TITLE : This is ... Awkward

RATING: PG just to be safe

CATEGORY: Romance, Humour

PAIRING: Sam/Jack

TIME FRAME: Any season with Jonas Quinn in it, without any real spoilers for Season 6. You might want to see Divide and Conquer first.

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. No copyright infringement is intended.

Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission. Copyright by Blue Topaz, 2002

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Part 1: Daniel's Office (Now, It's Jonas's)

SAM'S POV

This is ... awkward.

Picture this. I'm in front of what used to be Daniel's office door (now, it's Jonas's), stack of files in my arms ... frozen. Why? Because of the sight that greeted me there.

Colonel O'Neill is in there ... with Anise or Freya or whatever pet names that you have for her. I could think of a few names for her now, but because the author of this story decided that this story is PG rated, I have to restrain myself from sharing them with you. His hands are on her shoulders, while her hands are looped around his neck. They were kissing, well, until they saw me. He saw me first, his eyes went so wide, and then pushed her away a bit but then he was frozen as well. She was taken aback when he did that, but when she saw me, she went frozen too.

See, I did have a good reason to be frozen.

No one says anything, I feel so uncomfortable that I don't even dare to move an inch. As for the Colonel, I think his brain just went ... blank, AWOL, void, whatever. You get my point, right?

So ...

This is ... awkward.

Someone clears his throat, "Sam, what can I do for you?" Jonas's voice

I jump at that, and the files stacked in my arms fall on the floor.

"Damn."

Quickly, I kneel to my knees and pick up the files.

"Ah, yes, Jonas. I was going to give you these files, until ..." my voice trails off, the Colonel kneels in front of me now, helping me with the scattered files.

"Here." He hands me the files.

"Thank you." I say in an unconvincing tone, still avoiding his eyes, looking past his shoulder and concentrating on Jonas instead.

"Jonas, General Hammond wants me to give you these files, it's about the projects with Naquadria. He said that you might want to take a look at this." I make a move towards Jonas's desk and just put the files on it.

"Thank you. Do you want to go through this with me?"

I'm not really in a mood to make conversation with him. Normally, I would love to stay and learn about those Naquadria projects but today, I need to get out of this room fast.

"Not now, later maybe. I need to get back to my lab. See you Jonas ... Sir ... Anise."

I almost make it to the door when the Colonel calls, "Carter." Damn, it's his commanding voice, that means I have to stop and turn around to face him.

"Yes, Sir?" I'm still avoiding his gaze, looking at his mouth instead. Whoops, bad ... bad idea. That reminds me of what those particular lips were doing just a minute ago, not that I need reminding. So I move my vision lower, his chin. Ahhh, that one's safe, I think. At least for now it's safe.

"I ..." he hesitates, "Meet me in my office at 16.00 hours. We need to talk about our next mission."

Ah, so cryptic and yet so obvious. He wants to explain about what I saw earlier.

"Yes, Sir."

"Do I need to go as well, Colonel?" Jonas chips in.

"No, Jonas. It will be just me and Major Carter."

"Why would it be just the two of you?" He still hasn't got it, I guess his observation skills need a little more work.

"It's a military thing. Trust me." If looks could kill, SG-1 would need a new member right now.

"Ah, if there's nothing else Sir. I'd like to go to my lab now."

"Oh ... yes. Go ... don't forget to meet me later."

I just nod and make my getaway. Phew, that was ... tense.

As soon as I am in the safety of my lab, I let out a silly grin. I couldn't look him in the eyes because I knew I would of cracked up and laughed outloud. The Colonel doesn't know that Daniel told me once about Freya hitting on him during the Zatrac incident, Daniel told me how spooked he was back then. I had a vague guess on what really happened there, but it'll be fun to watch the Colonel sweat when he tries to tell his version of the story.

But still, HOW DARE SHE.

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JACK'S POV

This is ... awkward.

But it's not my fault. I need to make something clear first. IT IS NOT MY FAULT. Got it? ... Good.

Now, here's the situation. I'm in what used to be Daniel's office (now, it's Jonas's). My hands are on Anise's or Freya's (which one is the name of the host again?) shoulders while her hands are around my neck, we are just inches apart. Now, now, it looks bad, but you'll understand why this isn't my fault in a minute. Carter is just right at the door, looking at us, disbelief in her eyes. Why? Because she just saw me lip-locking with Anise/Freya. In fact, her arrival was what stopped it. Well, it looks worse now, but please do bear with me.

Let's go back to 2 minutes before she enters the room, shall we?

I was talking to Jonas about something when Anise/Freya came in.

"Colonel O'Neill, I was looking for you."

Damn, I never thought that she would find me here. I should have opted for the empty closet at Level 6 instead, at least, I could have spent my time there with my Gameboy in peace. She came here to Earth with several other Tok'ra

"Well, now you found me. What can I do for you?"

It was so frustrating that I couldn't get my point across to her. I'm not interested in her ... I'm interested in my own Major. Can't she get over it?

"I would like to resume our last conversation." She stepped closer.

I showed her my most 'I'm not interested' face, "Drawin' a blank."

She blinked her big eyes, "The one that we had when we thought that you were a Zatarc."

She had to bring that up, didn't she? "Oh, that one? What about it?"

"I've been learning about human culture ever since. Clearly we've started out on the wrong foot and I would like to start over." She stepped closer, way much closer that I wanted.

I shifted uncomfortably and stepped back from her. "No offence, but I'm ... "

Before I could say anything, she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around me, "I'm going to kiss you."

"... not ..."

And then she kissed me, full frontal attack. I was trained as a soldier, but there's no way to dodge a woman if she wants to kiss you. There is just no way, remember Carter when she got the Touched virus? See, I couldn't dodge that one as well, so don't judge me based on this accident alone.

Speaking about Carter, I think she's been taking lessons from the Tok'ra on timing. Before I could push Anise away, she appeared, I thought I was having a heart attack when she came into the room.

"Jonas, I ..." That's all she managed to say before she was stunned. Completely stunned.

I pushed Anise/Freya away, but her arms were around my neck, that's why I couldn't push her far enough. I couldn't take my eyes off Carter, looking for any reaction that she would produce in situation like this. But nothing happened. She was just ... motionless.

So ...

This is ... awkward.

But now you know that this is not my fault, right? I'm glad that we've covered this.

Someone clears his throat, "Sam, what can I do for you?" Jonas's voice.

She jumps at that, the file stack in her arms falls on the floor.

"Damn." She curses.

She kneels to her knees and picks up the files. I use this distraction to free myself completely from the snakehead arms and walk towards the woman I love.

"Ah, yes, Jonas. I was going to give you these files, until ..." her voice trails off, and I kneel in front of her, helping her with the scattered files.

"Here." I hand her some of the files.

"Thank you." She says hesitantly, she avoids my eyes, looking past my shoulder where Jonas is.

"Jonas, General Hammond wants me to give you these files, it's about the projects with Naquadria. He said that you might want to take a look at this." She moves towards Jonas's desk and just puts the files there.

"Thank you. Do you want to go through this with me?"

"Not now, later maybe. I need to get back to my lab. See you Jonas ... Sir ... Anise."

I cannot let her go like this, she almost made it to the door when I call, "Carter." She stops and turns around to face me.

"Yes, Sir?" She's still avoiding my gaze, looking at ... my mouth? Is she really looking at my mouth? Oh, no, she's looking at my chin now. I try to look down at my chin, but my eyes have their own limitations. No, no, ... I need to concentrate ... I need to explain the whole thing to her.

"I ..." I start to speak, but then I realise that Jonas and the annoying Tok'ra are present, I don't want an audience, "Meet me in my office at 16.00 hours. We need to talk about our next mission."

That sounds alright, yeah, I'll explain it later, in my office. Make a mental note to disable the security camera later on.

"Yes, Sir."

"Do I need to go as well, Colonel?" Jonas chips in.

Is he just trying to be obnoxious? "No, Jonas. It will be just me and Major Carter."

"Why would it be just the two of you?" Times like these make me miss Daniel so much, at least Daniel would've taken the hint.

"It's a military thing. Trust me."

"Ah, if there's nothing else Sir. I'd like to go to my lab now."

"Oh ... yes. Go ... don't forget to meet me later." Mmm, I need to think of how I'm going to explain this to her.

And then she's out of the room.

Now, I have business to finish with Anise/Freya. I turn around and face her.

"I'm just going to say this once. So listen to me carefully ... I'm NOT INTERESTED in having a relationship with you. End of story."

With that, I walk out of the room and head towards my office. I got ... I look at my watch ... 3 and 1/2 hours before 16.00. Mmm, I'm going to need coffee and pie.

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JONAS'S POV

This is ... what the people on Earth call ... an awkward situation.

When you open a dictionary and look for the word awkward, it actually means ... oops, sorry, I got carried away. The dictionary is as fascinating as the Weather Channel, you can find the meaning of any word in there. Anyway, enough about me, let's go back to the story.

Ahem, where should I start? Mmm, well, since the Colonel was trying to explain to me the concept of a summary, I'll try to do that.

Let's go back to 5 minutes before Sam entered the room.

The Colonel came by to my office (it used to be Doctor Jackson's), and then he went on explaining to me the concept of a summary because my last mission report was 157 pages long. Sam's report on that mission was not even half of that. But I found that mission really interesting, so I put in every small detail, that the bowl that the native used for dinner was red and the house that we stayed in had 3 candles. I don't know why the Colonel didn't find it interesting. Weird.

Back to the story, in the middle of his explanation, Anise/Freya, the Tok'ra representative showed up. Apparently, she was looking for him. People tell me that I am a very good observer. Now, from my observation, it seemed like the Colonel tried to ignore her. But then she kissed him, wow, I was astonished, my people don't do that kind of thing publicly ... and I don't think Earth people do that as well.

Exactly one second after that, Sam appeared in the door, files in her hands, she was looking for me. When she saw them and he saw her, everything just went ... how do I put this ... it's like in the 'movies', where people's movements just become so slow ... ah yes, slow-motion, that's it. Colonel O'Neill tried to push the Tok'ra away but her arms were still around him. After that everything just went ... uncomfortable.

This is ... awkward.

There is a long silence, so I decide to break it, besides I think Sam has the files about the Naquadria projects. I've been requesting that for a week.

I clear my throat, "Sam, what can I do for you?"

I think I make her jump. She drops the files on the floor. She curses and kneels to the floor to retrieve them. The Colonel manages to untangle himself and help her. She's avoiding his eyes and puts the files on my desk. I guess she just wants to get out from here badly, and she almost made it before the Colonel calls her. He wants to meet her in his office at 16.00, that's 4 p.m., to talk about our next mission. Hey, aren't I supposed to be there as well? After all, I'm a member of SG-1.

"Do I need to go as well, Colonel?" I chip in.

Why is he glaring at me? "No, Jonas. It will be just me and Major Carter."

"Why would it be just the two of you?" I don't like it when I'm being excluded.

"It's a military thing. Trust me." There's nothing that I can say when he said those words.

"Ah, if there's nothing else Sir. I'd like to go to my lab now." Sam can't wait to get out from here.

"Oh ... yes. Go ... don't forget to meet me later."

After Sam is gone, Colonel O'Neill turns around and looks really furious. Luckily, it's not me that he is mad at, it's the Tok'ra representative. And then he says to her, "I'm just going to say this once. So listen to me carefully ... I'm NOT INTERESTED in having a relationship with you. End of story." He storms out of my office as soon as he says it.

Wow, talk about a rejection, that sure is something. I look at Anise, she is shocked and dumbfounded. And then she looks at me as if asking what's going on.

"Don't look at me. It must be a military thing." I shrug it off and start flicking through the Naquadria project files.

- to be continued -

AN: this is just a silly story and I need to get it out from my system really…:) Please do send review and feedback

blue-topaz@lycos.com