[A/N]: Girl-bro frustration. I don't even ship NaLu, but I just know that they'd be this way.
"Men," Lucy griped, waving at Mira for a drink. The fair woman looked surprised, but handed Lucy a beer.
"Preachin' to the choir, babe," Cana said blandly, sipping her brandy.
"I couldn't agree more," Levy sighed, coming to sit on Cana's other side. She put her chin in her hand, glaring at the inoffensive bottles of wine on the shelf behind the bar.
"What happened?" Mirajane asked with concern.
All three of them turned dead eyes on her. "Men are fucking idiots," Levy said calmly.
Mirajane blinked in surprise at the petite bluenette. "All of them?"
"Yep," Juvia confirmed, joining the group of disconsolate women.
"Oh, no," Mirajane despaired.
"Oh, yes," Cana said with relish. "Break out the corkscrew, Mira, you're gonna need it tonight."
"What's wrong with your idiot?" Lucy asked Juvia.
"What's always wrong with her idiot?" Cana interrupted as Mira set a glass of strong wine in front of each of them.
"Juvia's sick of not being noticed!" the water mage burst. "Can Gray-sama not see how much Juvia cares?"
"Men are too thick to see if anyone cares," Levy grumbled.
Cana turned to the smaller bluenette. "What is it now?"
Muttering a few choice curses under her breath, Levy took a long drink of wine. For once, she didn't cough as the alcohol seared her throat. "I asked him out."
"And?" Lucy asked, her voice tinged with dread.
"He suggested a wrestling match, and then brought Lily and Natsu along," Levy said darkly. She drained her drink swiftly.
Cana clucked her tongue sympathetically. "Oh, hun. That's rough." She turned to Lucy. "Your turn, ante up."
"Do I even need to?" Lucy said angrily. "It's Natsu, for fuck's sake."
"Come on, you'll feel better," Cana coaxed.
Lucy sighed. "I've been hinting, yeah? That I like him, I mean."
"That idiot wouldn't know interest if it slammed a brick into his forehead," Cana replied sympathetically.
"Exactly!" Lucy agreed excitedly. "So I gave up today, and told him, in no uncertain terms, that I like him!"
"Oh, no," Juvia murmured.
"That fucking idiot," Lucy fumed, "replied with his stupid fucking grin, that he likes me too, and that a team can't work together if the members aren't as good friends as we are!" Lucy gulped down her drink, looking like she wanted to shatter it in her hand and hurl the shards at the object of her rage. Mirajane gingerly pried the wineglass from her white-knuckled fingers.
"Oh, that's so much worse," Levy whispered in horror.
Lucy took Juvia's untouched wine and drained it, pointing imperiously at Cana. "Your turn, girl," she ordered. "What'd Laxus do this time?"
Cana's hands tightened around her tumbler of brandy. "That idiot and I were sitting here, talking and having a good time, you know?" She motioned for Mira to top off her drink. "Then his dumb ass goes and drinks a little too much and tells me that I'm such a bro." She drained her full glass in one go. "Such a damned good pal."
Lucy made a noise of sympathy. "Men," she said flatly.
"Men," Cana agreed sourly.