger some unknown nosy little brother feeling in Sam. Well it wasn't going to work, no sir.

For years, Sam has accepted that the Walkman was off limits and he'd been fine with it, really. His brother was allowed to keep some things from him. And anyway, it was just a little thing that he saw appear every once in a while, and then it got buried in Dean's duffel bag again in no time. But, when Dean started nesting in the bunker, the Walkman and some unlabeled tapes around it occupied a special place in the top shelf. That was when it became a slow torture.

So, it was only rational that he'd look its way more often or glance at it every time he entered Dean's room. But, he wouldn't give in to the temptation of invading his brother's privacy. He was just curious.

That day, Dean had gone on a grocery trip after finding out that the Men of the Letters had a huge oven in one of the dungeons. 'Do you know how many pies I can bake in this monster at the same time?' he'd told Sam weren't fooled into thinking that the former residents of this foxhole had the oven for something even resembling baking a pie, but it was nice to pretend their lives were normal every once in a while. Sam had decided to stay back while Dean headed out. His brother was a real pain in the ass to shop with and he wouldn't listen to all the nutrition facts Sam told him.

But, staying back in the bunker also meant that an hour later, Sam was getting bored out of his mind. It wasn't the same with Dean here. He had someone to share the huge space with, but now the silence was driving Sam crazy. It was making it impossible for him to concentrate on the book he had chosen to read that day.

The Men of Letters certainly didn't bother getting any more technology in there than was absolutely necessary, much less a decent source of entertainment. Sam was getting this close to pulling his phone out and start playing some childish game or follow Dean's advice and go watch something interesting or funny on the internet. A cat video, maybe? Although Dean was obviously suggesting porn but Sam decided to ignore that little tidbit.

A guilty thought began gnawing at a dark corner of his mind. He could use Dean's rare absence to get in his room and maybe, just maybe, listen to one of those tapes that seemed to matter to him so much.

Dean didn't even have to know.I'll make sure to make it look exactly like it was before.

He headed to Dean's room, unable to contain himself any longer.

Just one tape.

He'd had so many theories on what the contents would be. A secret mixed tape from a lover was Sam's best guess. That would explain the forlorn look on Dean's face every time Sam caught him with the headphones on.

He carefully picked up the Walkman and chose the first tape, which upon taking out found it had been marked 'One', and sat on Dean's bed. Sam didn't know why, but suddenly a memory flashed in his mind. Many years ago, he'd faced a similar dilemma- choosing to discover the truth or invading the privacy of his loved ones. But in the end, curiosity had gotten the better of him and he'd decided to read John's journal. That had led to him finding out all about the monsters.

He sat up again and grabbed Dean's headphones from his desk, a worn out, beaten object that was almost as old as the Walkman itself, littered with glue, with wires wrapped around it. He chose to use the earphones instead of playing the tape out loud in case Dean decided to come home early. It made him feel disgusted with himself, going behind his brother's back like this. But, he was almost there. He was this close to finding out the mystery of the hidden tapes that he'd seen but never been allowed to touch, ever since he was a kid.

He popped the headphones on and before he could change his mind, he pressed play.

At first it was complete silence. It took a few moments and some wheezing sounds that made Sam shake the player angrily. Then he heard his brother's voice, sounding so many years younger.

"Hello, this is Dean…Dean Winchester. And today, I'm going to tell you all of the reasons that made me give up. I don't know if you're Dad, Sammy or just some random person. But, I wanted to let somebody know why I'm not there with you, fighting monsters and kicking ass. It's my last wish. They have that, dead people, don't they?"

The tape fell silent and Sam realized he'd just hit the pause button. He'd thrown the Walkman on the bed and flinched away from it, as if it had bitten him.

What the hell was that?


A/N: What do you think? Should I continue?