By Adrian Tullberg
INT - VIDEO STORE - SHELVES
Two DINKs (Double Income, No Kids) are browsing, KELLY and JAMES.
How about this one?
Explosions, shooting, violence, and the lead actress is more famous for taking her top off than any acting ability she might have. (Turns around) This one's supposed to be good.
They do really good films
I hate riding those bloody subtitles.
It's called a plot.
I thought this was our night off.
And I want a film with a bit of intelligence. (takes another) I like this one. Miranda saw it in the cinemas, and said she laughed until her bladder burst.
JAMES (Sarcasm drips like engine oil)
Gee. Can't wait.
INT - VIDEO STORE - COUNTER
JAMES and KELLY head to the counter. The CLERK, takes their selection, and smirks while he wands them.
Let me guess. She chose this lot.
I guess you know what a good movie is when you see it.
I also know when somebody's making a pretentious pseudo-intellectual statement.
KELLY is stunned The CLERK presses on.
Okay. One French film. Picked at random from the 'Arthouse' section. Listen honey, if he thinks you're dumb, this isn't going to convince him otherwise.
Look here, you …
Who stars in it?
I, uh …
Did it place in Cannes?
Did the guys who made this make anything else beforehand?
KELLY is on the ropes
Well, I knew all that. And did you know how I knew? It's a little thing called (flips the cover around) reading the back! Try it sometime!
What do you think …
Who here is doing a Degree in Communication, specialising in 20th Century Cinema History? (raises hand) anybody else? (Calling) Last chance!
Who's your manager?
CLERK (looking down, proffers his namebadge.)
Continues wanding, KELLY growing more mortified.
'A tale of growing up in the heartland of America'. How original. Oh. And it's starring a Dawson's Creek pretty boy. Here. (Slaps a video on the counter) 'Night of the Living Dead'. If you like watching the legally brain dead, it's a bit more realistic. And here we have the latest teen gross out comedy! (Fake laugh) Look! He's trapped his genitals inside a revolving door! Hilarious! (Stops laughing) Look, just because you're fast approaching thirty-five without a kid to show for it doesn't mean you have to pretend you're young, okay?
A micron short of a meltdown, KELLY storms off, not bothering with the videos.
As she exits, the CLERK reaches under the counter, and produces a bag full of videos to JAMES.
Here's the stuff you phoned in earlier.
Thanks (hands the Clerk a fifty) keep the change.
The CLERK looks well chuffed as JAMES leaves with the videos he wanted.