Notes: Here is a short, fun piece. The "conversation" that Two has with One's voice is something inspired by the EU, which states that the personalities of previous regenerations stay in the back of the current Time Lord's mind, and that the Time Lord can converse with those previous selves—this was also recently seen in "Mummy on the Orient Express," where Twelve was talking to himself and replying in Four's voice. And yes, the anti-gravity motorcycle featured in this vignette is meant to be the same one that Eleven uses in "The Bells of St. John," the idea being that he held onto it. Also, the other biker who appears in this vignette is a cameo from one of my other fandoms.


The Doctor still believed that the space-time continuum was not ready for a Jacobite rebel biker. In all honesty, he knew that it would probably never be ready for something like that—not after all the modernizations that Jamie had absorbed since traveling with the Doctor once more after their separation.

But as the Doctor observed Jamie spending hours in the library, pouring over magazines and books to look at pictures of motorcycles, watching motorcycles on the television in the TARDIS's entertainment room, and looking wistfully at real motorcycles in shops and on the road, he found it harder and harder to insist upon it.

It was one night in the TARDIS, after Jamie had gone to bed, that the Doctor was pacing in his study, thinking about what to do in regards to it. And he soon found himself getting criticized by a surprising source.

"You know it is a most foolish idea!" a voice in his head reminded him, sounding like his previous self—a phenomenon not unheard of for Time Lords who had previously undergone regeneration. "I know you care for the boy, but you're letting the fifty years you were separated from him cloud your judgment!"

"But I want him to be happy," the Doctor murmured aloud. "I'm limited with what I can offer him thanks to the other Time Lords."

"And he has made it very clear that asks nothing from you except your company," the voice replied.

"But the fact remains that he still wants a motorbike," the Doctor mused. "If I can give him that, why shouldn't I?"

"For one simple reason: it will lead to trouble in some way!"

"We're no strangers to trouble," the Doctor countered. "In fact, I daresay it's become a staple of our existence."

"Be that as it may…"

"And first and foremost, it will make him happy! I want to make Jamie as happy as possible!" the Doctor continued.

"And when have you ever found it necessary that you must buy the boy's happiness? You have never had to before. Why start now? Already, you have given him that smartphone, those future foods, that confounded air hockey table, and a whole host of other things! Are you truly, deep down, afraid that he will be disillusioned over working for the Agency and choose to leave you at some point?"

"Of course not!" the Doctor insisted. "Perhaps I was concerned about that, at first, but he has made it very clear that he has no intentions of leaving the TARDIS of his own volition. And as I once said, a Highlander's word is his bond."

"That should settle everything," the voice said.

"Except it does not settle everything," the Doctor sighed, his face forming a pout. "Why can't I do something to make him happy simply for the sake of wanting to see the look on his face?"

"Oh, very well—it's clear that I can't stop you!" the voice huffed. "But on your own head be it!"

The voice fell silent at that point, leaving the Doctor to ponder over what to do next. The voice of his previous self had been right that he had made up his mind about what he wanted to do. Just because he didn't need to buy Jamie's happiness, it didn't mean that he couldn't get him something he wanted just for the fun of it.


It was some time later that the Doctor found the perfect opportunity; the two of them were taking another well-deserved break in between missions when, during the course of their adventure, while Jamie was tucking in to a big meal, the Doctor managed to slip away for a short amount of time to arrange the surprise for Jamie.

"Where'd ye wander off t'?" Jamie asked, when the Doctor returned.

"Oh, here and there; I didn't want you to feel rushed to finish eating," the Time Lord said, with a smile. "Did you have a nice lunch?"

"Aye," Jamie said, with a grin. "Thanks for bringing me here."

The Doctor smiled back at him.

"You're happy, then?" he asked, remembering the conversation he'd had with the voice of his past self.

"Of course I am!" the piper exclaimed. He paused, suddenly coming to a realization. "Ye're still upset aboot working for the Agency, aye? Och, Doctor, I told ye that it di'n matter t' me where we get to go."

"I know, Jamie; I know," the Doctor said, with a smile. "Believe me, I had a long and exhaustive conversation with myself over the matter the other night."

"Eh?"

"I'll explain later," the Doctor said. "In the meantime, I want to show you something—it's in the car park."

Jamie was more than a little puzzled, but decided to humor the Doctor and followed him there. The piper froze in his tracks as he saw a gleaming motorcycle standing just outside the TARDIS.

"Doctor!" he exclaimed, his eyes shining.

"I managed to procure this with quite an impressive bit of bartering, if you don't mind my saying so," the Time Lord boasted. "That box there in front is an anti-gravity setting I added in myself! Gives it a bit more than an ordinary motorbike—also useful for driving up a cliff, should that need ever arise, of course… And you can use the motorbike's gravity settings to ensure that your kilt stays where it should be. There's also an Anti-Grav Olympics off in the future that this could be used in if we registered it."

"Ye mean this is ours!?" Jamie asked, walking circles around it, admiring it from every angle.

"Well, actually… it's yours."

"Mine…!?" the piper exclaimed, his voice breaking from excitement. "But… but ye said… The continuum wasnae ready for a Highlander t' be driving one!"

"Well, upon further consideration, I do believe the continuum is as ready as it shall ever be," the Doctor said, smiling broadly to see the look on Jamie's face. "Well, go on and try it out, Jamie!"

"Aye… but where's the place for ye t' sit?"

"For me?" the Doctor said. "Well, there was a sidecar, of course, but did you really want me to attach that?"

"Aye!" Jamie said, as though he was stating the obvious. "Ye don' think I could fully enjoy it if ye werenae there?"

"I suppose not," the Doctor admitted, smiling in gratitude. "Come on, then; I'll teach you how to attach the sidecar."

The two of them soon had the sidecar put together, and Jamie eagerly got onto the seat of the cycle as the Doctor made himself comfortable in the sidecar.

"Oh, Jamie, you're practically a natural at this!" the Doctor complimented, as Jamie drove on down the road. "No one could ever guess that you were from the 1740s! …Well, aside from the kilt, of course…."

Jamie just grinned in reply.

"Now see how the anti-gravity works," the Doctor encouraged him. "When we go 'round that next bend, drive up the embankment a little bit and cut around the corner that way! …Faster now, go on!"

Jamie eagerly turned the anti-gravity on and did as the Doctor encouraged, driving effortlessly along the wall of the embankment before bringing the motorbike back down to the road.

"Aye, how was that?"

"Oh, very well done! But do look out for the lights!" the Doctor exclaimed. "That one is red—you must stop! The anti-gravity doesn't excuse you from that!"

Jamie stopped at the light.

"Och, so I'm still learning…" he said, with a shrug, but trailed off as another motorcyclist—a burly man in tattered, dirty leather clothes and thick sunglasses—pulled up in the lane alongside Jamie.

The other biker gave Jamie a sideways glance, took a look at him, and let out a gruff guffaw.

"What's a skirt-wearing pipsqueak like you doing on the road?" he demanded, through a heavy cough.

"Same thing a hulking beastie like ye are!" Jamie retorted.

"Now, Jamie, don't antagonize him," the Doctor warned. The Gallifreyan frowned as he caught a whiff of the other biker's noticeably foul odor; whoever this slob was probably had fewer baths in his lifetime than Jamie had during his pre-TARDIS days in the 1740s—and that was saying a lot, seeing as though they were in the 21st century now.

"That's right, Kid," the other biker sneered. "Listen to your wimpy friend there and just keep going."

"He's nae a wimp!" Jamie shot back.

"Oh, right—that's you," the biker countered, as the light turned green. He revved the engine of his bike. "Eat dust, Kid!"

Jamie swore in Gaelic as the other biker rode off.

"Jamie?" the Doctor asked, seeing the look in the piper's eyes and knowing all too well what it meant. "Jamie, I think we ought to go back—"

"Creag an tuire!"

"…Oh dear…"

The Doctor gripped the edges of the sidecar's seat as Jamie, now very glad that the bike had its own gravitational field.

"Jamie!" he exclaimed. "Jamie, I do think this is not the best idea! Oh, Jamie, do slow down a little bit!"

But Jamie was tearing right behind the other biker, who looked back at them for a moment.

"You know, the last time someone followed me, I threw him into a volcano!" he bellowed. Whether he was serious or not, Jamie didn't back down, prompting the other biker to sneer and cut across the shoulder of the road to increase his lead—already a sizable one, as he wasn't slowed down by a sidecar.

Undaunted, the piper resorted to using the anti-gravity feature again, driving straight up and around the embankment, sideways. The other biker stared, dumbly, as Jamie and the Doctor took the lead and sped off down the road.

"Did ye see that, Doctor?" Jamie asked, a broad grin on his face. "Did ye see how I beat that hulking beastie!?"

"Y-Yes, Jamie; it would have been rather difficult for me to miss that, seeing as though I was right here the entire time," the Doctor said, his knuckles still white as he continued to grip the edges of the seat. "You certainly beat him very soundly."

"Aye; he willnae see me as a 'wimp' again! …By the way, Doctor, what exactly is a wimp?"

The Doctor chuckled and proceeded to explain.

He knew, of course, that he should have chided Jamie for getting involved with that other biker, as well as speeding and showing off when it was not a good idea to do that, but the road had been otherwise empty aside from the other biker, and they had been protected by the anti-gravity field.

But as he glanced back and Jamie and saw the sheer happiness on his face as they continued down the road, the Doctor decided that it had all been worth it… even if he knew that, deep down, his previous self had been right—that there had been no need to buy Jamie's happiness.

Still, it was always enjoyable to see him smile.