This is a humorous romance fic! Hehehehe!
Disclaimer: Shadow does not own pokemon. Otherwise, it would be really different. Pokemon belongs to Shogakukan comics, Nintendo, 4Kids, Game Freak, etc.
Note: This is a humorous one-shot Championshipping fic. (Ash/Lance) The fic's name is based on Ash's power and personality. Other pairings: implied Rudy/Danny and Venomshipping (Koga/Gary)
How to Catch a Star
Ages: Ash is 17, Misty is 18, and Lance is 24
Step One: The subtle approach
"Ash?" The dragon master sat down next to the new league champion, who was watching the stars.
"Hi!" Ash asked as he scooted over to give Lance some room. Lance sat down as close to Ash as was possible without causing any hentai fangirls to get ideas.
"You know, Ash, I've always been fascinated with the stars. They're small, but beautiful, and they shine with an inner light…just like you…"
"There are so many pretty constellations!" Ash said excitedly. "Look, there's a Pikachu, and a Staryu, and a Dratini…"
Lance sighed. This was not going to plan. "Ash…"
"You're really dense sometimes." Was all the Dragon Master said … He needed to think of a better plan.
Step Two: The not as subtle approach
"Ash, do you see that Dratini and Pikachu over there? Aren't they pretty? I really like the stars, you know…"
"So do I!" Ash said, hyper.
Lance sweatdropped. * This is not working… *
"You know, Ash, you really remind me a lot of the stars sometimes. So beautiful and delicate…"
"Never mind." Lance said.
Step three: When being subtle fails…
"Ash, I need you… like the earth needs the starlight."
"You need my superior mental intellect?" Ash asked, happily.
Lance closed his eyes. "Not exactly…"
"You want my shimmery battle skills?"
"You want me to join the Elite Four?"
"I like you." Lance said.
"I like you too, Lance!" Ash said.
"No, not that way…" Lance walked back to his quarters to try and think up a better way to approach the subject.
Step four: So you just tell him straight out…
"Ash, I love you."
"Ash?" Lance pulls out a fan and waves it in front of Ash's face. "Damn, this didn't work either."
"This isn't funny!" Lance walks back to his room to drown his sorrows in a glass of wine.
Step five: Trying to put the moves on someone while intoxicated is not good.
"Ash, I need you!" Lance glomps onto the poor unsuspecting pokemon trainer.
"Lance, we're in public." Ash hisses, trying to get Lance off his waist.
"So?" Lance hangs on to Ash tighter. "This way that no-good scrawny twerp can't steal you away from me!"
"When did you start acting like Team Rocket?"
Lance starts reciting Jessie's half of the motto. Then, he proceeds to do James and Meowth's parts as well.
"Lance, I'm taking you to bed." Ash said, dragging the hysterical dragon master in the general direction of his room.
Lance's eyes lit up and he glomped Ash tighter.
Ash went inside and closed the door. "Butterfree, use Sleep Powder!" Lance's eyes fluttered closed and he fell asleep. Ash sighed in relief. "Phew, that was close."
Step six: Putting the moves on him while asleep (or pretending to be) works better
Ash obviously didn't see the silver glint in the dragon master's blue eyes.
"Should I stay here?" Ash mused. He decided to do so, to prevent Lance from going crazy again. But first, he had to get Lance off the floor.
To his surprise, the dragon master was actually very light. But as Ash tried to put him down after the short walk over to Lance's bed, the Dragon Master squirmed and grabbed him.
"Ash… don't go…" Lance mumbled, 'asleep'.
Ash gulped. "Um… oh shoot what do I do now?"
Lance forced Ash to sit on the bed with him by poking the trainer.
"OW!" Ash said. "Is he really asleep?"
Lance didn't bother to answer. By the time Ash woke up the next morning (he fell asleep, Hehehe), the Dragon Master was looking at him with an evil glint in his eyes.
Step seven: Prove that you exist first
"This is just a hallucination!" Ash said frantically.
Lance pokes him. Hard.
"Are you sure?"
"In that case…" A truly evil light comes into Lance's eyes. The next thing Ash knows, he's pinned and Lance is kissing him.
Misty runs in and rescues Ash, but is too slow to hit Lance with her mallet.
"Finders, keepers!" Lance calls as she drags Ash away, screaming at the top of her lungs.
Step eight: Candlelit dinners are very stylish and a good way to approach the subject
"Look, Ash. You have to have dinner with me. We have to discuss league policy."
"I don't like candles." Ash pointed to the white candles in the empty dining room, which had been full (the dining room) just half an hour ago.
"Fine, just come for the food." Lance pointed to the dishes on the table. Ash's eyes lit up, but there was no way he was going to be alone in a room with Lance for two hours.
"I'm not sure I'm going to like the food either."
"Fine, I'll just have to do this the hard way. Kadabra, use Disable."
Ash is frozen. Lance drags him all the way to the table, which is set with a pretty red tablecloth. By the stereo system, Dragonite starts putting on romantic music while Dragonair fills the air with shimmering mist for a few minutes.
Lance poured Ash some soda (he's not old enough for alcohol yet). * If this doesn't work, I'm not sure what will! *
Dinner was fine. Lance was just about to approach the subject when…one of the numerous candles was knocked over by a passing Rattata and the carpet caught fire.
"Yikes! Squirtle, go! Use Hydro Pump to put the fire out!" Ash shouted. Squirtle came out and doused the flames.
Lance made a vow to hunt down and kill the Rattata. * It was going so well too! Couldn't that rat have waited a few more minutes? Grr… * the romantic mood was ruined, and they did end up discussing league policy, much to Lance's annoyance.
Step nine: Profess your affection with flowers and chocolate
Ash stared at the neatly wrapped package of Godiva chocolate in a gold, heart-shaped box and the roses lying next to his door.
"I wonder who these are from?" Ash asked as he unwrapped the package.
Inside was a very pretty assortment of chocolates. But what caught Ash's attention was that they were arranged in a way to spell out 'I love you'.
"I hope Misty doesn't find out about this…"
Ash shrugged and popped some of them into his mouth. "Well, if I eat them, she won't find out, right?"
Lance smirked from behind a pillar. * It worked! *
But when Ash had eaten all the chocolates, he was shocked to find silver writing appear on the box.
'My love for you is much sweeter than chocolate, Ash. I'm waiting… Lance. *Wink*'
Ash dropped the box in shock. "I can't believe it! That means the roses are probably from him too, right?"
"Right, Ash." Lance said, appearing in front of the startled trainer. "Did you like them?"
Lance tsked. * His nerves are totally shot. I'll find another way. *
Step ten: Amusement parks are traditional
"Wai! Cotton Candy!" Ash said happily. Lance handed him the stick.
"Thanks, Lance!" Ash said, hugging him.
Lance breathed a sigh of relief. * Thank goodness! We're finally getting somewhere! *
They went around the fair. Lance won a really cute Pikachu plush doll for Ash at the ring toss booth. Ash smiled.
After a while…
"Do you want to go on the Ferris wheel with me?"
"Okay!" Ash said cheerfully.
They were at the top when…
Ash looked down and promptly turned green. "Lance… I don't feel good."
"Oh?" Lance looked perplexed. "What do you mean?" * this is supposed to be a romantic moment! *
"We're really high up." Ash's eyes blurred.
Lance noticed just in time. A wicked thought crossed his mind as he bent over the sickly-looking trainer.
Ash awoke, just in time to find Lance French kissing him. However, he did feel a lot better.
"What was that?" Ash asked in a small voice.
"Chi transference." Lance said. * In a way, but it doesn't actually require deep kissing… still, its more fun this way! *
"Are you feeling better now?"
"Hai!" Ash said. "Thanks for healing me."
Lance shrugged. As night fell, Lance escorted Ash back to the League HQ.
"Goodnight." Ash said, waving as he went into his room.
Lance blinked. * Darn, I was hoping for a goodnight kiss. Oh well, I'd better keep working on this… *
Step eleven: So are public displays of affection
"Lance, let go!" Ash said, turning bright red, even though they were in a secluded hallway.
"I don't want to! You'll run off!"
"Lance, I can't breathe."
Step twelve: Seduction is another option (O_O)
"Lance, I- sorry! I didn't know you were changing!" Ash said as he opened the door and found the Dragon Master with only the lower part of his outfit on (that means pants, boots, and poke belt for you hentai people, plus the cloak.)
Lance blinked as Ash slammed the door shut. * So that didn't work either… * He had planned this very well, scheduling a meeting with Ash at a time no other people would be wandering around so they could have some privacy.
"Let's reschedule the meeting for tomorrow!" Ash called through the door. Lance sighed. This could take some working on.
Step thirteen: Have your pokemon immobilize him so he has to listen to you
A couple of days later…
Ash woke up to find a Dragonite sitting on top of him.
"AHHH! Get off!" Ash shouted. "I can't breathe!"
You're staying here until Master is finished. Dragonite said.
Ash blinked. Then, he saw Lance leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, cape and all, staring at him with unblinking blue eyes. Ash gulped.
"Are you in love with Misty?"
Ash blinked. "Is that your question?" Dragonite poked him.
Lance smiled. "What do you think?" He asked as he flicked on the lights. "If you don't answer in ten minutes, you'll be fighting your challengers today like that."
Ash racked his mind. "Um… well… I guess… not really… well, we're friends… I mean… uh…no, I don't think I like her that way." He finished.
"Good." Lance said. His eyes sparkled. Dragonite, you can release him now. Wait. I just need a minute.
Lance took advantage of Ash's state of paralysis to stroke his cheek softly. Then, Dragonite released Ash.
Ash freaked out and immediately ran to the stadium, never mind that he was in his pajamas.
Lance shrugged. * You will be mine, Ash... *
Step fourteen: When all else fails, recruit help.
"This is /never/ going to work." Lance said emphatically.
"Well, it worked on Rudy…"
Lance turned around. "Hmm…"
"I'm sure it will. Ash is just too shy and naïve."
"Shy never went this far, Danny."
"Well, maybe you just need to work things up with him."
"That's what I'm trying to do!"
Step fifteen: Even if the help is coming from an unexpected source.
"Koga, I'm not too sure about this…"
"Well, it worked for me. Gary fell for it right away."
"I thought you were married."
"I lied. Janine is actually Aya's daughter."
Lance blinked. "Okay…"
Step sixteen: … In an unexpected way
"Right. Can you show him how to do that thing with the tongue again, Danny? I want to learn too."
"Lance, you have to get this right the first time."
"I already know how to kiss! And Danny, why did you bring Rudy along? You're freaking Koga and Gary out."
"You mean I'm freaking Gary out. Koga is the one who's trying to learn this technique…"
Step seventeen: … And you learn more than you really want to in the process…
"Are you sure the whipped cream is going to work?"
"Well, it worked for Gary…"
"Chicken and Cheese Taquitos!" Danny said happily. "That's how I professed my love for Rudy!"
"I don't think Ash likes either of those…" Lance said mournfully. * This is really, really hard. *
Step eighteen: Patience is a virtue that is highly overrated
"Do you think it would work if I just had Dragonite stun him and then drag him off?"
"Be patient. These things take time." Danny told him.
"And how patient were you? Fainting right when Rudy grabbed your Chicken and Cheese Taquitos?"
"Well, at least I had it all set up. You, on the other hand…"
"I don't want to be patient! I want-."
Koga covered Gary's ears. "Don't say anything! He's too innocent!"
Gary's eyebrow twitched. Slowly.
Step nineteen: Perseverance is the same way
"I give up. This is too hard."
"No, you have to do this correctly." Koga said. "How do you think Gary and I ended up together?"
"Well, Danny's told me his story, but you haven't. I need ideas."
"Well… I think Gary was fighting me-."
"Wrong. I was trying to revive you since you lost all that blood trying to save me from a vicious Gengar."
"Right. Well, he finally had to give me CPR…"
"And then Koga woke up, and our eyes locked,"
"And the fireworks went off right then and there." Koga finished.
"Do you see any vicious pokemon around here?" Lance asked, looking around. "Hmm… maybe that will work…"
Step twenty: What works for some, doesn't work for everyone
"Pikachu, Thunderbolt!" Ash called, shocking all the vicious Rattatas that had somehow ended up in his room.
Lance sighed. * Okay… what do I do now? *
Pikachu and Ash give each other high-fives. "Great job! But how did all these Rattata get here?"
Pikachu shrugged. I have no idea.
Step twenty-one: Force him to pay attention to you.
"Lance, why are you looking at me like that? And while I'm at it, why are you in my room at three in the morning?"
Lance's eyes glowed eerily silver. "Wouldn't you like to know?" He asked as he pressed a light kiss to Ash's lips.
"Um, does this have anything to do with the fact that some challenger is going to come fight the E4 tomorrow and you want to wish me luck?"
Lance *Sweatdrop* Eyes change back to blue. * So much for that idea… he didn't even notice my eyes! Grr… *
Step twenty-two: A little angst never hurts
Lance is sitting on his balcony. A single tear rolls down his cheek. Lance angrily wipes it away. * Why am I crying? I'm the Dragon Master now. I have the power to make him love me, so why don't I use it? *
Ash looks out his window and sees Lance. From the position, it looks like he's about to jump.
Ash dashes outside, carrying his poke belt. "Lance!"
Lance is startled and falls off the balcony.
Ash freaks out and immediately sends out Pidgeot in the hopes of catching the Dragon Master.
Lance smirked and appeared behind Ash. He tapped him on the shoulder, causing Ash to freak out.
"It's a ghost!" Ash says, before he faints dead away.
Lance shrugged and decided to use Ash's distraction to his advantage. Before Ash knew what was happening, Lance was already running sweeping caresses up his torso. Ash gulped.
Pikachu chose now to walk in. It promptly shocked Lance since it thought Lance was attacking Ash. Lance sighed as Ash ran off. * Still needs some work… *
Step twenty-three: Sooner or later, he will have get tired of it
"Lance, let go!"
"No." Lance said as he clung on tighter to Ash.
"I have a match in fifteen minutes! I have to get ready!"
Lance clung on tighter. "You don't need to get ready! You've already healed your pokemon, gotten all your items, etc. You're just trying to avoid me!" Lance gets big teary eyes. Ash feels his willpower literally melting away. * How does he do this to me? *
Lance's eyes tear up and he sniffles.
Ash suddenly feels really, really, guilty. "I'm sorry, Lance. But…I have to go. I'll see you tonight though!" He adds as an afterthought.
Lance's eyes light up, the tears disappear, and he skips off happily.
Step twenty-four: Just remember, it will all pay off in the end.
"Yes, Ash?" Lance gets solemn all of a sudden. Ash gulps.
Lance patiently waits for Ash to finish his sentence. Ash's eyes tear up and he hugs the dragon master tightly.
*Mumble* "I love you…"
"What was that?" Lance asks as a devious thought crosses his mind.
Ash says it a tiny bit louder.
Lance tightly glomps the Pallet trainer. "Finally!" He says as he starts dragging Ash off to his room.
Ash sweatdrops. * What did I get myself into? Oh well… *
Nothing more is heard from the Pallet trainer.
I think that worked out rather well. Dragonite tells Pikachu.
How can you tell?
It's easy. Whenever Lance gets that look in his eyes…
Pikachu decides that she doesn't want to know and scampers off. * Sheesh. I'll never understand humans. *
Dragonite takes out a notebook. Now lets see… aha! Wow, a lot of people bet against them getting together, looks like I'll be making a lot of money… Hehehehe
End story! Did you like it? Drop me a review. Don't like championshippy? Switch Lance/Ash for another pairing and change the names! This is meant to be humorous I'm hoping Lance isn't really that dizzy, but… C&C please!
Flames will be used to forge a Tessen, and I'll throw them back!
The chicken and cheese taquitos Danny/Rudy quip is for Suboshi's fangirl. You go, girl! Nothing wrong with being unique!