Chapter One

"I know really, really famous people who are terrified every time they walk on to a stage."

~Bill Nighy


I don't remember how I got here.

That's was a lie…I did. It just felt better not to remember sometimes. There are very few people that actually remember the moment…that second when their lives change forever. For me it happened so fast that I was surprised I could still remember. One moment my family and I were living off rice…nothing else just rice and water…and the next I was being flown out to Paris, Madrid, Los Angeles, Milan. All of sudden people cared about what type of lipstick I wore and what type of conditioner I used. I couldn't even walk into a public bathroom without someone asking for an autograph at least once. If I ate a salad and someone caught me on camera the tabloids labeled me worried over my weight. If I ate a hamburger, somehow I had gained fifteen pounds of just fat. It was craziness. It was beyond craziness and yet it was my life…all because of a few choices I made.

I wrote a book, which became a movie, a movie I starred in because I was to damn annoyed with all the actresses they picked, that movie won me an Oscar…two actually because I co-wrote the screenplay. That was it and then suddenly one movie turned into fifteen. Two Oscars became six along with three MTV Movie Awards, three Critics' Choice Movie Awards, and two Canadian Film Awards…plus one Grammy. Just by listing to that I sounded so pompous. I was only twenty-six and yet I felt as though I had lived twice as long sometimes.

"Ms. Swan." The show producer called pulling me out of my own thoughts.

"Yes?" I asked turning in my chair, the man doing my make up not even bothering to stop for a moment.

"You're on in five."

"Thank you." I smiled before turning back to face the mirror. You think I would get used to my face being like this. But I couldn't do my own make up to save my life. "Wow."

"You like?" He grinned, "I know you have your own people—"

"No it's amazing! Thank you so much."

"Oh thank god. I thought you were quiet because you hated it." He laughed awkwardly.

Crap I really needed to stop scaring people like that.

"No, I'm just nervous." I laughed.

His mouth dropped open; "You? You're nervous?"

"Yeah I always get nervous right before I do an interview…or anything else."

"I don't believe it."

No one does. People sometimes forget we are human.

"Well it's true. This is it right?" I asked waving my hand over my face. He nodded helping me take of the paper towel around my neck.

"Ummm I know you must get this all the time but do you mind?" He asked holding up his camera.

"Ms. Swan is—" I waved my hand over at my manager…he never really said anything until he needed to. He was always just in the background watching.

I smiled and nodded; "It's okay Jasper. How else will the world know who is responsible for this face."

The guy smiled leaning in next to me and taking the selfie. Seeing the red light flash I stood. Jasper looked me over and then nodded opening the backstage door for me. It was funny no matter what city I was in the backstage of the studio always looked the same; people speaking some language into microphones and running around like chickens. It never failed to amuse me.

I walked up to edge the stage watching as Jimmy finished his intro for me; "Now if you don't know our next guest then you've just probably invented the wheel. Ladies and gentleman please welcome Isabella Swan!"

I took a deep breath before walking out waving to the crowd as I made my way to Jimmy. We hugged for a moment before I sat down crossing my legs.

"Welcome!" He said once again and the crowd just kept applauding.

"I love you Isabella!" Some guy yelled.

"Aww thank you I love you all too!" I laughed at them.

"Wow," Jimmy said looking out to his crowd; "Why don't I ever get a welcoming like that?"

"You mean they don't clap for you? Don't you have one of those 'Applause' signs?" I joked.

"I did until they found out you were coming and their excitement just blew it up."

"Sorry I should have warned you about that." I said.

"Oh so it's happened before."

"They don't call my fans the Swan Nation for nothing!" I turned to the crowd, who once again went wild, it felt like a baseball game in here. Finally when they quited down Jimmy went on.

"Yes the Swan Nation almost broke twitter last night with that dress you wore, lets take a look one more time." He showed it to me on the screen. It was a tight green long body dress with ruffles on the bottom. "Not many can make the ruffles work."

"Thank you. But seriously I just walk into a room and stand still with my arms out," I stood to show him, "and all of sudden this army of stylists make me look like that."

"It takes an army?"

"Do you see how tight that dress is?" I laughed, "No way am I getting in that by myself."

"How about out?" He winked getting a few whistles.

I blushed and shook my head; "Oh my dad would so kill you."

There were a few snickers and he nodded flipping his flash cards; "Oh that's right you're dad is a cop?"

"A sheriff."

"What's the difference?"

"He's been a cop for longer so he knows how to 'get rid of' some guys." I smiled.

"You're worth the risk!" Another person yelled as people laughed.

Jimmy looked straight into the camera; "Sheriff Swan we got his information right here if you need it."

I laughed oh my dad might just take him up on that.

"But in all seriousness you are beautiful. So beautiful you were named People's Most Beautiful Woman." He held up the magazine cover.

"Oh my gosh really?" I asked taking the cover as he handed it to me.

"You didn't know?"

"I tend to not pay attention to magazines. Wow! Thank you guys this is amazing, funny, and ironic."

"How so?"

Placing the magazine back on his desk I shrugged; "I was voted least prettiest person in high school."

He paused for a moment trying to stop from laughing; "Least prettiest person? That was a category in your yearbook?"

"No it was like a secret election my senior year. On the last day I walked to my locker and there it was my award, a headless Barbie doll."

There were a few awws in the crowd.

"Oh no guys I'm alright, really I still have that doll too." I laughed.

"This just proves two things; high school was horrible for almost everyone and everyone is going to regret something at the reunion." Jimmy said as they clapped. "So you were bullied in high school?"

"Was I! Oh my, I hated my boobs so I wore only hoodies all through high school. My hair was just everywhere and to top it off I had braces for like three years."

"And now you're one of the most respected stars in Hollywood, being noted for your seventh Oscar, that's right seventh, with another album on the way. I bet every girl in high school right now is looking up to you."

"No pressure, right!" I added getting a few laughs.

"But there is some pressure right?" He asked me.

"Always. I never thought anyone would notice me let alone look up to me. I have girls and boys writing to me for advice. It's just mind blowing to think about. When you become 'famous' your life isn't just your life anymore."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Honestly some days I do wish I could go back home and just eat icing from the tube." I smiled really wanting some now, "and then there are days were I couldn't imagine doing anything else. This life is constantly a back and forth between love and hate."

"Speaking of love," He wiggled his eyebrow.

"Oh here it comes." I said taking the mug left out for me to drink from.

"You know I gotta ask, just for the poor saps at home and in this audience with you taped up on their wall."

"That's not creepy." I joked. "But go ahead and ask."

"Are you in a relationship?"

"Yes." I said getting a few gasp. "With my job."

"Do you know how many heartaches you just caused?" Jimmy pointed into his crowd; "Look that guy almost wet himself he was so heartbroken."

"Sorry." I laughed. "But right now I'm really focused on my work. The spot light doesn't shine forever."

"Believe me. Even if you went away for a year the spot light will be waiting. There are very few actresses with your pure talent and just beautiful soul. " He said and his audience clapped.

"Aww thank you. Really thank you all."

"Ladies and Gentleman, Isabella Swan. Her new movie Soldier of Surrender, comes out this weekend."

I smiled standing as our interview ended. The light flashed red by the camera signaling the commercial break.

"Thank you so much for coming on last minute." Jimmy shook my hand.

"No thank you! It was a lot of fun." I smiled moving towards Jasper and a few of my bodyguards off stage.

There was no time to chat. They just ushered me out the backdoor. Jasper handed me my sunglasses and I sighed placing them on as they opened the door. Keeping my head down I was basically surrounded by screaming fans as I headed into the car.

"We Love you!"

"Just one picture!"

"I'm your biggest fan!"

"Please follow me back on twitter!"

Finally when I was in and the door closed I took a deep breath leaning into my chair.

"So if you fly out tonight you can be in—"

"Jasper I'm tired I just want to go home tonight."

"What about—"

"Home please. I need a break please." I begged him.

He looked at me and nodded; "Alright."


I danced inwardly trying to look up at the sky, I missed the stars, but Los Angeles was so bright at night it was almost impossible to see them. Luckily the ride from the studio to my place here in LA wasn't too far. I needed a moment to stop being Isabella Swan and just be Bella.

Finally when the car stopped as we entered the private garage of the Tower my bodyguards opened the door.

"Seth, Jacob. Thanks but I'm okay." They weren't really needed anymore, the Tower was home of some of the most famous people in the world. It was easier to get into the White House then it was to get into here.

"Bella you know they have to walk you to the door." Jasper said and in that moment I wanted to take of my heels and throw it at his face.

"I'm not five jazz I got it. Thank you all but goodnight." I said as politely as possible moving towards the elevator.

"Please just text me when your in."


"Fine!" I shouted as the doors closed. If Jasper didn't ever stopped worrying he was going to have a heart attack well before he ever should.

"Thank you." I tipped the elevator hop as I got off on my floor.

"Thank you ma'am." He said as the doors closed.

Stepping into my penthouse I grinned at the mixtures of blue and green; teal was my favorite color. Taking my shoes off right at the door, I froze noticing a tube of vanilla icing sitting on my counter along with a silver spoon.

"I could tell you were craving some."

My head whipped so fast to him it might have fallen of had it not been attached. He stood there, in jeans and a simple button down shirt just staring back at me.

"Edward." I whispered running to him. He caught me as I jumped on to him. Kissing me just as hard as I kissed him. There was so much I wanted to say to him but right now I just wanted to be with him.

His hands ripped at my dress as he walked us to the bedroom. Without a second thought he threw me onto the bed pulling the rest of my dress off.

"That's how you got that green dress off." He muttered kissing up my stomach.

"You were watching?"

"Always." He whispered taking my lips once again.

Pulling at his shirt the buttons popped off all over the room as I ran my hands up his chest.

"I'm not sure why you ever disliked these." He said once he had taken off my bra. He cupped them both and I shivered not sure what to say to him. He didn't even give me a chance before he took one of them into his mouth.

"Edward—" I gasped wrapping my legs around him.

He kissed from the top of my breast down my stomach and until he grabbed my panties pealing them off as he made his way further south.

"Edward I haven't waxed." Shit I was supposed to go tomorrow.

"I really don't care." He said right before his tongue entered me. I jumped my breath catching in my throat.

"I— Fuck". I couldn't even speak. I just rocked against his mouth. "Jesus Edward."

He placed and finger in me as I gripped on to the sheets. Finally I couldn't help it I wanted him.

"Edward please, please stop playing with me." I begged. I was ready for him the very first second I came in.

"Say it." He licked his lips and at that sight alone I almost came. He stocked himself above me and itched with need for him.

"Make love to me, Edward." I said clearly even though it felt like I was going to crack at any moment.

"As you wish." He muttered entering me slowly.

Shit I should have told him to fuck me. I couldn't take this torture. Grabbing on to him I pulled him closer to me. He kissed my neck.

"God you're beautiful." He whispered in my ear moving ever so slowly.

"Edward, please."

"Say it."

"Fuck me Edward."

He smirked kissing my lips and I could taste myself on them. Pulling partially out he thrust forward so hard I rose up in response.

"Yes!" I gasped finally getting what I wanted. He held on to my waist pounding harder and harder into me as my nails ran down his body.

I don't now but we rolled and I found myself on top of him. My hands on his chest I threw my head back riding him. He gripped on my breast and hip.

"Fuck baby." He moaned but I didn't stop.

My mouth dropped open and I could feel my eyes rolling back.

"Oh no you don't he pushed forward placing me back on my back again. He lifted my leg up and…and fuck it was perfect.


"No." He declared.

"So close."

"We do it together."

I didn't think I could wait for him. I didn't want to.

"Come on baby." He whispered right over my face and I opened my eyes to stare into his. It was times like this that I could feel us truly melt together.

With each thrust neither of us broke eye contact. The sweat driped from his nose on to my face and I welcomed it.



He fell on top of me and I wrapped my arms around him trying to catch my breath. Neither one spoke and that was okay. We hadn't seen each other in a month. There was too much to say.

Finally and sadly he rolled over beside me and I moved into his arms. I loved the way he held me.

"I missed you." He said.

"I missed you too." I replied.

Again we fell into silence. It shouldn't have to be this way but everything was just so complicated…it seemed like the only thing that was simple was how we felt about each other.

"I can't do this anymore Bella."

"What?" I sat up quickly looking down at him.

"I can't keep pretending like we aren't together—"

"Edward we talked about this."

"Now we're talking again." He sat up as well, "I want to come out about us."



"Stop saying my name like that." He snapped rising from the bed.

"Like what?"

"Like I don't know what I'm bloody asking for."

"Do you?"

"Seriously?" He asked me angrily. "You know what never mind."

"Edward don't." I begged as he put his jeans back on.

"Don't what? Don't leave? That's all we ever do Bella we fuck, and then we leave each other for only god knows how long."

"That isn't true!"

"You want to know what's not true? You aren't married to your work you're married to ME." He said before stomping out.


"I'm sick of watching you on television and reading about who may or may not be your boyfriend—"

"This isn't a one way street! I have to do the same thing with you too!"

"Then let's stop!" He yelled back before sighing, "Let's stop being each other's dirty little secret Bella because we are neither dirty or little people. I want my wife."

"Do you know how long marriages last in this business?"

"I don't fucking care."

"Well you should because I don't want to lose you."

"You aren't going to lose me." He groaned.

"The moment we go public they will do everything in their power—"

He grabbed the sides of my face forcing me to look into his eyes; "Do you love me?"

I fought the stupid tears back and nodded; "More than anyone in this world."

"I love you too. I think about you everyday. I want you twice a day. The days I do not hear from you are the darkest of my life. When people look at you I want them to know, I'm the man you come home to. I'm the man who makes you scream out in bed. It's been two years. I want to meet your father. I want you to meet my family. I'm ready are you?"

I shook my head; "No."

He sighed turning from me but I just grabbed on to him; "I don't think I'll ever be ready but if you want to do this fine."

"Bella I don't want to do this if it will upset you."

"And not doing this will upset you." I placed my head on his chest. "I'm just scared."

"I kinda am too." He whispered wrapping his arms around me.

"Your braver then me, though." I pulled out of his arms brushing my hair behind my ears. Taking a deep breath I nodded; "Let's go public."

"Should I call?" He asked when I moved to the counter grabbing the icing.


He nodded grabbing his cellphone coming up right beside me. He didn't dial but just stared at me. He placed his hands on my hip. I hadn't even realized I was naked. That's how comfortable he made me. I could stand in front of him bare as can be.

"Aren't you going to call?" I asked licking the spoon.

"These are our last few moments of privacy." He smiled shaking his head at me as I licked the icing off the spoon again…he was a health nut after all.

He kissed my lips softly before pulling back and dialing.

"I need you to leak something for me." He said brushing my hair back.

"What sir?" The person on the other line asked and I could feel my heart beating faster and faster.

"Prince Edward is dating the Isabella Swan." With that he hung up. Sending the man a decent photo of us.

"That's going to be everywhere by morning." It felt like someone had lifted a bolder of my shoulders…but only for the night.

"Yeah so why don't we just spend the day in bed?" He grinned pulling me to closer to him.

"When do we tell them were married?" I smiled wrapping my arms around his neck.

He shook his head; "Never. That was between you, me and God. Besides my grandmother would have my head. We need to have a royal wedding like my brother."

"You do know just because you call her grandmother doesn't make her any less the Queen of England."

"I know."

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I do not own twilight just the plot of this story!