She finds herself here more often. Sitting and staring at the strangers here with her at the bar, sipping their beers, nursing their tequila. And she's just here. Looking for someone to notice her, hoping someone will see the desperation in her eyes. Hoping someone can take her out of herself for a night, help her feel something pleasurable other than the despair and sorrow she feels on a regular basis.
But no one does.
No one can see she's slowly losing hold of reality.
No one can see her drowning.
She's been alone since her mother died. Three years ago today. She hasn't dated, fallen in love, or grieved. She's just there. Drowning in a sea of nothingness. She claws and fights to try to escape but she always end up in the same place. Treading water.
She's about to stop kicking.
She just wishes someone would come along and be her dry land, be her buoy, or even a deflating life rafter so she'll have some semblance of security, even if it's only for a moment...
Oh god, she's been so lonely. With her mother gone, her father a drunk, it's just her in her ocean of emptiness. She just wants someone to share it with...
Even if only for a night.
She leaves when the clock strikes two am. She'd given up on finding her hero, that one person to reach out and save her from drowning, to breathe life into her chest.
It's a cold, dark winter and she does up all the buttons on her coat, ties her scarf extra right around her neck.
She begins walking home until a man stops her. A cute one from the bar.
"You forgot your phone," he says. His blue eyes shining bright, her beacon on this cold night.
She thanks him, shoves the phone in her pocket.
"Do you need a ride? My car is just there," he says pointing.
She's been so lonely...so in need of intimacy that it would be so easy to just give in to this man. Give in and take all that he's got, all that he'll offer to give her.
So goddamn lonely. It's an isolated, detached, desolate, forlorn type of loneliness and she's so lost in it that she can no longer see straight.
Desperate for companionship.
Should she do it?